Scully: He had big buck teeth?
Mulder: He had a slight over bite.
Scully: No, he didn't. [Mulder shrugs] And that's significant? How?
Mulder: I'm just trying to be thorough.
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Scully: He had big buck teeth? Mulder: He had a slight over bite. Scully: No, he didn't. [Mulder shrugs] And that's significant? How? Mulder: I'm just trying to be thorough. |
Actually, he was just trying to make Hartwell look bad because he was jealous. Too bad he's too big a Punk to admit it.
I'm going to deviate from my usual method of breaking down Mulder's Punkisms. As you know this episode is known for the whole he said she said approach to a good part of the events in the episode. And not surprisingly there are punkisms in both accounts. So I'm going to break up by section.
Teaser
Homicide: Is it standard operating procedure to run a stake through the heart of a suspect? I don't think so. And there is no way you can claim self defense on this one.
At The Office
Interrupting Scully when she's trying to talk to him: Don't even start with him. Too late for that!
Kicking the crap out of the wastebasket: That was quite the tantrum Mulder threw after missing the basket with his ball of paper.
Pumping Scully for her version of events so he can get their stories straight: Of course this was after he was so surprised that her story may be different from his.
Scully's Version
Check out Hyper!Mulder: He constantly interrupts Scully. The poor woman couldn't even spit out a single sentence.
Openly scoffing at Scully's theory laughing at her because she suggested it was cult activity which clearly didn't agree with his vampire theory.
Did he really need a slide of each dead cow? A dead cow is a dead cow is a dead cow. One slide would have sufficed.
After mentioning the deceased human in passing he declares that they have to get moving and walks out. He then calls out for Scully to lock up. What you can't take two seconds to at least turn around and look at your partner while barking orders?
Mulder seems to have a hard time remembering his partner's name. Oddly enough it's not because of some bimbo being in the room.
That little legs comment was so unnecessary as was that "nice threads" comment.
It's one thing to argue theories with Scully. It's another thing completely to openly mock Scully's theory in front of the sheriff.
Interrupting Scully while she's telling the story. Twice.
Scolding the sheriff for not noticing that the victim's shoes were untied: How the hell is he supposed to know its significance? Especially since Mulder neglects tell anyone including his partner that it was significant.
Mulder has nerve snapping his fingers while barking orders to be taken to the cemetery. Didn't his mama tell him that it's rude to snap his fingers at people like that?
Mulder has nerve! He tells Scully that an autopsy but can't even be bothered to try to figure out what it is he's looking for. It can't be a cause of death since it has been established that the victim had been exsanguniated.
Lying to Scully: Nothing. I'm pretty sure he knows how he got all muddy.
Okay so they found another body. The man's dead they could have waited until morning to give Scully a chance to rest.
Jumping on Scully's bed with his muddy clothes on: What makes Mulder think that Scully wants mud all over her bed?
Eating Scully's pizza: Did he ask if he could have some?
Mulder sings really, really badly.
Mulder's version
Now I should preface this by saying that while I'm sure that both versions of the story has exaggerations. (Mulder's not that hyper.) However, I'm inclined to think that Mulder's version has less of a kernel of truth to it.
Mulder starts his story off with a blatant lie. Scully doesn't whine nor has he ever approached her in such a meek manner.
Jealous!Mulder raises his green head: His claims that the sheriff was dumber than he was and that he had big buck teeth was clearly the wishful thinking of a jealous man.
Why the hell did Mulder think that he could stop the RV by jumping on it? And while I'm at it shooting out the tires of a moving RV may be harder than it looks but I think it could be done by someone who's a better shot than Mulder is.
I wish Scully would light into Mulder the way he claims she did but she hasn't which means that Mulder exaggerated again.
Mulder has to be the cheapest man on the planet. Thirteen bucks on a $12.98 pizza. That's a lousy two cent tip. No wonder Ronnie tried to kill him. (Okay I know it wasn't personal but I'm willing to bet that that two cent tip gave him an additional incentive.)
Eating Scully's pizza: He openly admits to eating her dinner.
Breaking hotel furniture: The management is not going to like that.
The Aftermath
Mulder is so smooth. After telling Scully to stop with the drugged comment what does he do? He just blurts out that he was drugged. Very suave Foxy boy!
After determining that they weren't dealing with typical vampires of folklore why the hell did he think that making a cross out of breadsticks would keep them away. Obviously the garlic had no effect.
"They pulled up stakes." That's a terrible pun. I'm still groaning.
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