Title: Wolf Pack
Chapter Title: The Talk
Author: Baby Blues
E-mail: purely_blissful@hotmail.com
Rated: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine, but the story is.
Summary: Buffy talk to Willow about her feelings for Angelus just as a new threat comes barging into Sunnydale.
Dedication: To Jason, who groped me yesterday! Watch your hands, sucka! *lol*
Excerpt:
~Willow: You’re falling in love with him.
~Buffy: No, Will . . . I’m not falling in love with him . . . because . . . because I already fell.
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A soft knock on the double doors stirred Buffy out of her deep thoughts. She sighed and did not answer, wanting to be left alone with her contemplations and over all pathetic brooding. But before she could go back to her moping and self-pitying, the door to the locked room at the end of the North Wing opened.
Willow entered the large room. It was as enormous as a bedroom combined with a study area. An old and battered mini sized merry-go-round sat quietly in the middle of the still and quiet space. The sporadic twinkling of an old tune emitting from it was the only sign that it was once grand and beautiful from a time long gone.
A single window at the far end gave off the only light, a few rays of the sun as big as a throw pillow caressing the floor. It gently created a certain glow and picturesque scene of the tear stained young woman sitting sadly on the tarnished carousel horse.
Buffy didn’t even look up from her seat on a rusty white horse with the dirty and chipped pink and lavender saddle.
She had asked Angelus a few weeks before to maybe move the entire thing into the large garden in the backyard for the twins and the upcoming new generation of the Slayer Clan.
Her idea was then turned into a flirting frenzy about copulating.
Men of all specie, were so typical.
“Hey,” the red head said gently.
“Hi.”
Silence.
“Angelus is looking for you,” Willow finally said.
“Oh,” was Buffy’s only reply as she continued to stare off into space.
Willow sighed at her friend‘s lack of response and carefully sat down on another white horse with a blue and pink saddle with dark blue reins that had a few dirty smudges on it. “What happened, Buffy?” she asked, staring at the face of her long time friend and confidante.
“How did you find me?” Buffy asked, changing the topic of their conversation.
Willow sighed and then smiled impishly, trying to lighten the tension in the air that came off in waves from Buffy. “I know you. When you don’t want to be found, you go to the one place where anyone would least expect to find you.”
“Except for you,” the golden one retorted.
“I’m your best friend,” Willow said quirkily.
Silence.
“What’s wrong?” Willow asked, sensing the amount of negative feelings Buffy was releasing in tidal waves. It was like a tsunami of torrent emotions that was a mix of pain . . . defeat, and sorrow.
“It doesn’t matter,” Buffy answered, her head resting once again on the rusty pole that has once been as shiny and as golden as a wedding band.
“Of course it does,” Willow urged, “You’re my best friend . . . and I know something’s wrong and I want to be able to help you . . . ‘cause that’s what I do.”
Buffy said nothing and Willow became even more concerned and frantic. Buffy was usually so alive and vibrant, even after Giles‘ death, Buffy was able to pick herself up. Maybe not as quickly, but it was her father after all. But this . . . this was just strange and completely new. She had never seen Buffy so down and so depressed.
“Please, Buffy?” the redhead asked hopefully, “Let me help you.”
Buffy let out a breath, sending the dust that had gathered on the horse in the air, and causing it to encircle her like a cloud of snow. “I know you mean well, but I just . . . I don’t want to talk about it right now . . . “
Willow looked at the blonde and studied her carefully. Buffy wasn’t much of a talker when it came to the men in her life. When Jessie and Giles died, Buffy didn’t talk about it much. But she had managed to survive it in the end anyway because she was strong like that, powerful and not easily beaten and crushed.
Buffy silently replayed the scene earlier that day . . . the heartache she went through, and still going through.
She closed her eyes . . .
He didn’t love her.
God. All this time, mooning over him and fantasizing what it would be like in the future was just a waste. There weren’t going to be any “I love you” ’s or warm nights and embraces. It would all just be carnal and purely sexual. Why wouldn’t it be? There was no love there after all. She would just be his mate . . . his wife . . . nothing else.
It was all a game to him . . . He was the player . . . and she was his game piece. But what he would win in the end was still a mystery to her. He already had the trust and the love of all the members of the clan . . . well . . . maybe not Xander’s or Spike’s, but close enough. Plus, he was already pack leader . . . and he already had Buffy as his future mate . . . what else did he want?
“You’re falling in love with him,” Willow whispered knowingly.
Buffy was silent, but didn’t look up at Willow, and the red head already knew without getting an answer from Buffy, that it was true.
But the blonde shook her head. “No, Will . . . I’m not falling in love with him,” Buffy answered firmly, “ Because . . . because I already fell,” the girl finally answered breathlessly.
Willow could only nod . . . and Buffy began to sob, and the red head got up and pulled Buffy in her arms for comfort. “Shhh,” she cooed as she stroked the other young woman’s golden locks.
“I can’t fall in love with him, Will, I just can’t,” Buffy said, shaking her head in denial as she continued to cry in her friend‘s shoulder.
“Why not?”
“Because . . . he’ll just hurt me. I know it. I look into his eyes and I know . . . I just know,” Buffy continued to sob, endless tears running from her eyes down to Willow’s soft cotton shirt, “He’s dangerous and . . . “
Willow closed her eyes. “You’re lying to me,” she said quietly, knowing how blabby Buffy got whenever she lied. “Why, Buffy?” Willow asked again, “Why not?”
Buffy sobbed. “Because . . . “ Buffy wept, “Because . . . because I’m afraid,” she finally replied.
“Afraid of what?”
“That he’ll leave . . . that he’ll find someone better, someone who’s beautiful . . . someone who knows who she is . . . who knows what she’s doing when it comes to him,” Buffy stuttered. “Someone that’s not me . . . someone he can actually love,” she cried helplessly.
Willow smiled. “Are you sure that’s what he wants?”
“Yes,“ Buffy answered, but then shook her head, “No . . . I . . . I don’t know.”
“Buffy, look at me,” Willow said, pulling away to look at her blue eyes. “Angelus loves you, he just doesn’t know it yet. It’s either that or he’s just not saying anything.”
Buffy shook her head once more, denying her words as she placed a clasped fist against her heart, wanting for the ache to stop as she rocked back and forth to try and comfort herself. She was hysterical, and the pain had built up in her chest and she couldn’t breathe. She couldn‘t believe she could dissolve into a helpless and whimpering animal when it came to a man like Angelus. He just didn’t deserve it. Yet here she was, hyperventilating because he didn’t love her.
“No, don’t,” Willow continued, wiping away a fallen tear as she tried to stop her friend from rocking. “I see it in his eyes,” she assured the blonde and then smiled. “ . . . We all do . . . “ Willow nodded, “And we see it in yours as well.”
Buffy nodded. “I do . . . I love him.”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“Can’t wait ‘til we leave for Vegas,” the tall black man told his friend as they moved freely through the sterilized compound.
“What’s wrong with this place?” the other asked.
“Too small,” he replied, “Too boring.”
The large man laughed. “Not for long . . . after all . . . we just got here,” he said with an impish grin on his face.
“Welcome to Sunnydale, gentlemen,” the woman with the white doctor’s coat greeted the group of young hunters who had made their way towards the small town in California just a few days earlier. “Our mission for this month . . . gather werewolves for the continuation of our studies of these wild creatures. . . “
“Yup,” Riley Finn whispered to Forest, “The fun’s about to start . . . ‘cause the hunt has just begun."
Continue to Chapter 19: The Apology
Back to Chapter 17: The Teacher