THIS IS JUST ONE THEORY ABOUT BDSM EVERYONE ISDIFFERENT AND THEY HAVE DIFFERENT IDEALS
THIS IS JUST ONE THEORY ABOUT BDSM EVERYONE IS
As the protector, the Dom/me must be (a) stronger than the sub, and (b) stronger than
other people in the life of the sub. This does not mean that they have to be physically bigger
or stronger. We are talking about character and personality.
As the teacher, the Dom/me must be wise and, above all, right. The Dom/me should not
arbitrarily punish the sub on a whim. There must be a reason. To do otherwise will
break down the trust and security of the sub. The Dom/me has to be respected by the sub.
Respect is a quality that is earned by the Dom/me being right, and issuing swift, correct
justice and reward to the sub. The Dom/me is there to give a submissive a goal and direction on how to love and please them.
The Dom/me cares about the well-being of the submissive not only physcially but emtionally, but in no way should looked upon as a psychiatrist. If the submissive has pyschological problems, they can and do manifest themselves in BDSM play. If the Dom/me is aware of these problems, He/She should proceed with extreme caution. The submissive should be content with serving/pleasing the Dom/me, and should not need constant praise. When discipline (from the Latin origin "to teach") is used by the Dom/me, it is for a teaching purpose not to abuse, mistreat or vent anger.
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WHAT IS A MASTER....MISTRESS?
2. To win His/her submissive's mind, body and soul, the Dom/mes knows they must first win her trust. The Dom/mes must also show the sub that His/Her guidance and tutoring is knowledgable and deserving of his/her attention, that this is a person the sub can learn from, and trust the Dom/mes direction. The Dom/me should never be flippant or nonchalant when communicating with a submissive for the submissive looks to the Dom/me for guidance and growth.
3. A Dom/mes will punish fairly and with reason so His/Her submissive may learn from his/her mistakes and to be forgiven and expected to forgive themselves.
4. A Dom/mes is responsible for making clear the submissive uses safe words and understands there use, and to make sure all equipment used in play and punishment is safe.
5. The Dom/mes should be patient, and take the time to learn the subs limits and knowing that as the subs trust of the Dom/me grows, so will they. The Dom/me is open to communication and discussion when appropriate and time is given to the submissive to express his/her thoughts and feelings.
6. The Dom/me should never have to demand ritual behavior by the sub. The sub should respond to the Dom/me out of the want of pleasing Him/Her. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment.
7. The Dom/me should be consistent with praise AND criticism with an equal balance of both. If a submissive needs constant praise, she should be able to handle constant criticism as well.
8. The Dom/me is secure enough to laugh at Him/Herself and the absurdities of life. Courageous enough to accept assistance. Open minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow. The Dom/mes tools are mind, body, spirit and soul with a little help from rope, paddle and blindfold. The Dom/me understands that each partner gains most from pleasuring the other. And both of them know that love is the only binding that truly holds.
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2. The subs will ask questions of you ... remember that its only your opinion and tell her/him that and that he/she will have to decide what is right for them.
3. Press safety and trust with them... safe words and safe calls and not just for R/L... even on irc emotions a strong safe word can be used for irc play and its good practice for later in R/L.
4. They have to be in control of their submission not their submission in control of them at this stage.... When they have a Master/Mistress they may change but to be drawn to a Dom/mes because of only their need to release their submission may be harmful to him/her.
5. You are in a position of respect and should uphold the honor bestowed upon you. If you are unable to maintain that honor you will be asked to leave the channel.
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Punishment is a tool to correct wrong or no action by the sub. IT SHOULD NEVER BE DONE IN ANGER! This is a very important point. When you punish in anger, real injury can occur, safewords are nullified, and limits do not exist. This is a very dangerous situation. The Dom who punishes in anger is moving into the area of abuse. In B&D, the Dom cares about the feelings of the sub. It is very difficult to have empathy when you are angry. Pain is not the end all and be all of a B&D relationship. It is just one more tool at the disposal of the Dom to guarantee his rules are complied with.
Punishment does not even have to include pain. Movement restrictive bondage, humiliation, harsh words, or even a look can punish the sub. Privileges can be removed such as not being allowed to sit on the furniture, or by the Dom forcing the sub to sleep at the foot of the bed. There are many ways to punish incorrect actions. Save the severe stuff for major infractions. If you beat a dog every day, all you get is an angry, uncontrollable dog. The same goes for a sub, and an angry sub is much more hazardous than an angry dog. Punishment is always followed by reward when the sub corrects the infraction. The sub must be allowed to make up the damage, and then it is forgiven.
Rewards show the sub that the Dom is pleased. It is a tangible show of love and caring from the Dom to the sub for a correct action. This is the true power of the Dom. The reward can be a kiss, a caress, flowers, a short note, or even a long, tender session of lovemaking. Rewards given to the sub shows that the Dom is thinking of them, and cares for their well being. It acknowledges their proper behavior and reinforces it. This is how the Dom creates in the sub the willingness to please him. A happy sub will do anything to ensure the happiness of the Dom, and will avoid actions that disappoint him.
sub/slave