Early Childhood Memories

Grade-School Memories

Going into Mrs. H's first-grade room (seemed huge)

I felt small, and isolated, and scared.

Seeing Deb for the first time

My first encounter with "love at first sight". I had the feeling that someone was looking at me, and turned around to see this cute red-haired girl looking at me.

"It's not fair" that Joy got a pelican desk

Three students got to draw straws for a coveted lift-top desk. "Not fair... I've been just as quiet and on-time as they have!" It was OK, though, because I thought Joy was really cute. I loved her later in junior high.

Getting thumped on the head by Mrs. H (for wrong answer)

Back then, we didn't think we could sue for that sort of thing.

Being nice to the stinky kid

Teacher asked us to be nice to him, and I was the first to go say "hi, want to play".

A kid stabbed me in the hand with a sharp pencil

And the substitute teacher didn't punish him

Getting sent to the principal's office

The teacher comes running into the boys' bathroom and demands "Which one of you said that?!" None of us knew what she was talking about (I concluded from the incredulous looks on our faces). We all got sent to the office. I got put behind a desk, another kid had to stand behind a clothes rack, and another under a desk. To this day, I still don't know what was said.

Singing in Christmas programs

I felt deep emotions. I esp. recall "Away in a Manger", because I felt sad for the baby Jesus not having even a crib.

Buying a wind-up motor for $1.00

The kid's mom from whom I bought it made him bring it back to me. (She thought it was too much money. I thought it was a bargain, until I realized that I didn't have the tools to incorporate it into any other toy.)

Taking Christmas presents to show-and-tell

I had a jeep CJ (pink, like in a movie) that I really liked, and that's perhaps the only show-and-tell I recall. (I didn't like being up in front of other kids.)

Won the county-wide spelling bee (4th grade)

Think I also scored 1st or 2nd in 5th and 6th grades. In 7th grade, we had an oral spelling-contest, and I was too embarassed to do well. Steve C. won it. (He later went on to be a reporter for ESPN. I always think I could have beaten him, if it were written—and if I'd not been terrified of so much attention.)

Junior High Memories

The building smelled smoky

Someone had burned down part of the building a couple years before I went there.

Big classes, lots of new faces

Kind of scared at first, then thought it was more fun.

Went from confident to scared

In grade school, I often got the highest marks in my class. In Jr. high, it took me a while before I had the confidence to do that well in my classes.

Met Mya and Delinda.

Two girls I was quite infatuated with. I'm sure they're still hot. (Saw Delinda at 20-year reunion, and she was still sweet. Haven't seen Mya since high school—but knew and liked her also-red-haired cousin Marsha.)

Spilled ink on my art assignment

Did a nice perspective drawing of the building, but lost all credit from Mrs. W (art teacher) because I spilled red ink on it. (Later I thought I could have recovered credit by inking in a few bodies strewn about on the ground and calling it "death in the courtyard". How come I always think of these great ideas later?)

Boy Scout meetings

Met two of my best friends ever there Steve S. and George S., two guys I respect as much as anyone. We had great fun together. I feel bad for de-pantsing one of the younger kids, and for making another do "atomic situps". (I was not one to really like razzing younger kids.)

Getting "Campus VIP" Award

Nominated by teachers for recognition on local radio station.

Getting in "Who's Who in American High School Students"

Another academic award (also some citizenship criteria involved?).

Drinking tequila on the football-trip bus

Four of us drank tequila from boda bag, but got caught (and suspended for 3 days).

Skiing

I used to ski 30-50 times per season! Sometimes I miss it, until I think about my knees. Kent B, Terry D, Jeff K, and I (plus some hot ski-bunny recruits) took some movies while skiing. I think Kent still has a copy of it. May post on this site someday (when bandwidth gets cheaper).

"Woodsies"

Most Friday and Saturday nights, when it was warm enough, went to kegger parties up a winding mountain road. I'm still amazed that none of us ever crashed a car doing this. I only know of one accident that happened during my 3 high school years.

Tennis

Used to ride my bike twice a day to tennis courts, almost 5 miles from my house, to play tennis. Got almost good enough in a couple summers to make the high school team (but I worked too much at the hospital to practice enough). I had decent skills, but choked under pressure. I don't think I would have done well in competitions.

