|
|
| |
|
|
Fabulous Machine of Professor Wiggles
by Cleo
Contact the author at cleo@phuze.com
Other Stories by Cleo
There came a knocking at the door.
My brother, Melvin opened up the door and in walked a salesman, carting a large crate into the main hall and setting it down in the living room.
"Good Lord!" Grandpa John said, dropping his crossword puzzle.
"Allow me to introduce myself," the salesman said handing a card to everyone in the room, and removing his red tophat. "I am Professor Wiggles, salesman, entrepreneur, and genius at your service."
"My heavens!" Grandpa John exclaimed pointing. "What is in that crate?"
"It is my fabulous machine," the Professor said patting the side of the wooden crate. "It can do anything at all with life."
"Anything?" I asked.
"Anything, anything, anything can come true!" Professor Wiggles boasted. "Dogs into cats, birds into elephants, anything at all is possible with my fabulous machine! Providing, of course, a life steps inside and accepts the changes."
"Anything?" I asked.
"Adults into children?" Melvin asked.
"Certainly, my dear boy," the Professor said with glee. "The fabulous machine can do that and more!"
"Boys into girls?" I asked, getting excited at the notion.
"Why, yes," Wiggles said scratching his chin. "I do believe it does that as well. Boys into girls, men into women, adults into children. It does it all!"
"Show me," Grandpa John said standing up from his rocking chair. "Show me! Make me into a young man again."
"Ah, ah, ah!" Wiggles said, wagging his finger. "Not so fast, my good man. Not so fast. First there is a matter of price."
"Price?" Grandpa asked with his face all twisted up like a lemon. Grandpa hated talking about money.
"Aw, did'ja have ta mention price?" Grandpa said throwing his arms up in the air and sitting down in his rocker.
"One million dollars," the professor said holding out a contract. "That is, unless you have a counter offer."
"How 'bout I knock yer block off and sell yer eyes as raisins?" Grandpa said crankily. "You've got a nerve, ya know. Gettin' my hopes up all like . . . You know I oughta kick your puny ass?"
"Grandpa!" Melvin exclaimed.
"Quite alright," Wiggles said. "Then let me offer you each one free transformation. Be anything you like. Then will you pay my asking price?"
"Turn me inta a young man again and I'll even kiss yer boots," Grandpa boasted. "Ya can't do it! Yer a phony! Blah!"
"And you two?" the Professor asked my brother and I.
"A cat," Melvin said then changed his mind. "No, a parrot so I can talk!"
"And you?" Wiggles asked looking at me.
Having just turned twenty-one, and being overly curious about the opposite sex, I stuck with my original question.
"You can turn boys into girls?" I asked again.
Wiggles pet me on the shoulder.
"For you, I'll turn you into whatever your heart desires," the Professor said.
"A girl then," I said. "Make me a girl."
"Yer crazy!" Grandpa called out to me. "Yer bloomin' nuts! Why yer gonna turn inta a girl fer?" Then he turned to the Professor. "Ya still can't do it. Ya phony!"
"Please step inside the booth," Wiggles said gesturing for Grandpa to enter. "I'll show you, but you must agree to pay me the million dollars after I've changed you all."
Grandpa stepped inside and the Professor closed the door.
I heard my grandfather yell out in a muffled voice,"It won't work!... won't work I say!"
"How young shall I make him?" Wiggles asked.
"I don't know," I said shrugging.
"Five," Morton said, then grinned. "No, better make that three. I want to see HIM have to reach for the cookie jar this time, like he always used to make me do."
Morton turned and grinned at me.
"Now we can have run of the house, Andy," Morton said crossing his arms with hope. "If it works, that is."
"He still has to pay the million dollars," the Professor reminded us.
"Well, I don't know," I said shrugging. "Make him five then. Give him some age where he can still sign a check."
The Professor typed in something on the side control panel.
"We'll go with five," Wiggles said with satisfaction. "If he won't sign the check, I'll see about making him three, okay?"
"Sounds cool to me," Morton grinned.
The machine hummed for a bit, then I heard more muffled cries coming from within.
"Sacra-lilliac!" Grandpa screamed in terror. "Let me outa this contraption!"
The Professor counted,"Sixty-three......fifty-one......thirty-seven....."
I heard pounding coming from inside the box.
"Mister," Morton said worried. "I think our grandpa is in trouble. You better let him out."
"Nonsense," Wiggles said, and resumed counting. "Twenty....fourteen...." Morton got worried and cried,"Mister-"
"Shush!" the Professor said. "You're making me loose count.....nine.... eight....seven...six.....and we stop at five. Here we go, open the magic door, and viola!"
