Taylor and I were in the dark theatre, watching the movie, but I was having a hard time concentrating. I kept thinking about different things, like Taylor, his family, my musical future, school, and other things. I definitely had strong feelings for Taylor, and I know he had strong feelings for me too, but I didn't know exactly where we stood. Was it just 'dating' or were we together, or what? I really wanted to be with Taylor, but I didn't know how he felt. I was silently brooding when Taylor's arm slipped around my shoulders and he leaned over to whisper in my ear.
"You haven't looked at the screen for ten minutes, Andrea. Are you ok?" His breath tickled my neck and made my little hairs stand on end. I turned to face him and whispered, "I'm just thinking about things. Sorry."
"About me?" He whispered again. I smiled faintly.
"Yeah," My cheeks were beginning to blush, but I don't know why.
"Good things?" Pause.
"Yeah..." His arm pulled me closer to him.
"Well, I'm thinking about you too." He whispered softly into my ear. I'm sure my cheeks were crimson at that moment. "Good things," he continued. I felt his lips touch the soft skin on my neck. "I really like you Andrea..." he murmured into my skin. "I like you more than I probably should at this point," he said, starting to gently suck at my neck. His tongue rolled over my neck slowly. A wave of emotion swept over me and my eyes fluttered without my knowledge.
"Taylor," I started. He kept kissing and licking my neck. "Tay, maybe we should go somewhere else." I said, trying to keep my voice quiet.
"Okay," he whispered. He seperated himself from me and gingerly grabbed my hand. We both stood up and walked out of the theatre. We stepped into the cool night air, hands linked together, and started walking. "There's a park a few blocks away. Wanna go there?" He asked.
"Sure." We walked in silence, just enjoying each other's company. I was thinking about what happened in the movie theatre. That was pretty much the first time we'd done something like that. Sure, we'd given each other little kisses goodbye and hello, and maybe a little more, but in the theatre...that was more passionate I guess...it was closer to losing control than I'd felt for a while. I didn't like the feeling of losing control, but it was different when I was with Taylor. Losing control with my past boyfriends meant letting them kiss me when I didn't want them to. My past boyfriends had all been jerks, I realized. They'd been after me for their gain and not for a relationship. Luckily for me, I usually figured that out before I became too emotionally involved and I hadn't gotten hurt when I realized what they were after. Until Ryan came along. Ryan was the perfect guy for me. We did everything together. I'd been with him for five months when he tried to force himself on me. After I told him to stop, he'd told me how he'd been cheating on me for our whole relationship because I didn't give him play and he needed it. He also told me that unless I started giving guys play, no one would be interested in me for more than a few weeks. What a blow to my self-esteem. Fortunately, right afterwards, I'd move to California and hadn't been involved with a guy for a year now, until Taylor. He was different from the rest of the guys, probably because his novelty hadn't worn off. But the truth was, I didn't want it to. I liked Taylor, and it wasn't the BAM-there's-a-hot-guy kinda like, it was the grow-with-time-and-like-personality kind of like. And I liked that. He hadn't been- I stopped thinking. Taylor, who had been leading me this whole time, stopped, and I'd walked right into him. I giggled a little and apologized.
"It's ok. We're here anyway." He said, guesturing with his free hand to the un-lit park we were standing at the edge of.
"This is nice!" I exclaimed, letting go of his hand and walking over to the sandbox. I stepped into it and sat down. Taylor walked over with an amused look on his face.
"Do you do this often?" He asked, walking over and sitting down next to me. I laughed lightly.
"I used to have one, and I still love playing in them. I like building towns." I explained.
"Let'd build one!" He said excitedly, getting on his hands and knees and gathering sand into a big pile. "And we can make a really big one, with roads and supermarkets, and a castle!"