Golf

Played 2-3 times per week for a couple summers. Never got that good, even though I enjoyed it. Very much a mental game, which I again choked at in those years.

Working at the hospital

I had thought about going to med school, so I worked in a hospital for a year (summer before and all during senior year). I decided that I didn't want to be that responsible for someone else's health. (Also later in college, I didn't like chemistry and biology classes.)

Met Dawn there, perhaps my first "real girlfriend"

She was a sweet girl in my orderly/nurse-aide training class. We dated all summer. We had fun flirting and laughing and smooching. But I'll always feel bad that I pretty much dumped her when school started again in the fall. She went to a high school far away, and I had many friends at my own school. And then I discovered sophomore girls. They seemed to like me—I know that part of it was that I was a "senior guy", but I didn't care. I just had fun being liked more. Besides, many of the girls in my class were going out with college guys (that was before high school girls were dating their teachers :-).

College Memories

Saw Deb (my 1st grade infatuation) at registration

Fell in love with her all over again (more so than when I was 6). Too bad my self-image and relationship skills were so low. She's one of the few women I use to rate other women. Only a few have ever made the grade.

Beer and dancing at Pretzel Factory

We could always manage to have fun at this seedy little dive. Was the college hangout. Found out that I enjoyed dancing.

Freshman Math Award

Got highest score of all freshmen invited to take this test. I think my 1/4-point winning advantage was because I meditated right before the test. And I did quickly review a couple sections of the calculus book the night before to refresh my memory on a couple of definitions and equations. Still sometimes find it hard to believe I beat guys like Roger G. and Richard A. and Charlie B, who have all gone on to bigger career contributions than I have. I was more into being a dad, and a mad inventor. Much more fun.

Math and computer science classes

I enjoyed these classes, even though the work was tedious. A couple profs told me "You should go into engineering or computer science." I did, but that career field never really fit my style. I prefer wider-perspective, system-level work. I liked the problem-solving, just not in an engineering environment (too detail-oriented, and too many cold/critical people).

Skiing

Skiied 2-3 days a week the first two years, while I attended Mesa State College. This was definitely one of the funnest periods of my life.

Partying

This activity continued to be one of my favorite things to do on weekends. Actually, we also did it Thursday nights, and sometimes Wednesday nights, too. I liked the socializing, and the drinking helped me to be less shy.

SAC

Several of us guys used to get together and drink beer on Saturdays; hence the name "Saturday Afternoon Club". Great bunch of guys. Maj, Mole, Koit, Bott, Catron, Horse, Pester, Boita, Ron, Chris.

Huge classes at CSU

Walked into one of my first classes at CSU, to see about 300 other students. They were in so many different states of mind: nervous, uninterested, attentive, and some were even reading the paper throughout the lecture. I felt anonymous and unimportant. (My former classes were 20-30 students, and the professors knew each of us by name. Much different educational atmosphere.)

CSU girls seemed disinterested, annoyed

Again, I didn't feel like I fit in very well at a university of 18,000—instead of a small college of 3,000. I got a much better education, in many ways, at the smaller setting. Teachers were as good, perhaps even better on average. They did not have to publish research in order to remain employed. Students were more down-to-earth. If I had it to do over, I probably would have stayed at a smaller campus. The women here in Ft. Collins still continue to be a little colder than in other places I've been. Odd.

Marriage Memories (15 years)

Meeting Marsha (we were married for 15 years)

Went to 25-cent-drink night at local bar, and met through common friends. I heard voice say "Go talk to her," so I sat down beside her—and slurred enough words to get her attention. She saw me at a party the next weekend, but thought my name was Jeff. We were practically living together a couple weeks later.

Dating

Had a lot of fun hanging out with college friends the year we dated before getting married.

Marriage ceremony

Ceremony was at her uncle Dan's in Mt. Vernon (foothills west of Denver). Rained really hard, then got really sunny. Party was fun. Wish I had introduced more people to each other. (I had no manners then.)