A little kid ran out, stumbling along with unease at his new balance.
"His clothes and shoes shrank with him!" Morton exclaimed pointing and laughing wildly at the crazy sight.
"Lemme 'lone!" little Grandpa said running to hide behind the sofa.
"He's just a kid!" Morton exclaimed in wonder. "I can't believe it. Professor.....it worked!"
"Yes, yes, yes," the professor said impatiently and shoved Morton into the box. "Next please. This is all very well, but we must get to all your individual requests. In we go.....There...That's it."
"Hey!" Morton said pounding on the door as it closed.
"A parrot I believe," Wiggles said and turned to me for confirmation.
"Yeah, he wanted a parrot," I agreed and looked at my little Grandpa scamper out from behind the couch and head past us and into the kitchen.
"Tar-nation!" Grandpa cried in a childs voice. "Darn it all. Gimmie a cookie! Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie!"
"Be right back," I said excusing myself.
Sure enough, Grandpa was hopping up and down trying to reach the cookie jar.
"Gimmie one!" he cried.
I handed him a cookie and he ran over and climbed up on a chair at the kitchen table.
"Milk!" he demanded. "Gimmie!"
I walked over to the fridge and took out a carton and poured him some in a small, plastic glass. Then I replaced the carton back in the fridge and headed out into the living room.
A parrot flew past me.
"Aaaaaaawk!" the parrot cried. "Cracker! Cracker!"
"Next!" the Professor called out, indicating it was my turn now. I looked at the open door of the fabulous machine and started to have second thoughts.
"In you go, my good man," he said. "Into my machine. I have it set and everything. Now it's your turn. You DID say you wanted to be a girl, right?"
"Yeah," I said.
"And nothing more specific than that?" he asked.
"Well.....I don't know," I said. "I'm not sure I want to go through with it after all."
I saw him turn a dial on the machine and heard him say,"Five....five then. That seems like a good number for a girl....."
"I didn't ask to be made into a little girl," I said pointing to the dial. "Better re-set that thing."
"I gave you fair chance to be more specific, my lad," he said walking towards me, with all intention of grabbing me to throw me into the machine. He called out past me to Grandpa. "I say - old man! Tell your grandson to do as he's told. Oh, and get your checkbook ready, would you? That's one million dollars, made out to Professor Wiggles."
"I'm not going to be a little girl," I said stepping back towards the hearth.
"Fabulous machine," Wiggles said backing me slowly towards the wood pile. "Wish I had more time to explain how it all works, but then.... you'll be a little girl in a minute or so and it won't really matter now will it?"
I reached back behind me and found one of Grandpa's old hunting rifles laying on the mantle.
I brought the rifle around and took aim.
"Now listen to ME," I demanded. "You put my Grandpa and my brother back the way they were, and we'll talk about this, okay?"
I heard the doorbell ring.
"Oh great!" I said. "That'll be my friend, Rob."
I poked the Professor in the ribs with the gun barrel and backed him up into the machine.
"Now stay in there until I get rid of my friend, okay?" I said closing the door on the device. "We'll talk about changing my Grandpa and brother back just as soon as I send my friend away. Alright?"
"Don't do anything rash," Wiggles called out from inside the box. I walked out into the entry hall and set the gun down in a corner. Then I opened the door.
"Hi Andy," Rob said stepping in the house. "Hey, what's that big box in the living room?"
"Nothing," I lied. "Come on, you can't stay here. I'm not allowed to have friends over right now."
"Where's your grandpa?" Rob asked turning.
I could smell the beer on his breath. The guy must have just come from another one of his dorm parties down at the campus.
"Waaaaaaah!" I heard little Grandpa cry from the kitchen, followed by the flutter of parrot wings. "Birdie bit me!"
Rob walked into the kitchen and laughed. "Ha! Who's the runt?" I headed past the fabulous machine and into the kitchen.
Little Grandpa had climbed off his chair and started to walk across the floor over to my friend.
"Respect!" little Grandpa cried out, kicking Rob in the shins. "Respect!"
"OW! Son of a bitch!" Rob cried out, hopping back into the living room. Rob paused beside the big box and rubbed his leg. "What kind of little brat are you baby sitting anyway? And what's this box?"
"Get away from there," I warned trying to stop him.
"What's this button do?" Rob asked pressing the "ON" switch.
The machine hummed and I heard Wiggles cry out,"Oh! Most unpredictable! This mustn't be happening to me.....Oh, Gad-Zukes! Nobody changed the settings!"
"Is there someone in there?" Rob asked knocking on the side of the box.
