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I was just thinking of a song I haven't heard in a long time. I think it's called "Funk That." Actually the word had a "c" instead of an "n" but the censors frown upon that kind of language. Anyway, the song had a line which went "Why is it that every time I turn on the radio they're playing the same 5 songs 15 times a day for 3 months? Funk that! Get a new song!" Which leads me to my current rant.
What is with the people who run the radio stations anyway? I swear they must be taking bribes or something because it seems like they are all colluding to drive me out of my mind. And it is always one of two things. I could be listening to the radio and they will announce the group whose song I'm waiting for. Usually in a group of about three, so I stick around hoping to hear the song I was waiting for and instead they will play at least three songs none of which are by any of the groups they announced in the first place. Furthermore these songs will usually include something crappy and I will have to change the radio station. When I remember that the song I wanted to hear is coming up either I have missed the song completely or I will catch the end of the song. It irritates me no end.
The second way the radio stations irk me is that they will play a song, usually one I don't care to hear, over and over and over again. What's worse is when I hear the song and I change radio station, the next station is playing the same bloody song! Grrr! I swear if I hear "Believe" by Cher one more time I'm going to start taking hostages!
Well, on to the "show."
Jose Chung's From Outer Space: Abduction Is In The Eye Of The Beholder.
Abbreviations to date:
Roky : ROK
Harold Lamb: Hsap
Jose Chung (The lech):JC
Scully: S
Number of times a question is answered with "How the hell
should I know?": 2
Number of spaceships making an appearance: 2
Number of times Jose Chung grossed me out: 3
Number of (gratuitous?) Krycek mentions: 1
When we last left off S was in the process of telling JC, grandpa Munster impersonator and lech about how she and Mulder got involved in this whole mess. JC was drooling and trying to cop a feel. I was hoping a giant flukeworm would escape from the toilet and finish him off but alas, no such thing.
S: [voiceover] She was given a physical exam and her statement was taken. Later that night, she received her… visitation.
The girl, who is sporting a scar on her cheek, wakes up and wipes the blood from her nose. She looks at the foot of her bed and sees an alien reaching out to grab her. She screams and turns on the light to reveal her stuffed cat. She then kicks the poor kitty across the room. Something hits the window from outside and the girl turns off the light and heads for the window. Looking out the window she sees a giant shadow looming across the lawn. It has a big head much like an alien. However upon taking a second look one can see Hsap who had decided to walk away. The girl opens the window.
Hsap: Oh, Chrissy, thank God you're all right. <He looks worse for wear. His shirt if not on backwards is at least torn. Someone did not bother to shower before arriving at the house. Not the way to make a good impression.>
Girl (who by the way is an annoying twit, hence the abbreviation. AT): How dare you come here.
Hsap: Chrissy, I did everything I could.
AT: Don't I know it, you bastard.
Hsap: [looking more than a little confused] Chrissy! Don't you remember?
The lights on the lower floor comes on.
Irate Father (IF): What the hell is going on up there?
Hsap: Chrissy! I love you! <God this guy is a hopeless sap.> [runs away] <The first smart thing he's done all episode.>
S: [voiceover] The father informed the police, who apprehended the boy back at his own home.
Cut to police station.
Hsap sits in a chair in an interrogation room.
Hsap: We… we were abducted by aliens.
There are two men questioning him. One is an older man who just seems to sit there emotionless. The second man paces in the back. The pacing man speaks.
Man1: You don't sound so sure of it.
Hsap: It all seems so crazy, and I don't know why Chrissy doesn't remember it.
Man1: You're willing to take a lie detector test to prove you were abducted by creatures from outer space?
Hsap: Yes, I am. <Hsap has a cut on his face too. But no one seems particularly interested in his injuries.>
Man1: Well, too bad! 'Cause I don't need no lie detector to tell me the only thing you were abducted by were your rampaging hormones, you punk! <This is a line I'd so like to hear directed toward Mulder but NO!>
Hsap looks down, obviously pained.
JC: [voiceover] But he did take a test and passed it?
S: [voiceover] And he stuck to his story… until we got there.
I guess Mulder (M) and S were already there or something because it appears that no time has passed at all. Either that or Klass County doesn't bother to have their prisoner so little things like shower. S is now sitting where the other man was and M has taken the walking man's place.
Hsap: If she says I raped her, then… I guess I raped her.
M: You don't sound so sure of that.
Hsap: It all seems so crazy, and I don't know why Chrissy remembers it that way.
M: Would you be willing to take a lie detector test to prove that you raped her?
Hsap continues to look at the floor.
Hsap: No, I'm not.
M: Well, that's too bad. Because the next rape you experience will probably be your own… [Hsap looks up at M] in prison. <That was highly uncalled for M.>
Hsap looks back down at the desk.
S: That should have ended our investigation, but Mulder brought the girl in for questioning.
AT sits at the same table across from M. S is leaning against the door at the back wall. AT's parents sit across the room from S.
M: Are you having trouble sleeping? Are you experiencing muscle pains? Vision problems? Nose bleeds? When you look at a particular object, do you receive the sudden flash that you're actually looking at something else? An alien's face?
The twit does a lot of nodding during this barrage of questions.
AT: Yes!
M turns and talks to her parents. For some reason this is done in slow-motion. S rolls her eyes in disgust.
S: [voiceover] So, my partner became convinced that she was suffering from what he calls "post-abduction syndrome."
JC: You don't believe in the disorder?
S: Well, I think that stress of any kind can cause all of those physical ailments. In any case, Mulder convinced the girl and her parents to let her be hypnotized.
M turns to face AT.
Cut to the X-Files office.
JC: What is your opinion of hypnosis?
S: I know that it has its therapeutic value, but it has never been proven to enhance memory. In fact, it actually worsens it since, since, since people in that state are prone to confabulation.
