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Murphy's Laws of Combat

The important things are always simple.


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MILITARY HUMOR

Real NCO's:

  • Can cuss for ten minutes without ever repeating a word.
  • Have a spine.
  • Can play a cherry Lieutenant like a finely tuned instrument.
  • Can see in the Dark.
  • Have eyes in the back of their heads.
  • Still don't trust the Russians.
  • Still hate the French.
  • Don't know how to be politically correct.
  • Don't give a damn about being politically correct.
  • Think that "politically correct" should fall under sodomy" in the UCMJ.
  • Love deployments because there is less paperwork and more "real" work.
  • Can run a 4 miles with a hangover, but can't pass a tape test.
  • Do not fear women in the military.
  • Would actually like to date G.I. Jane.
  • Still know how to use a buffer.
  • Can tell you anything you want to know about an M1911A1 even though they are no longer in the inventory.
  • Believe that they do have a rendezvous with destiny.
  • Believe that "Nuts" wasn't all that Brigadier General McAuliffe said to the Germans at Bastogne.
  • Don't know how to use a "stress card."
  • Idolize John Wayne.
  • Don't believe that AAFES really needs a "commander."
  • Would have paid money to see Custer getting his clock cleaned.
  • Really don't like taking shit from those who haven't "been there."
  • Know how to properly construct a field latrine.
  • Know how to do a daisy chain.
  • Knows that a daisy chain is not a sex act.
  • Might admire the Germans, but still realize they got their asses kicked.
  • Aren't afraid of the Chinese, who probably don't have enough rowboats to invade Taiwan.
  • Would rather be OPFOR than MOPP 4.
  • Don't believe a damn thing the Iraqis say.
  • Don't need a GPS to find themselves.
  • Have enough BDU's in their closet to start a surplus store.
  • Think that MRE's taste good. (with a little hot sauce)
  • Are convinced that "wall-to-wall" counseling really works.
  • Have more time on the front-line than most others have in the chow line.
  • Know how to make coffee when the measuring scoop goes missing.
  • Know that it's not good coffee when you can see through it.
  • Don't blame poor marksmanship on their M-16.
  • Know that shitty leaders will always say they have shitty soldiers.

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