X-Files: Fight The Future: How NOT to defuse a bomb.

Well, I thought I'd attempt to post part 5 in a timely manner. Not like last time. So I told the clones to go hunt something while I type this out. I hope it amuses, I do try. Well on to the "show."

Abbreviations to date
Caveman 1: CM1
Caveman 2: CM2
Boy 1: B1
Stevie (a.k.a. Boy 2): ST
Boy 3: B3
Boy 4: B4
Captain Miles Cooles: CMC
Men in Biohazard suits: MIB
Dude with Tie (Bronschweig): DWT
Deputy Type Guy: DTG
Skinner: Sk
Generic Agent Type 1: GAT1
The Big Cheese: TBC
Scully: S
Mulder: M

Number of times Scully has called Mulder by his last name: 12
Number of times Mulder has called Scully by her last name: 5

When we last left M and S, M had managed to get himself locked in a room with a very nasty explosive device that was set to go off in 14 minutes. S has just left the room to get help while M is left in the vending room with his panic face. (Not to be mistaken for his "I just watched porn" face.)

S heads straight for the rent-a-cop -er security desk. She doesn't bother to wait until she's within speaking distance before she starts barking orders. She's in take-charge mode and the orders are flying en route to the desk.

S: I need this building evacuated and cleared out in 10 minutes! I want you to call the fire department and have them block off the city center in a one mile radius around the building. <FINALLY. Sheesh! If there's a bomb threat near me I would be glad to see S on the scene.>

Rent-a-cop 1 (RAC1): Ten minutes?

S: Don't think Mulder! Just take off your clothes and make it happen!

Oops! That wasn't the line. That was… well… actually… I um, the clones made me do it? Anyway, the line ACTUALLY is:

S: Don't think! Just pick up that phone and make it happen! <Either way you've GOT to LOVE Takecharge!Scully. Woo Hoo!>

S walks away secure in the knowledge that she managed to intimidate the rent-a-cops, I mean, security guards into following orders. Yet another charge is added to what must be an obscenely outrageous cellular phone bill.

S: This is Special Agent Dana Scully. I need to speak to S.A.C. Michaud. He's got the wrong building.

It can't be much time that passes by but the fire department and the police are now coming in in full force. The other agents cease their wild goose chase and joinS at the "wrong" building.

S.A.C Michaud (AKATBC I'm sticking withTBC. I like it.): Where is it?

S: He found it in a vending machine. He's locked in with it. <This would have been a good time to actually mention Mulder by name. Oddly enoughTBC knows EXACTLY who "he" is.>

Meanwhile at ground zero,M is staring at the bomb. There's about 4 minutes and 50 seconds left on the timer. The cell phone rings. M jumps, startled, before answering the phone. <What IS it with these cell phones. This one sounds like a bleepin' cricket. They are SO annoying! Someone get a cell phone that actually RINGS.>

M: Scully, you know that face I just showed you. I'm making it again. <At first I thought this was an admission. But after rewatching this several more times I can see that it wasn't. Men! And just how did he know it was S on the phone? It could have been TBC or Skinner or one of the Lone Gunmen. Okay maybe it's a long shot but still.>

S: Mulder move away from the door we're coming through it.

M turns toward the door just in time to see the flash of the torch. On the other side of the door TBC is cutting a new doorway.

Generic Agent Type 2 (GAT2): Clear!

TBC, S, and the nameless agents tear into the room.

M: Tell me that's just soda pop in those canisters. <Mulder it's just soda.>

TBC: It's what it looks like, a big I.E.D. Ten gallons of astrolite. <What the hell is an I.E.D.?> Okay [sighs] get everybody out of here and clear the area.

Nameless Agent (NA): Come on, let's go.

M: Somebody's got to stay here with you.

TBC: I just gave you an order. Now get the hell out of here and evacuate the building!

S: Can you defuse it?

