"The erect conscience has no penis...no, wait..." - Mr. Cichon
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"Smile, you've got Frenchies...*cough*Marcinko*cough*" - Me
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"Come on, Come on...before the sniper kills again..." - Mr. Corrigan
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"The Norsemen were big, burly, and they killed stuff good." - Phil Hirth
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"If you guys don't start doing better on these quizzes, I'm gonna start splittin' some domes with my 9!" - Mr.
Berry
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"It's all fun until someone gets hurt...then it's hilarious."
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"Makin' movies, makin' songs, and fightin' 'round the world!!!" - Russel Crow, South Park parody
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"We stand up comics need to be quick, and fresh. We can't be like pancakes: all exciting at first. But by the end,
you're fuckin' sick of em!" - Mitch Hedberg
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"You can't have brains AND smarts!" - Bill Niosi
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"Whoa..." - Neo
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"Simpson, Homer Simpson, a jolly fellow full of glee! From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut
tree...AAAHHH!" - Homer Simpson
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*Mike Burke and Dave Roy fencing with drumsticks*
"Now that you're swordfighting, I' know that you're in dire...negative...of
each other" - Mr. Garrepy
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"YES! I am the MAN!" - Mr. Corrigan
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"If you get more than 5 percent error, you're a retard." - Mr. Corrigan
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*Dave Masciarelli, Gabe Ferri, and Nick DiRobbio pull into parking spot*
"What the fuck is this? The mafia?"
- Kurt
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Dan - "Everyone's been saying I'm British, and - "
Brian - "Dan, what ARE you?!"
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*Chris Jackson trips Jenkins*
"HA! I got you good, you fucker!"
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"Who ARE you?"
"...I'm the new guy." - The New Guy
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"Don't squeeze cheese from a goat until it's hatched." - Jimminy Lummox
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Marcus: "Why would they ban 'The Diary of Uncle Frank?!'"
Dan: "ANNE Frank!"
Marcus: "...*sheepishly*...my uncle's name is Frank..."
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"How to use the sun, part 1..." - Deej
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"Bradford eats swans!!!" - Lefoley
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"They're like 2 sticks of butter...glued together!!!" - Brad doing his impression of Linda Richman
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"Marie was insulted when I said 'puke' at the dinner table, but that's what her dinner tasted like." - Jack Handey
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"I AM BEOWULF!!!" - Livatino
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Garrepy - "So, in 4/4 time, what kind of note would get the beat?"
Some freshman - "K."
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Mr. Corrigan - "What does water have?"
Secac - "Everything dissolved in it. Everything and it's mother."
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"Sit your ass down, lackey!" - Feeny
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"The fox strikes at 10. Ready the octopus, Winston." - D.A.
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"I'll spear you guatemalan oriental motherfucker stealing my crabapples!!!" - Bradstock
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Mr. Ademec - "I always tell the truth...unless I don't."
Secac - "Like Mrs. Charbonneau."
Mr. Ademec - "Thanks for the...comparison."
McGarry *agitated* - "Now he's going to go home and shoot himself."
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"SQUARK!"
*kicks kid in the nuts* - Rob Gauthier, the genious behind the madness.
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Deej - "Where is the concert?"
Me - "Tonight!"
Deej - "When is it?"
Me - "Here!"
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"Less talk, more stretch." - Coach Flo
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Deej - "My milk bottle says 'JAMES' next to the expiration date."
D.A. - "This bottle contains 12% James... ... ... I suppose you're going to ask me what the other 82 percent would
be."
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Qugley - "Hayes, what's the opposite of a recession?"
Hayes - "A procession?"
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Hogan - "The church shouldn't spend $2,000 on an organ! They don't need one."
Yannick - "Yes they do! I need a pipe organ! I'm Dracula!"
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Deej - "So, in the third half of McGarry's speech -..."
Canino - "Third half? what the hell is this, a football game?"
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"I think girls should get their liscence at 25, and revoked at 30." - Khai Nguyen
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"Yeah, yeah...up yours, asshole." - Feeny
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"Do or do not...there is no try." - Yoda
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*Mr. Piccirilli to Greg Waugh during test*
"Why aren't you filling these in, Greg? ...You should be doing this,
Greg. ...I'm going to kill you, Greg..." - Mr. Piccirilli
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Mr. Quigley - "Open the door before we all have heat prostitution."
Yannick - "What's that mean?"
Mr. Quigley - "You'll see."
J. J. Brooks - "I don't wanna see!!!"
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"Ask not what your Erin can do for you, but what you can do for your Erin!" - Rinnie
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Deej - "Drive by nuclear war..."
Me - "coooool."
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Special Ed - "I got mail! Do you got mail!"
AOL - "No...I go through Microsoft."
Special Ed - "Why do you go through Microsoft?"
AOL - "Cause it's more efficient than AOL."
Special Ed - "Does that mean I'm less efficient cause I use...I got mail? Well I got mail! YAAAAAY!"
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Ashiru - "Did the atomic bomb kill anyone?"
Mr. Quigley *stunned* - "What?!"
J. J. Brooks - "No, they all held hands afterward."
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"Youuuuu BUTTWEASEL!" - Rob Gauthier
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"Quiet, bitchnuts!" - Gauthier
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"Hey, look. A dog with hermorrhoids!" - Gauthier
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Mr. Ventura - "Actually, I have a picture of a sponge ejaculating into the sea."
Evan Lundgren - "I'm never going swimming again."
