Stepping Out (of the Conference) with an X-File

Before I start I would like to send out my sincerest apologies for the lateness of this month's update.  The truth is I am VERY busy right now.  I also got suckered into working tomorrow so I shan't make chat.  Of course I SHOULD be working on that update right now but well, I'm procrastinating what can I say?  And it's been three months since the last section.  I'll have to work on being better at being timely with these things.  Since I have covered all seven episodes from a Punkism perspective it should free up some time for more deconstructions.  Kinda.  Anyway on to the "show"

Detour (4):  Stepping Out (of the Conference) with an X-File

Abbreviations to date:
Sloan (the real moron):  RM
Marty (the tree-hugger):  TH
Papa Asekoff:  PA
Louis Asekoff (PA's annoying git of a son):  AG
Agent Kinsey (aka Agent Brown-Noser):  AgtBN
Agent Stonecypher (aka Agent Suck-Up):  AgtSU
Agent Mulder:  M
Agent Scully:  S
Nameless Officer:  NO
Mama Asekoff:  MA

Number of Incredulous references to location:  8
Number of times Mulder calls Scully by her last name:  0
Number of times Scully calls Mulder by his last name:  0

What is said to be Floridian woods a.k.a. the crime scene.

A guy sporting a uniform and a dog walks by.  Huddled to the left are two men and a woman.  I have no idea what it is they're doing.  For all I know they could be plotting strategy.  What it looks like they're doing is plotting football plays in the dirt.  The woman points in two directions just before a man's voice comes in from offscreen.

Disembodied Voice:  Officer Fazekas?

The woman gets up and turns toward the voice which is coming in from behind her.  Another nameless officer to whom the voice belonged nods briefly just before M walks in front of him.  Although we probably won't be hearing from him again I'll refer to him as DV.

Officer Fazekas (who as it turns out will be their guide.  I'll be calling her Nature Chick NC):  Yes?  [She sees M]  Can I help you?

M:  My name is Fox Mulder.  I'm an agent with the FBI.  I'm about to rudely insert myself into an investigation into which I have not been invited.  Your annoyance will do nothing to deter me.  Furthermore I am going to come up with a wild theory with very little proof.  To add insult to injury I'm going to be right.  I'll try not to gloat.

Now wouldn't it be easier if M just introduced himself that way.  It would do something to ease the tension a bit don't you think?  Okay, perhaps not but it would be funny as hell.  If you're interested the real dialogue is:

M:  My name is Fox Mulder.  I'm an Agent with the FBI.  [He flashes the badge]

NC:  FBI?  Who called you guys out?  <Like M would let something like not being invited stop him from sticking his considerably sized nose into your business.>

M:  Nobody.  We just got stopped at your roadblock.  It sounds like you had a shooting.

NC:  Shots were reported, but we have no evidence of anyone being shot.

M:  Well, what do you have evidence of?  <Not that it's any of my business but since I'm making it my business…>

NC:  A survey team working these woods didn't report in last night.  We found one man's bloody jacket pretty torn up.  And this morning, a boy got separated from his father.  <But unfortunately he has not yet been separated from life.  Someone must work on that.>

M:  Separated by what?

NC:  It looks, maybe, like some kind of animal attack.

M:  What kind of animal?

NC:  I'm not sure yet.  I followed good tracks for the two surveyors but the trails became confused as they moved into the brush.  There was a third set of tracks leading away.  I… I couldn't identify.

While NC is explaining this S arrives and waits impatiently.

M:  Couldn't identify as the surveyors'?

S checks her watch.

NC:  As man or animal.

S:  Mulder?

M:  [Turns to S]  Oh, just, uh… [S give him "come on" look.]  Hold on a second.  [to NC] What about the boy's father?

NC:  I tracked him all the way down to where he fired the shots.  The ground's rocky, but from the depressions in the underlying soil, [NC and M move over to the tracks] I can tell you that he entered the bushes from over there where I pick up another set of tracks - two distinctly different sets of tracks that from the way the ground's upset that is probably where the man was attacked.

[S follows them.]

M:  But no other sign of him?   Do you have panther in these woods?  <I wish!  At least then there would have been a chance of ridding this episode of that annoying git AG.>

NC:  There's panther.  Bear <Damn!  Where's the hungry wild feline when we needed it?>

M:  But these tracks look like neither of those.

NC:  No, sir.  <Which is probably why she couldn't identify them in the first place.  This is the Nature Chick she knows more about tracks than you do Mr. UFO man!  What part of "I couldn't identify" did you not understand?!>

M:  You know of a good motel in the area?  <Because I'm going to insert myself into the case now.>

NC:  Excuse me.  I think we can handle this very well on our own.  Thanks.  [She leaves.]

<Smooth!  Very Smooth!  I'm taking notes.  What a way to foster interagency cooperation Mulder!>

S:  Mulder?  We've got this conference.  <You know the reason you're in this place that is purported to be Florida in the first place!>  They're waiting.

M:  Yeah.  How do I say this without using any negative words, Scully?

<Try this:  I'm about to blow off a conference that I'm supposed to be going to by inserting myself in this case.  At least this isn't some lame ass excuse as to why I can't go.  Oh some of those words are negative aren't they?  Oops!>

S:  You want me to tell them that you're not going to make it to this year's teamwork seminar.  <Because you're too big a Punk to do it yourself!>

M:  Yeah, you see that?  [He grabs her arms]  We don't need that conference.  We have communication like that, unspoken.  You know what I'm thinking.  <Why don't you try to guess what I am thinking.  I'll give you two hints:  Punk Ass!>

[S shakes her head and watches him walk off.]

Another M ditch in the works.  This time instead of ditching S he just blows off a conference that I'm pretty sure Skinner would not appreciate hearing that M blew off.  I suppose we should be glad that he didn't use that hemorrhoidal condition as an excuse.

As usual M never bothers to take the feelings of those around him into consideration.  He doesn't like it when people butt their noses into his cases.  (Look how territorial he got over the Tooms case.)  So why wouldn't he expect the same kind of resistance?

There is one good thing about M ditching the seminar:  At least it's going to be a long while before we have to see AgtBN and AgtSU again.

Why does M always get S to do his dirty work?  That Punk could have told AgtBN and AgtSU that he [and by default S] were staying behind so the two Goody Two-Shoes could get their cheap whine and cheese.  [Pun intended.]