this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items

that don’t warrant a page by themselves

or seem to fit better here

pending poems  index

chronological order is from the bottom to the top of  the page

audio files can be complemented by listening to them  with the eyes closed  !

the way i use  ‘ retarded ’  is like the way i use  ‘ schizophrenia ’ ,  they are paradigms of reality and not meant personally

years ago when i was living in auckland i went for a walk down near the park and bumped into a guy you would have called  ‘ retarded ’ ,  we had a bit of a chat and i heard more sense from him than i ever have from anyone else

i should have thought about the conversation more

you need to do things and think about things

you need both

does arguing with the insane make you insane ?

i think so

when will i ever learn ?

against retarded monsters you can never win

does arguing with the insane make you insane ?

i think so

when will i ever learn ?

against retarded monsters can you ever win ?

does arguing with the insane make you insane ?

i think so

when will i ever learn ?

does arguing with the insane make you insane ?

i think so

when will they ever learn ?

in the end you will only have your own writing

memory  erodes

you think arguing is going to alter the reality ?

charles dickens loathed his children and his wife, he had married the wrong woman

ezekiel’s temple looks  amazingly modern

another  view

the wonders of graphics cards and digital signal processing

basically architectural drawings flashed forward 2600 years to the point the technology exists to build them and who knows, perhaps one day that will happen

the seething coiling world of the insane creating endless private definitions like there are no dictionaries

a seething coiling world of the insane creating endless private definitions like there are no dictionaries

rather than read what i wrote you felt the rush of an opinion come forward and you had to write it ?

is the catholic church celibacy or masked pedophilia ?

the interior dynamics of  “ spirit rock ”  are promiscuity and drugs and for noah levine, promiscuity and drug recovery and i am not sure that drug recovery is much different in that sense from drug use

people  seem to ignore  that eihei dogen was celibate, zen for most of its existence has been a celibate tradition and there is a reason for that, to understand what zen is about takes a long lifetime of total focus, it can’t be done otherwise

you can’t criticise the mentally ill for being mentally ill

their dysfunctional spinout from reality precludes them being sane

on the other hand you don’t have to let them drag you down

the old have no energy, the young are too unformed

do you wonder sometimes if the universe is completely closing off and there is only you and your writing left ?

rimbaud is one of the more interesting poets because  of his life

he must have had amazing adventures in ethiopa and arden which alas are totally lost to time

the good die youngish unfortunately

not quite  lost to time

to be involved in a religion is to be caught in an organisation you can’t change

“ if you survive, so will i  through you ”

the thing about women

you can save their lives

it doesn’t make them grateful

‘ i deserved it ’  they think

the thing about women

you can save their lives

it doesn’t make them grateful

churches  monasteries

temples  statues

the general level of stupidity

is just staggering

why don’t they go for a walk by themselves ?

i was looking through the net and all the contemporary bullshit

you have to look  outside  the contemporary to get quality

9:30am and i heard a possum sound out on the front lawn

they don’t come out in daylight so i went outside to see what gives

it was a blue heron which immediately flapped off

they do hang around out in the paddocks

what happened on r|zen ?

its quite subtle and has taken me a while to work out, but its character has changed and this is due to subtlety by theksepyro who basically pirated it from some sort of community ownership into his private control

the mods used to discipline ewk when he got too out of line, but this never happens now and people like myself get their OP’s removed because they are persuasive and don’t accord with theksepyro’s views

personally i think its a good thing because ewk and the other retards there have to go somewhere and what better than a toxic decoy forum like r|zen to keep them out of circulation and it also helps identify them  (most are banned here)

“ don’t interrupt your enemies when they are making bad mistakes ”

that’s one thing i learnt, i am at war with these people and their idiocies and ways of being, it took me along time to pick that up

an  interesting link  on techniques to derail a forum

the cryptome

what i notice or the principal red flag is when people don’t respond to the points you raise in a post but tangent off into their own agendas, these people are malevolent and only interested in wasting your time and spoiling your writing

you can’t actually physically eliminate people, so what you can do is let them self-contain in some toxic hive basically of their own making

buzz buzz r|zen !

seigando pm’s me

“ are you banned ? ”

my reply

well this is where theksepyro is a subtle bastard, i’m not banned but he deletes the best 50% of my OP’s so in effect i am banned without being banned

i’m really liking just reading r|zen and not posting, the other major issue is ewk being allowed his spam  “ take downs ”  which again is clearly in the theksepyro’s court

i think a destructive aspect of the web is to get too involved with other people’s lives

some people have a problem with this others don’t ,  i am of the former

jean-yves thibaudet is a virtuoso who thinks more than most

the only one i have ever seen talk about  a fugue space  during a performance

diana damrau  singing  mozart’s  ‘ queen of the night ’  aria, she used gestures and facial expresions like she is in the opera

i do notice very successful professional entertainers and actors usually have private lives which are a bit of a disaster, because, i presume they are successful in part by an overfocus on their work or perhaps their talent makes them more willing to enter into areas of trauma

fame of course is destructive

as one brought up on  “ the lucy show”  its interesting she has  a history ,  obviously a  “ stayer ”

i think the whole catholic church is collapsing

idiot nuns ,  paedophile priests ,  geriatric senior management and an insanely dated theology

newton found order in motion and could reduce it to mathematical simplicity

he couldn’t find it in  chemistry/alchemy  because the level of contemporary knowledge didn’t permit it and he just went around in circles

them’s the breaks

one field made his reputation, the other squandered his life    ̲    ̲    _ 

complexity   simplicity

simplicity   complexity

simple   complicated

complicated   simple

“ many are called and few are chosen ”

i’d say many are called and few listen

meaning in meaninglessness


you know, i could be quite anti  (i am)  and say, well what if there’s no god

but if i put it in terms i understand like  “ is there a final cause ” 

i’m stuck for words and  can’t criticise

the most fascinating fact i find about adolf hitler is he was deliberately childless and it wasn’t as though he disliked them

murdering millions including germans, yet deliberately childless

something wrong in heaven and earth i’d say

the next most fascinating fact is how he had eva braun’s brother-in-law shot in the last days in the bunker and eva’s preoccupation in her last hours was trying to keep this information from her sister

these neo-nazis are oblivious to any in depth research on their hero

how is buddha like charles bukowski ?

