My Story

Hi, my name is Dee (Delores) and I'm 50 years old.  I have been married 25 yrs to a wonderful man. It's my second marriage. I have 2 beautiful daughters and a wonderful granddaughter. Without the patients and understanding of my husband and family I don't think I would have gotten this far in life.  I want to thank them for being here for me.   I love them dearly!

This Page is dedicated to "My Daughters" and  other survivors of sexual abuse, incest, and physical abuse.  I am one of those survivors.  I really don't know that you could call us survivors though.  I think we just learn to live with it.  Trying to accept what has happened to us.  And accept the fact, that it wasn't our fault and go on with our lives.

The sexual abuse started when I was very young by an uncle on my mothers side of the family.  I can't remember exactly how old I was, maybe 4-5, and didn't stop until I was 8-9.  I also didn't know that it  started with my older sister, and when she got old enough to fight back he came to me.  I didn't find this out until years later.

He use to make me get in dark closets or the bathroom and make me be very quiet.  He would sneak into our room late at night and lay beside me.  My sister and I shared a bed.  He would put his hands where he shouldn't have.  I was afraid to move and would pretend I was asleep.  I remember thinking "Be very still, don't breathe", and maybe he will go away, but he didn't.   Not until he was through 

He tried again when I was 14.  We were on a camping trip and my grandmother and other siblings were in the same room.  He managed to get his sleeping bag next to mine.  The only reason he stopped then, was because I made loud noises and it woke my grandmother.   He was 7-8 yrs older than me. 

I  often thought years later that my sister blamed herself for a long time, for what had happened to me.  Maybe she still does, I don't know.  But it's not her fault, she was a little girl too.  I know she would have protected me if she could have or knew how.  He had threatened her, too.

I felt so dirty for a long time.  I would be so scared someone would find out what he had been doing to me and that I would get into trouble.  He told me it was ok, that every uncle did this.  I was afraid he would beat me, which he had done to my brothers. Or kill us, which he said, he would do many many times.

My family didn't find out until I was 16 yrs old.  There was a lot of screaming, tears and a lot of "hell" raised.  But, to be honest I don't think anyone in the family ever believed it.  Because he denied it!  That was the hardest part to deal with.  They didn't believe it then, why would they have believed us when we were young.  We were  told  "You were just kids".  Kids will do that".  When I was 14 he was 22. He was not a kid then!  

They thought we where making up stories because we weren't virgins.  And we had just got caught sleeping around (my sister and I).  That was the line he told them.  And, of course they believe him.  

As, I got older I did things I'm not proud of, or talk to any one about. I don't think I would have done those things if I hadn't been sexually molested.  I'm talking about looking for love in all the wrong ways and places.  A lot of different sexual partners.  Just wanting someone to love and accept me for who I was.

I hate him for what he did to me and my sister.  I don't think I will ever forgive him either.  I think what he did to us completely altered our lives (my sister and I).   I was never the same after that.  I was not the happy little girl I was before.  He is gone now and I can't say that I miss him or that I'm sad he is gone.  Maybe in time I will forgive him, but I will never forget.

The sad thing about all this is I swore all my life that I would protect my daughters from this kind of abuse, and I didn't.  The same thing happen to them by a family member.  But, when they came to me I believed them.  Of course this person (persons) denied it also. 

I think they have dealt with their hurt and pain that they have gone through and can forgive their "Mother" for not protecting them from such horrible crime.  I do love them dearly and would have given my life to keep them from such terrible "CRIME".  I am truly sorry "My Beautiful Daughters".

Reflecting on the years that have passed, I think it made me a stronger person. I hope sharing my story will  help others deal with this "HORRIBLE  CRIME".  And to be able to share their story too.  No one knows the devastation that abuse causes. Whether it be sexual, physical, or emotional.  It changes that persons lives or personality for ever.  

If a child comes to you and says "Uncle", "Grandpa", "Daddy", "Mommy", yes even "Mommy", is hurting me, or touching them where they shouldn't be please listen to them.  Give them hope that someone is "Listening" and "Believing" them. We have to stop this "CRIME" for the sake of our children.

Share this with others if you want to help the "Children" Please forward!!



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