+the.journal+
Okay, I know a lot of you personally. Probably, the only ones who'll care to look at this page are the ones who I know personally. Well, I know probably all of you know what's going on. And if you want to know why I have my moods, continue reading. Now, I'm not saying you have to read this. I don't even know why I'm typing this. I guess to let myself know how I feel. But whatever. My dad was cheating on my mom. I found out the Friday before Valentine's, the same exact time my mother did. It was a normal day. Totally normal. It was 6:50 in the morning and I was putting my makeup on for school. Just like I always do at that time. My mom came up yelling, I dont blame her, & all hell broke loose. I couldn't tell you what happened. I dont even know if I remember it right. Kinda funny how your brain blocks out the things you dont really want to remember. I do know that my mom told him to get out. He gathered his things while I tried to calm my sister whom was awaken by the ruckus. I had no idea what to say to her. The week previous was the Father Daughter dance. I feel so awfully for her.After I calmed my sister some, I continued getting dressed for school. I just wanted out. Out of the house, out of the situation. As much as I wished it, I knew things wouldn't be any better when I got home. I left, walking down my driveway. My mother pulled into the drive. She had gone to her friend's house down the street & came home. She told me to get in the car which I did. I was upset. Too upset, to her, for me to go to school. I went back in the house and changed.
Before my father was to leave, I really didn't want to talk to him. Not at all. How do you look someone in the eye after finding something like this out? Now, I love my dad with all my heart, don't get me wrong, but him and I hadn't really talked in a long, long time. I suppose it was both of our faults. He would get home late from 'work' and by then we had all had dinner. My sister and I would be working on homework or I would be on the phone. He didn't know either of us anymore. As much as it hurts to say, he didn't.
My mom told me to sit down with him and my sister anyway where he proceeded to tell us some more lies.
After he left, my sister and I were to get dressed and go to my uncle's house. He came and we got our things together while my mom and he talked. We stayed at my house for awhile before leaving. My mom didn't want us home alone. Not after what had happened. I didn't know what to do with myself. It was a dreary day outside, rain and coldness filling the air. I did what I could to keep myself busy.
The rest of the day, I couldn't tell you what happened. It dragged on forever. I don't know one day from another that whole week.
The next day, my dad came to the house to pick up his clothes. I couldn't do anything but help. My mom had told him time and time again. If he were to ever do something like this, he was out. And that's exactly what happened.
Again, he wanted to see us. I didn't want to see him. Not yet. But my mother suggested that I should. I did as she said. I didn't want my sister out there alone either. I felt as if I didn't know him. I guess I didn't. All I really remember is crying like anything on my front porch with him and my sister. After he left, I sat with my mom, still upset. I guess I was really bad. She said I was shaking, so you can only imagine.
He asked if he could take us out the next day to the movies and he called asking my mom if that would be okay. We went to the movies with him, seeing "Snow Day". He said things to me and my sister he would never have said if he was still at home. That's why I have no idea if he was just saying things to try to win us over or what. During the whole movie, I couldn't think about anything but was going on. As much as I tried to focus on the movie, I couldn't. After we left the movies, we were driving and I told him how I felt. He pulled into a Bradlees parking lot, talking to me, telling me he would always be there for me. Whenever I needed him to call, for me just to call. He said he was at my grandparents', but we all know now where he was.
After the Hallmark moment, we went to Micky D's to grab something to eat.
See, this was only the beginning of my problems. Only the beginning.
I went into school the next day, the only people knowing almost everything being my friends, Cathy and Kim. I took one look at Cathy and began to cry in her hug. By then, I suppose the rest of my friends found out somehow. Cathy took me to the bathroom where we met up with a few other friends.
I went through the rest of the day trying to make the best of it. That was the best thing for me to go to school and get away from everything. My friends were totally sympathetic for me. Thank God I have friends that really care about me. Thank God.
The whole week, I cried on and off. Not to mention crying myself to sleep. It's kind of hard to trust people after someone you trusted with your life since the day you were born does something like this.
He came over again, that night, Valentine's Day, to talk to my mom and to bring flowers for my sister and I. Again, something he hadn't done in a long time.
Jessica and I had gone out to dinner that night with my aunt and uncle and they had dropped us off home. I walked into the kitchen and felt some tension, but not much. My parents had talked about things, which I have no idea what they were. My sister and I sat down with them, talking through some things and I had my chance to tell him what I thought.
I'm not so angry about him doing this to me. I could really care less. But for him to do this to my sister is what really gets me angry. She isn't even in junior high yet. How could he? He's going to miss everything. He's going to miss my sweet sixteen this year. He's going to miss me driving. He's going to miss everything. I know I'm talking as if he were dead, but in a way he is. He isn't around anymore.
As bad of a thing it is, that's as good of a thing it is. He would forever be correcting me. And it was really, always me. I never did enough around the house, I never spent time with him or my sister, I never did anything according to him. He'd yell at me for the stupidest things. He had blamed me for losing my Confirmation pictures when my mother believes she has just found them in his coat pocket a week ago. He yelled at me in the car when my friend, Jayne, was with us. I took my coat off in the car because it was really hot in there and he yelled at me for that.
A week later, he said that they were going to work things out. My parents were going to try. None of us could trust him. But they were going to try. We were going to be a family again. That was what came from his mouth to my ears. We were going to be a family again.
If that wasn't the biggest load of bullshit.
The next night he came for dinner. When we got home, he was there, having his key, he went in and began to watch television waiting for us. My mom and Jessica went downstairs while I sat up there with him. As much as I hated him, that's just as much as I missed him.
We were almost like a family again that night. I laughed for the first time in a week. My mom said that was the most I talked the whole week too.
The next night, he didn't come to dinner. I called, kind of upset about the situation. I left a message, which he didn't return my call til about two hours later. He was so cold on the phone. With the attitude he gave me, I returned it. I don't take shit off of anyone anymore. I asked why he wasn't at dinner and he gave me this whole line how he had to talk to grandma & grandpa. Just as coldly, he asked if my mom had told me. I replied yes, but I was wondering. He continued with his attitude, with me having to continue the conversation with every step of silence. Finally, he asked for my mother. I just heard the one side of the conversation. He wanted a divorce. My mother was all like, fine.
Again, I cried myself to sleep.
A few days later, my mom put more of his things out on the porch. By then, we had our locks changed. He took his clothes, and took all of his tools from the garage, leaving us with nothing, and taking whatever else he wanted.
My mom didn't trust him, so after that, we put locks on both of our fences.
And the next day, he returned, backing his truck into the fence, damaging it, getting in, and taking more things from the garage.
March 7th, was the talent show I was in. I called him that day, for the first time since he had talked to me with such coldness. I saw him and sat with him for a little while before returning to my friends. Little did I know, that'd be the last I'd see of him for awhile.
The next day, my uncle picked me up from softball tryouts (which I was cut from..like I care), and told me my dad had broken into my house. He took stupid shit, but was caught while in the house. Now, we have a restraining order against him. It's a sad day when you have to get a restraining order against your dad.
