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Was last week's episode not a great one? And wasn't Krycek looking HOT! All those people who were wenching about the "X-Files lite" should be very happy. Now maybe they will stop complaining. Well at the least not try to question the sanity of those of us who have been enjoying the earlier eps.
I haven't ranted in a while, this time you shan't be spared. Sorry.
Actually you will be spared. If you want to read the rant in question check it out at the Rants Archive.
On to the "show."
The X-Files: Fight The Future: Baby It's Cold Outside!
Abbreviations to date:
Caveman 1: CM1
Caveman 2: CM2
Boy 1: B1
Stevie (a.k.a. Boy 2): ST
Boy 3: B3
Boy 4: B4
Captain Miles Cooles: CMC
Men in Biohazard suits: MIB
Dude with Tie (Bronschweig): DWT
Deputy Type Guy: DTG
Skinner: Sk
Generic Agent Type 1: GAT1
The Big Cheese (AKA S.A.C. Michaud): TBC
Scully: S
Mulder: M
Rent-a-cop 1: RAC1
Generic Agent Type 2: GAT2
Nameless Agent: NA
Nameless Agent 2: NA2
Irritating, annoying, wench: IAW
Bartender: Bar
Mystery Woman: MW
Kurtzweil the old man: OM
Cigarette Smoking Man: CSM
Private Flunky: PvtF
Plain Clothes Cop: PCC
Agent Hayseed: Hay
Nameless Scientist: NS
Well-Manicured Man: WMM
Strughold: LotP
First Elder: 1stE
The Lone Gunmen: TLG
Frohike: Fro
Langly: Lgy
Byers: Byr
Number of times Scully has called Mulder by his last name:
47
Number of times Mulder has called Scully by her last name:
31
Number of cigarettes lit by CSM: 3
When we last left our UST ridden twosome, Squirrel had been taken off to parts unknown by CSM who has never met a no smoking zone he didn't violate. Moose on the other hand, after fueling slash stories starring him and Byr, escaped the incompetents at the hospital, where he ended up after narrowly missing having his head blown off, with Byr's clothing. After thoughtlessly chucking the suit jacket in a trash can he went to his little hang out spot (A place where he just needs to stop going.) to meet OM. Instead he met up with WMM who informed him that parts unknown is a place in Antarctica and that he had 96 hours to get his antlers over there. Afterwards, WMM got into his car one last time only to be blown to kingdom come.<sniff>
A moment of silence for our favorite consortium guy. Your replacement's "My God" just isn't the same.
Wilkes Land, Antarctica
48 hours later
The scene fades to white slowly changing to a bluish white. It's white for as far as the eyes can see. Save a dot. Upon closer inspection of the dot we see it's a rough terrain vehicle. Inside the vehicle is M, hard at work in search of S. He wipes away the condensation forming on the inside of his window and squints his eyes to see where he's going. Moving back it appears that no one has been around in awhile. The vehicle leaves tracks in the snow. There are no other tracks to be seen. Inside the vehicle again, M whacks his gas gauge and it keeps flipping back to empty. <As you can see the old whacking routine isn't working this time. I don't suppose it occurred to him that he might actually want to FILL said gas tank did it? > He checks the coordinates again, stops the vehicle <which after finally consulting the book I have learned is called a Sno-Cat> and holds up a hand-held thingy <I believe it's a cell phone attached to satellite map. That USG thingy. But don't take my word for it.> which tells him he's at the exact place he's supposed to be. He looks out the window at a hillside <or is it a snow drift?> and sighs. Next we see him struggling up the hill. <I guess it's a hill there are rocks.> He reaches the top, drops down, and looks at a base of some kind in the distance. He whips out a pair of binoculars and looks through to see more Snow-Cats lined up, one of them moving. It stops; he adjusts the power to see closer and spots CSM in the vehicle. He puts the binoculars away and heads towards the base. He approaches the base at a decent clip, jogging through the snow. Suddenly, he suddenly falls through the snow as it collapses beneath his feet. He falls through a snowy tunnel, then lands in an crevice. <He's lucky he didn't break anything. That was quite the fall.> He takes a minute to catch his breath, stands up and peers down a hole in what appears to be the floor of the crevice. It looks like smoke is being sucked down into the hole. M positions himself so he can crawl down this hole and turns around at the end so he drops feet-first onto a huge metallic structure. It appears to be a hallway of some sort surrounded on both sides by containers of some kind of another. He whips out his flashlight to investigate further. He approaches one of the containers and peers though the glass. After wiping the snow away, he spots a man with a tube attached to his mouth and an alien further below.
