the pretty lady guide to
fun trick or treating

when giving out treats, why not swap the traditional und rather passe 'candy' for prescription drugs?, a couple of tamazepam or anti-psychotics would be a welcome addissssion to anybodys treat bag!

add a spark to unsuspecting trick or treater's evening by waiting by the door with a bucket of glitter und canine excrement, hurling it over them when they ring the bell, with a cry of "TRICK!"

try to be imaginative, eggs through somebody's letterbox is uninspired und a chore for them, whereas, say, a catherine wheel popped through a letterbox, freewheeling about their hallway, all that colour, noise und excitement is sure to give them a halloween they'll never forget!

instead of merely popping a sheet over your head and proffering a weak "woooo" when the door is opened, why not smother your naked body in offal, take along a bread knife und run screaming through their home, perhaps even urinating/defecating on their lounge carpet

as a way of pepping up the usual doorstop rhyme, why not embellish it with a few of your own lyrics,
for example:
trick or treat, trick or treat
give us something good to eat
or we'll torch your fucking house while you sleep later tonight, bitch

pay a visit to a local old peoples home und spice up their evening by treating them to a mental magical mystery tour...
lightly tap on the door und run away, when they open the door, set off a siren, throw in a can or two of CS gas und hurl about a couple of boxes of firecrackers, belting out a couple of Gracie Fields numbers, thus taking them on an instant nostalgia trip, right back to those wartime sinaglong days

if caught claim ignorance,
say voices inside you head made you do it!

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