**11/30/99**BUTTVILLE PRESS RELEASE**FOOTAGE OF BEAVIS & BUTT-HEAD A.V. CLASS PROJECT FOUND**

A year after the mysterious disappearance of Highland High School students Beavis & Butt-Head, shocking evidence has been uncovered. When Mr. Anderson was on the crapper in the Maxi-Mart, he noticed that the T.P. had a rather abrasive consistency. When he uh...unraveled more of this T.P, he figured out that it was actually film. Yes, film from the controversial A.V. project detailing the legend of the Butt Witch.

"Boy, I tell you what, that damned film put my hemorrhoids into overdrive, whew! I had to go to the emergency room after discovering those two boys' damned footage!"

--Mr. Anderson, on finding footage.

Although much of the footage was unrecoverable, authorities were able to salvage some of it & turn it into prints. These exclusive pictures are printed on this very page. A week after the film was found, a mysterious tape turned up right in the middle of Mr. VanDriessen's recording session (he was recording a ballad in memory of Beavis & Butt-Head). Some of the sounds from this extraordinary DAT are also revealed on this very page. -All of which are embedded within the actual transcript below...

"It was a miracle. I was right in the middle of recording 'Where Have You Gone, Beavis & Butt-Head,' when I started to hear voices...the tape started playing out of nowhere!"

--Mr. VanDriessen, on finding mysterious tape.

Below is the transcript that detectives have pieced together using both the sounds & the prints. Be warned, this footage is offensive & shocking (well, look who we're DEALING with here, PEOPLE, what do you expect)?!!

--Senior Editor, The Buttville Press

(AKA THE FOOTAGE)

Day 1: At home on the couch

Butt-Head: Holding camera down by his groin. You see his crotch on screen. Uh...hey Beavis, how do you hold this thing?

Beavis: Heh heh heh...Well you see Butt-Head, the angle of the dangle is adversely proportional to the heat of the beat.

Butt-Head: Whoa! You're pretty smart, Beavis!

The camera is now focused on Beavis.

Beavis: To the camera: Hooh-Uh! Yeah, dangle! Yeah!

Butt-Head: Uh, shut up, assmunch!

Still at home sitting on couch

The camera is sitting on top of the TV, facing Beavis & Butt-Head. They are both staring into the camera with blank looks on their faces. 5 minutes of dead silence goes by...

Beavis: Hey Butt-Head?

Butt-Head: Uh...yeah?

Beavis: Uh...weren't we supposed to do something with this camera?

Butt-Head: Uh...oh yeah. Uh...huh...huh...huh...

Beavis: Yeah...heh heh heh, yeah...

Butt-Head: Huh huh huh...

Beavis: Heh heh heh...

Still at home on couch

Butt-Head: Why Beavis, I think I have remembered something: We have been sent on a mission to go & "intestigate" that Butt Witch Bitch in the woods for our A.V. project. If we choose to accept, we will be famous.

Beavis: Oh yeah! That Nelly Bedwet slut's ghost! You know I hear she "puts out" & stuff! This is gonna rule!!!

Butt-Head: This will be the greatest project in the whole world.

Beavis: YEAH! YEAH!!!

They get up from the couch & leave the house.

In the Maxi-Mart

It is now established that Beavis is the cameraman, Butt-Head, the anchorman.

Butt-Head: Hey Beavis, Mr. VanDriessen gave us like uh...some money & stuff to get some food for our project!

Beavis: Oh yeah! He said to like uh...get some trail mix or something...it's supposed to give us energy or something...heh heh heh...Energy! Energy! Yeah...

Butt-Head: No way! That's fairy food, you dumbass! Let's get some nachos.

Beavis: Uhh...oh yeah! Heh heh heh...nachos! Yeah!

Beavis secretly puts a bunch of trail mix in his pockets, while Butt-Head stocks up on nachos, burritos & uh...more nachos & uh...more burritos. Uh...oh yeah, and like...some uh sodas too. Only the viewers can see Beavis horde his secret stash...

On the street, outside of the Maxi-Mart

Butt-Head: Whoa! I don't think we've had this much good food in our entire lives!

