Chant of the Machine Room

What to do in a computing emergency

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You may find the following useful to solve those really hard problems that seem to come and go at will.... I kinda apologise for it now, it was written on a chocolate high and too little sleep.

In a computing emergency, do the following:

  1. Set incense burners burning incense made from high-cal snack food and old computer paper on each machine in the machine room.
  2. Draw a line from every machine to the other machines in a powder made from coffee, sugar and pain killers.
  3. Grab the nearest user and drag them to the middle of the machine room.
  4. Say in deep an ominous voice "Oh Gods of computers, let this cowering user be a sacrifice to you so that fewer will come".
  5. Sacrifice the user and spread some of their blood on each of the machines in the machine room.
  6. Hope that the Gods have been listening and have lowered themselves to let your computers work, the deadlines to be far off and the users not to bother you with dumb user questions.

Original author: Simon Burr
Original PDP-8 image: Steve Gibson of Gibson Research Corporation

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