If a Man is Abducted But Isn't Sure of it Did it Happen?

No rant this time. Just a straight up deconstruction.

Jose Chung's From Outer Space: If a Man is Abducted But Isn't Sure of it Did it Happen?

Abbreviations to date:
Roky : ROK
Harold Lamb: Hsap
Jose Chung (The lech): JC
Scully: S
Chrissy the annoying twit: AT
Irate Father: IF
Mulder: M
Hypnotist (AKA scary looking quack): SLQ
Detective "bleepin'" Manners (AKA Man1): DetM
Cigarette Smoking Alien: CSA
Man in Black 1: MIB1
Man in Black 2: MIB2
Dr. Bulldog: DBD
Military Man 1: MM1
Military Man 2: MM2
Military Man 3: MM3
Blaine Faulkner: BF
Air Force Officer: AFO

Number of times a question is answered with "How the hell should I know?": 2
Number of spaceships making an appearance: 2
Number of times Jose Chung grossed me out: 3
Number of (gratuitous?) Krycek mentions: 2
Number of times Mulder calls Scully by her last name: 1
Number of times Scully calls Mulder by his last name: 5
Number of death threats issued or alleged to have been issued: 2

Detective Manners' Filth-o-meter: number of expletives bleeped or blanked: 10

Klass County

M is driving down a dark deserted road. This time he is wearing a seatbelt.

S: [voiceover] After not recovering the tape, Mulder was heading back to the motel and that's when his account of things gets a little… odd. <As opposed to his other rational accounts of beast-women, vampires, and alien abductions.>

A naked man walks out into the road and M screeches to a halt to not hit him. He looks at the man and turns around, driving after him. He drives alongside the man, who as well as being naked is also rather cut up.

M: Lieutenant Jack Schaffer?

The man stops and looks at him. He grabs M by the collar.

Jack Schaffer (JS): This is not happening! It's not happening! This is not happening! It's not happening! It's not happening!

A diner counter.

JS, who thankfully is now clothed, plays with his mashed potatoes building a mountain an la "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." The diner is not very well lit <probably to keep you from getting a good look at the food> In the window is a neon sign which read "Olvatine." The "a" is not lit. <Why one would have a neon sign in one's diner that says Olvatine is beyond me. I would think that a sign that said say beer would attract more customers.> At any rate the cook is cleaning the counters near the front of the store.

JS: The Germans used to project the image of the Virgin Mary over the French trenches in World War One. The enemy's always willing to fire upon an invading force… but on a holy miracle?

M: Or on visitors from outer space?

JS: Yeah, the enemy sees an American recon plane, they start shooting. They see a flying saucer from another galaxy…they hesitate. [He puts down his fork.] You know what happens to most people after seeing a UFO? [He puts a cigarette in his mouth.]

M: They experience "missing time."

JS: Any number of "soft option kills" will do… nerve gas… low frequency infrasound beams… [He lights a match.] Hell, with high-powered microwaves, you can not only cut enemy communications, you can cook internal organs. [He lights the cigarette and shakes the match out.] <This bit of babblage doesn't exactly answer M's question. If there's a point to this JS please feel free to come to it.>

M: But abductions?

JS: Don't know as much about them. I'm just the pilot. You ever flown a flying saucer? <Actually he does all the time…oh that wasn't a euphemism for masturbation? My bad!.> [M shakes his head slightly and looks down at the counter.] Afterwards, sex seems trite. [He takes another drag.]

M: But what do you do with the abductees? <Would you let the man tell his damn story? Sheesh!>

JS: Take them back to the base. Let the doctors work on them. Nothing physical, they just mess with their minds.

M: Hypnosis.

JS: [He nods] At the base, I seen people go into an ordinary room with an ordinary bunch of doctors… and come out absolutely positive they were probed by aliens.

M: But if abductions are just a covert intelligence operation and UFOs are merely secret military airships, piloted by "aliens" such as yourself… then what were you abducted by?