Beavis: Yeah! Uh...thank you, drive through!

They encounter their classmate, Daria on the street.

B&B in unison: Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha, Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha!

Daria: Done any mud wrestling lately, boys?

Butt-Head: Hey Diarrhea, like uh...huh huh huh...very seriously: do you believe in the Butt Witch?

Daria: Why don't you guys take that camera & stick it straight up your asses?

She walks away.

Butt-Head: She wants me!

Beavis: Hooh-Uh! Heh heh heh heh...

Butt-Head: Dammit Beavis, will you quit imitating that blind guy on "Scent of a Woman" before I kick your ass?

In the Woods behind the Maxi-Mart

Butt-Head: Okay, uh...hey Beavis, like uh...I think I'm supposed to say something to the camera here...Beavis zooms in on Butt-Head's face...We are in the woods of the Butt Witch. (Beavis' voice, heh heh heh...yeah, you said "wood!") She is a slut. We will find her. Nelly Bedwet: Come to Butt-Head...

In the woods that night

Beavis: Hey uh...Butt-Head, it's like really dark and stuff...I think we like...uh...need to build a fire or something...FIRE! FIRE!

Butt-Head: Uh...huh huh huh...oh yeah.

The sound of two guys talking & a glow of fire are in the distance.

Beavis: Hey Butt-Head! Check it out! It's those two Motley Crue roadies that we met in the desert that one time we lost our TV!

Butt-Head: Oh yeah! Those guys are cool! Maybe they'll like let us interview them or something...

Fat Guy: Hey look, uh huh huh...it's those two wussies we saw in the desert when we were running from the FBI. Hello, buttmunches!

B&B: Uh...hey...huh huh huh...uh...how's it goin'?

Butt-Head: Uh huh huh huh...do you like uh...believe in the Butt Witch?

Fat Guy: Uh, huh huh huh...like I heard that one of my ancestors "did" her once. Huh huh huh huh...

B&B: WHOA! That's cool!

Butthead: Does she uh...have big hooters?

Fat Guy: Uh...huh huh huh...why yes, she does! She was like...a real slut...Huh huh huh...

Skinny Guy: Yeah, like uh...my "antesticles" did her too! Heh heh heh heh heh heh!

Fat Guy: Shut up, ass monkey, they did not! Whack!

Skinny Guy: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Fat Guy: Uh...they say that she like uh...formed the original Motley Crue, but uh...huh huh huh...I don't think she really did...

Skinny Guy: Yeah! Like everybody knows she really formed AC/DC!

Fat Guy: Shut up, turdmonkey! She's like...too old & stuff...

Beavis: Can we like uh...use your fire? I'm getting blue balls! Heh heh heh!

Butt-Head: Yeah! Huh huh huh...Beavis' testicles are gonna shrivel up! Huh huh huh...That'd be COOL!

Two Guys: Uh...okay...

All of the guys sit around the campfire & tell stories of Nelly Bedwet while munching on burritos & nachos. It is a true Hallmark moment...

Day 2 in the woods

Morning time, the two Motley Crue roadies are gone. Beavis & Butt-Head wake up by the ashes of the fire. Butt-Head is focusing the camera on Beavis who is just now waking up. The two roadies left their tents behind.

Beavis: Hey uh, Butt-Head? I like...heard noises and stuff last night! Heh heh heh...

Butt-Head: Shut up, Beavis! That was your butthole talking...

Beavis: No, Butt-Head, I'm serious! They were like saying I must bow to the almighty bunghole! heh heh heh

Butt-Head: Like shut up, turdknocker, you're just trying to scare me & it isn't going to work. If you say anything about noises again I'll KICK YOUR ASS!

Beavis: Heh heh heh...I have no bunghole...heh heh heh...bungholio!

Butt-Head: WHACK!

Beavis: AHHHHHHHHH!

Butt-Head: Let's like uh...take these tents with us. Beavis, you can carry all of this woodsey-wussey crap!

Beavis: No way! Camping sucks!

'Nad Rock

It appears that Beavis & Butt-Head are now very deep into the woods. They soon arrive at a lake & there is a huge rock formation sticking up out of the lake.

