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This album is for David Trump and Ryan James;
and Dug Threlfel, Darren Hanlon, Steve Meldrum,
all Gels and rels, Kirsty Stegwazi, Joe, Ali, Simon,
Emily and pushbike George, and for well wishers
everywhere, and for Leichhardt councilor Neil
Mackindoe, and for the happy punter who said
"Sounds excellent Shane, almost as good as Popcore!"
Well I waited my whole life to hear someone say
that. Now I can sleep easy. So here it is, the last
words I've got. There's nothing else to see here.
1. Famous Guitarist Set Ups
master bass mid treble drive
George Harrison 6 3 5 8 4
Keith Richards 8 4 8 5 7
Lemmy Motorhead 9 9 7 7 9
Slash 10 4 8 6 7
Johnny Ramone 10 5 5 5 5
2. Nurse: What's the prognosis Doctor?
Groucho: Well either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
3. "The best worst band ever." Rolling Stone 1970
"Hauntingly bad. Any day without the Shaggs is a good day."
Message posted on a Shaggs web site from a music fan claiming to be in the foetal position writhing in pain. 2002
"The drummer sounds like she's three rooms away." NME 1977
"I suggested that maybe they should practise a bit more before we recorded, but their Dad said he wanted to capture them on tape while they were still hot. Difficult band to record. You'd pull the drums back, then the vocals, then the guitar; it didn't leave much in the mix. The worst recording session I've engineered, although "The Texicans," in 74' was pretty glum too. Their bass player had a heart attack while putting down his backing vocals." Shaggs album producer 1981.
"No-one in our home town liked us much. We could tell cause they threw stuff at us." Betty Wiggin 2002
"It's always the year zero when 'The Shaggs play."
Layne Stanley (Alice in Chains) 1999
"Three songs in, and my record collection is already being re-arranged into before and after sections. Pre-Shaggs, and post-Shaggs. There's no going back now even if you wanted to, and that's either enlightening or really annoying." Lester Bangs 1973
4. Lawyer 1: ..So. the first at night barely 45 minutes after the event. The second ten hours later at first light. Two trackers. One conclusion. Same sequence of events. In short the same story. The tracker must shake his head at the sight of all these camera crews. Because he knows it's not a mystery just a very sad story. The only grey areas you will see are.
Lawyer 2: Your honour! I like prose but I mean.
Judge: Yes it's a bit much council. We'd like to hear the contents not your opinion of them however colourful they might be.
L2: Some of it rhymed.
J: Pull your head in council.
L2: Sorry your honour.
J: Are you at least close to submitting this exhibit council?
L1: Yes your honour we can do that now.
L2: Your honour we contend this exhibit is not admissible
and should not be shown at this time.
J: I'll suspend judgement on that until we've viewed it.
L2: In that case we request the jury not be present.
J: Very well. Foreman, you can excuse the jury..I'm sure they'll appreciate a breakokay..anything elseclose the door please foreman Alright. Dim the lights please. ..Foreman, can you dim the lights please.
Tracker:...see here.prowlerstwo of them. aggressive hungry, probably in heat..the bigger one approaches, the other stays back keeps watch.. these prints here lead in.. these tracks lead out..this time carrying game see how her paws dig further into the sand .she runs fast, tracks are spaced well apartthe male joins.salivating, their blood is up..here they join the roadconfident they know they're away now.. we might lose them here. no here they arehave slowed a little. they climb the dune..they're getting tiredat the top here they stop for a restsalivawhatever it is they're carrying they put down herebut not for long.it has the patterns of a knitted woollen jumperthe patterns might be of flowers.. it is still
5. Reporter: Give short answers if you can.
Michael: Okay.
Reporter: Now don't be nervous. Just ignore the camera.
Michael: "I've done some media stuff with the church,
I think I know the kind of thing you're after."
6. Eddie Felsen: Pool excellence is not about excellent pool.
Ch: It's quiet.
Ed: Like a church.
Ch: Those tables are the slabs they carry the stiffs out on.
Ed: I'll be alive when they carry me out Charlie.
Ch: How do you feel?
Ed: Fast and loose.
Ch: In the gut I mean.
Ed: Tight, but good.
Player: Looking for some action mister?
Ed: Maybe, you want to play?
Pl: No, you're fast Eddie Felsen.
Ed: Who's he?
1961 Ed: You know what Minnesota? I got a feeling like it's me from here on in. You ever get that? When you feel like you just can't miss. I got that. Cause I've dreamt about this game. Every night on the road I've thought about this.