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"Hey, Satan's a pretty neat guy." - Tim Howard
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"You can count on two people...Elmo and Jesus...they both love you." - McGee
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"I think I just shat myself." - Mullaney
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"See, the only problem facing these damn Arabs is that they're all stuck in fantasy land...they still try
to fly on rugs." - McGee
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Tim - "That's a funny looking bear."
Ayla - "It's a rhino."
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"The Germans aren't bad people. They just get a bit 'nervous' every 30 years or so. Besides, anyone who hates the
Brits can't be that bad..." - Niall O'Brien, my cousin in Ireland.
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"Get on your knees and smile like a doughnut, bitch!" - Duffer
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"Fat guy in a little coat..." - Chris Farley
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Mr. Morey - "If we calculate f(x) for a, we get -..."
Larson - "A suprise!!!"
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"All these goats are retarded..." - Bob Odenkirk, Mr. Show
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"D a 2 on Fanning!" - Kurt
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"Wow...it just gets funnier as the grades get lower, doesn't it, boys?" - Feeny
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"Quiet, hippie! Draw some vectors." - Mr. Corrigan
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"Play the 'Old Claddagh Ring' and get the fuck out, boyo!" - Skip Healy
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Rabbi - "Trebek is a fool."
Petteruti - "No he's not! He knows the answers to all those questions!"
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"Be a good little Jew and sit on your tookus!!!" - Lefoley
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"The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit...it's what I call the B.L.T.! the Bizzare Love Triangle!" - Mr. Berry
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"My hand smells like catfood." - Ayla
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"You know something? That would almost be interesting if I actually gave a shit." - Feeny
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"Foss! Take that Chinese pimp jacket off now!" - Sir George Coombs III
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Ayla - "Guys are such better eaters than girls. I wish I were a guy."
Me - "Girls: Put napkin on lap. Put spoon into soup. Lift spoon to mouth. Sip. Repeat.
Guys:
Stick your face in the bowl and inhale."
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*Caruso looks out window*
"Hey, look! Geese!" *sticks head out window* "CAW!!! CAW!!! CAW!!!"
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"I like the red stapler..." - Milton, Office Space.
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"Mmmmm...tastes like yellow!" - Marcus
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Mr. Berry - "yeah, I just got a new Volkswagen Beetle. Well, I suppose it's not new...it's used...from 1999."
Gagnon - "you should pimp that motha out!"
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"I don't care if he's 1/10 Indian, that still leaves 9/10 asshole!" - Carter
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Me - "Don't you miss the days of the simple life? The days that we had absolutely no homework? The days when school
was fun?"
Deej *frantically doing math homework* - "Shut up, Jennifer!"
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Chris Jackson - "Dude! This field routine sucks. We need to think of a better one."
Me - "By Joe, I've got it! Jackson, we get a pillowcase, put it over your head, and draw some really retarded face
on it. Then, we give you a cowbell and a drumstick, and have you run around the field hitting the cowbell. Then, we drop our
instruments and chase you around the field with baseball bats. Meanwhile, Bagley spins around and plays random notes on the
tuba!!!"
Jackson - "Dude...I am SO in!"
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Marcinko - "Jesus Christ!!!"
Carter - "Yes?"
Me - "He said 'Jesus Christ', Mike. not 'Squanto.'"
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Foss - "Oh please...the Germans mowed down the Polish during World War II, just like we mowed down the indians
back in the 1700's."
*Carter walks in immediately after*
*Everyone at the table points and laughs*
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Hogan - "Mr. Nardacci...can we please beat up Frank?!"
Nardacci - "No, they have laws protecting Galligan from that type of stuff."
Hogan - "What kind of laws?"
Nardacci - "Laws protecting gays."
*Class erupts into laughter*
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Lisa - "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer - "Well...it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a puppet, but man...hahahaha...so to answer your question,
I don't know." - The Simpsons
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Fred Clifford - "They have some weird-ass shit at RISD, dude."
Me - "Like what?"
Fred - "Well, I'm in one of the art classes, and each week we have to draw a different thing. They have all these
fetuses in jars and shit...but I won't get into that. Anyway, they had these doves that we had to draw. Now...you look at
the doves: pretty good looking birds. you have Peace, Love, Serenity, Trinity...and then there's Steve. Steve's like...the
retarded one that shits on himself and eats his own legs. And the rest of the doves have regular calls, but Steve sounds like
he's been smoking 10 packs a day for the past 13 years!"
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Quigley - "Who hasn't stood in the corner?"
*some kid raises his hand*
Quigley - "You, stand in the corner."
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Quigley - "How do you plead?"
Blessington - "Legally retarded."
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"Cry me a river so I can drown you in it." - McGee
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"That son of a bitch just Jewed me out of a parking spot!" - McKay
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"I saw Gruneberg and Fuller sumo-wrestling...it was very...unecessary." - Ben Craik
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"The Irish kick ass, and if you think not, I shit on you." - McGee
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"Based upon incredibly complicated, extraordinarily scientific, and wonderfully intuitive reasoning, I have personally
determined that you need not less than 6.5 hugs and/or warm strokes daily. More than this number will do you no harm; in fact,
I recommend you get, and give, as many as you can while getting on with the affairs of the day." - Donald B. Ardell
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"I can't wait until I get my own place. Then I can stick post-it notes on my computer if I want to." - Ayla
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"Friggin' Casey..." - Kurt
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"Bring it, Bay Queen!" - Vinacco
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