My Poetry and Short Stories\Essays

A Little American Roach

My Poetry and Short Stories\Essays

I have written a lot of things over my lifetime; poetry, short stories, plays, essays, sketches, things of that nature. Not all of it was terribly good, I'm sure, but some of it was not too bad.

I have always tried to express myself through music and writings, often with poetry and allegories, and the occasonal song.

Here is a sampling of my works.

Grab a cappuccino and enjoy!

Most of my poems are about love. I have had quite a few failures and crushing defeats when it comes to romance. Most loves I have ever had were secret, I never told the object of my affection the way I felt. Perhaps this was a mistake.

I have had two great loves in my short lifetime, and one misguided affair. My first and probably truest love was a boy I knew from a private school I went to for one year before resuming my homeschooling. I have not seen him in six years, but I will always regret never seeing him that last day of school... because I later learned he had intended on telling me that day he loved me. I was only eleven years old, and he only twelve, but even as I look back on it now, it seems there was something that trancended youth.

The other great love I have had was a certain fellow I met about 3 years ago in a biology class. I fell madly in love with him and I still love him to this day. I did not see him again after the class, until two months ago. I was attending a very formal dinner, and apparently, so was he. He recognised me and called me by name, which stunned me, as I had not seen him in years. I will more than likely never see him again, as he has graduated this year.

The misguided affair was a recent disaster. I was duped into believing a boy two years younger than me could love me as much as I was willing to love him. Well, I was wrong. Part of the reason I made this website was to get my mind off of him for a while, as he recently dumped me. He betrayed me on multiple occassions, and furthermore, well, he is quite obviously queer, God what a fool I was to actually think he could love a female lol. Even my Aunt could tell he was, em, well, (ahem) a bit, em, "different" if you know what I mean. Anyway, no matter, I just feel stupid.

The worst thing is, I really liked him as a friend, I loved hanging around with him because we had a huge amount of common interests. It was stunning how much we really were alike. But, he said he did not even wish to be my friend!!

I wrote this poem, which I have retitled "the love of a fool", for him a few days after he kissed me on the cheek for the first time.

An italicized portion of the poem is a verse I added a few weeks ago, in response to an ironic bit of romantic prose he wrote to me before he dumped me.

This next poem is about the classic rivalry between parents and their children. My parents were trying to discourage me from being with this boy whom I described above...the queer one. I was furious with them, because I thought I understood the situation better. One thing I have learned out of all this... sometimes parents do know best, if not very nearly every time.

My mom even revealed to me that her first boyfriend was gay! I never thought she would understand my problem, but she really did.

This poem, titled Liebestraum, was a short reflection I wrote for myself. I have quite a few poems like this... ones that I write to myself... private expressions of my thought. However, out of a desire for critique, I put some of my personal works on the site for downloading. E-mail me with suggestions, please.

This is a poem I wrote a few months ago. The experience which gave me the inspiration to write it was regarding a certain butterfly being captured on my property. It is a very common species of butterfly, and they are quite common around my house. However, they are my butterflies. No one has a right to come on my property and catch specimens for their personal collection... I would not go to someone's house and do that.

The specimen itself was quite low valued, because of how common the species is; but I do not see a price tag on a living creature, nor do I see it as an object meant to be utilized for one's personal pleasure. I think of animals as living works of art, and I view their tiny lives with awe. It is not my nature to capture them and kill them horridly for no good reason beyond simply having it in a glass box to show off to one's friends;  and neither is it my nature to allow such a thing to occur.

I was torn as to what I could do. It would probably not be very tactful to ask for the release of the insect; I would only be mocked for that anyway. I could not demand it's release either, because that would make a scene. I had to think fast, because the insect would not last much longer. I remembered the expensive mounted tropical butterflies I ordered a few years back.  Perhaps I could offer a trade... the offer would be quite irresistible, I figured.   I carefully weighed the decision in my mind... the twenty dollar specimen with the life of this common little butterfly that might not live anyway because of the damage done it.

I made my decision. As I released the little butterfly, I noticed a torn part of one of it's hind wings. I prayed that it would live, and the cost I paid for its life would not be in vain.

A few days later, I amazingly encountered the same butterfly again. It brushed past my cheek. I saw the torn wing and I knew it was the one I freed. I went inside immediately after it flew out of my sight, and sat down to write this poem. I had tears in my eyes as I wrote it, and I will never forget the experience.

This is a short (and thus far incomplete) fantasy story I have written about a woman named Erika. I'll add more to it later.

This is a fun idea I have been playing around with for a few months... it is sort of a "fan fiction" based on Dostoyevsky's work Crime and Punishment. I am still thinking about how I wish to wrap up the story, and I am considering having the story take place near the time of the 1917 revolution. I have some interesting ideas for the plot from then on, but I am hoping to limit it to five chapters. I have so far finished two chapters, and a portion of chapter 3. The entire story is based upon a girl I took great pity on, whose short appearance in Dostoyevsky's immortal work occured in the first few chapters of his book. I became very unsure of myself while I was writing this, wondering if I was doing the right thing to rewrite the literary genious' work, but I wanted the outcome of the girl's fate in his story to be different. Still, it is nothing in comparison with the original, and the great master of Russian literature would probably smile and chuckle at my pathetic attempt to create art. Anyway, decide for yourself. Here is chapter one.

Here is chapter two.

Here is the beginning of chapter three. I am working on it! lol

This story is an allegory on my most recent failure with romance. I gave it a Russian flavour for a reason beyond simply my affection for all things Russian, rather, the names of the characters in the story, Aloysha and Sergei, were pet names my ex and I had for each other. So, that makes things infintely clearer I'm sure lol. This version is for computers that are not able to handle the Cyrillic font... if you can, great, the "Russian version" is the one for you. It has the title to the story in beautiful Russian Cyrillic, and a very Ruskie ending.

Here is the Russian version.

Finally, I had to include this lol... this is a chapter I wrote for a story a friend of mine wrote. My original was slightly modified by my friend, for context to fit into his story, and also so that it would be first person and in the past tense! lol I should have remembered that when I wrote it lol.