Meanwhile, back on the surface, a second Sno-Cat drives up to M's abandoned vehicle. It is in fact the Sno-Cat that M saw moving about the base with CSM seated inside. It stops. CSM takes a drag off his wretched cigarette as he looks at the intruding vehicle.
The scene cuts back to M under the ice. During his search M has stumbled into a cavernous area with row upon row of these containers presumably with people inside of them. He's going to need more than the less than 48 hours he has remaining to find S if he's to search row by row. Some movement catches his eye near the bottom of the rows. A bunch of coffin-like containers are moving as if they were on a conveyor belt. M looks through his binoculars, seeing what appears to be a recent arrival. <I think it's the one with S's clothes in it but it's not that clear to me. Apparently M has better eyes than I have because it spurs him into action.
He starts to head for the bottom of the huge cavern going down what looks to be a ladder of some sort but can't be nearly as steady because the footholds are very small. M slips gripping the tiny foothold in one hand, his feet dangling over the edge. Suddenly, he loses his grip and starts to slip.
M: Oh, shit!
He falls, sliding down the side of a wall until he lands on a ledge, hanging by one hand as he teeters over the edge, losing the something or another in the process. <I thought it was the flashlight but I was wrong.> It's a long way to the bottom and the landing isn't likely to be a soft one. The pit over which M is hanging, looking more like a metal labyrinth than a trampoline. M shimmies over to the corner and uses his legs and feet to anchor himself as he makes his way around the corner, taking a moment to catch his breath. He pulls out the flashlight again, then moves over a huge cylinder which is under what appears to be a walkway. At the end of the cylinder, he finds an empty gurney. Upon closer inspection he finds it contains S's clothes as well as her cross necklace. He grabs the necklace in one hand and sets off in a frenzied search for his partner.
During his search, M comes upon a rack of the container. He shines his flashlight from one to another, looking for S. Instead he sees other faces frozen in open-eyed horror. Each with a tube in their mouths. Finally, M comes across the container that S is unfortunate enough to occupy. Using his hand and then the butt of his flashlight, he attempts to break the ice prison.
The scene cuts back to the events occurring topside. Above the ice, we see a Sno-Cat moving about. The scene then cuts to the scene inside one of the igloos that compose the base. It is very busy as soldiers scurry about and CSM barks instructions.
CSM: Secure the station! I want everyone else down below! If you're not armed, arm yourselves! We have a breach!
Scene cuts back to M who has grabbed what appears to be a gas canister from the gurney which he uses to pound on the container <which everyone seems to be calling a cryopod> as he attempts to free S.
Back to CSM hustling his men down some ladders.
CSM: Let's go! Let's go!
M again. He manages to break through the cryopod releasing an shit-load of goo which surrounds poor S. He pulls away the few remaining shards of ice and stares at her. <Stop gawking and give her the vaccine you Punk! I don't care how long it's been since you've seen a naked woman. Get moving!>
M unwraps the bottle with the vaccine and fills the needle. He injects the vaccine into S's shoulder. It's effect is immediate. S stiffens up. The liquid that's inside tube that's connected to S's mouth begins to retreat. The tube appears to shrivel up and die not unlike a plant that hasn't been watered.