Edward Lorenzo Los Alamos New Mexico 1957.
"Sensitive Dependence on Initial Conditions"
I break with the same paced shot on the same part of the nine ball. I always have done. Yet I've never seen two breaks that look the same. "A small change now equals a small change later." That's Newton's law of linear equations and gospel apparently but it doesn't apply here.
Robert J. Oppemheimer Los Alamos New Mexico 1957.
Well wouldn't you be. We hire this kid to research nuclear fusion and he comes up with some sort of anti-law for random chaos. He writes a thesis on 26 hour days and informs us, as a result of experiments conducted in a pool hall that Newton is wrong. Of course I'm dumbfounded.
7. Horsee technique: Two step take off. Once air-born
arch back into a sharp semi-circle. Toes and fingers
to impact water simultaneously. "Neh!" is optional
depending on age and social setting.
8. K: Check out what egg on your face actually looks like?
J: What happened?
K:Jimmy four fingers boxed me with a dozen grade A's.
J: Are you alright?
K: Oh yeah I'm fine. Serenity now, serenity now.
J: Frank's relaxation method? You're using Frank's thing?
K: Jerry the anger just melts away.
10. P: One child thanks mate.
T: How old are you?
P: Twelve
T: Bloody big twelve.
11. FBI File: Fined riding in the black only section
of the bus. Repeat offender. Apparently a protest.
Bonnie Ray: He stood up for me. When other workers called
me 'boy' he'd say he's not your boy so don't be calling him one.
Mrs Pan: I was assigned to show him where he would be living.
Earl Warren: What are your recollections of that day?
MP: Well, the first thing he noticed when I opened the front door was the radio playing. I commented that it was provided to all citizens of the USSR. After a minute or so of tinkering with the controls he said "You can't change stations." I said No." A few moments later he called out to where I was in the kitchen "You can't change the volume!" I called back, "No!". A few moments later he appeared at the kitchen door. I asked "Everything alright? He said, "You can't turn it off." I said "No."
Earl Warren: What sort of things did he say on that last night?
Marina: He said he was lonely and that he wanted to make his
peace with me. He said he wanted us to live together again,
and that he would rent a place for us tomorrow if I agreed
EW: What did you say to that?
M: Nothing. I was angry he had turned up unannounced.
He tried to start a conversation but I wouldn't answer.
I kept silent all evening. I pretended he wasn't even there.
EW: Did this make him angry?
M: No. Just upset.
EW: Did you answer him at all that night?
M: Later on when he said tell me what to do and I'll do it.
EW: What did you say to that?
M: I told him he could buy me a washing machine,
because with two children it was difficult to hand wash.
EW: What did he say?
M: He said that he would. Later on I said that it would be
better if he bought something for himself, that I would manage.
EW: What did he say?
M: Nothing. It was late. He may have been asleep.
EW: So you say after he shot the officer
he muttered something?
Witness: Yes sir.
EW: What was it?
Wit: You'll probably think me a fool but
it sounded like he said "poor lamb chop".
EW: Poor lamb chop...
Wit: Yes sir.
EW: I seeIs it possible you misheard
him. It sounds a bit like poor damn cop?
Wit: Well, anything's possible sir.
12. Sure I've never been a success. But they
can't take away what you don't get my
physchatrist gave me that one to work with.
14. Blackheath 1930
Overs, 3. Runs, 100.
1st over 4, 4, 6, 6, 2, 4, 6, 1 =33
2nd over 6, 4, 4 , 6, 6, 6, 4, 4 + 40 = 73
3rd over ,off strike, 1, off strike, 4, 6, 6, 6, 4 + 27 = 100
15. Int. Idleing EH Holden Front Yard Hot Day
Youngest Son: This is Victor Charly confirming
towels and requesting food status Echo Beach
Echo Beach do you copy?..That's you Mum.
Dad: Hurry up son! What's he doing?
YS: Echo Beach!
Mum: Oh right! Yes okay ten four Houston!
YS: You're not in a truck Echo Beach.
D: Here he is.come on.
Eldest Son: I won't need shoes will I?
M&D: No!
D: Why is he walking back into the house!?
YS: Dad when I ask for esky inventory you
say Houston we have a pineapple.
D: Hang on a minute mate.
ES: Where's the key!? I just had it.
D: Since when did he become so hopeless..
M: Just pull it shut behind you.
YS: We're setting flaps fifteen, the gear is
down and the yoke is hot we are go for flight.
ES: Is that going to be okay?
D: Yeah that's fine. Come on let's go.