"Taylor, you are too much!" I said, gathering sand as well. We built diligently, occasionally talking about plans for our town or other random things. After about fifteen minutes, I stopped building and sat on the wooden edge of the sand box. Taylor continued to build, and I watched him. I got a kick out of how he was concentrating so hard on a little town made of sand, but it just made him all the more endearing to me. I smiled in spite of myself, as I sat there watching. He glance over his shoulder and noticed that I'd stopped. He stood up and stretched, wiping his hands on the back of his pants and taking a seat next to me on the ledge. He nudged me with his elbow.
"Hey"
"Hey"
"Is it the best you've ever seen?" He asked, nodding towards our impressive town.
"Oh yeah," I said, laughing. "I really like the church you made over there."
"I thought you would." He said.
"Oh, you're so thoughtful." I said, patting his head mockingly.
"I am!" He said in mock astonishment.
"I know, you are." I said seriously. "You've been very thoughtful since we met."
"You bring out the best in me, I guess." He admitted. I squeezed his hand gently and then stood up.
"Race ya to the swingset!" I called, running in the direction of the playground. I heard movement behind me and a loud "No fair!" as I ran happily to the finish line.
I was about two feet away from glory when I felt a hand grab my arm and yank me backwards. I let out a little yelp and flew to the ground. A sharp pain ran through my ankle. I bit my lip and blinked rapidly, trying to keep the stinging of my tears from pushing them out. I saw Taylor up ahead laughing and jumping around at the swingset.
"Taylor, I'm hurt!" I managed saying as I untied my right shoe and removed my sock. His jaw dropped a bit and he ran over to my side quickly, kneeling down.
"Oh my gosh, Andrea, I am SO SORRY! I did NOT mean to do that, I swear. Are you ok? What hurts." I pointed to my foot and he took it gently in his hands. "It doesn't look TOO bad, but I'm no doctor. Is there anything I can do for you? Like, do you want me to carry you to the car or go get ice from the movie theatre or something?" He asked quickly. I paused to think for a minute.
"I think it'll be ok. It's hardly even swelling." I said, pointing to it.
"Tell me if this hurts." He ordered, shifting so he was sitting cross-legged and across from me with my foot resting in his lap. He put his hands gently on my ankle, applying pressure at different points. He glanced up at me, asking the question with his eyes.
"Taylor, you're being too gentle. Like, even if it was broken it wouldn't hurt if you were barely touching it like that. You have to push a little harder," As an afterthought, "but not too hard".
"Okay..." he said slowly, pressing my ankle a little harder, all the while staring into my eyes to make sure they didn't tear up or something. He continued pressing, but it really didn't hurt at all. He must've picked up on that because he stopped massaging my foot and started rubbing my ankle gently, still staring into my eyes. I couldn't take it anymore.
"Tay, would you please just kiss me? My ankle doesn't hurt as much as waiting for you." His eyes crinkled into a smile and then were set in determination. He picked up my leg and set it on the other side of him, so he was sitting cross-legged with one of mine on either side. He got to his knees and crawled over to me. Our lips touched softly at first, just getting re-acquainted, I suppose. They were so soft and smooth. Within a few seconds, I knew he wanted more and I did too, as we simultaneously became more agressive with each other. I had since layed back on the grass (sitting was uncomfortable) and he had put one knee on each side of my stomach, leaning down to kiss me. His hands found my face and were resting on my cheeks, while mine were wrapped around his back, pulling him closer to me. His tongue slipped out of his mouth and into mine. I involuntarily let out a soft moan. Was just kissing supposed to feel this good? He slowly backed his knees up so he was laying on top of me. One of his hands moved from my face to my waist, settling at the spot where my shirt met my jeans, while the other was holding himself up. I could tell he wanted more, but I wasn't sure if I did or not. He had moved his lips to my neck again, starting to suck in the same place he had in the theatre, while his hand played nervously with the bottom of my shirt. I was unsure what to do. Should I stop him? Did I even want to? Yes. I didn't want to do something like this laying on the grass in a park in LA.
"Taylor," I whispered in-between my quick breathing. His lips stopped working on my neck and he let out a long jagged breath. Finally he looked up at me.
"Yeah?" He asked softly.