"Yes....," Wiggles cried in a small voice that sounded more and more like a girls voice every moment. "Oh.....yes.....please....open....the... ....door...."
"Time for you to go, Rob," I said pushing my friend out into the hall.
"Hey!" he complained. "But what's goin' on? I heard a guy in there, then it sounded like he sucked a helium balloon or something. His voice got all squeaky. What's goin' on?"
"No time to explain," I said opening the front door. "I'll tell you about it later. Now get OUT!"
He walked outside and turned around.
"Okay, man," he said. "I know when I'm not wanted. Okay, have it your way then. Don't expect me to do you any favors in return from now on."
I slammed the door shut and locked it.
Then I ran back into the living room and heard the machine come to a stop.
"Mommie!" I heard a childs cry from inside the box. "Oh, mommie! Lemme out'a here!"
I undid the latch and swung the door open.
Out walked a little girl dressed in a small, black dress and boots.
Her clothes looked similar to the same black suit and boots the Professor had on before, only now they were.....for a little girl.
She was a little brown eyed brunette girl. Her hair was done up in a cute pony tail with black ribbons.
She gazed upward at me and frowned sadly with her small, black eyebrows.
"Oops," I said shrugging.
"Quiet!" she yelled putting her hands to her temples. "I'm tryin' ta think....."
Whatever she was doing, she seemed pretty frustrated after about a minute of it.
"Momma," she said looking around and then glanced up at me and corrected herself,"I mean....gosh it's hard to 'member ta think like before."
"Yes?" I said crouching down to her level.
She frowned at me, looking like I was the cause of her hurt.
"Meant," she said pouting. "Meant for you.....not me....."
"But I already told you," I said patting her on the shoulder. "I didn't ask to be a little girl. I just wanted to be a woman, but you wouldn't listen."
"Quiet!" she yelled trying to concentrate with her eyes closed. "Can't think.......dis is messed ma......mess.....mixed my think.....can't 'member......gotta 'member...."
"Cute," I said patting her again on the shoulder. "You would have done this to me, right? Leave me as a little girl with virtually no ability to concentrate on who I was before, right? Only now it's you. Now you're the little girl."
"Mmmmmm.....NO!" she yelled in protest. "Quiet!.....gotta 'member 'fore it's too late.....gotta 'member what ta do......"
She turned and ran over to the side of the fabulous machine.
The controls were way out of her reach and she started hopping up and down.
Then she looked over at me accusingly for a moment, then turned and ran over to a foot stool and started pushing it across the room towards the machine.
She climbed up on the footstool and then, she seemed distracted and turned to sit down on it.
"Where's Nicky?" she asked me. "I wan' Nicky!"
I walked over to her and asked,"Who is Nicky?"
"NO!" she yelled shaking her head back and forth, struggling to regain control. "No....no! I'm pro....fes.....ta...wig.....gals..."
The parrot flew past me, squawking along the way back into the kitchen.
"Who's Nicky?" I asked again.
She stood up and started messing with the control panel.
"My baby," she said squinting at the display screen. "Nicky...."
My little sister, who was at the mall with my parents - she had a doll collection in her room.
She turned and sat down on the footstool, crying.
"My ba.....baybeeee," she whined.
"I'll get it for you," I said running down the hall to fetch one of my sisters dolls.
I dashed through the door to my sister, Nichole's room.
The place smelled all perfumed up, with traces of baby powder and nailpolish remover.
I opened the French doors and scrambled past all the dresses to get at a large box of Nichole's old playtoys.
Dolls everywhere!
I grabbed a handful and ran back down the hall.
When I got to the enterance hall, I heard a clicking noise and stopped running.
"I HATE being a little girl," Wiggles said jabbing me in the back with the rifle.
"Uh-oh," I said clutching the dolls close in my arms. "Sorry...I didn't mean it."
The Professor must have changed back to normal while I was in my sister's room!
"Now get in the box," he said leading me into the living room again.
Ding-Dong!
"Drats!" Wiggles said scratching his chin. "Okay, look. Here's what I'm going to do. You answer the front door and tell whoever it is to go away, okay? And don't try anything funny."
"Okay," I said walking back to the entry hall with Wiggles behind me, lurking in the shadows as I opened the door.
"Hi Andy," Rob said holding out a twelve pack of beer. "Let's party, okay?"
"Look, Rob," I said trying every distorted facial expression I could think of to clue him something was wrong. "Look, I can't explain now, but you're just going to have to leave, okay? I don't know how to explain it but things just aren't SAFE for you around here right now."
"What's goin' on?" Andy asked peeking his head in through the door.