First two years

We were very much in love. I was just finishing up BSEE degree, and had interviews & offers from several companies. I accepted one from Hewlett-Packard, mostly because I wouldn't have to move (away from CSU, where Marsha needed a couple more years to finish her degree).

Third year

Seemed like things went from very good to conflict/boredom after two years of living together. It seems like things really changed when we took a bicycling trip to Glacier Park in Montana in August, 1980. Was it that I looked at a couple of the other women a little too long, or did she like one of the guys on the trip? We both seemed to lose interest in each other, and our frustrations with the way the other acted increased every few months.

Pregnancy

Once Marsha was pregnant with Andrew, things really changed. Her mood was really angry and demanding. I withdrew due to being offended and not liking her bossiness. She got scared, and then increased her bossiness. A horrible downward cycle that we never did get out of, even though we were married almost 13 more years.

Building the custom house

In 1982, we had a custom house built for us in Loveland, with Rist-Benson Lake right across the street. I used to take Andrew over to feed the ducks every night after work ("feed gucks!). Life was simple and sweet then, compared to the next 10 years.

Increasing tension

We didn't communicate enough. We harbored grudges. We felt unloved.

The final days

It all seemed to come to a head about 1991. We argued almost constantly, and were both basically miserable. I wanted us to go to counseling again, which we'd done twice before in the '80s. But that didn't really work. The love was pretty much dead. We'd tried to stick it out for the kids, but that never works. A lady who cut my hair heard me talking about how I was unhappy with marriage, and said "Let me tell you... my sisters and I were so relieved when my parents told us they were getting divorced." Thanks, Kelly. That was a real turning point in my thinking. I also read quite a lot about the effects of divorce on children, and found that they often end up being more resilient and resourceful. They are in a way forced to grow up faster, but in so doing realize that they have the inner/emotional resources to cope with tough things in life. They realize that they will not die because mom and dad don't love each other as much. They can still be comforted in knowing that mom and dad both love them just as much as ever, but that they will just not be living together. We made sure that kids had great access to us whenever they needed. It worked out rather well.

Parenting Memories

The birth of Andrew

Totally amazing experience. A voice said, "Here's and old friend. Take good care of him." He was energetic, and ready to bust into the world. (He's still like that.)

The birth of Michael

Just as amazing. Voice said, "His name is Michael." He was quieter than Andrew, more calm and thoughtful at birth... and still is.

The birth of Timothy

The quietest, calmest at birth. Sleepy, yet very observant. His bones seemed long & gangly, softer than the other boys at birth. (He is still this way.) We took a really long time to name him. Not sure why we called him Timothy.

Coaching soccer

I coached soccer teams for each of my sons. I was usually coaching at least two teams per season, which kept me busy on weekdays, and incredibly busy on weekends going to three games every Saturday. There were also tournaments in spring and fall, which lasted 2-3 days each. This was such as fun time of our lives.

Andrew making two goal-assists in the state championship playoffs

Andrew has always been an awesome soccer player. He made tryouts in U14 for the Olympic Development Program, and later went to the Western Regionals where he played on the Colorado State Team (they got 2nd place, behind N. Calif. team). In high school, he made Varsity, started most games, and lettered as a freshman. (This is a feat only accomplished by one other player that I know of at FCHS.) Two of the greatest moments in my life were when he took the ball from the backfield to inside the 18, and served a soft ball that his teammate Zach headed into the goal. (The first time was to win a quarter-final game, and the second time was to get the first goal against the team who took 2nd place in the State 5A championship.)

Mike having the highest per-game scoring average

Mike is also an awesome soccer player. He played more offense, while Andrew played more defense. Both had rocket shots. However, Mike was able to score an average of one goal per game in his last year of high school soccer. A high point in my life was when Mike beat three defenders and then lightly tapped the ball over the keeper's hands for a game-winning goal.

Tim also won a math award

Another high point in my life (I have so many, esp. with my sons involved) was Tim getting the highest score in his math class in 6th grade (we drove him to another school for an advanced math class that year). Other teachers have said "he's a great thinker", and "he's my favorite student".