"I don't think I want to do this here right now." I didn't even know what 'this' was. I mean, he could have just been playing with my shirt, having no intention to actually go northward! Oh my gosh, if he hadn't been planning on it and was just planning on kissing, he would think I was a prude! Well, was I? For Pete's sake, I was laying on the ground with perhaps the most beautiful guy I'd ever met laying on top of me, and I didn't want that to happen? I ruin everything! I couldn't take back what I said now, either. It was too late.
"Ok...was I too forward?" He asked, rolling off me and pulling his knees up to his chest. I struggled to sit up as well. I chose my words carefully.
"I'm not quite sure what kind of relationship we have, Taylor. Are we dating, are we together? I mean, to me it could be this all-consuming relationship, while to you, it could be 'just friends', you know? And that scares me a bit. And the fact that I find it so easy to get carried away when I'm with you is really scaring me. I've never felt like I had no control like that before. And believe me, it felt good...it felt really good, but this is our first date, and I don't want to jump into anything that will later really bother me because I wasn't thinking right." I paused and looked over at Taylor. His hand was playing with a button on his shirt and he was looking at the ground. "Do you know what I mean or is this totally out of the blue for you?" I asked uncertainly. He continued to play with the button and scrunched his eyebrows.
"First of all, this is definitely not 'just friends' to me. It's probably the most meaningful relationship I've ever had. And second of all, I'm kinda scared too." He confessed. He glanced over at me before continuing. "I mean, I really don't know what I'm doing. I've kissed before, but that's it, and you seem a little more...experienced than I am, and I felt like I had to prove myself to you, that I wasn't afraid of taking the sword by the hand and just going for it."
"Oh Taylor, you don't have to feel that way! Sure, I might have had more relationships than you have, but that doesn't mean they were meaningful relationships. To tell the truth, my longest one was five months, and we broke up because I refused to do anything more than kissing with him. He got a little frustrated, shall we say, and told me that unless I gave guys more play, no one would like me for more than a few weeks. So I guess I'm kinda doing to same thing that you are, except I'm trying to find out for myself if going farther in a relationship is what I want. I guess I was trying to prove to myself that I wasn't a prude, but while we were kissing, I felt like I was screaming inside because I didn't want to go on, but if I stopped I'd have failed myself."
"Andrea, that guy was a jerk. Just hearing about him is making me mad. It's true, I guess, that guys think about sex more than girls and want it more, but not every guy acts on that. He did, and I was trying to just so you wouldn't think I was a prude. You don't have to prove anything with me. I'm fine with just kissing you. And as long as you're fine with that as well, we'll be fine. I'm really glad you stopped me, because if you hadn't, we both might've been trying so hard to please each other that we would've gone against what we're both comfortable with." He paused for a second and then grinned brightley. I could just see the gears in his head turing at full speed. "Hey! I have an idea! The next time something like this happens that either of us are uncomfortable with, we're going to tell each other. Let's make a pact. Give me your hand." I smiled and handed it over. He put my hand on top of his. He looked at me solemly. "Repeat after me." I nodded.
"I, Andrea Hancock,"
"I, Andrea Hancock,"
"Do solemly swear,"
"Do solemly swear,"
"That in my relationship with Taylor Hanson,"
"That in my relationship with Taylor Hanson,"
"I will not be afraid to tell him how I feel if he makes me uncomfortable and I Taylor Hanson do solemly swear that in my relationship with Andrea Hancock, I will not be afraid to tell her how I feel if she makes me uncomfortable."
"Oh my gosh Taylor, I have no idea what you just said." He rolled his eyes at me.
"Did you agree with what I said?" He asked.
"Yes."
"Then it's ok. But I'm serious about it."
"Me too!" I agreed. I turned my hand over and shook his hand firmly. "Come on, let's go. I have to get back to my dorm." I said, pulling him up.
"Yeah, ok." He paused for a second. "Andrea, I'm really glad we had this conversation. It means a lot to me that you were comfortable enough with me to say something about it." He said seriously. I squeezed his hand and linked my fingers with his in reply.