Teach Your Children Well
One of the big questions facing pagan parents
today is whether or not to educate their children in the ways of their parent’s faith. Many pagans have painful
memories of forced Christian worship, of feeling that the teaching they were getting wasn’t quite right, or of
having to keep their true spiritual leanings secret from their families. People who were brought up in a very
strict religious atmosphere frequently feel that if they make any attempt to teach their children their new faith,
they may be guilty of the same intolerance that their own parents were. Others (myself included) were brought
up in a kind of spiritual vacuum and don’t wish their children to have to undergo the lengthy search process we
did. Yet, whatever our background, many of us feel rather uncomfortable with the idea of "teaching" our children
our faith.
We as pagans need to have the same freedom of conscience to
bring our children up in our religion as any member of any other religion. We need to remember that we are not doing anything
wrong by believing as we do, despite the lack of mainstream acceptance for our faith. We are living a beautiful, fulfilling
faith and it is not wrong to want to share this with our children. And Paganism is not a set of doctrines that needs to be
taught and memorized, "Paganism is a way of life, or perhaps it would be more correct to say it is a way of living."
By living our beliefs to the best of our ability, we teach our children about more than just paganism—we teach them about
the values we hold dear.
"I feel the best way to teach religion to children is to let
them see you practice yours," says Amethyst River, a pagan mother of two boys. Don’t look on it as formal teaching in any
specific tradition. Instead, feel that you are sharing with your children ideas that have made you a stronger, wiser, happier person.
Include them in simplified rituals. Plan family holiday celebrations, with decorations, crafts and activities, and special meals.
Read them myths and faery tales that relate to your chosen tradition, or even that don’t. Let them study the history and mythology
of our pagan forebears. Above all, let them see you exemplify the many tenets of our faith: love for nature, personal responsibility,
concern for our fellow man, individuality, spiritual fulfillment, and personal growth. "Unless you never speak to your kids and
never do anything religiously differently from your Christian family or neighbors, unless Wicca has not changed your life at all,
you are raising your children to the Craft. The only question is whether you will do it with respect for your kids intelligence and
potential—or not."
Sharing your own beliefs is important, but so is giving unbiased
information about other faiths. Encourage your children to read and study on their own, to ask questions and disagree with the
answers. Then, says Winter, "you won’t need to teach them any religion—they’ll find what they’re looking for themselves and be
better people for it." Explore these other religions with them; go to other church services or talk to friends who practice
differently than you do. If, because of your background, you feel that you are unable to be objective about a certain faith,
enlist the aid of a friend or family member. Kathy answers her kids’ questions about her husband’s religion by saying, "Catholics
believe that…" without including her own feelings on the validity of those beliefs.
An interfaith household does have special problems, and paganism seems
to present more than some other faiths. Many Christians especially have been taught that paganism is the antithesis of their beliefs,
and most people of any religion will want the children brought up in their own religion. "This is something my husband and I struggle
with since he is Christian and, naturally, wants our two boys to follow in his religious footsteps as much as I want them to follow in
mine," says Amethyst River. Their solution? The boys are exposed to both religions and any questions they have are answered honestly.
Respect is a big part of a healthy marriage and that includes respect for each other’s beliefs.
If your family has problems with your religion, respect will play a
big part here too. Explain your beliefs to your parents, but be sure to explain their beliefs to your children as well. Make sure
your children know that Grandma and Grandpa are not bad because their beliefs are different, and ask your parents to avoid denigrating
your beliefs. If they have trouble with this, remember that they are scared. For most of them, paganism goes against everything
they have ever been taught, and they may be truly concerned for your safety, or the safety of your "soul." They may feel that
because you are rejecting their faith, you are rejecting them and everything they stand for. "They may perceive a Wiccan lifestyle
as a devaluation of their whole lives, of everything they worked for, everything they tried to give us."
Many current Pagans have only recently come to think of themselves as
pagan, or have only just become comfortable talking about it. I’ve been generically pagan all my life; only recently have I begun
studying and practicing the Wiccan faith. Fortunately, my daughter is only two, so I still have time to work out my own bugs before
I have to worry about what to tell her. Some of you are not so fortunate. Changeling, who, although a pagan for some fifteen years,
has only been out of the broom closet for a year, found that her son was angry with her for not saying anything sooner. After some
angry discussions, they sat down and had a long talk and he is even asking to learn more about her spiritual path. If your child is
older, I feel that it is important that you sit down and talk with them honestly. Explain the belief system that you are exploring,
and your reasons for exploring it. Make sure they know that they are not going to be required to convert, but that if they have questions
you will answer them honestly. And explain that you are certainly not rejecting their father, or grandparents, or anyone else who is
still Christian. You may be surprised by their response. Said one young man of my acquaintance,
"I’m very interested in paganism. It makes a lot of sense."
It is not as important to teach your children the specifics of any pagan
belief system as it is simply to teach them to love learning. "Encourage them to read as much as possible, not only about religion,
but novels, science fiction, fantasy, humor—anything they can lay their hands on," says Winter. Her two daughters are "sensible,
loving, and caring girls" –one is a practicing Pagan, one is not. Diamond Ochre had only one thing he put on his kids’ reading list:
Mark Twain. "It’s not only entertaining but teaches the reader to consider other aspects in life. It teaches them to have an open mind."
Encourage them to ask questions and to try to find answers on their own. "Make time for discussion when they come to you for answers; don’t say
‘We’ll talk about it later,’ because later the moment and the spontaneity will be lost," says Winter. "It doesn’t matter if dinner is a
half-an-hour late, or whatever." Anticipate that they may have questions that you won’t know the answer to, but try your best to "answer them
in complete honesty even if it means you have to go do a little research," says Amethyst River.
Raising your children with love, honesty, and respect is much more important
than raising them to any specific pagan faith. Offer your views, but be prepared for them to form their own, and don’t take it as a rejection
of you personally. Don’t try to make your children into little miniature versions of you. Remember that your children are individuals with
their own needs and desires. They need your wisdom and guidance, but ultimately they need the power to make their own decisions and have you
respect those decisions.