they both abandoned their newborn children

going back in time and killing hitler is a common science fiction scenario, its assumed to be a good thing, but you should ask, how could things be worse without him ?

a germany that didn’t discrimate against jews and with a more functional leadership could have developed an atomic bomb and you have the possibility of the usa, germany, russia and japan all developing the atomic bomb around the same time and given the sorts of mindsets going on then, a widespread atomic war could have been a possibility

you have to have something to say rather than repeat what everyone else has said

there really is no such thing as zen

its like christianity and islam

they are just illusions

there really is no such thing as  “ zen ”

its like christianity and islam

they are just illusions

if women couldn’t fool men there would be no children

if men couldn’t fool women there would be no children

infinity exists indifferent

that’s the theory anyway

i’m not so sure

infinity exists indifferent

that’s the theory anyway

i don’t think it is

infinity exists indifferent

that’s the theory

i don’t think it is

with supplements a lot of people don’t seem to realise that doses are arbitrary so it pays to experiment with them cut down and very rarely more than the advised

a redditor writes

i was home alone in the finished attic that was my bedroom of a two floor house  (my room was the 3rd “ floor ”)  taking a midday nap

i hear someone call my name, a deep male voice, very slowly and almost guttural

i instantly answered  “ what ? ”  thinking it was my husband or his grandfather who lived with us at the time

no answer of course

i get up and search the whole house, even the basement, no one was home

called my husband’s phone to see if he or his grandfather had just left

no such luck

this happened over ten years ago and i can still remember the voice exactly and it sends chills through my body

had this ever happened to anyone else ?

i have no clue what it could have been and i tend to be more skeptical that superstitious

my  reply

lucid dream, the brain as it goes to sleep or starts to wake up is in a very indeterminate state

several weeks ago as i was waking up from an intense dream i saw a line of fire , i really thought it was real but eventually much later i worked it out to have been be light coming in under a window curtain  “ misinterpreted ”

interestingly a lot of the  “ scariest experiences ”  in this  reddit thread  are these dreams

just a word of warning, there’s a lot of crazies around on the web pushing deliberate lucid dreaming as some sort of spiritual experience, but my opinion is you can permanently mess your sleep doing this

she  replies

i’ve thought as much.  it hadn’t happened before nor since and i swore i actually heard it.  the scary part was the voice itself.  it sounded menacing.  dream or not i never want to  “ hear ”  that voice again

my  reply

you might be out of luck

“ the whole brain is active during dreams, from the brain stem to the cortex.  most dreams occur during REM  (rapid eye movement)  sleep

this is part of the sleep-wake cycle and is controlled by the reticular activating system whose circuits run from the brain stem through the thalamus to the cortex

the limbic system in the mid-brain deals with emotions in both waking and dreaming and includes the amygdala, which is mostly associated with fear and is especially active during dreams

the cortex is responsible for the content of dreams, including the monsters we flee from, the people we meet, or the experience of flying

since we are highly visual animals the visual cortex, right at the back of the brain, is especially active, but so are many other parts of the cortex

least active are some parts of the frontal lobes, and this may explain why we can be so uncritical during dreams, accepting the crazy events as though they are real  —  until we wake up ”

an interesting  insight  into the life and world of anne boleyn

scotty kilmer on timing chains  versus  timing belts

why some vehicles have rear  drum brakes  and disc front brakes

how celibate catholic  contemplatives  can waste their lives with so little understanding of what they are doing is beyond me, teresa of avila and john of the cross must be turning in their graves

you can’t stay within a religion as a contemplative these days because its too intellectually bankrupt, you need to look around and travel

 what is feminism ?

an ism of fems

that sounds about right

what is the attraction of scriptualism ?

i think its that if you just natter about it and don’t attempt to test it you get some self-esteem kick from being  “ enlightened ”  or  “ holy ”  without the  ‘ downside ’  of dealing with  “ prediction error ”  and facing needed changes in your developmental structure

these people are immune to logic and any sense of realism precisely because that is what they are avoiding

its not ignorance but a deliberate course chartered which makes them very unpleasant to deal with

dillon123 has this crazy idea about aleister crowley being some sort of  “ spiritual guru ” ,  all he has to do is research crowley and his life in depth and he will be disabused, but he won’t do that so he just remains stuck forever

the lack of half a day’s work makes him schizophrenic

all these people on r|zen remain stuck on these  “ sticking points ”  they just won’t go past them, just like what is described in the ‘ zen records ’  actually

the principle sticking point being a denial of the  “ visionary ” ,  for them materialism is the bottom turtle !

there is a “ bottom turtle ”  but its not material reality

i think having chaste close-ish relationships with women is part of celibacy

the relation of zen to buddhism is zen deconstructs buddhism just like the islamic and christian mystics deconstruct  (subtly  —  direct was distinctly not safe)  their religions

when i say  “ zen ”  i mean the authentic mysticsm, most of what passes as it is just bullshit

a jason  “ mini compendium ”  who seems to be doing better on krill oil and having done a blood donation and actually being unemployed

i’m not getting involved in unnecessary fights, simple enough !

remember, he’s  (ed.  a relative of jason’s i think)  on hard drugs

that changes you physically and mentally for the worse

i went to the park yesterday, i spent several hours there and time passed by pretty quickly

i walked miles, in the woods and along the bay

i say time passed quickly because every second was spent in thought, and besides stopping every once in a while to appreciate some natural beauty, i seemed to not notice my surroundings

i hadn’t been out to the park in weeks because of the winter, viruses, and donating blood

i thought about a lot and i really came out on top in the end

when i first got there and i was just leaving the parking lot into a trail i saw a white car pulling in, besides me there was no one else there

while on the trail there was an opening in the trees letting the sunlight in so i took off my hat for five minutes or so

when i reached the end of the trail where it starts into another trail i saw two women approaching, i thought  ‘ i have to get in front of them ’  because if i don’t see them then they’re not a problem

so they were about 15 feet in front of me when i started jogging to make sure i got on the trail first

they chuckled and i’m not sure what they were whispering, i thought they said something like   “ you know, if you take your time   .  . ” 

i walked fast and then i didn’t see them again

zen master eihei dogen was in china studying under zen master rujing

while in meditation he had a vision involving zen master damei fachang

eihei dogen was given transmission by fachang through quantum space

when he next spoke to tiāntóng rújìng, eihei dogen was given approval

eihei dogen returned to japan where he faced persecution until his death due to tuberculosis

the end of the jason  “ mini compendium ”

missing lines from the twelfth night

viola to sebastian

we are the same father but different of the same and of the same mother but same of the same

a monk asked joshu

what is your way of looking at things ?