M: Scully? <You might have a little more success if you'd remove the tube in her mouth. Most people don't talk with their mouth full you know.>
M moves to grab the tube. As he does the area starts to shake violently, apparently a side effect from the introduction of the vaccine.
Scene cuts to CSM in a room full of electronic equipment. <Oh more shinies!> A man is seated in front of a monitor showing a graph of some kind.
Monitor Boy (MB): There's a contaminate in the system!
CSM stands over MB's shoulder to look at the monitor.
CSM: Mulder has the vaccine! <He sounds surprised. I wonder why.>
Back to M. The area begins to fill with steam as it shoots out from the floor and ceiling. M turns back to S and sees her move. He grabs the tube and begins to pull it out of her throat. <It's a long sucker too. Damn!> Once it's all gone, M stares at her. <What did I tell you about gawking M?>
M: Breathe! Scully, can you breathe?!
S begins to cough, spitting out what's left of the slimy goo. <Gross!> Finally she starts breathing on her own. She tries to speak.
S: [weakly] Cold … I'm cold. <Probably because some punk neglected to bring your clothes to you.>
M: I'm going to get you out of there. <That's a good start.>
M starts to whack away at the remaining ice with the metal canister he had taken from the gurney.
Cut to the monitoring room, sparks are flying from the various machines and the men are being tossed like ragdolls.
CSM: Abandon your posts! Evacuate!
CSM walks towards one of the ladders the men are now scrambling down. Another flunky stops momentarily.
Curious Flunky (CF): What's happened?!
CSM: It's all gone to hell! <You're damn right!>
CF: But, what about Mulder?
CSM: He'll never make it! <It's assumptions like this that has kept you from stopping M in the first place. Have you learned nothing?>
Back to M and S. M lifts a naked S out of the cryopod and lays her down on the floor. He covers her with his parka. Next we see him carrying her away from what was supposed to be her tomb. She's now wearing some clothing, including a pair of socks. <I have no idea where they came from. They must have rained down from above or something because M had nothing remotely looking like a backpack in which to carry them. And I don't recall seeing any lockers from which M could have stolen the clothing. Anyway…> He reaches the bottom of a shaft, sunlight beaming down to show them that this is a way out. <It's a good thing they didn't have to do this at night.>
Cut to outside as an alarm sounds and men race out from the igloos running for the various Sno-Cats. CSM gets into one because you know that he would never go down with the sinking ship. No pun intended. The vehicles drive off.
Back to M and S as he drags her up a ladder. Below them, the defrosting has begun and water drips down the walls. From above, we see the Sno-Cats leaving, one passing within inches of the top of a shaft leading to our heroes.
Cut to inside where M and S have found a resting place. S is coughing and weak. M urges her on.
M: We gotta keep moving. Come on!
S: I can't.
M: Yeah, you can.
M picks her up and carries her in a fireman's lift, over his shoulders. He walks down a row of crypods, all ominously dripping with water from the defrosting ice. He spots a vent.
M: Scully, reach up and grab that vent!
Suddenly, he spots movement in one of the pods. The aliens within have begun to move. The vaccine apparently destroying whatever was keeping them in stasis.
M: Scully, grab the vent! [He gets no response.] Scully?
He looks at her face on his shoulder, she's passed out. M slides her off his shoulders, placing her on the floor and checks for a pulse. The aliens nearby, still encased in the swiftly melting ice are now violently thrashing about and screaming rather nastily. With one eye on the soon to be newly hatched aliens, and one eye on S, M begins performing CPR.
M: Please, breathe. Breathe … breathe …. BREATHE! <Why is it every time you see someone doing CPR on TV or in the movies the person is always yelling at the person in question to breathe as though merely out the order to breathe will make it so.>
S begins to cough and splutter as she regains consciousness.
M: Breathe in, breathe in, breathe! <More illogical orders from the punk. Like she doesn't know how.>
S begins to make the attempt to speak. Her voice comes across weakly. M has to place his ear almost on her mouth to hear her.
