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THIS IS JUST ONE THEORY ABOUT BDSM EVERYONE IS
DIFFERENT AND THEY HAVE DIFFERENT IDEALS

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WHAT IS BDSM?
BASIC DEFININTIONS
SAFE...SANE...CONSENSUAL

WHAT IS BDSM?

Bondage and Domination (B&D) is an alternative relationship in which a Master or Dom controls the actions, emotions, and will of the slave, or submissive, often referred to as “sub”. B&D does not necessarily refer to the sex act itself. B&D is more akin to a seduction. The Master seduces the slave with his power, the slave seduces the Master with their willingness and servitude. Sex does occur in the relationship, but we are discussing the lifestyle, not sexual practice. “Slave” and “sub”, as well as “Master” and “Dom” are not directly interchangeable titles. A B&D relationship consists of two people who are mutually consenting adults who agree on a direction for their relationship. They agree that one of the partners will take the dominant, controlling role, and the other partner, the submissive, controlled role. Just like in any other relationship, it is a two way street, though to outsiders, it may not seem so. The Master relies on the slave as much as the slave relies on the Master. They are dependent on each other to satisfy their own needs. Each partner has different needs, as defined by their role as Dom or sub, but each is satisfied, though in different ways. Each couple will have their own set of agreements. Every B&D relationship is different; however, there are some basic rules that are universal.

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BASIC DEFININTIONS

Bondage and Domination are not to be confused with Sadomasochism. To make this more clear, we are including these basic definitions. They are taken from the American Heritage Dictionary.
1. Bondage - 2. A state of subjection to a force, power or influence. It comes from the Old English word bonda, which means husbandman (farmer)
2. Dominant - 1. Exercising the most influence or control; governing. 2. Most prominent in position or prevalence; ascendant. Comes from Old French and Latin dominans, to dominate.
3. Dominate - 1. To control, govern or rule by superior authority or power. Comes from Latin dominari, to rule > dominus, lord.
4. Humiliate - To lower the pride or dignity of; mortify. Comes from Latin humiliare, humiliat-to humble > humilis, humble.
5. Submissive - comes from Submit.
6. Submit - 1. To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another. 2. To subject to a condition or process. 1. To yield to the opinion or authority of another; give in. 2. To allow oneself to be subjected; acquiesce. Comes from Middle English submitten > Latin submittere, to set under: sub-under + mittere-to cause to go.
7. Sadism - 1. The perversion of deriving sexual satisfaction from the infliction of pain on others. 2. Delight in cruelty. 3. Extreme cruelty. Comes from Comte Donatien de Sade (1740-1814)
8. Masochism - 1. An abnormal condition in which sexual excitement and satisfaction depend largely on being subjected to abuse or physical pain, whether by oneself or another. Comes from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, Austrian novelist (1836-1895)
9. Sadomasochism - 1. The perversion of taking pleasure, especially sexual gratification from simultaneous sadism and masochism.
If you ignore the terms “perversion”, and “abnormal” in the above definitions, you can still see that nowhere in the definition of dominate or submit do you have pain as an integral part. However, in Sadomasochism, the pain is the pleasure. In B&D, pain is a tool for correcting improper actions by the sub. In B&D, no actual injury occurs, or should occur. In Sadomasochism, or S&M, there is usually no such barrier. A spanking in B&D for the purpose of correction would become a flogging primarily for the purpose of pain for sexual delight in S&M. It is a difference in gradients and intent. In B&D, the Dom rarely, if ever, punishes the slave for the sake of punishment alone. S&M, however, revolves around the act. We are not saying that S&M is wrong, bad or undesirable. It is just a much higher gradient than B&D, and may be too intense for the beginner. Some people may confuse heavy B&D with S&M. They are two very different things.

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SAFE...SANE...CONSENSUAL

The realationship between a Dominant and a true submissive is both complex and rewarding to both partners. To be successful a D/s relationship must be based on mutual trust and respect. The Dominant must be completely trustworthy and respect the needs and desires of their submissive.
The submissive partner must respect and trust the Dominant to accept without reservation the training, guidance, encouragement, and appropriate correction of undesirable behavior.
Never forget. As part of the D/s relationship, the submissive submits to the direction of the Master/Mistress and in doing so, create a potential for abuse and unsafe behavior on the part of the Dominant partner. Unfortunately, there are among us, people who claim to be experienced Dominants who are, in reality, Sadistic abusers who betray the trust and inflict pain and punishment far beyond the limits of the submissive.
That is why the initial meetings between Dominants and new submissives must have stringently enforced safety rules. Listed below are the initial safety rules I teach new submissives. I offer them to all because I believe them to be very important.
1. Meet your potential dominant partner in a public place. The first meeting is strictly social and a getting acquainted opportunity. This should be made very clear at the outset, and any effort by the dominant partner to "seduce" the submissive should be seen as an act of bad faith and an indication of a lack of trust and worthiness. Its strongly suggested that you bring a friend with you as a chaparone.
2. A trusted person should know about the schedule of the meeting and should be called at an appointed time at the end of the meeting to confirm that all has gone well.
3. If the dominant partner passes the initial screening, a second meeting can be arranged. This meeting must take place in a public hotel or morel. The meeting is designed to initially establish a sensual relationship. But the limits imposed on this meeting are absloute. The limits are as follows.
A. The submissive will in no way be physically immobilized. Real bondage of any kind will not be allowed during the first meeting.
B. Gags or any devices which prevent the submissive from calling for help are also not allowed during this meeting.
C. Safe words will be strictly enforced.
D. Nothing more dangerous then a hand, flat paddle or crop will be used for disciplinary purposes.
E. Slapping, striking or hitting of any kind above the shoulders is strictly forbidden.
F. The submissive partner has the right to stop the encounter at any time and leave immediately.
4. A safety system will be established. It requires a periodic phone call (usually once every hour on the hour) to a safety monitor (friend) who knows the location of the meeting and is prepared to notify the police and the hotel should the call be more than 10 minutes overdue.
5. There will be established a series of code words that are imbedded in the safety calls that verifies to the friend that all is well or warns of trouble.
6. The submissive must call the safety monitor when she/he has left the presence of the Dominant and is well away from the meeting place. A code word will also be used to confirm that all is well.

In any D/s relationship, the Dominant partner must assume the responsibility for the safety of the submissive partner. If the Dominant partner is not willing to accept the rules as stated above, then it is clear that the Dominant partner is not willing to accept that responibility, and protect the well being of the submissive.
Never forget, submission to a partner is the greatest gift one person can give to another. But that gift must be earned And it can only be given in an environment of trust, respect and caring. Without that environment the gift will not be Valued and a very dangerous situation is created.

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BDSM

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