joshu replied, i am little deaf, please ask again which the monk did

joshu replied, by your question i understand the way you look at things

the good news about living is that there is something extremely significant about ourselves and living that is hidden from us

the bad news is  ‘ direct revelation ’  is only occasionally accessible and things mostly are a muddle

i guess this my restatement of zen’s sudden and gradual enlightenment

i’m fascinated how these original truths have become twisted by translation and transcription and people piss their lives away arguing about nonsense and my own writing which is on the nail, they diss

an unappreciated dimension of any ingested substance is the signalling effect on the microbiome

that’s basically the microbiome remodelling itself based on a signal

i don’t know what the attraction or  appeal  of marianne faithfull is, a talented melancholy surpisingly robust to abuse ?

jason is criticised

“ you don't even play video games ! ”

and replies

you say that like its a bad thing

jason  writes

you can agree with someone and not necessarily have to believe them

agreeableness is a sign of strong social skills

what i mean is that you don’t have to be agreed with by others, that's out of your control, but you can be agreeable to others

to be agreeable is to take in the opposing viewpoint and not become aggressive towards it

“ is sparkling water bad for gut health ?

i drink carbonated water almost exclusively

i have a sodastream at home that i love using

the only ingrediants i use is water and carbon  —  carbonated water/sodastream

is this bad for gut health ?

or is it the same as drinking regular water ? ”

over the years i have wondered about this and feel on balance that carbonated water is negative in terms of gut health, possibly because carbon dioxide is itself toxic

almost identical  male and female twins, sir henry neville may have not been so far off in  “ twelfth night ”

“ what is the truth that philosphers fear the most ”

that philosophy is a waste of time

when you will be shown no mercy

show no mercy

what can be deceiving about the schizophrenic is they sometimes get close to startling insight, so close that you wonder how the rest of what they say is so disorganised

the woman squirmed in the chair

what she seemed to be saying was

‘ acknowledge my womb ’

if every woman when they got up in the morning

looked in the mirror and said

“ its only my appearance ”

 would the world be a better place ?

it might be more livable

if every woman when they got up tomorrow

looked in the mirror and said

“ its only my appearance ”

 would the world be a better place ?

it might be more livable

walk with infinity

don’t walk with infinity

ok, walk with infinity

what i find is women love attention and they are not that fussy about how well it reflects on them

“ all women are bitches ”

i think what is meant by that is they can turn on you for no apparent reason, at least to the male eye

terri butler’s body language  is interesting , she really has some sort of attitude to jordan peterson

in a way women can never lie becuse their body language gives them away

their expectation is always for the world to conform to them

many against one






 many ?

give me the real world or give me illusion

give me illusion

in edouard manet’s  “ a bar at the folies-bergère ”  the reflected image  is offset

what makes this a great painting ?

a good  video  on gustav klimt

u.g. and j. krishnamurti didn’t come from nowhere, they are both sons of a sort of theosophy and advaita

all this christian stuff is way too dramatic






there is a different world

a different land others have no access to

it is yours alone

there is a different world

a different land

others have no access to




the problem with the current arts education is it has created a diseased pool of twits and incompetents polluting every facet of life with their faux art/music/writing

david bentley hart, how can you  drivel  the way you do ?

the  ‘ world’s leading theologian ’  must be an empty category

endless summer here





basically public health advice is ten to twenty years behind the latest research

i read the latest research every day so just ask

a really basic one is people don’t understand the circadian rhythm which is set by blue/white light and all these screens late at night make the brain think its midday just before bed, but ideally you should be under red light which the brain sees as dark an hour before bed and actually mimics the evening camp fire which is what we are designed for

another big issue is pregnant women crossing time zones, the developing fetus is badly impacted by the jet lag, you have all those very rapidly dividing cells

i even sent j. a. an email about the problem but either it didn’t get through or she and her staff ignored it

megan markle is of course a cot case

you can take too much vitamin D, i pierce the blackmores capsule with a pin, squeeze out four drops into the mouth, then put it in the fridge and take the rest the next day

the amount of vitamin  D needed depends on the person and varies, you have to work it out for yourself

vitamin K does a heap for the circulation, teeth and is an effective anti-depressant

also you need to take K2  (MK-7)  if you are taking vitamin D

figures ,  one of the things that disturbed dr. mengele was how many jews passing through the gates of auschwitch looked aryan

women have an immediacy, everything is more immediate for them

its a bit frightening for men

with cause

there’s lots of things we do that are a mistake, even for long periods of time, but if we stop then the equation changes and we have benefited

there are always monsters on the boundaries, better to get aquainted and get some avoidance practice in

“ kacent says she wants good people in her life ”

that’s an illusion for sure, especially for her

you have to take what you are given to work with

jason  replies

what’s an illusion about that ?

just to be clear, its kacent who wants good people in her own life

my  reply

what isn’t an illusion about that ?

good people can fuck you up and  “ bad people ”  can inadvertently help you

i was brought up  with this ,  you never hear it sung now, god at least being out of fashion

an interesting holocaust  survivor story

zen  ‘ dharma combat ’  is such a fiction, who is the judge ?

zen  ‘ dharma combat ’  is such a fiction, whose the judge ?

