Officer Basics

1. Officers operate under the fundamental belief that they RUN things. They are the only ones who actually believe this blatant falsehood, but it is your duty as an enlisted service member to encourage this attitude, as it keeps them from messing around with truly IMPORTANT matters, like the actual mission itself.
   
2. Officers, like higher ranking enlisted personnel, constantly worry about career advancement, personal reputation, and furniture size. An officer with a small desk is like a 3 year old being denied a treat from Mommy.
   
3. The need to be loved by their enlisted soldiers runs strong in officers. This is due to the deep-rooted suspicion harbored by many officers that there exists a line of coolness, and that they are on the wrong side of it.
   
4. Officers, as a general rule, are good runners, particularly of long distances. If you must challenge an officer to some sort of PT contest, always choose a non-running event, because these other events are not as glamourous as running (which can be done in an attractive formation while passing by the post commander), and therefore will suffer from lack of practice.
   
5. Always pronounce ROTC in the following manner: /rot' see/ This will probably not advance your career any, but does have the benefit of annoying your platoon leader/commander to no end if he/she is a stickler for correct acronym pronunciation.
   
6. When it comes to one-upsmanship and war stories, even the scrubbiest butterbar LT will have more to say than a 20 year enlisted lifer. It doesn't matter if all that LT did in Panama was sit in an air-conditioned office for two years making Powerpoint slides that no one cared about--He/She will make it sound like they single-handedly rescued an entire battalion of lazy enlisted folks armed only with a paper clip and a bad case of malaria.
   

Fun Stuff to Do to the Ruling Class

1. Always be sure to salute passing officers when they have both arms full of stuff and can only return the courtesy at great inconvenience and embarrassment to themselves.
2. If you are lucky enough to participate in a game of combat soccer with some (and particularly your OWN) officers, gather up your buddies and dog pile them until they see stars. This shows that you love them. After all, every officer would like to have some stars.
3. If your officer decides to come over and micromanage, go ahead and let him play with your equipment a bit (under supervision, of course). This makes him feel like one of the guys, and you can always flip the circuit breaker "On" when he leaves.