You'll have to move over Ryan.
YS: Confirming move over complete.
ES: Youch! Ow!
YS: Houston we have a distress call.
D: Come on! Get the bindy out tomorrow mate!
YS: Houston we're seeing a reading of hostile
on lawn status.
D: Ryan! Can you just stop!
YS: Shutting down.
D: You're wearing us out mate..Both of you. We'd
be better off going on our ownYou can go to
your friends and play computer games I don't care.
Your mother will put up with it I won'tshe
packs your food, your towels, your hats, she doesn't
expect thanks but she deserves better than this.
ES: Sorry Mum.
YS: Sorry Mum.
D: Alright.let's hit the beachwho's hungry?
16. D: Captain are you certain this is what you saw?
C: Oh yes. Although perhaps a few more armament
factories and not quite so many elephants.
Mutiny Procedure & Conflict Resolution
1 "You've been ordered by a superior rank."
2 "You've been asked by a fellow officer."
3 "Now you're being given your last
warning by a man with a gun."
1960 - 1975 Aust. -501 U.S -58000 Vietnamese -2000000
1950 - 1953 U.N -108000 Koreans -3000000
1941 - 1945 Germans-6000000 Russians -25000004
Casualties per year. Nam: Aust 33 U.S 3875 Viets 133000
Korea: " " " U.N: 36000 Koreans: 1000000
WW2: " " " Germans: 1500000 Russians: 6250001
I saw B52s, I saw Boeings a blaziing
I saw DC10s, that were misbehaving
I saw the big push from the bunker's defences
I saw many leaders, none were near trenches
I saw through cross hairs mums bout to be aching
I saw a snipers will, at the point of breaking
I heard martydom, as motivation
I heard mis-guided missiles, made mis-calculations
I heard a New Yorker, pronounce martyr like mortar
I heard that producers, rang sleepy reporters
I heard anchors excited, much more than they should be
I heard bravery so stupid, was making good TV
His parents are Pollish, but he's from Fitzroy
Her Grandma is Asian, she's from Hanoi
Excerpt from "Gallipoli,Carry On Saluting"
Uncle: Another one tenth of a second off your
sprint time and you'll equal the great Harry LaSalle's. Now come on Archie breathe! Deeper lad deeper! Not from up there from down here lad! Now. What are your legs made out of!
Archie:.um.ah oh I know thisoh I've gone blank .no.. ..no it's gone.
U: ..Steel springs lad!
A: That's right. I knew that.
U: .Right. Well what are they going to do!
A: .ah now this one I do know. ..um.ah...oh it's on the tip of my toungue. ..nono it's goneCannonball!
cannonball...for some reason that rings a bell something something cannonball?
19.Duke: You sure drive a hard bargain pilgrim.
Director: .and cut. Getting better John, look
just play around with it, thaw out some more,
get the juices flowing maybe try emphasising
a word, sometimes that can help.
Du: Which word pilgrim?
Di Well that's the obvious one John. Okay slate.
Slate: Scene 1 Take 27!
Du: Which one is that pilgrim?
Di: Yep. Lights up please!
Du: Pilgrim.
Di: Good John good. Roll cameras!
Du: But the word pilgrim?
Di: What about it John.
Du: What is it?
D: Pilgrim!
J: Yes?
"..And Darren and the Luckies they were
brilliant that night in Cairo I was selling
T-shirts for that gig and that brought back
memories for me at least of their three night
run over there in Bogata. I was there for all
three of those shows I was doing foldback
and the second night was the best and
probably the only gig that could even come
close to that was when they played the spring
festival up there in Rjeckivik The Big Thaw
Out and that was a brilliant gig I was doing
lights for that show and they really did set
the village green on fire that afternoon and
admittedly that did piss a lot of people off but
that was vintage stuff and that was as good as
I've seen Darren and the Luckies for many a
year probably since their all ages gig over their
on Pitcairn Island I was doing front of house
that night and a real family atmosphere it was
but also edgy, of course that was the only time
they performed the B-Side to the single which they
recorded up there in Pyongygang I engineered
that session and it received quite a bit of airplay
on Lima Fm and the swing through the sub-
continent to promote that single really was a
riot I drove the bus for that tour and without
doubt the warmest reception they got was from
the punters in Laos although I'm sure the Burmese
would have something to say about that.
20. Let's get out the sheet music and play the real
waltz. I'm not marrying someone who looks like
my own armpit after 20 games of table tennis!
21.whatiswisconcinwhatarethefingerlakes
whataretheroadswhatistikkikaka?
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