"I always wanted to act. but the other kids would have the ferver(sry spelling) of a drugged up pet store puppy.
(mock enthusiasm)'I like to act and I really (scrunches face) really, love base-ball. I would come in there like. Yeah, I
play clarinet, this was before guitar, and I really want to act. thanx, bye." -john on wanting to be a child actor majorly
paraphrased of course.
"The second set went really great. I turned around and said 'now we're cook- now we're talking."
-john on the show
"If you watch back, right at the beginning of love song for no one, you'll see me say something to
david(dela). What I'm really saying is 'hello all you fucking lip readers'"-john on, well fucking lip readers
"This actual bed-head. No stylist"- john on morning hair
The above are from John's DVD Any Given Thursday available now.
"I never considered myself a songwriter until about five minutes ago. I didn't
tell you, it just happened." -30 seconds per square dvd
(John at a payphone)
"What? When did I say...? Hold on. No hold on! If you hang up on me this is over! Life on the road has been great (phone
dial-tone) F*ck!"
-30 seconds per square dvd
"I used to be addicted to, like, sound-checks and cattering, now it's 'maybe today's the day my couch will come!' -last
call w/carson, 12/20/02
"When I get on TRL and all those girls are screaming, I'll make them cry so
all their glitter makeup runs all down their face!"
"I want to let all the girls out there know something. Guys don't
always think about ass, they go through phases. Like, sometimes you're in the ass phase and sometimes you're not. (after a
slight pause) I only bring this up because right now...I'm in the ass phase."
"I've always said I've got the coolest
fans, and I brag about you like grandchildren when I talk to other artists. " JM
"There's this great little tool that
god gave us, and that's this little switch in your head that just goes mmmmmfuckit....."
''The people who love my music
are the ones who had to bounce around a few lunch tables before they decided where to sit''
"I can't wait to get on TRL and make all of those girls cry and make the
glitter on their faces run down."
"i'm sorry i gotta go, i have
to go to my gynocologist!"
"i'm never coming back! I'm
gonna get a job as a stripper!"
"tell us three things that are fascinating about a women:
1. their restraint..
their ability to confuse a man
2. that whole vagina thing
3. her memory
strangely enough numbers 4-10. that vagina
thing"
"sex?.. never"
"My head is like a box of Nerds...the
grape side is the music side which is always bangin around on the guitar. The cherry side is always working on the words -
but they're completely indepenent of one another."
"Uh...Yeah....This song should
start out...
Remember like the Bobby Brown records? You'd hear the touch tone dialin'.
It'd be like Beep Beep
Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep...briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinng...
(in girl voice) Hello?
Yo baby, What's up girl?...
yo girl I was thinking maybe I'd come over and we'd take our relationship to the next level...and in the mornin', girl,
I'm gonna pour you a bowl of Count Chocula... and I'm gonna pull some of the oat peices out, so it tastes like there's just
more marshmallow....'cause thats how much I care about you girl....Girl, I would change up the marshmallow to oat ratio for
you"
"Peeps are like my steriods."
"The new album is called Room For Squares. I'm always the guy at the party who's in someone's way" -john's home video
on johnmayer.com
"It was a short little detour I took for a moment" -Twist magazine, on relationship w/Jennifer Love
"My first real kiss was playing truth or dare in the library. After that I had to change my underwear"- Twist magazine
"The problem w/being your own future historian is that you miss what's really going on. That was profound. Guys? Did
you hear that? I said 'your own future historian' - home video on johnmayer.com
(greatly paraphrased) "Did you know they serve seafood at Sea World? I kept thinking, 'I could be eating a slow learner!'
