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I know it's been a REALLY long time since I've posted one of these. Sorry, I'm a bum. Anyway things have been slow and I need some amusements so on to the "show":
Detour (5): In the Still of the Night
Abbreviations to date:
Sloan (the real moron): RM
Marty (the tree-hugger): TH
Papa Asekoff: PA
Louis Asekoff (PA's annoying
git of a son): AG
Agent Kinsey (aka Agent Brown-Noser): AgtBN
Agent Stonecypher (aka Agent Suck-Up): AgtSU
Agent Mulder: M
Agent Scully: S
Nameless Officer: NO
Mama Asekoff: MA
Officer Fazekas (aka Nature Chick): NC
Number of Incredulous references to location: 9
Number of times Mulder calls Scully by her last name:
1
Number of times Scully calls Mulder by his last name:
2
Asekoff Residence
9:22 PM Night. <This is how it appears in the
transcript. I'll refrain from making the obvious
comment about restating the obvious.>
AG is watching the black and white version of The Invisible Man. MA kisses AG who appears to be asleep and shuts off TV. As she moves to leave the room the annoying offspring speaks.
AG: He's not coming back, is he?
MA: Why would you say that?
AG: Because I'm an annoying git. Just today I asked a million and one stupid questions. He threatened to replace me with a deaf mute.
MA: Now that's the best idea your father's had since he nixed the idea of dumping you in the woods.
AG: What?
MA: Nothing dear.
Just checking to see if you were paying attention. The real dialogue goes like this:
AG: He's not coming back, is he?
MA: Why would you say that?
AG: Dad's a good shot. If he hit what he was aiming at he'd be home by now.
MA: You got to be brave, Louis. We both got to be brave. We'll find out more about it in the morning. Get some sleep now. <Oh that was helpful. NOT!>
MA goes downstairs to clears dinner plates. <Shouldn't have this been done hours ago when dinner was finished?> Bo whimpers at door.
~*~*~*~
No-Tell Motel
<Actually there's no name given. So I'm making
up my own. Heh heh!>
M is in hotel room with a laptop looking at pages of predators. It moves a hell of a lot faster than my current desktop. Considering the year I find this to be one hell of a feat. Where does M get his computer gear? I must know. I need that kind of speed! Oh did I type that? There's a knock at the door.
M: It's open. [S enters with tray of cheese and mini bottle of wine.] Who cut the cheese? <I should kick M's ass just for cracking that corny joke?>
S: Since you won't be making it to the conference… <Uh, S, as much as I hate to have to point things out to you like this but don't you mean "we" since you won't be making it to the conference either.>
M: Partaaayyy!
S: However, I must remind you this goes against the Bureau's policy of male and female agents consorting in the same motel room while on assignment. [She opens the wine.] <Like that would have stopped M. When did this become an assignment?>
M: Try any of that Tailhook crap on me, Scully, I'll kick your ass. <Oh really? And who will be helping you to achieve this miraculous feat?> Pop quiz. What animal will attack the strongest leaving the weakest to escape? The answer is none. Not one of the over 4,000 species native to North America will attack the strongest when the weak is vulnerable. <If you weren't going to let her answer why ask the question Mr. Know-it-all?>
S: Well, what does that have to do with anything?
M: It makes me think that what we're dealing with here is no ordinary predator.
S: I thought this was just a ploy to get out of the conference.
M: I think what we stumbled upon here is something more than what local authorities realize. The scenario described by that boy sounds to me like a primitive culling technique.
S: Mulder, we're in Western Florida. <You're in Western Something all right but Florida it is not.> The closest thing to primitive down here is living in a beachfront retirement condo. <I beg to differ. I'm sure that if one looked hard enough at any building where government business took place whether it be on the municipal or state level that one would find lots of examples of primitive behavior. But then maybe I'm just biased because I can't stand the President Select and the state budget is late for the 17th year in a row.>
M: Those woods are as old as anything in the south and there's 800 square miles of them. There's no telling what's alive out there. [He gets up to leave] <Hmmm, looks to me like the start of a ditch>
S: Where are you going?
M: I got to check something out. <And that answers the where part of the question? How?>
S: You know, Mulder, sometimes I think some work on your communication skills wouldn't be such a bad idea. <Indeed! Lesson #1 How to answer the question that was actually asked.>
M: I'll be back soon, and we can build a tower of furniture. [He smiles] 'Kay? <Sure, fine, whatever!>
M puts on his jacket and leaves. S drinks some of the wine
~*~*~*~
Asekoff residence again. It's still night. Bo barks at the door.
MA: What is it, Bo? <Now here's an intelligent question posed in the right direction. Did Bo learn to talk since the last scene? If he had it would be the X-File to end all X-Files.>
AG: [From upstairs] Mom?
MA: It's all right, Louis. You go back to sleep now. <I'm waiting for the dog to answer my question> [She looks out window, unlatches door, and follows the dog out, closing door behind her. Bo runs into bushes, barking.] Bo? Bo? Bo, where'd you get to? [Rustling in the bushes. She moves in closer.] Bo is that you? <Are you still expecting an answer?> [Bo leaps up and barks at her.] Come on boy. Let's go back in. [Bo growls] All right, all right. You… stay there tonight. <I'm sure that'll show the mutt!>
[MA goes back to door, but deadbolt has been locked. She pounds on door.]
MA: Louis? Louis? Louis?! Louis?!!! Louis!!!!
[Upstairs, AG gets out of bed, goes into dark hall.] <God forbid he should turn on a light or something.>
AG: Mom?
AG sees a creature running at him. He runs down stairs to back door. The creature follows. AG crawls through the dog door. M catches him.
AG: Ahhhhhh!!! <If you think that's scary you should see him when he's really on a tear>
M: What is it, Louis?
AG: It's in the house.
Damn! Why couldn't it be the OTHER pair of glowing eyes which caught AG instead. Is it too much to ask for this irksome child to be eliminated already? Sheesh!
I know that it wouldn't be as scary with the lights on but who the hell walks through a house that size without turning on any lights. I have to turn on the light in the bathroom just to make sure I don't trip on any cats while getting a glass of water and the trip from my bedroom to the kitchen is considerably shorter.
Yet another Mulderditch. When will M learn to stop ditching his partner? Did I just ask that? Never mind
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