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This one started with a rant. To read it click here.
On to the "show"
The X-Files: Fight The Future: Pvt. Flunky Gets a Clue
Abbreviations to date:
Caveman 1: CM1
Caveman 2: CM2
Boy 1: B1
Stevie (a.k.a. Boy 2): ST
Boy 3: B3
Boy 4: B4
Captain Miles Cooles: CMC
Men in Biohazard suits: MIB
Dude with Tie (Bronschweig): DWT
Deputy Type Guy: DTG
Skinner: Sk
Generic Agent Type 1: GAT1
The Big Cheese (AKA S.A.C. Michaud): TBC
Scully: S
Mulder: M
Rent-a-cop 1: RAC1
Generic Agent Type 2: GAT2
Nameless Agent: NA
Nameless Agent 2: NA2
Irritating, annoying, wench: IAW
Bartender: Bar
Mystery Woman: MW
Kurtzweil the old man: OM
Cigarette Smoking Man: CSM
Private Flunky: PvtF
Plain Clothes Cop: PCC
Number of times Scully has called Mulder by his last name:
25
Number of times Mulder has called Scully by her last name: 7
Number of cigarettes lit by CSM: 1
When we last left Moose and Squirrel, Moose, in a move that appears to be a quasi-ditch, was busy hanging out in the alleyways, having ideas planted into his head by a doctor who doesn't seem to do much ministering to patients.
Meanwhile back at Bethesda Naval Hospital, Squirrel, has been left behind to do a sneak autopsy. <How does one do an autopsy behind someone's back? It's a good thing that only PvtF was around and not someone competent or this movie would have ended in the post before last.>
The scene cuts to a shot of the corpse's chest cavity as S breaks off what apparently used to be bone. After obtaining her sample she inspects it. It not unlike the corpse's skin is completely transparent. Before S could do any further inspection a noise form beyond the door gets her attention. Outside the room the contours of 3 men can be seen. They appear to be headed for the door. They burst into the room. It's PvtF and two security types. Apparently, PvtF got a clue and decided to go looking for the FBI agents who <so easily> bluffed their way past him. PvtF and company look around and find just a body on the table. They fan out, eager to find the intruder.
The scene cuts to S, as she closes the door of the cooler. She backs away carefully trying not to make too much noise. <You might want to get a handle on your breathing. No doubt you know it's a giveaway in a morgue cooler.> She removes her mask and puts it in her lab coat pocket just in time to have the living daylights scared out of her by that <god awful> chirping cell phone. She hits whatever button is needed to answer the phone which stops the ringing but she doesn't actually answer the phone. <Forgive my ignorance but I refuse to deal with those things. They are bleepin' expensive. Doesn't that thing vibrate or something like beepers do? That would be helpful in situations like this one and the one in "Folie a Deux.">
M: [through cell phone] Hey Scully, it's me. <Isn't it always?>
S: [whispering] Yeah.
M: Why are you whispering? <Could it be because she really can't talk right now? Does that liquor still have your brain addled? You are about as sharp as safety scissors today.>
S: Mulder, I really can't talk right now.
M: [apparently ignoring S's plight] What did you find?
S: [still whispering] Evidence of a massive infection.
Scene cuts to M in a phone book. <Why isn't he using the cell phone? What was it too much trouble? Did he run out of minutes? He decided he was using it too much? Is he saving it for calls across the hall? What's up with that?>
M: What kind of infection?
S: I don't know.
M: [ponders S's words momentarily] Alright, listen to me. I'm going home then I'm booking myself on a flight to Dallas. I'm going t get you a ticket too. <Because you just know she's going to follow you right M? Presumptuous aren't we?>
S: Mulder…
M: [interrupting] I need you there with me. I need your expertise. <Me, me, me. I, I, I. There are other pronouns in the English language M.>
S: Mulder, I have a hearing tomorrow. <Remediation and reassignment. I know you remember M.>
M: I can get you back in time for that hearing. Maybe with evidence that'll blow it away. <Yeah right. M can't even get his sorry ass to the hearing on time from his apartment in Arlington. But he's going to get you back in time from Dallas? I don't think so. Krycek will grow a new arm first.>
S: Mulder I can't. I'm way past the point of common sense here. <Uh S, not for nothing, but you've past that point about 5 years ago.>
M: This isn't common sense. It's uh… <You've got that right.>
Footsteps can be heard by the cooler door. S turns toward the door taking the phone away from her ear. She doesn't hang up on M yet. <Come on S, you know you want to. Think War of the Coprophages. Think Dr. Bambi. You can do it.>
M: [through the cell phone] Can you… Are you there? Scully?
S hangs up the phone.
Scene switches to M
M: Scully?
M jiggles the hook to check the connection then hangs up the phone.
Back to S
The door to the cooler opens and who should enter the -er room but PvtF. He looks around the cooler. Looking past his feet you can see S hiding under a gurney or cart or something. One of the bodies appear to be leaking because something drips inches from S's nose. <Ewww!>
Boy that M doesn't ask for much. He just wants S to risk what's left of her career by possibly arriving late to a hearing so he can go on a scavenger hunt in Dallas on the say so of the OM. That's balls for ya.
PvtF is REALLY going to be in trouble when the General gets his hands on him. Not only does he allow two FBI agents to push past him but he also manages to not find a small woman hiding in a morgue cooler. I guess all those bodies in there must have spooked him because I can't think of any other halfway plausible explanation for why PvtF missed S. Hopefully the rest of the Navy isn't as incompetent as this doofus because we really would be up a creek without a paddle.
Speaking of competence, just how long did it take for PvtF to get a clue and figure out that S really should not have been in there? By the looks of things it was daylight which meant a good couple of hours must have passed by from the time M and S pushed past PvtF to the time he went looking for them in the morgue. What happened in that time? Did PvtF have to apply for a grant in order to get that clue?
Why wasn't M using his cell phone? Did he forget to charge the battery or something? As much as he uses the darn thing I can't believe he wouldn't have a back up battery or something. Unless he was afraid he might break the cell phone while drunk and decided to leave the thing at home. I find that hard to believe though.
Until next time…
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