SONG: THE KITE

CHARLIE BROWN:
LITTLE MORE SPEED, LITTLE MORE ROPE,
LITTLE MORE WIND, LITTLE MORE HOPE,
GOTTA GET THIS STUPID KITE TO FLY.
GOTTA MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T SNAG,
DOESN'T DROOP, DOESN'T DRAG,
GOTTA WATCH OUT FOR EVERY LITTLE... WHOOPS!

LITTLE LESS SPEED, LITTLE MORE TACK,
LITTLE LESS RISE, LITTLE MORE SLACK,
GOTTA KEEP MY WITS ABOUT ME NOW.
GOTTA MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T GET THE BEST OF ME
TILL I GET IT IN THE AIR SOMEHOW.

MILLIONS OF LITTLE KIDS DO IT EVERY DAY,
THEY MAKE A KITE AND POOF, IT'S IN THE SKY.
LEAVE IT TO ME TO HAVE THE ONE FOOL KITE
WHO LIKES TO SEE A LITTLE KID CRY.

LITTLE LESS TALK, LITTLE MORE SKILL,
LITTLE LESS LUCK, LITTLE MORE WILL,
GOTTA FACE THIS FELLOW EYE TO EYE.
NOW THAT I'VE SEEN YOU CHASING MOLES,
CLIMBING TREES, DIGGING HOLES,
CATCHING YOUR STRING ON EVERYTHING PASSING BY,
WHY NOT FLY?

WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT'S IT DOING?
IT ISN'T ON THE GROUND,
IT ISN'T IN A TREE,
IT'S IN THE AIR!
LOOK AT THAT,
IT'S CAUGHT THE BREEZE NOW,
IT'S PAST THE TREES NOW,
WITH ROOM TO SPARE.

OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT.
AND I'M NOT SUCH A CLUMSY GUY,
IF I REALLY TRY
I CAN REALLY FLY A KITE!
(Off-stage, the kite crashes to the ground.)

SALLY:
I'm mad. I'm mad at the whole world.

SCHROEDER:
Are you mad at everybody in the whole world?

SALLY:
I'm mad at everybody.

SCHROEDER:
Are you mad at all the animals, and the birds and the fish? How 'bout all the trees and the flowers? 

SALLY:
I'm mad at them too. I'm mad at everything.

SCHROEDER:
Are you mad at the sky and the stars? Are you mad at the ground? Are you mad at all the rocks? Are you mad at cars and buildings, and TV, and circuses, and roller skates and bracelets?

SALLY:
You didn't mention jump ropes!

SCHROEDER:
Are you mad at jump ropes?

SALLY:
I'm especially mad at stupid jump ropes. (she then pull the jump rope all the way out and it's all knotted up.)

CHARLIE BROWN:
I'd give anything if that little red haired girl sent me a valentine. Maybe she did send me one... maybe she sent me a valentine and it's in our mailbox right now. I'm afraid to look... If I look and there's nothing there I'll be crushed... but, if she did send me a valentine... I've got to look! (He sticks his head in the mailbox.) HELLOOOOOOOO (It echoes.) Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.

SALLY:
I've been thinking about why you didn't get any valentines big brother. I think I figured it out. You didn't get any valentine because no one sent you any. (She laughs.)

CHARLIE BROWN:
I can't stand it. Look at them laughing and enjoying themselves with their valentines. I sent a valentine to everyone I know this Valentine's Day, and did I get any in return? No, not one. I did not get one single valentine. Everybody gets valentines but me. Nobody likes me. I get about as many valentines as a dog. (SNOOPY walks in with a big bunch of valentines and laughs at Charlie Brown.) My stomach hurts.

(He goes over to Lucy's psychiatrist booth.)

CHARLIE BROWN:
Oh, Lucy, I'm so depressed. Everything is going wrong. I don't know what to do.

LUCY:
I'm sorry to hear that, Charlie Brown. Maybe there's something I can do to help. I think what you need most of all is to come right out and admit all the things that are wrong with you.

CHARLIE BROWN:
You really thing that will help, [Lucy?]

LUCY:
Certainly.

CHARLIE BROWN:
Alright, I'll try!

SONG: THE DOCTOR IS IN

CHARLIE BROWN:
I'M NOT VERY HANDSOME, OR CLEVER, OR LUCID
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN STUPID AT SPELLING AND NUMBERS.
I'VE NEVER BEEN MUCH PLAYING FOOTBALL OR BASEBALL,
OR STICKBALL OR CHECKERS OR MARBLES OR PING PONG. . .
I'M USUALLY AWFUL AT PARTIES AND DANCES
I STAND LIKE A STICK, OR I COUGH
OR I LAUGH
OR I DON'T BRING A PRESENT
OR I SPILL THE ICE CREAM
OR I GET SO DEPRESSED THAT
I STAND AND I SCREAM. . .
OH, HOW COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE
ONE SMALL PERSON AS THOROUGHLY,
TOTALLY, UTTERLY,
BLAH AS ME?

LUCY:
Well, that's okay for a starter.

CHARLIE BROWN:
A starter?

LUCY:
Well, sure. . . You don't think that mentioning these few superficial failings is going to do any good, do you? Why, Charlie Brown, you really have to delve!

YOU'RE STUPID, SELF-CENTERED AND MOODY.

CHARLIE BROWN:
I'M MOODY.

LUCY:
YOU'RE TERRIBLY DULL TO BE WITH.

CHARLIE BROWN:
YES, I AM. . .
AND NOBODY LIKES ME. . .
NOT FRIEDA, OR SHERMY, OR LINUS, OR SCHROEDER...

LUCY:
OR LUCY.

CHARLIE BROWN:
OR LUCY.

LUCY:
OR SNOOPY.

CHARLIE BROWN:
OR SNOOP --

Now wait a minute!! Snoopy likes me.

LUCY:
He only pretends to like you because you feed him. That doesn't count.

CHARLIE BROWN:
OR SNOOPY.
OH, WHY WAS I BORN JUST TO BE
ONE SMALL PERSON AS THOROUGHLY, TOTALLY, UTTERLY...

LUCY:
Wait!!

YOU'RE NOT VERY MUCH OF A PERSON.

CHARLIE BROWN:
THAT'S CERTAIN.

LUCY:
AND YET THERE IS REASON FOR HOPE.

CHARLIE BROWN:
THERE'S HOPE?

LUCY:
FOR ALTHOUGH YOU ARE NO GOOD AT MUSIC, LIKE SCHROEDER
OR HAPPY, LIKE SNOOPY
OR LOVELY, LIKE ME!!
YOU HAVE THE DISTINCTION TO BE
NO ONE ELSE BUT THE SINGULAR, REMARKABLE,
UNIQUE CHARLIE BROWN.. . .

CHARLIE BROWN:
I'M ME!

LUCY:
YES. . .
IT'S AMAZINGLY TRUE.
FOR WHAT EVER IT'S WORTH, CHARLIE BROWN,
YOU'RE YOU.

CHARLIE BROWN:
Gosh, Lucy, you know something, I'm beginning to feel better already. You're a true friend, Lucy, a true friend.

LUCY:
That'll be five cents, please.