adequate vitamin D  is essential  for hippocampal brain function which is essential to memory formation

split sleep  is better than not enough sleep

vigorous exercise, fasting, hormones improve elimination of toxic,  misfolded ,  unnecessary proteins in mouse and human cells

height gap  with parents, not genetics, determines onset of puberty

edible plant  microRNA  from ginger and broccoli has beneficial effect of the gut microbiome while that from lemons has a negative effect

high-fat diets of either milk fat, corn oil, or olive oil had each  a different effect  on the microbiome and colonic inflammation

any relationship needs a cost/benefit analysis

whoever wrote  twelfth night  was bi-sexual and whoever wrote  the tempest  was a spiritual genius

not william shakespeare but  sir henry neville

my reworking of a passage by foyan

you can turn from ordinary mortal to sage in an instant, but no one believes you

all over the earth is confusion and malicious distortion, you better be very careful

if it hasn’t happened to you, don’t worry

you may or may not walk through the door

it doesn’t matter

those  dark strobes  are not from clouds but the cuttlefish itself creating a hypnotic pattern

i  write

if you ever get into the guru thing you will discover what the toxic haters are all about

jason  replies

i’ve met the toxic and spoken to them, but they haven’t gone after me

my  reply

the toxic will try to undermine you and sap your confidence and waste your time

you will be surprised who is toxic by this criteria

we have a developmental frame that needs incrementally making more accurate

occasionally you get a big change which comes through usually as  “ dai kensho ”

ice poseidon has run up against  the problems  of giving control of a forum to the endless entitled arseholes on reddit

boxing is a fool’s game, its designed to cause traumatic brain injury

there are absolutely no positives

two things r|zen doesn’t understand

1.  its a celibate tradition and doesn’t mean anything if its not

2.  you need enlightenment experiences to understand, i’m not saying that’s all it is about, but without them you will never understand

jason  writes

some people will say some act was 100% crazy, 100% insane

but i see at least an ounce of validity in most things people do, no matter how egregious

tatum and ryan o’neal in  paper moon  and the nightmares that followed in later life

i love r|zen, its my own looney asylum

by reading only and not replying

i can drop in without having to deal with the inmates

jason  writes

a small vision, i’m barking mad at someone who is trying to gaslight or antagonize me

i had commented that someone on kacent’s stream looked autistic, she responded  “ you’re one to talk jason ”

when i say autistic, i don’t mean it as a bad thing

my  comment

most people take  “ autistic ”  as a bad thing or hurtful at the least, i would be cautious with its use, that’s what the vision was really telling you

its really a sign of insanity to try and force meanings at variance with the public domain

i was looking at this  video  of an orthodox monastery in arizona and thinking there was a commonality, celibacy

if you have lived celibate then you know its a very ambiguous space with its portion of hell

men are designed to need the comfort of women ,  but its not there

jason  writes

i’m going to fast today because my stomach doesn’t feel right

my brother was over last night, he, my sister-in-law and my niece were at a hospital on sunday

i can’t believe monastics and the religious make a big deal out of fasting, its just for health but they have to intertwine some spiritual bullshit into it as well

jason  writes

you can give someone golden information or advice, even put it on a platter for them, and they’ll just pass it by and never realize what was in front of them

my  comment

it goes the other way too

daisykitty  remembers

venice beach in los angeles had a very large population of holocaust survivors and it was a commonplace to see someone with tattoo’d numbers on their arms

there were these two older women, mother and daughter, who had survived the camps with whom i rode the bus almost everyday

once i was sitting on a bench on the venice beach boardwalk with the elderly gentleman who ran the convenience store around the corner from where i lived and who was a holocaust survivor

we were watching the elephants parade down the boardwalk for a hare krishna celebration of some sort

there was also the usual venice beach mayhem going on

i said something about venice getting weird and he replied  “ oh, i've seen things get a lot weirder than this ”


i am always doing lots of body movement during the day to  “ pump lymph ”

“ what kinds of body movements ? 

 like getting up and doing squats ? ”

i should do a video, belly dance type movements to move the gut, turning and bending the head, arm scapula type movements, star jumps, twisting the body move the arms and fingers out and back, yeah squats

also humming to resonate the head and lungs, you have to work on hitting the areas, they need different hums or voicing

you are getting movement around the joints and the body to pump to the lymph nodes which are distributed pretty well everywhere through it

at my age the limitation is not damaging any joints, but actually even problematic joints need a bit of movement

i donate blood and look to health benefits for myself rather than to others

the obvious one is lower iron levels, but i wonder whether you get some rejuvinating effect of the hematopoietic stem cells something along  these lines


FYI its important to have adequate vitamin A levels when donating and the period following donation or the stem cells can shut down permanently

what’s time ?

does it even exist ?

the thing i can’t figure about  karl lagerfeld  is he has the most dreadful taste and dress sense

the woman’s fashion industry is all about sexual display, crossing boundaries in a limited way, discomfort and not at all about aesthetics, actually anti-aesthetic even, just looking for that jarring of attention

he’s an  intelligent man

“ i laugh about myself, i am my best cartoon ”

he didn’t drink or take drugs, says it all doesn’t it

how long will it take before the problems of crossing  time zones  and the effect on the fetus become apparent ?

a generation ?

the research is already there

“ at the basic level, time is just any way  of counting  the change of something which is also the definition of time that aristotle gave 24 centuries ago ”

his argument is that time is a backward looking perception of order going to disorder

an interesting dovetail with the free energy principle btw

i am nothing, i see nothing

the waves toss and dance

the sea mist fills the chasm

the womb is a very immediate thing

no wonder






i don’t know what is so good about this, two exceptional  actresses with good matches to script ages  ?

they still had sense  of humour  in 1948

in a world full of bullshit, you would think something that is not bullshit has a place

i guess it does

i have found taurine helps my sleep, a rounded teaspoon mixed with a bit of cream every day or 2nd day

i think its two grams, that’s actually quite a bit, too much even, but am experimenting

i do find it best taken mixed with cream

what i notice with bentinho massaro is some of the stuff he says is right, but he’s just repeating it and doesn’t understand it

he’s a talented schizophrenic

high protein diets  speed up  protein synthesis which produces more errors and the resulting build-up of faulty proteins within cells compromises the health and  shortens  lifespan

radicalization is intrinsic to islam because it is a doctrine of conquest and actually historically, often a relatively benign intelligent subjugation of conquered peoples

