Locke: Obstinacy

Some Thoughts Concerning Education - by John Locke, 1693

§ 78 Obstinacy. I foresee here it will be objected to me: What then, will you have children never beaten nor chid for any fault? This will be to let loose the reins to all kind of disorder. Not so much as is imagined, if a right course has been taken in the first seasoning of their minds, and implanting that awe of their parents above mentioned. For beating, by constant observation is found to do little good, where the smart of it is all the punishment that is feared or felt in it; for the influence of that quickly wears out, with the memory of it But yet there is one, and but one fault, for which I think children should be beaten; and that is obstinacy or rebellion. And in this, too, I would have it ordered so, if it can be, that the shame of the whipping, and not the I pain, should be the greatest part of the punishment. Shame of doing amiss, and deserving chastisement, is the only true restraint belonging to virtue. The smart of the rod, if shame accompanies it not soon ceases, and is forgotten; and will quickly, by use, lose its terror. I have known the children of a person of quality kept in awe, by the fear of having their shoes pulled off, as much as others by apprehension of a rod hanging over them. Some such punishment I think better than beating; for 'tis shame of the fault and the disgrace that attends it, that they should stand in fear of, rather than pain, if you would have them have a temper truly ingenuous. But stubbornness and an obstinate disobedience must be mastered with force and blows: for this there is no other remedy. Whatever particular action you bid him do, or forbear, you must be sure to see yourself obeyed; no quarter in this case, no resistance. For when once it comes to be a trial of skill, a contest for mastery betwixt you, as it is, if you command, and he refuses, you must be sure to carry it, whatever blows it costs, if a nod or words will not prevail; unless, for ever after, you intend to live in obedience to your son. A prudent and kind mother, of my acquaintance, was on such an occasion, forced to whip her little daughter, at her first coming home from nurse, eight times successively, the same morning, before she could master her stubbornness, and obtain a compliance in a very easy and indifferent matter. If she had left off sooner, and stopped at the seventh whipping, she had spoiled the child for ever; and, by her unprevailing blows, only confirmed her refractoriness, very hardly afterwards to be cured: but wisely persisting, till she had bent her mind and suppled her will, the only end of correction and chastisement she established her authority throughly in the very first occasions, and had ever after a very ready compliance and obedience in all things from her daughter. for, as this was the first time, so, I think, it was the last too she ever struck her.

This, if well reflected on, would make people more wary in the use of the rod and the cudgel; and keep them from being so art to think beating the safe and universal remedy, to be applied at random, on all occasions. This is certain, however, if it does no good, it does great harm; if it reaches not the mind, and makes not the will supple, it hardens the offender; and whatever pain he has suffered for it, it does but endear to him his beloved stubbornness, which has got him this time the victory, and prepares him to contest and hope for it for the future. Thus, I doubt not but by ill-ordered correction, many have been taught to be obstinate and refractory, who otherwise would have been very pliant and tractable. For, if you punish a child, so as if it were only to revenge the past fault, which has raised your choler, what operation can this have upon his mind, which is the part to be amended? If there were no sturdy wilfulness of mind mixed with his fault, there was nothing in it that needed the severity of blows. A kind, or grave admonition would have been enough to remedy the faults of frailty, forgetfulness, or inadvertency, as much as they needed. But, if there were a perverseness in the will, if it were a designed, resolved disobedience, the punishment is not to be measured by the greatness or smallness of the matter wherein it appeared, but by the opposition it carries, and stands in, to that respect and submission [that] is due to the father's orders, and must always be rigorously exacted, and the blows by pauses laid on, till they reach the mind, and you perceive the signs of a true sorrow, shame, and resolution of obedience. This, I confess, requires something more than setting children a task) and whipping them without any more ado, if it be not done, and done to our fancy. This requires care, attention, observation, and a nice study of children's tempers, and weighing their faults well, before we come to this sort of punishment. But is not that better, than always to have the rod in hand, as the only instrument of government; and, by frequent use of it, on all occasions, misapply and render inefficacious this last and useful remedy where there is need of it? For, what else can be expected, when it is promiscuously used upon every little slip, when a mistake in concordance, or a wrong position in verse, shall have the severity of the, lash, in a well-tempered and industrious lad, as surely as a wilful crime in an obstinate and perverse offender? How can such a way of correction be expected to do good on the mind, and set that right which is the only thing to, be looked after; and, when set right, brings all the rest that you can desire along with it?

§ 79 Where a wrong bent of the will wants not amendment, there can be no need of blows. All other faults, where the mind is rightly disposed, and refuses not the government and authority of the father or tutor, are but mistakes, and may often be, overlooked; or, when they are taken notice of, need no other but the gentle remedies of advice, direction, and reproof; till the repeated and wilful neglect of those, shows the fault to be in the mind, and that a rianifest perverseness of the will lies at the root of their disobedience. But when ever obstinacy, which is an open defiance, appears, that cannot be winked at or neglected, but must, in the first instance, be subdued and mastered; only care must be had, that we mistake not; and we must be sure it is obstinacy, and nothing else.

§ 80 But since the occasions of punishment, especially beating, are as much to be avoided as may be, I think it should not be often brought to this point. If the awe I spoke of be once got, a look will be sufficient in most cases. Nor indeed should the same carriage, seriousness or application be expected from young children as from those of riper growth. They must be permitted, as I said, the foolish and childish actions, suitable to their years, without taking notice of them; inadvertency, carelessness, and gaiety, is the character of that age. I think the severity I spoke of, is not to extend it self to such unseasonable restraints. Keep them from vice and vicious dispositions, and such a kind of behaviour in general will come, with every degree of their age, as is suitable to that age, and the company they ordinarily converse with; and as they grow in years, they will grow in attention and application. But that your words may always carry weight and authority with them, if it shall happen, upon any occasion, that you bid him leave off the doing of any even childish things, you must be sure to carry the point, and not let him have the mastery. But yet, I say, I would have the father seldom interpose his authority and command in these cases, or in any other, but such as have a tendency to vicious habits. I think there are better ways of prevailing with them; and a gentle persuasion in reasoning (when the first point of submission to your will is got) will most times do much better.