Sexist Humour
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males
after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals".
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling
around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between
his neck and the noose.
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they're practicing to be men.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world
to revolve around him.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him
brag about the screwing part.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping
for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women.
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man
wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Send this to five bright, funny women you know and make their day!
And send this to five bright men who have enough sense of humor to find
this funny!
OK, at least finding five bright women is possible.
Original author unknown
Asked directions,
Arrived on time,
Helped deliver the baby,
Cleaned the stable,
Made a casserole,
Brought practical gifts and
There would be Peace on Earth.
Original author unknown
One day, a female brain cell found herself, by accident, inside a man's head. She looked around, but couldn't see any other brain cells. "Is anybody there?" she shouted. There was no reply. "Is anybody there?" she shouted, much louder this time. From a long way away she heard the faint reply, "We're all down here."
Original author unknown
When God made man, she was having one of her off days.
Original author unknown
stanfordalumni.org