ISIS and al qaeda are crazy crude misinterpretations, antitheses to the great islamic empires of the past

fyodor dostoyevsky  1879

anton chekhov

leo and sofia  tolstoy

sometimes i think i would like to paint, but words paint deeper

the root of the problem of  ‘ radicalization ’  is a lack of scepticism about islam

the moment you say its not a con job, then other things follow

its no accident jahadists beheaded  the statue  of al-ma’arri who clearly lived in a more tolerant islamic world

more than most i am interested in and my writing is about  ‘ final causality ’

what it is and isn’t

and whether its true or not

its like a vision beyond even the poets and never dreamt by the priests

wow,   watch it  then stop and minutes later everything is still expanding

its bizarre that sergei prokudin-gorskii went around with the tsar’s approval in the last gasps of the old russian empire to create  a record  of what was soon to disappear

a redditor’s  grandmother  lived in nabakov’s world

my grandmother was a part of the court of alexandra, the last tsarina.  she used to tell us kids all sorts of stories about that time.  she said that rasputin smelled like a goat

i wouldn’t call her a russian aristocrat, she was a german aristocrat, and a very minor one at that

mostly the stories were just memories of grand balls and idyllic summer retreats, and a kind of life that doesn’t exist anywhere anymore.  i hung on every word, and despite growing up in the usa, somehow didn’t understand that life wasn’t going to quite be like that.  she’d tell stories about what made so and so such a lady, how so and so did their hair,   beautiful dresses  and things like that, and i was like a sponge.  she was a real victorian, late victorian

i’m older than the average redditor, and i was just thinking the other day how that era has thoroughly passed into history, but really hadn’t when i was a child/adolescent, that i’m a bridge in some sense.  even the way we dressed as young girls owed so much to, say, the edwardian age

there’s nothing left of that anymore in the way we dress.  my nana was a stickler for manners, posture, bearing   .   .   .   all that.  and i got that in spades from her.  sort of felt my future was assured because i had a 19 inch waste, could dance elegantly, make lace, recite poetry and play an instrument !

i doubt anyone anywhere gets that stuff taught to them anymore

she was a smart cookie, and saw what was coming down the road. she got herself over to new york with her husband and my baby father literally a few months before the shit hit the fan.  she was the driving force in that move

she had little kids by then.  my father was a baby, really.  but you know, they had buckets of money, so everything was just that much easier

they left sometime in 1915 or 1916, were in london and then the english countryside for a while, i don’t know how long, but stayed there not in a settled sense, and then came to the usa

she didn’t comment directly on the situation that awaited the imperial family so when i finally learned the history, it was shocking to me.  but she’d always say they really loved each other, the tsar adored his daughters and wife.  a perfect husband.  that sort of thing

the odd thing was that one of the claimants to the imperial throne, who was generally recognised to be the true inheritor  (a romanov about the same age as the tsarevich) ,  ended up as a gardener in the sf bay area where i grew up.  he was a true hippie, living on a houseboat in sausalito, doing lsd and things like that.  always impoverished.  but you know, he had grown up as a child playing with the young tsarevich, may have known my nana

he was 7 or 8 in 1914.  he hung out in england for a while, windsor palace, iirc, he was in his 50s in the 1960s

when i found all that out via his obituary, it was like a layer of history that is so often invisible :   how history tosses us around like pieces of driftwood.  how history is always taking these twists and turns and it’s the rare person who rides history with perfect success

“ did your grandma have any speculation on if any of the family escaped ? ”

oh no, because she never spoke of any of that.  as far as i knew as a kid, it was all grand balls and beautiful dresses, none of the turmoil going on.  except that the little boy was very sick and it was very sad.  when i found out that they were take into a room and shot, it was shocking, and somehow personal to me.  not that i was related to them really.  more like  ‘ six degrees of separation ’ ,  later when i was older, and maybe she would have told me, she still never spoke of it

she left the court when she got married.  so maybe before the age of 18, maybe 20 at most.  i’m not sure.  i get the impression that being in the court was like an extended coming out party for girls of a certain social class.  an  ‘ internship ’  !  she was there for like 2-3 years.  once she got married she was off on her own life.  which was pretty damn exciting in itself

there’s another bit to my riff on history that’s relevant   :   when i was in my 20s, i read the obituary of matryona rasputin, who was his daughter.  she too ended up in california, living in, iirc, the silverlake district of los angeles.  she’d been a lion tamer in the circus, then in world war two was a riveter working in the naval shipyards down in long beach !  its just all so weird.  life is so weird

my  reply

the tsar and his family were unable to leave in time because his daughters  (the grand duchesses)  came down with the measles

a really bizarre aspect of the execution was the women had sewn a massive amount of diamonds into their underwear that acted as bulletproof vests, so bullets were ricocheting around the room

you will like  these photos

one of  the best ,  but plenty of others too ,  one  of the grand duchesses olga and tatiana on a balcony with their tutor at lavadia palace in the crimea that is straight nabakov

weight loss requires periods of fasting as well as reducing the amount eaten

to understand poetry, you have to step out of the bounds of who you think you are

a young female friend of jason’s ,  subject to depression reports that after a week and a half of taking krill oil

“ I’ve been able to get words I wouldn’t have been able to get before

Like  .  .  I am able to remember the correct words for things ”

the dying men






































of  sense







in writing the above poem, i was to some extent thinking of  georg trakl  who served as a medic at the beginning of world war one and was deeply disturbed by the cutting short of the lives of all those young men, something precious senselessly lost

a man ahead of his times he comitted suicide with an overdose of cocaine on the third of november 1914 in krakow

one of the really great poets that never was

jesus christ, his sister shot herself, fiction can’t hold a candle  to these lives

the image created defaces the original

the image created defaces the previous

people are aggressive and grasping and that is their nature

people are aggressive and grasping and that’s their nature

i don’t blame god for packing up and vacating rather than listening to this sort  of rubbish

catholicism is so much wasted celibacy, don’t know why they bother

“ i was born to hustle roses down the avenues of the dead ”

the last line from charles bukowski’s poem  ‘ consumation of grief  ’

i think one of the problems of going to boarding school at too young an age is the environment is overcontrolling and you lose your sense of initiative, reality and even competence

r|zen analysed according to  “ the free energy principle ”

i think what’s interesting in terms of the principle is the principle operates regardless of whether the predictions  (the brain is a prediction machine)  are correct or not and  “ free energy ”  is or isn’t minimised in fact

the basic paradigm and this has surprised me given that most posting there have no christian belief per se, is the acceptance of the zen  “ records ”  as inerrant scripture, and actually now i think about it most  “ believe ”  in an historical jesus and buddha

its part of the cultural developmental imprint that you can do this with a bunch of meaningless words