Work Memories, Full-Time in Corporation

Getting interviewed

Did well in interviews with HP and Fluke (Seattle, WA). Would have accepted the offer in Seattle, except for two reasons: 1) I had just met Marsha the day before I flew to Seattle and wanted to stick around to see what developed with her; 2) I was not that committed to a career in electrical engineering, and so a move that far away seemed very risky.

Dreading working at HP

Marsha and I were out partying with her friends one day, and then later that evening went to meet another friend (Dana, who was her maiden of honor). I drank a lot of coffee, and then couldn't sleep well that night. I went into her mom's office to find a book to read, and read several pages of a Carlos Castaneda book (Teachings of Don Juan; A Yaqui Way of Knowledge). There was a passage that really struck me, about "a path with heart". Right then and there, one month before I started with HP, I realized that I was not going to enjoy that job.

Engineering vs. inventing

Electrical engineering was not a good career fit for me. I had done well in most of the EE classes, but I really didn't relish the thought of that type of work. I wanted to invent things, such as: bikes and their accessories, camping and hiking gear, and perhaps computer controls. But the rigorous environment of an instrumentation-design lab was not fun. I didn't like all the details. I wanted to look at higher-level perspectives, like how some of these instruments could be used to create things that decreased pollution or improved the quality of people's lives. I suppose I could have found work like that, but it did not require an EE degree.

Trying writing as a profession

I looked around within the company, and found other positions which I thought would be better matches for me. The one I settled on was as a technical writer. (It's interesting that I chose to design and partly build as my senior EE design project a text-editing system. I wanted a tool that I could write and edit with. I see now that writing is a big theme in my life.)

Getting awards!

I received an award from the International Technical Communicators Conference in 1987. I also was the co-recipient of the Ft. Collins Site Quality Department Award. I had a lot of fun making a presentation to about 2-300 people on the site. I was a little scared, but when my jokes got laughter, I was on a high that lasted for several months. Several people later commended me for a job well done. I had conquered a fear that had imprisoned me since I was about three years old. Sweet victory indeed.

Testing the waters of management--twice

I was a manager two times at HP, and both times I found it not very fun to work only through others. I kept gravitating back to writing, and helping my supervisees do better technical-manual design and development. Unfortunately, a lot of what my managers wanted was more along the lines of administrative duties like schedule-building, wage-and-salary administration, and other boring tasks. So I decided to try something a little less technical... I thought.

The plight of the internal consultant

As a writer, I was respected. As a writing manager, I lost friends because I was a manager--"a suit", "one of the establishment". My style was more "break out of the mold and do what you believe in" than it was "keep track of everyone's performance". So I wanted to be more of a "teacher/consultant" who writers (and their managers) would come to when they needed help. Unfortunately, the role of quality consultant in HP was to be more of a policeman than a teacher/helper. People were reluctant to ask me for advice, because they thought I would see flaws in (and not give approval to) their work. I wasn't very politically savvy. I was very direct, and they wanted smooth. I did learn a lot. One of the big things was that people told me: "If you are an outside consultant, people believe everything you say. If you're an inside consultant, nobody believes anything you say." We would laugh about this quite often, to ease our frustrations.

Back to writing

I was out of writing for four years, but then wanted to be one who produces results directly. I enjoyed it more than management, but I kept realizing that writing about computers and programming languages was not meaningful to me.

Human resources consultant

I helped a small group of people interpret employee-satisfaction survey results and feed it back to management. That was fun, but I couldn't get a job in that functional area--because they were "down-sizing" those groups across the corporation.

Time to move on

I started getting repetitive-strain injuries in my neck and back due to poor ergonomics at my computer workstation. I got depressed, because I was only sleeping 4 hours a night for a couple months. I got a negative performance appraisal, and when I couldn't explain why to my manager, and I couldn't get her to re-write some of it, I decided to leave that place. I didn't leap up out of my chair and onto my desk and scream loudly "I can't handle this meaningless work any more!", but that's what I felt like. I did yell and cheer a lot in my car as I drove away from that place for the last time as an employee, though.

Work Memories, Post-Corporate, Part-Time

Processing These Memories

As I said earlier on this page, I like to savor my positively memorable events. I also process them so that I'll understand them, and also be able to utilize the lessons later in my life.