I pushed him back outside,"Look. I don't want you to jump the GUN just yet...."
He looked puzzled.
"What are you talkin' about?" Rob asked.
With my back to the gunman, I used my thumb and pointed behind me while keeping the gesture hidden by my stomach.
"What?" Rob asked and his mouth opened wide. He whispered,"I get it..."
"So don't jump the GUN," I said winking. "So you have to go. I wish you could stay and HELP out, but I have to ask you to go. Okay?"
I felt the gun barrel on my back and saw the door swing wide open.
"In," Wiggles demanded. "Both of you in the house!"
"Damn it," I complained as Wiggles took me by the ear and led me inside. "Rob, you moron. Why didn't you get the clues I was giving you?"
"Sorry," Rob said walking in and setting the beer down on a table nearby.
The gunman shut the front door and locked it, then he headed us into the living room.
Wiggles put my friend, Rob, into the machine fist and bolted the door closed.
"Now you get to watch your friend be reduced to a little girl," Wiggles said activating the machine. "Then it's your turn, Andy."
"Hey man," Rob said from within the box over the loud hum of the device. "What's goin' on? I feel funny......hey! Lemme out!.....Open up I say!.....you can't keep me in here......"
Wiggles looked over at me with a smile and said,"Sixteen......nine..... ...eight, seven, six, five, four, and we stop at three."
He unlatched the door and swung it open.
"Now pick up your little friend and set her down on the couch over there," Wiggles demanded.
I bent over and picked up the little girl.
Poor little Rob didn't even recognize me.
She had a little pink dress on with some white tights and tiny pink booties. A red ribbon fastened her auburn hair in a cute little bun.
I set her down on the couch and she rolled over and sucked her thumb.
"Now," Wiggles said with pleasure. "Now I get to turn YOU into a little girl for my revenge."
Ding-Dong!
"Must be my parents," I said shrugging. "And my little sister. They must be back from the mall."
Ding-ding-ding!
"My little sister Michelle loves the doorbell," I explained.
Professor Wiggles rolled his eyes and slapped his forehead.
"Okay," he said. "Here we go again. You go to the door and tell them to leave."
"But this is their house," I said heading out into the entry hall.
"Then have them come inside - all of them," Wiggles ordered. "Then we all go into the living room and I line you all up for the machine."
"Dad's not gonna like it," I said pausing before the door. "I was just supposed to be over for the weekend on a visit, so was grandpa. My dad's gonna throw a fit when he finds out."
"Quiet!" Wiggles ordered. "Now open the door and show them into the house."
I unlocked the door and my little sister looked up at me as she carried a bag of groceries in.
"Betta go help," she said walking past. "We got lots of food in the car."
Mom and dad came walking inside and I shut the door after them.
"Andy," Dad said dropping his groceries. "Who is this man and what's going on here?"
"Shut up and get in the living room - all of you!" Wiggles demanded.
"Please don't kill the children," Dad begged. "Take me instead."
"Shut up," Wiggles said. "I'm not killing anyone. You two are the parents?"
"Yes," mom and dad replied in unison.
"Then you both get in the machine," Wiggles said. "I have a little something I'd like to try. It's never been done before, you see, but this is the perfect opportunity to test it out. Do you both love each other?"
"Why certainly," mom replied walking inside the box.
"None of your damn business," dad said backing in the door of the machine at gunpoint.
Wiggles shut the machine door and latched it tight.
"What are you going to do to us?" dad asked from within, his voice sounding stressed at this point.
"Double your pleasure," Wiggles said laughing and flipping switches.
The machine hummed to life and I heard the muffled cries of my parents.
"Don't hurt mommy!" Michelle said stomping her foot.
"Quiet!" Wiggles demanded. "They won't be hurt. You'll see. Just wait."
The machine came to a stop and the Professor opened the door.
"Set those two on the couch with the other one," Wiggles told me.
I looked in the box and saw two three year old girls, just like Rob. In fact, they looked so identical that they would be easy to get mixed up.
"Mom?" I asked lifting them up into my arms. "Dad? Can you hear me?"
They just made baby noises and started sucking their thumbs.
I set them down on the couch, careful to keep them on the other side from where Rob lay sleeping. It would be all too easy to get these three mixed up if I had to try changing them back to normal again.
"Get your sister into the machine," Wiggles said.
"What about me?" I asked. "Or both of us."
"Nah," he said and coughed. "Pardon me, the cold air you know. Anyway, I want you to be the very last, so I think I'll take my time and change your sister first, then you. Okay? Now get her in there."