anyone with a reasonable degree of literary sophistication knows this is a mistake and would be alive to the problems of translation and transcription  (btw thomas cleary who is one of their stalwarts, is an uneven translator at best and ideologically biased at worst)  as somewhat writing on air, but of course if you think jesus and buddha were historical people then you will assign substance to meaninglessness

in literary terms they are rubes and will not step outside their societal structural imprint of inerrant scripture and the historicity of founder prophet figures

since the developmental structure in no way matches any modern reality they are all faced with the sisyphean and herculean task of attempting to modify the world to fit their structures hence the endless fighting

to be fair, some of the zen records have glimmers of light and what they say is step outside your developmental cognitive structures and build something coherent, but the point is completely missed

its just all classic free energy theory but dysfunctional to the extent some of them are clinically mentally ill, the energy cost from attempting to force the world in a way it doesn’t want to go is way higher than making accommodations in the developmental structure


r|zen is the displaced activity of a developmental belief in  “ inerrant scripture ”  and now i think about it, brad warner has the same problem except the writing of eihei dogen has become the  “ inerrant scripture ”

whe you start to read  ‘ the waves ’ ,  you realise how suicidal she was, its very depressing

the waves is not designed to be read as a novel but in fragmentary pieces, its the unity of  “ splitting light ”  and history

why does classical music have to be  watched  as well as listened to ?

because from the performers point of view, the actual playing is their extended mind, unless you see that playing, you don’t get the full dimension

“ she has no body as others have 

people have no meaning for her

with no answers for them

 she steps into emptiness alone ”

the above quote from virginia woolf’s book  ‘ the waves ’  ,  slightly re-worked by myself

complete acceptance




the soul pines for

and must



i thought quality criticism was dead

its not

“ i’m asexual and aromantic, meaning i’m going to die a virgin and alone.  AMA ! ”

you are lying to yourself

a video  essay  on yukio mishima and paul schrader’s biopic

there’s an unstable uneven edge to yukio mishima, a genius dreamer but a lot of bullshit as well

crafting your own definitions of words that have a clear public domain meaning is actually a step to schizophrenia

the psychiatric profession has as its principle charter that a person not be a danger to themselves or others which is also in effect their legal obligation

between the gaps of that falls the problem of side effects which it usually addresses by giving yet more medications with a further compounding of side effects as they are not held accountable for damage by side effects

the bodies response to a drug is not some uniform response that stays still with time but can be modified with varying degrees of persistence, what you are asking about is the persistence

as i said you are in uncharted territory  (ed. 19F tachycardia taking vyvanse and also cocaine and mdma the week before)  and want to look at safer options with attention to diet, supplements, exercise and possibly microdosing

there may be many religions but there’s only one  “ you ”

you are the most unique, distinct and unusual thing in the universe

as god, why would you think there’s any validity to religions ?

if you are ignorant of those close to you, you are a danger to them and yourself

you will never get what is right, without exploring what is wrong

you will never get what’s right, without exploring what’s wrong

correctly understood, zen doesn’t make sense outside celibacy

that’s because it takes life opposite to the way it is normally taken

physician education is usually about ten years behind the times and selects for rote learning rather than investigative thinking

rejection twice mirrored

is corrected




infinities  bosom

the terror of the voices







ed.  its depressing how young georg trakl died

no copyright problems in russia

full length  film of  ‘ twelfth night ’  (1996)

ninety million dollars, seems  meaningless  to me ,  i’d pass it over for $10 at a garage sale

david hockney is at least a quality intellect, the same can’t be said for  jeff koons

an  exercise  possibly useful for notalgia paresthetica

older men need  exercise  much more than older women

“ can metaphysics discern god ? ”

can metaphysics argue forever over inconsistent definitions ?

yes it can

a black tulip

swallows you

swallows all

it doesn’t swallow itself

“ a sleepless night caused tau levels  (ed. an alzheimers’ protein)  to rise  by about fifty percent ”

david bentley hart, probably today’s leading theologian  discourses  sensibly for once

there’s a good brain behind the smug complacent rotundity

if you have a requirement that things   have to   make sense then you are going to run into them not making sense

if you have no such requirement then you are not going to have any such problem

what does it mean it have no requirement that things make sense  ?

its vacuity that necessitates drugs to give any sort of energy

mary oliver is a misguided wimp

the public taste in poetry glorifies purile stupidity

at least she knew her own writing lacked the necessary harshness her subject matter required

charles bukowski  talks  about the necessity of solitude for processing

“ i ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me ”

virginia woolf in her book  the waves ,  a strong swimmer apparently, she weighted herself down with stones in the pockets of her coat

you know there’s something wrong with reality when you look at the  huge effort  put into the most rubbishy texts

yes its a work of literary genius if you say its a work of literary genius but otherwise no

the best and most literary book of the bible is of course consigned to the apocrypha as being too much for the morons to take, well joshua ben sirach, i read you

only infinity is wise, she has estranged us

days, rain drops, sand grains on the beach

sleep improves the ability of  T-cells  to stick  to their targets

“ certain Gαs - coupled receptor agonists, including the hormones adrenaline and noradrenaline, the proinflammatory molecules prostaglandin E2 and D2, and the neuromodulator adenosine, prevented T-cells from activating their integrins after recognizing their target

the levels of these molecules needed to inhibit integrin activation are observed in many pathological conditions, such as tumor growth, malaria infection, hypoxia, and stress

this pathway may therefore contribute to the immune suppression associated with these pathologies ”

of course one is mildly hypoxic after donating blood, i had wondered why one seems susceptible to viruses after blood donation

i don’t think men have the hand to eye co-ordination or sense of fine detail to cut hair well

russia, a strange northern land, but not so far away from ourselves

the suppression  of supercompetence

the insane can’t help themselves

that’s why they are insane

don’t make the mistake of thinking you can change them or yourself for that matter

the insane can’t help themselves

that’s why they are insane

don’t make the mistake of thinking you can change them

the insane can’t help themselves

that’s why they are insane

the insane can’t help themselves

r|zen is like a prison where all the doors are unlocked, but the prisoners main activity is nothing but locking themselves in

they can leave it anytime

i can’t comment if i’m not familiar with it can i ?

that’s one of the things i have learnt, everything takes a lot of work to understand

