When trouble strikes, pray to God, but don't stop rowing!! (Dr. Phil from Oprah)

When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?

I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

If all is not lost, where is it?

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.

It was all so different before everything changed.

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.


I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few...

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seatbelt.

There are two kinds of pedestrians ... the quick and the dead.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.

All things come to us on the way to someone else.