TBC: Yes I can. <Unfortunately the question should have been WILL you defuse it.>

M: We've got less than 4 minutes to find out if you're right. <Ya think? Patronizing!Mulder strikes again.>

TBC: Did you hear what I said? <Apparently TBC doesn't know that M isn't big on listening.>; Get out! <This is quite the alpha male stand off. I guess M has to be reminded that HE is not in charge. The more I think about it the more I'm convinced that M gets away with a LOT.>

S: Come on Mulder.

There's still a lot of people coming out of the building considering they were supposed to be evacuated already. The 10 minutes were up. What a bunch of slowpokes. <Personally, I'd be knocking people down to get my sorry behind out of that building. But I'm a New Yorker and we're not known for being particularly polite. Heh heh. And I'm partial to not being blown to bits.>

Back to ground zero. There's now about 40 seconds left on the timer and TBC is defusing it. Well that's what he's SUPPOSED to be doing. What he's ACTUALLY doing is sitting there twiddling his thumbs. Literally. Apparently he missed the day in class when they actually taught the logistics of bomb defusing because he's just watching the timer count down. <Psst! Here's a hint for ya, sitting in front of a bomb watching the timer go to zero is NOT an effective way to defuse it.>

Once again the camera cuts to the activity outside the building. M and S are exiting the building They are apparently one of the last ones to leave the building. S is running ahead. M stops, looking as though he's about to reenter the building. <Sometimes I really think M has a death wish.> S, who has apparently absorbed some of M's psychic ability by osmosis, turns around as she senses M isn't behind her anymore.

Nameless Agent 2 (NA2): [from the car] Building's clear!

S: Mulder what are you doing?

M: Something's wrong.

S: ;Mulder? [She runs back to her maniac partner.]

M: Something's not right.

S: Mulder get in the car! THERE'S NO TIME!!!

NA2: [pounding on the car] Let's go! Get in the car!

M and S run to the car. <Finally!>

At ground zero more thumbs a twiddle.

The car M and S are in barely has time to get away as the building explodes. The shockwave lifted up the back of the car and pushed it into another vehicle where it came crashing to a halt. M and S exit the car and turn to look at the building. <Bit of trivia if you're interested. The number on the car they were in is: 3761.> The whole front of the building had collapsed like a house of cards. Fires were burning bits of papers were floating down from upper floors. <Well it looked like paper to me.> But surprisingly a good amount of the building was still standing.

M: Next time you're buying. <I swear that man will do ANYTHING to keep from having to buy. THAT'S the real reason he hasn't gotten any all these years. He's bleepin' CHEAP. Mulder you MUST stop this bird impersonation. No woman likes a cheapskate! No matter how cute a puppy dog face he makes.>

I must say that was SUCH a cool explosion. Probably second to the one in "Paper Clip." Although I do admit that I liked the explosion in "Paper Clip" for other reasons. But as I mentioned before there was an awful lot of the building left standing. Without getting too far ahead of myself and I'm having a bit of difficulty with this but as we have all seen the movie maybe it doesn't matter, I have to agree with the point Ishie made in response to the earlier segment. There HAS to be a better way to cover up the existence of those bodies than to blow up a building. Leaving the bodies in a building then blowing it up leads to someone actually coming into contact with the bodies. Why not bury it in Antarctica or something? Not too many people will be digging for treasure there I can assure you. No wonder they can't manage to keep M and S off their backs. Krycek is probably the most competent person to come out of the consortium and he doesn't work for them anymore. (Well there's also the fact that they tried to kill him for the Melissa mishap although that was really Luis' fault.)

Note to CC and company. Please show more Takecharge!Scully next season.

It is now official. M is indeed the cheapest man on the planet. (No wonder he had that youthful indiscretion with PBG on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's tombstone. He was probably too cheap to spring for a motel room.)

I remember back when the movie was in theaters there was some controversy with some people about the building explosion. Oklahoma City was mentioned. I must say, I just don't see it. Didn't the first 4 times I saw the movie, still don't see it now.

This early in the movie and already we have two instances of Patronizing!Mulder show up. I'm going to run out of synonyms for "duh" if this keeps up.