"I won't go," Michelle complained stomping up and down. "I don't want to be a baby again. I won't go! I won't, I won't, I wont!"
"Cookies!" little grandpa said running into the living room to get at the groceries on the floor. "Cookies!"
"I changed my mind," Wiggles said. "Put that one in with your sister."
I picked up grandpa and set him inside the box, then I urged my sister to get in with him.
"Don't worry," I whispered to Michelle. "I'll figure a way to undo this."
Wiggles set the controls and I shut the door on my sister and grandpa.
"Girls one and all!" Wiggles laughed with glee. "Oh, this is so much fun. I think I shall keep my machine to myself after all. Selling it was a bad idea when I can have so much fun transforming others. You will have to tell me all about it when you grow up, won't you Andy? Tell me what it felt like being stuck as a little girl and growing up with a family of twin sisters, eh?"
"Sure," I said shrugging. "Whatever."
He activated the machine and hopped up and down,"Oh, the joy of it all. Let's see...... Okay, they're done. Take 'em out and let's mix 'em all up with the others, shall we?"
I opened the door and set the other two babies on the couch.
"Mix them up I said," Wiggles demanded. "I don't want you able to tell them apart. Mix them up good."
I put this baby here, that baby there, until it was so confusing as to who was really who that I turned to look at the professor, asking him with my eyes if I'd mixed them up enough or not.
Five little girls, all three years old, sat about the couch crawling over one another in their little pink dresses. Rob, grandpa, and my dad, all mixed up as girls with mom and my sister. Now if I ever tried undoing this mess, I wouldn't know who was who to put them back again.
"That's fine," he said and gestured with his gun that it was now my turn to get into the fabulous machine. "Now, Andy, I shall have my revenge at last."
"What are you going to do with all these babies?" I asked.
"I'll just drop you off at an orphanage or something," he said getting upset that I even brought that up. "I don't know. What do you suggest, mister smarty-pants?"
"You could just leave them with me," I offered. "I'll take care of them. You can cart your machine out of here, and leave me unchanged so I can just take care of them. Is that fair?"
He thought about it for a moment then reconsidered.
"No," he said pointing for me to get inside. "Now get in and let's get this overwith, shall we?"
"I know," I offered. "Turn me into a woman."
"What?" he asked.
"Turn me into a woman," I suggested. "They'll need a mother anyhow. Just make me into their mother."
"Absurd," Wiggles said flipping some switches. "Now just get in the machine, Andy, and this will all be overwith shortly."
I stepped inside and shut my eyes, giving up on all hope.
Now I was going to be a little girl for sure. My adult memory reduced to the tiny mind of a child. I would certainly retain some knowledge of my former self, but it wouldn't do much good as I would never be able to get back at the machine to return to normal.
Squaaaaaaaak!
"Dear Lord!" Wiggles cried out and I heard the gun go off.
The babies started crying loudly.
Squaaaaaaaak!
"Damn bird! Get out of my face!" Wiggles cried running about the room.
I snuck out of the machine and saw the shotgun lying on the floor while Wiggles ran about the room trying to get the parrot from clawing at his face.
"Off my nose!" Wiggles cried bumping into the machine, setting the program in motion.
As Wiggles came bumbling past me, I gave him a great shove on the back and he went tumbling into the machine with the parrot still stuck to his nose.
I shut the door and pulled the latches closed.
The machine was already running so I just waited.
"Drat it all!" Wiggles exclaimed. "Tricked by a bird!.........mom-eeeeee!"
I opened the door of the machine and one little girl looked up at me and gathered up all her mental ability and said,"A-wow me to in-toe-duce my-sef.....I yam....Pa-woe-fess-or.......Wi.....Wig....gals."
"Salesman," I completed. "Entrepreneur, and genius at your service."
"My fab....fab....."
"The fabulous machine of Professor Wiggles," I said picking her up and setting her on the couch with the other girls.
___-----___
I couldn't figure out how to work the machine's controls so I made sure they all got good foster homes, and took the machine back to my house on the other side of town.
I didn't know if I ever could get the thing to work, but one day I was sure I'd figure it out.
One day I'd have the fabulous machine working again and then I'd be the millionaire.
In time, everything would work out.
I sat beside my fireplace, wondering if I could one day piece together the answers required to get my family back the way it was before.
I glanced over at the big box sitting in the corner of my living room.
"Fabulous machine," I said. "One day I'll have you."
(to be continued....)
Contact the author at cleo@phuze.com
Other Stories by Cleo
Stories | Authors | Sources Contact the archive: radiox@neosoft.com
The Age Regression Story Archive - Mirror Site