“ there’s nothing out there except  stupid people  mingling with stupid people ”

well there’s fat, obese and a rolling tub of lard

there is nothing more pathetic than the insane arguing with the insane each expecting the other to be more reasonable

there is nothing more pathetic than the insane arguing with the insane each expecting the other to be reasonable

there is nothing more pathetic than the insane arguing with the insane expecting the other to be reasonable

there’s no solace with others

not a tiny bit

a drop


i don’t understand the adulation for pablo neruda, his poems look like luke warm milk to me

there’s conventional lands and strange lands and i am only happy in strange lands

last evening after donating blood  (Hb 138, 97/66)  i did my shopping and at the end coincidently they had just put out freshly roasted chook in the supermarket so i brought one then went up to the devonport bluff to eat some of it, this was a bit before dusk and a howling wind with some rain and a two meter swell smashing into the rocky base of the bluff

there is a little memorial cross down the bank a bit from the lighthouse to a 27 year old man who had drowned while attempting to save a friend after i assume being swept off the rocks while fishing

there were fresh flowers, i had seen it before but this time i thought about it and wondered if they had been drinking

conflict really sucks energy one needs for other areas of life

on the net keep stuff for yourself, its very easy to be sucked into sinking significant mental energy into the most worthless trashy people

the future is hard to predict, all you can do is put building blocks in place

tenno21  recounts

i have this one story, a sad one though, that’s why i never used it in any conversations

so to start off, i lived in a small village in bosnia and there wasn’t much going on, and since it was a small village i pretty much knew every living soul there

there was this one elderly guy, he always lived alone and he had a dog, funny thing was whenever he went somewhere with his car dog was running behind it, sometimes for miles, and it became a normal thing to see and everyone got used to it sort of, since we were seeing that on a daily basis

years go by and one day i find out that elderly guy died and his son took the dog with him to a city he lived in which is quite far from the village.  i end up moving away from that village to a city where i attended the highschool, i still visited the village few times a year but never saw the dog and i sort of forgot about all that

i graduated the high school and came back to stay in the village for few weeks during the summer

one night i was coming back home and on the way back i noticed that dog slowly trotting down the road towards the house his owner used to live in.  i followed him since it’s on the way to my house and i saw him lying down under that same car he used to run after all those years.  i petted him a bit then walked back to my house

i came back the next morning bringing some food and water thinking he’ll need it.  sadly he passed away during the night, knowing he made his last journey all the way from the far away city just so he could pass away on the spot he spent his life mostly was a thing to grasp right there and i honestly never felt so sad at the time.  i made the effort to bury him under a tree in that same yard and carved his name into it, for the sake of memory at least

dogs are something else

without modern contraception we would live in a very different world, one overrun with fighting humans and rampant disease which is actually how it used to be

of course technology changes things and contraception is a product of technology so there are other inextricable effects

jeff koons is the world’s most sophisticated con man

i have no story about myself

for all those who claim that there is no interaction between magnetic fields and  human tissue

“ we show that applying a very weak 7.8Hz,  90nT (.9mG)   magnetic field  causes a gradual decrease in the spontaneous calcium transients’ amplitude  (in rat hearts) ,  reaching 28% of the initial amplitude after 40 minutes of magnetic field application, and accompanied with a gradual decrease in the calcium transients’ rise time ”

our perceptions are reality and our thoughts are reality, what’s bad is vacant waffle about reality and unreality

the endless search for the  “ bottom turtle ”  by the blind

the unimaginative cannot see beyond materiality

irisin promotes  neuronal growth  in the brain’s hippocampus, a region critical for learning and memory

song zhiwen met hui neng

chapter 3

i also remember there is a stele somewhere that gives an account of a visit to huineng

no doubt when i am safely dead there will be a religion based on me as the 7th patriarch

easy to waste your life arguing with idiots

not entirely stupid are


 sly and malign ?

easy to waste your life arguing with idiots

not entirely stupid are

 they ?

tossed out with the garbage, my thoughts

inane with the bridle



like a dream


line the school grounds

in the bright summer light











i have quite a clear picture of the school grounds at lake rotoma when i must have been about 5 to 7 years old bounded by i think a huge macrocapra hedge

sometimes i wonder if russian is a better  language  than english

conan is  inbred irish ,  so much so ,  he’s a separate species really

i am of this time but not of it

we are of this time but not of it

i could be an alcoholic or drug addict, but no, i binge watch  ‘ i dream of jeannie ’

what could be more pathetic than a woman thinking she is skilled in the art of subtle invective walking around in boots and missing everything she kicks at ?

too good  for the chinese government,   a soap  modelled on the  ‘ dream of red mansions ’

jeannie is timeless trying to be time

“ do you ever cook with vinegar ?

 red wine vinegar ? ”

i don’t because i am on the light side and vinegar inhibits the digestion of carbohydrates, its actually probably quite effective for weight loss

vinegar would be ok cooking with teflon, but i wouldn’t use it cooking with bare stainless steel because it is acidic

the carousel revolves

the horses go up and down

the colours of the dawn

go around and around

the carousel revolves

the horses go up and down

the colours of the dawn

bleed red

the carousel revolves

the horses go up and down

the colours of the clown

bleed red

what could be more staggering than the sheer self assertion by billions of humans that they know what they are talking about ?

what could be more staggering than the sheer self assertion by billions of humans that they know what they are on about ?

i’m not talking to anybody ,  i’m only talking to myself

i’m not talking to anybody, i’m only talking to myself

one of the feral cats  (teenage mother)  has been pestering me all evening for food whenever i go outside

she turned up her nose at whiskas, then cream, but i don’t have any liver which is what she really wants

why should i give advice ?

i can’t take my own

“ the most fundamental philosophical question is  :  why does anything exist at all ? ”

why does  ‘ why ’ exist

philosophers don’t get it and a million lives are spent chasing meaninglessness

wittgenstein told them it couldn’t be done, but they didn’t hear

what a  starter motor  is

how to  replace  the solenoid contacts

you could just have malign microbiome from that girl and it sounds like it has got into the seminal vesicle which has fructose in

now this is going to sound wacky, but it was discovered by research, there’s a bacteria that grows on a moustache/beard that kills bad bacteria in the urinary and reproductive tract, so growing one can be a good idea for some men

you can read something some-one else says but it won’t be quite right, for it to be right for you, you have to express it in your own terms

post-modernism is empty, philosophy is empty, zen is empty, religion is empty, doesn’t leave a lot does it ?