S: I had you big time. <This is not the time for this S.>
She smiles at him. M pulls her to her feet. As he does this the ice-encased cryopods around them start to crack open as the aliens within begin to break free. He holds her up to the vent above.
M: Grab the vent. Pull! PULL!
S grabs the vent and pulls herself up. M starts to climb up after her. One of the aliens breaks the pod and reaches out for M. It grabs M's leg. S stops and turns her head.
S: Mulder!
M kicks the alien away and pulls himself up. They both climb through the tunnel, M yelling encouragement from behind.
M: Keep moving, Scully!
M: Go! Go! Come on!
M crawls after S, checking behind him as the alien screams continue, looking for any which may be chasing them. The light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter as they climb on.
M: Almost there, keep going!
They pull themselves up to where M first stopped after he fell through the ice. <How convenient.> Just as M clears the opening, an alien lashes out from behind but is cut off by a violent shake in the tunnel. They step over the part where M first fell all the way down and make their way out the hole he originally made. S falls onto the snow, exhausted and M perches next to her on one knee. He hears a sound and looks around for the origin. It's the ice cracking under their feet. He grabs S and throws one of her arms over his shoulder as they begin to run away. He stops for some ungodly reason and looks back seeing vents of steam starting to shoot out of the ice and the igloos sink into the ground.
M: [almost inaudibly] Oh!
They begin to run again as the ice begins cracking and falling away leaving a huge crater in its wake. Suddenly the crater overtakes them and they disappear into the hole, only to be lifted up and dropped unceremoniously onto the ground as they slid off the surface of the rising ship. They land on the edge of the crater.
M watches the spaceship as it flies overhead, his face glows with a grin of wonder and awe. S's face is turned towards the snow, too tired to move, as M says…
M: Scully, ya gotta see this! Scully!
S merely attempts to lift her head but ends up kissing snow.
Tiny Dancer claims she heard something but I heard nothing so I shan't be including S's alleged answer.
Spent, M drops his head into the snow. Somehow, S manages to find the strength to scoots herself over to cover him from the freezing cold. She lifts his torso into her arms and cradles him as the camera pans back to show our two sexually frustrated heroes, perched on the edge of the bottomless crater left by the departing spaceship.
Once again M's luck is unbelievable. Out of the apparently thousands of cryopods out there M manages to find the one that S is in. I guess S is pretty lucky too.
Where the bleep did M get those clothes? I can see where the coat came from. It's obviously M's. But the pants? The socks? Where did they come from? I didn't see any lockers in the area. Plus I didn't see any package big enough to put any clothes in.
Speaking of not having anything to carry clothes in. What the bleep is wrong with M? He's going out to rescue S and it doesn't occur to him to bring a coat or something? I mean really he should have been prepared for something like that. It's not like the consortium is known for being considerate of the comfort of others.
How the hell did they get out of Antarctica anyway? Okay, so there's M's Sno-Cat but it had ran out of gas. I think I saw a spare gas can but how far would that have gotten them? Unless WMM arranged for some kind of transportation because he knew that M has a tendency to go off half cocked.
Speaking of WMM, why was CSM surprised to find out that M had the vaccine? Let us take a look at the situation. WMM didn't care for their solution involving the gestating aliens. He also didn't think much of idea of killing M although killing OM didn't seem to bother him much. So what does the Consortium do? They send WMM to kill OM and M AFTER WMM stated made it clear that he didn't care much for their plans? THEN they're surprised that M gets his hands on the vaccine? It didn't occur to them that WMM might double cross them and give M the means to defeat them? The fact that they manage to get ANYTHING done is nothing short of miraculous.
Speaking of the vaccine, that was a WEAK vaccine? That little shot of the "weak" vaccine destroyed an entire facility. And it wasn't a small facility by any stretch of the imagination as evidenced by the huge gaping hole left in the spaceship's wake as it left. Was WMM lying about the strength of the vaccine or did he just not know?
Looks like a plothole big enough to drive a spaceship through.
Until next time…
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