JC continues to make his little notes.
JC: When I was doing research for my book The Caligarian Candidate…"
S: [interrupting] One of the greatest thrillers ever written. <I thought we were going to keep Starstruck!Scully in a far off corner where I wouldn't have to see her again. She upsets me. That is the kind of behavior I expect from M.>
JC: Oh… [He laughs] Thank you. I was, uh… interested in how the C.I.A., when conducting their MK-Ultra mind control experiments back in the '50s, had no idea how hypnosis went. <Much like how you have no idea how a successful seduction goes.>
S: Hmm.
JC: Or what it was. <What? The government dabbling in something in which they have no clue? I am shocked!>
S: No one still knows.
JC: Still, as a storyteller, <Oh is that what you are? Because I keep mistaking you for a scary looking lech.> I'm fascinated how a person's sense of consciousness can be… so transformed by nothing more magical than listening to words. Mere words. <Mere words is not going to help you get S into your wicked clutches. So give it up old man!>
Cut to the interrogation room.
A hypnotist sits across from AT. <Dude's kinda creepy looking. I'm calling him SLQ for scary-looking quack.> In the background, AT's parents are sitting down in the back. In the same spot as before. The pacing detective is standing, to the left of the doctor. Then M is seen on the right side of the doctor. <Note this is OUR left and right.> A little further to the right S is still leaning on the door. The doctor uses what seems to be the standard "hypnotizing" voice. The very slow and supposedly soothing tones. AT is sitting in a recliner. with her eyes closed. Which saves us from her usual blank look.
Hypnotist (SLQ): You are feeling very sleepy, very relaxed. As your body calmly drifts deeper and deeper into a state of peaceful relaxation, you will respond only to the sound of my voice.
AT opens her eyes <thus subjecting us to yet another vapid stare> as the room starts to look wavy. Kinda like the flashback wiggle used on other shows. Now under hypnosis the people in the room are replaced by aliens, they are in the exact position as the humans they replaced.
SLQ.: Chrissy? Can you recall where you are?
AT is strapped onto a glass table (for lack of a better word) with white lines on it. It is leaning against the wall at an angle.
AT: [voiceover] I'm in a room… on a spaceship… surrounded by aliens.
SLQ: What do the aliens look like?
AT: They're small… but their heads and their eyes are big. They're gray.
SLQ: Are you alone? <Well duh! She just said she was surrounded by aliens? Do you need someone to define the word "alone" for you?>
AT looks to her left and sees Hsap on a similar table, this one is on the floor.
AT: No, Harold's on another table… but he seems really out of it… like he's not really there. <How does that differ from the rest of his appearances in this episode? Or yours for that matter?>
Flash to what she's really looking at. A table with coffee and doughnuts on it. <Either someone went for a doughnut run or the cops have been too busy looking for hypnotists to finish them off.>
SLQ: What are the aliens doing now?
AT: They're sort of arguing. I sort of hear them but I can't understand what they're saying.
The aliens argue incomprehensibly. The "S" alien walks first to the "M" alien. Then to the "SLQ" alien.
AT: [continuing] Except the leader. I can understand him.
SLQ: When the leader speaks to you, does his mouth move?
AT: No. [crying] But I hear him in my head.
SLQ: What is he saying?
AT: He's telling me this is for the good of my planet, <That can't be true. If it were truly for the good of the planet they wouldn't have put this annoying git back.> but…
SLQ: [interrupting] But what?
AT: I don't like what he's doing. It's like he's inside my mind, <Plenty of room in there I'm sure.> like… like he's stealing my memories.
M looks at S who is looking really irritated. AT is led out of the room.
M: The description of the aliens, the physical exam, the mind scan, the presence of another human being that appears switched off, it's all characteristic of a typical abduction.
S: That's my problem with it, Mulder. It's all a little too typical. Abduction lore has become so prevalent in our society that you can ask someone to imagine what it would be like to be abducted and they'd concoct an identical scenario. <You know S really must really like to argue. Not that that's a bad thing.>
M: Yeah, if it were only one person, Scully, but we have two individuals here, each verifying the other's story.
The pacing detective walks over to them.
Man1 (Who will now be known as DetM): Well, thanks a lot! You really bleeped up this case.
Cut to X-Files office.
S: Well, of course, he didn't actually say "bleeped." He said…
JC: [interrupting] I'm, uh, familiar with, uh, Detective Manners' colorful phraseology.
Back to Klass County.
M: You still going to hold the boy?
DetM: Oh, you bet your blankity-blank bleep I am. <I really love this character.>
M: But the victim seems to confirm his alibi. <While under hypnosis. Yeah, that'll look good in a courtroom. NOT!>
DetM: The hell she did! Those kids' stories couldn't be more bleeping different.
DetM stalks off. S rubs her head in an "I don't believe this" gesture.
For those who don't know, DetM was named after Kim Manners. You gotta love the irony of someone named Manners who is completely without manners.
Okay, maybe it's just me but that Chrissy (AT) really irks me for some reason. I can't even come up with a plausible reason for why. She just does. They're stealing my memories! God what a whiny git! At least SHE isn't potentially headed for prison. Unlike her hapless date, Hsap.
I like the way the people in the room turn into aliens while AT is being hypnotized. Especially the way they are in the same position. Right down to the body language being exhibited. Very nice.
Am I the only one who thought that hypnotist was creepy looking? This whole episode is filled with freakish looking people. Why is that? Surely CC can't be implying that only the freakish believe in aliens?
Far be it for me to sound like a flaming liberal or something but why is it acceptable practice to allow rapes to go on in prison? I know prison isn't supposed to be a bleepin' fun house or anything but still, rape? Are we not supposed to be a civilized society? Okay, I'm off the soapbox now.
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