Parenting from the closet: is it possible?

One word – YES!  I suppose that could be the end of the article right there – but you and I both know that it will not be.  Oh no sir, there is so much more then that simple word could ever express when it comes to Pagan parenting from the broom closet.  Speaking as one who lives there and must deal with the limitations, it is a hard journey, but one well worth its weight in gold – actually in faith…

First let’s start with protecting our beautiful Mother – the Earth.  Whether you view her as purely feminine or view the Earth as a balance of both male and female energies does not matter, what matters is how we interact and protect the Earth.  Teaching your children the do’s and don’ts is not a purely Pagan trait; it is an all-encompassing trait that should be taught no matter which God, Goddess, Deity/Divinity you worship.  Respecting the ground you walk upon is as important as the air you breathe…let me rephrase that:  a respect for the ground you walk on AND the air you breath is one of the greatest things you can pass on to your children.  If we do not protect our Earth and the Ether who will?  Our children?  They need to learn that respect from us.  For Pagans part of that respect comes from knowing that we are all connecting by the energy of the universe, we all come from the same thread of life, we are ONE in the grandest view of that word.  I have found that teaching my children this does not compromise my situation; on the contrary it improves it.  I tell them how important it is to care for the Earth; to care about what is “thrown” away, what is damaged, what is lost.  I’ll tell you a little story – my daughter is very adamant about litter.  I have taken my children for walks and spend most of those walks picking litter off the sidewalks because my daughter becomes so upset she simply will not move on until it is picked up.  As she says she cannot understand why people have to be “bad”.  “Don’t they know they are hurting the Earth?” she asks so innocently, she’s 4 ½ and already has an awareness that is lacking in many adults.  I do apologize if I sound like I am preaching, but I find this to be a very important subject.

Teaching my children ritual for now is not possible.  Unfortunately there are limits as to what a person can do when in the broom closet, but it does not stop me from showing them small prayers, invocations, and stories.  There are so many online resources for Pagan parents; I have even seen quite a few for home schooling children in the Pagan way.  Children seem to have an innate sense that tells them what’s ok to tell people and what is not.  My daughter loves a story that I printed from a site and the story is called “Bridget and the Goddess”.  It is a beautiful tale of a young girl finding out what is truly important in her heart and the best part – a non-Pagan would have no clue it was a spiritual story, they would assume it to be a fairy tale (all the links to these sites are on the Sprouts Links page).  There are also several variations of popular Christian prayers, worded into Pagan-centric ones – for example the “Lay me down to sleep” prayer has a beautiful alternative, that to the adept Pagan in the closet can be easily used to teach your children what you feel to be important and still stay within the bounds of mainstream spirituality if that is what you require/desire.  There are so many stories out there; so many tales that can lead a child down into the realm of imagination and bring them back up wanting more.  Tales like the Harry Potter series, the Brothers Grim fairy tales, Aesop’s Fables, there are so many stories it is difficult to list them all.

There are several crafts that you can teach your children to do that, although on the surface are innocent enough, can teach them pagan values.  There is a way to make paper out of any kind of paper you have around your home, this recycles and keeps it in use – remember my little diatribe on saving the Earth?  This little craft lends to that theme.  You can find the link to the paper making tutorial on the Mother Earth page, below the recycling paragraph.  You can also make corn dollies which are used for Lughnasad and Sawhain, but only you need to know that *wink*.  Cooking with your children can incorporate spell weaving and gives you “special” time with your children.  Knowing the difference between mixing things deosil and widdershins does not mark them Pagan, many non-pagans have no idea what those terms mean so even if they do come out in conversation it would be mostly a passing topic, not a shock to the room.  There are tales of the wheel of the year that can be shared with children that are quite innocent in the fact that they read story like and are therefore are “safe” for those deeply in the closet. 

I have to admit, this article is one of the most difficult I have had to write.  I struggle daily to make sure I lead my children down the path I want, not the one others want.  Being that I live in my parent’s home and they are Christian there are simply things that for now must wait, but only for now.  I have met a few other Pagans with children and I know there is a lot the children can learn from each other.  I’m sure there is so much more I could write here.  I could explain how difficult it is to explain the Sabbats to children when you are in the closet, I could tell you how hard it is to watch others interact so freely with their children in regards to faith when you are left with snippets of the same.  Now I must ask you some questions:  do you want them explaining to someone how they communed with the spirits on Samhain?  Are you prepared to deal with no longer celebrating holidays such as Christmas and Easter and explaining to your little ones why?  Are you ready to handle what could happen once your children enter mainstream schools and have to face the reality of being “different” from the other children?  Are you ready to handle the possibility of bigotry against you and your children once you “come out” of the broom closet?  Are you prepared for the tears of pain when your child comes home from school after being tormented by those who simply do not understand?  I know I could ask more questions but for now these will suffice.  They are the darker side of the possibilities, but they are not the only possibilities.  It is quite possible that your child will never have a problem dealing with others at school.  It is very possible that people will far more understand then one fears.  These questions are put out so that you can know whether you are prepared for ALL the possibilities.  After all, as much as we believe that love shall be the law and in the precept of harm ye none – not everyone feels the same, you cannot sugar coat the world – reality will slip in.  As you can see these are some of my fears, and I try to conquer then daily.

At the very least I hope that this little article has given you food for thought, if not something to chew on once printed out, lol…Enjoy life, enjoy your children, most of all LIVE.

Blessings of the God and Goddess to all

Crow Witch

December 17, 2004