Beavis: Hey look! It's lake Titicaka!

Butt-Head: Whoa! I think I'm supposed to say something here...hey Beavis, check it out! That rock looks like giant testicles!

Beavis: Oh yeah! That's 'Nad Rock!" This is cool!

Butt-Head stands in front of lake Titicaka, facing the camera. Beavis zooms in on the testicle-shaped rocks.

Butt-Head: This is 'Nad Rock & the mysterious lake Titicaka. Beavis in background, "Titicaka! Titicaka!" Some old farts like uh...had something happen to them here...uh...huh huh huh...uh...uh...and uh...some like monkey spank had a ghostly hand slap a butt-shaped tattoo of a butt on his butt & the tattoo had a butt on it. He was like...uh...fishing here...okay, Beavis, I'm sick of this crap. Let's like uh...go set up camp & stuff...

Beavis: Yeah! Yeah! Can we make another FIRE?!! Camping is COOL!

As they hike further into the woods, they stumble upon something strange...

Beavis: Whoa, Butt-Head! Check this out! It's turds! Piles of turds! Cool! Poop!

Turd-Like Rock Pile

Butt-Head: Those aren't turds, you monkeyspank, that's like uh...that's a like uh...piles of rocks or something that some Indian dudes put there."

Beavis kicks one of the piles.

Butt-Head: Cut it out, Beavis, you ass-pirate! Everybody knows you should never kick dead Indian dudes' rock piles. Now you're gonna piss them off! Whack!

Beavis: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Butt-Head puts the rocks back.

 Day 2 - Nighttime in the woods again

Pitch black. All that you hear is Beavis munching on something. Butt-Head doesn't stir.

Beavis: Heh heh heh heh...trail mix rules...heh heh heh...crunch crunch crunch...energy! I need energy for my bunghole! Heh heh heh heh! Bunghole! ENERGY!!!

Pitch black. Butt-Head has woken up this time & turned on the DAT machine.

Butt-Head: Uh...Beavis? Is that you? Beavis? Uh...huh huh huh...this is cool...Beavis? Beavis? Where did you go, Beavis?

A voice sounds outside of the tent: "Come out with your pants down!"

Butt-Head: "Shut up & get back in the tent, you monkey-spank! Quit trying to scare me!

Beavis: You dare to challenge the almighty Cornholio? I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!!! I need T.P...For my bunghole!

Butt-Head: Dammit, Beavis! Did you eat that fairy food trail mix? Now you're gonna have to crap & we don't have any T.P. You're gonna have to use leaves or something...uh huh huh huh...you're gonna chap your cheeks on the trees! Huh huh huh...

Beavis: In zees trees...is there T.P. in zees trees? Heh heh heh heh heh...I must find zees trees! Heh heh heh!

Butt-Head: Beavis, just go take a crap & use some leaves. There is no T.P. dammit!

Beavis: Uh oh...okay! Heh heh heh....Leaves! Leaves! Yeah! He he he...treez! Treez!

Day 3 - Some strange thingies

Yes, they are walking ever deeper into the woods. As they continue on the "non-trail," Butt-Head notices some thingies.

Butt-Head: Hey Beavis, check this out! There are thingies hanging from the trees!

Beavis: Whoa! Hey Butt-Head, check it out! This one has boobs! Heh heh heh! BOOBS! BOOBS! This has BOOBS!! WHOO-UH!

Butt-Head: Settle down Beavis, before you soil your drawers.

Beavis: WHOA! These must be presents from that slut, Nelly Bedwet!

Butt-Head: Uh...huh huh huh...Nelly Bedwet: COME to Butt-Head...

Beavis: Hey Butt-Head, do you think we're like...lost or something?

Butt-Head: Yeah, we're like...stranded or something...

Butt-Head: Well, if you hadn't kicked the map into the lake, we wouldn't BE lost, you ass munch!

Beavis: Uh...we didn't HAVE a map, butt monkey!

Butt-Head: Uh...oh...well shut up, then...we'll just like uh...keep heading south er something.

They head directly north.