Local Rant (or Rant for locals)
LOCAL RANT
In a couple of days I’ll be temporarily leaving for pastures greener so I thought I’d leave you with a little blog. Seeing as it’s geared toward local people, the majority of you probably won’t be interested, but here goes anyway. And what better to leave you with than a good old rant.
Rant One:
So one day little Johnny tells mommy and daddy he wants to ride his tricycle up and down Ogden Canyon. They get in the car and drive to the Canyon to take a look. The first thing they spot, right at the entrance to the Canyon, is a sign which says: NARROW SHOULDER. PEDS AND CYCLISTS NOT RECOMMENDED NEXT FIVE MILES.
Real close to that is another sign which says: SHARP CURVES. NARROW ROADWAY NEXT FIVE MILES.
And there’s another one further on down the road: LIMIT SIGHT DISTANCE.
About halfway down the Canyon they see another sign. This one says: NARROW SHOULDER. PEDS AND CYCLISTS NOT RECOMMENDED NEXT TWO AND A HALF MILES MILES
Before they get far along 12th Street they turn around and head back. There, at the entrance to the Canyon, is a sign which says: NARROW SHOULDER. PEDS AND CYCLISTS NOT RECOMMENDED NEXT FIVE MILES.
About halfway up the Canyon they see another sign. This one says: NARROW SHOULDER. PEDS AND CYCLISTS NOT RECOMMENDED NEXT TWO AND A HALF MILES MILES
“Can I ride my tricycle now?” Johnny asks when they get back to the top of the Canyon. “Can I can I?’
“I don’t see why not,” says Daddy. “The signs don’t say you can’t ride your tricycle in the Canyon. What do do you think, Mommy?
“Johnny,” says Mommy, “we need to talk. You see, although I think most people in their cars are respectful to kids on tricycles, unfortunately some are not. The Canyon road is awful narrow and they get impatient when they’re stuck behind a tricycle and can’t go around it. Sometimes they do go around it when they shouldn’t, and they can get really close to the tricycle. Then there could be an accident. They might hit the tricycle with their car. And some motorist just don’t notice tricycles. I know they should, but they don’t, and they could hit you and your tricycle, too.”
“But that would be their fault,” says little Johnny.
“It surely would,” Mommy replies. “But that won’t make no difference to you when you’re lying on the side of the road with your legs broken. And think about those great big cement mixers and all the other construction vehicles which come down the Canyon way too fast, especially around the Narrows.”
“They’d get into big trouble if they hit me,” Johnny said.
“They surely would,” Mommy agreed. “But you won’t have to worry about that when you and your tricycle are a smear in the middle of the road.”
So, am I comparing cyclists in Ogden Canyon to toddlers on tricyles? Definitely not. Am I saying they have about the same degree of common sense? Definitely.
Rant Two:
There are three communities in the Ogden Valley: Liberty, Eden and Huntsville. For the guy at the Eden Maverick, talking into his cell phone, no, you were not in Huntsville. You were in EDEN. Huntsville does not fill the entire valley.
Rant Three:
Road works. Construction here. Construction there, construction construction everywhere. I’m probably the last of you all to complain about it, but come on now! What bright spark decided to do construction on Harrison, Washington, 12th Street etc etc all at the same time? You can’t drive anyplace in Ogden and not run into construction. And isn't it TOTALLY FRUSTRATING when the road is narrowed down by orange cones and NOT ONE PERSON IS THERE ACTUALLY DOING ANY CONSTRUCTION WORK!
Rant Four:
If you are visiting the Valley, particularly the Nordic Valley area, do not let your kids wander around in the undergrowth. What looks like the back country to you is actually someone’s property. If I see a kid with a BB rifle walking through my property, eyeing MY birds and MY squirrels, he's going to lose that rifle.
Rant Five:
When I walk my little dogs I carry a retractable night stick. If your dog(s) come charging at us, snarling and snapping, I will use my stick on them. That will be almost as painful to me as to your dogs because I love dogs, all dogs, even ones who act mean, because generally that behavior if not their fault but the fault of their people. But if I have to use my stick to protect myself and my Scotties, I will.
Except if it's those two big Dobermans, or the Killer Beagle, or that gigantic Malamute . . . if they come out I'll be running in the other direction.
And everyone have a nice summer!
Posted by linda_english
at 5:19 PM EDT
Updated: Saturday, 30 May 2009 10:51 AM EDT