Sometimes our journey must travel slowly as one parent rests and one parent keeps watch over the surroundings. Moving on will come in time.
If they wrote a help wanted ad for the job of parenting, who would
have the guts to apply?
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging
permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must
possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be
willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and
weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel
required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends
and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not
reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES: Must provide on-the-site training in basic life
skills, such as nose-blowing. Must have strong skills in negotiating,
conflict resolution and crisis management. Ability to suture flesh
wounds a plus. Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track
of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project.
Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing
budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, "He got more
than me!" for the rest of your life.
Also, must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and
adverse conditions while simultaneously practicing above-mentioned
skills in conflict resolution. Must be able to choose your battles and
stick to your guns. Must be able to withstand criticism, such as "You
don't know anything." Must be willing to be hated at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating. Must be willing to
bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack-mule and be able to
go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the
screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be
willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget
repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen
phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple
homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social
gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be
willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half-million
cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices.
Also, must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because
fund-raiser will be your middle name. Must have a diverse knowledge
base, so as to answer questions such as "What makes the wind move?"
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must
assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the
end-product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is
to remain in the same position for years, without complaining,
constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your
charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: Non required, unfortunately. On-the-job training
offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and
bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the
assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about
this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you
could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock-options are offered, job
supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for
life if you play your cards right.
Picture courtesy of
Arttoday.comhome page http://www.journeyoasis.com
Contact us at greg@journeyoasis.com