JS: Don't you get it? <Frequently the answer to this question is no.> I'm absolutely positive me, my copilot, and those two kids were abducted but I can't be absolutely sure it happened. I can't be sure of anything anymore!

M: What do you mean? <I think he means that he's not sure if he were truly abducted or if that was crap fed to him by his superiors? Then again that sentence didn't make much sense at all.>

JS: I'm not sure we're even having this conversation. I don't know if these mashed potatoes are really here. I don't know if you even exist.

M: I can only assure you that I do. <I'm so sure that's helpful. NOT!>

JS: Well… thanks, buddy. Unfortunately… I can't give you the same assurance about me.

The door slams. M and JS look over to see a number of soldiers being led by the AFO. JS takes a drag of his cigarette and prepares to leave.

JS: Well, looks like I'm a dead man.

M: Wait a minute, wait a minute. It can't all be fake memory implantations. What about that third alien? What, what was that thing?

JS: Who? Lord Kinbote? [He stands]

Nameless Soldier (NS): Right, come on.

The military personnel exit the diner leaving M alone in the Olvatine infested diner.

X-Files office

JC: That is odd. Because almost every day I was there, I ate lunch at that diner and became dear friends with the cook. He told me a story about the night you're talking about. [He looks into a separate set of notes]

Cut to the diner.

M walks into the diner. It is still dimly lit with that damn neon Olvatine in the window.

JC: A man came into his place… <Doesn't this sound like the start of a dirty joke?>

M: Sweet potato pie. <Well if this part actually happened he got M's usual lapse of memory when it comes to using the word "please.">

JC: [continuing] Sat down, ordered sweet potato pie, identified himself as F.B.I. Agent Mulder. [M sits and holds up his badge towards… the cook who I guess is also in the direction of the camera as we get a nice shot of the flash. The cook walks over and takes out a piece of pie.] He then questioned my friend.

The cook puts down a piece of pie in front of M.

M: You ever seen a UFO in these parts?

M takes a huge bite out of the pie. <Completely tangential but it does remind me that it will soon be the time of year when sweet potatoes are in season and I found my recipe for pie. Yum!> The cook watches him. <Guess he wanted to see what kind of skinflint eats in his place seeing as almost no one else seems to.>

JC: He then ordered piece after piece, each time asking another question.

The cook picks up the empty plate and puts another one down.

M: You ever experienced a period of "missing time?" [He takes another rather large bite. Later, the cook replaces that empty plate with one with another piece of pie.] You ever had the suspicion that you've been abducted by aliens?

Enter another slice of pie.

M: Have you ever found a metal implant in your body? [The cook shakes his head. M digs into another piece of pie.] Have you checked everywhere?

The cook looks at him. M stands and puts a bill down on the counter.

JC: [voiceover] He ate a whole pie in that fashion, then got up and left. My friend never saw him again. [Mulder leaves.] The cook never mentioned Lieutenant Schaffer, let alone any other Air Force personnel.

Cut to the X-Files office.

S seems unaffected by the contradictions in the two stories. She doesn't even raise an eyebrow. <Of course considering all that she's been through why would she be? But I guess JC wouldn't know that.>

JC: You seem non-nonplused by these contradictions?

S: Well, not after what happened when Mulder left the diner and got back to the motel.

To be continued…

Well the plot thickens.

First of all where did they get the clothes for JS? I mean they could be spares for M but one would think that he would keep his clothes in a suitcase instead of in the back of a rental car. And I can't imagine them making a pit stop to pick up some threads for the naked guy. You know how M tends to forget common courtesy when he's in the middle of trying to get some answers. Of course, walking around in public with a naked guy isn't exactly inconspicuous. It's not legal either.

Does the fact that JS saw Lord Kinbote mean that ROK wasn't as delusional as S thought he was? Does the government know about Lord Kinbote and if they do how does this fit in with their UFO scam? Are the UFO's completely fake or are they "borrowed" from the original owners?

I don't know about you but I found it rather disconcerting that JS said that he was a dead man so nonchalantly.

Until next time…