This is a chain letter that, believe it or not has been passed around since 1899! It started out one day in the streets of Noo Yawk. On every street corner you saw it...wait, that's not right! (The corner thing, I mean. It DID start in New York) It started simply with the actions of a chicken named Herbie. Herbie, you see, wanted to take over the World. He already owned the "World", and was sick and tired of people rolling their eyes and thinking he meant "Earth" when he referred to his paper in the sentence "When I created the World". . . Wait, all of this is probably confusing you now. Gee. Here, lemme explain: Herbie was part of the Manhattan chicken conspiracy. Every day he moonlighted as Joseph Pulitzer, owner of the Manhattan newspaper "The World". The Manhattan chickens' goal was to take over Noo Yawk, but Herbie got a liddle greedy. One day he decided to create the "Chain Letter". Well, WE all know what that is (He was a great fad-creater-person, I mean GEE, where do you think Newsies hats got their start??) but nobody in Noo Yawk did. His evil plan was for everyone in Noo Yawk to have bad luck and die and then for everyone in the WORLD to get that bad luck too! It didn't quite work out like that though. . .
First, he sent the letter to his Aunt Kloppman (Yes, I said "Aunt Kloppman". Kloppy was a family joke. She was a NON-evil chicken! ) at the Manhattan Newsboys lodging house. (Herbie didn't like the Newsies very much. They made lots of noise. )(They also made Jonathan do a little stick-up-your-but walk every time he mentioned them, and that was funny, so it was good.) Kloppman didn't like it at all, so she decided to throw it away. The next day, she was a 60 year old man. She gave out ten copies to the Newsies. Namely: Jack, Racetrack, Snipeshooter, William, Mush, Itey, Kid Blink, Bumlets, Davey, and Les. They ignored it too!
The next day-- Jack started having serious problems with his lips and every once in a while broke out into a chicken dance in the middle of the street. Ooh, boy, the guys thought it was a riot untill he started clucking. . .
--Racetrack started losing cigars and shrinking! Within three days he went from a wonderful 6'3 to 5'2!
--Snipeshooter developed an addiction to cigars and talked like a frog!
--Everyone started calling William "Snoddy"!! (I think he had it the worst)
--Mush made corny jokes, wore blue boxers, and couldn't control his hands. Every few seconds, they'd punch something, and if noone was around, that someone was him!
--Itey turned into an elf with a craving for suspenders.
--Kid Blink had an incurable lust for the Mayor's Daughter, started wearing an eyepatch. . . and fell in love with an actress old enough to be his mother!
--Bumlets, well. . .people forgot who he was.
--Davey miraculously aquired a family he didn't know, and everyone forgot that he'd ever lived in the lodging house with them! He also lost his cool Noo Yawk accent.
--Les's body was taken over by an evil demon. (Oh, and he became an annoying liddle kid who coughed on people's papers and had a feather shoved up his nose.)
Within two weeks every Newsie in Noo Yawk started to sporadically burst into song! And they got rebellious too, decided to go on strike! Well, Herbie's/Pulitzer's plan failed, but the curse and the chain letter live on.
SEND THIS LETTER TO 5 PEOPLE WITHIN THE NEXT DAY OR A DISASTER BEYOND YOUR IMAGINATION WILL OCCUR! DON'T BELIEVE ME? WATCH "NEWSIES"!!
Spot is still watching!
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