my last words

if i can find god or death, i’ll smash them to bits

russian doesn’t translate that well into english and leo tolstoy’s reputation has always been a bit of a mystery to me, but you can see it in this 2016 BBC adaption of war and peace, so much more is said  by what happens  than first meets the eye

in this case the calvary charge was suicidal, an incompetent order, i think tolstoy’s real life military experience was instrumental in forming his anti-establishment attitudes

karl friston et al are a bit hard to take on board, i just look at the videos occasionally and try to relate it to real life

you will never see so much nonsense as philosophy

you will never see so much insincere nonsense as religion

philosophy cannot be satisfactorily be addressed from the semantic pragmatic space it customarily inhabits

melanie martinez sings  dollhouse

talking out loud to yourself is therapeutic

the carousel goes around

the horses move




the colours of the clown

weep hidden


jason  writes

yesterday i was at the park and i saw this man and girl walking towards me from the other way, then as i’m getting closer i see the girl looking at me but i tried not to look at her, i walked by but i have no idea what her face looks like

my views on marijuana prohibition are that use is extremely destructive to adolescents and this is what the recent research says as well as my own observation, but beyond a certain age it is competing more favourably with alcoholism and therefore should be legal to use beyond say 21

take more drugs and spare your brain the sight of its own wreckage

this is one of the issues with the net, it is overly democratic, drug crazed or damaged idiots have the same publishing voice as those who can actually talk sense

of coure it also means that unpopular views can’t be suppressed

swings and roundabouts

eva braun’s last hours were concerned with keeping the information from her sister that hitler had had her husband executed

politics and philosophy don’t mix, either on personal or theoretical levels

its meant to be a tragedy and farce rolled up in one

politics is just a never-ending stream of today’s views, no overview at all

what has occurred gets forgotten

a guess at what will occur gets taken as certain

modified maize starch  (E1442)  is doubly SCD illegal

once as a starch and twice as crosslinked so its not digestable

poison for a good  “ mouth feel ”

“  heideggerian  ‘ being ’  has to do with existance ”

what does existance have to do with ?

to charity workers

i have to say

there is no-one more unfortunate than you

what is the kolmogrov complexity of  ‘ mind ’  ?

print  mind

if two people are sexually attracted to each other, its not possible for them to be  “ friends ”

post-modernism is faux itself, that’s the best way of saying it

though post modernism claims to deconstruct meta-narratives ,  in fact it is still a meta-narrative posing as fragmentation

narrative, meta-narrative, fragmentation, why can’t these things simply be ?

what i notice is that with a virus you can be without the strength to move and can’t see how you ever had the strength to move and when you recover you move effortlessly and yet can see how you never had the strength to move, the memory is so strong

my neighbour’s adoptive mother died

a long illness with cancer

it metastasized to the liver,

the neighbour talked about the smell of death in the last days

i didn’t say anything profound

because i’m not

indeed i am glad she died

she was making my neighbour viral

the dying often do

the web has such extremes

complete mental junk food

and the best time has to offer

 “ what is  ‘ god ’   ? ”

a word

can millions be insane ?


what  is this  about ?

oddly there’s more meaning  to this  than it seems

catch your painted pony on the spinning wheel ride

only two thirds  were shredded ,  even bansky couldn’t predict the outcome

women always get very snarky when they are rejected, just keep away

disrupted pair bonding is never nice

women always get very snarky when they are rejected, just keep away

so much of religion is marionette play, when you look closer, there’s nothing there

some lines of an arthur waley translation

swiftly the years. beyond recall

solemn the stillness of this spring morning

my  poem

the passing years

left behind





what could be more dangerous than a bored female ?

jason hasn’t been asked to a streaming party about to happen, but likely would be if he asked to go

i was thinking i don’t really have an opinion but if i wasn’t asked i wouldn’t go

ie you are not appreciated and actually its depressive to go where there is such an obvious lack of appreciation

of course there may be a complete lack of appreciation anywhere in which case you need something and that for me is my writing, it appreciates me

infinity is quite a different mode from conventional life, all this zen bullshit about ordinary life being the way is bullshit

ordinary life is to pass your time blind

entertainment has positive and negative heft of giving some insight yet being an unreal distortion

it seems these days it is only distortion

the denial of women’s right to abortion is actually patriarchal imposition, so its not surprising it is associated with christian belief

the father vacates and yet is of the opinion that the woman can’t abort

the denial of women’s right to abortion is actually patriarchal imposition, so its not surprising it is associated with christian belief

the local health store has a new owner, she’s young and has her own ideas about what the image of the store should be and what it sells

the previous owner was interested in what people wanted

the ghost and  mrs. muir  takes a simple idea, that across the generations there may be a perfect match, but of course it is impossible

post modernism is really dada, useful to a point, but not beyond it

tattoo inks are completely unregulated and have nanoparticle problems as well

having fixed views, taking sides  (unable to see any validity in the other side)  and talking crap are the criteria tung shan  (807-869)  used to identify frauds (the three leaks) in zen

nothing has changed

i don’t think males are  modified females ,  they are both a modified version of the X chromosome, the female by including redundancy and the male by the addition of genes in the Y chromosome

you can say the single X chromosome is the sex neutral definer of the species

when you measure a  quantum particle ,  you are changing a map of the probability distribution of the particle if it was to be measured to the actual  “ picking ”  of a position by the measuring, ie, its no longer a distribution but a position with a probability of one

we just have no idea what happened during the various soviet repressions

they killed all their best men

publishing, like the art world is full of deceit and bullshit, you can’t trust those people

leave the wits’ end and try what you don’t know

we see the actors but the voice is that of the scriptwriter

we see the actors and actresses but the voice is that of the scriptwriter

emma   is life on the magic roundabout

entertainment worlds are benign, its their greatest charm

even the dead rise again after disasters or at least the tears shed harm not their shedder

entertainment worlds are benign, its their greatest charm

there is no more powerful force in the universe than acceptance

there is no more powerful force in the universe than wanted acceptance

i suppose these pages are a bricolage

or are they ?

if enlightenment and modernism are metanarratives then i am quite sympathetic to postmodernism as destructive of metanarratives except that the destruction of metanarratives is itself a metanarrative

of course you can take an overall view of the cyclic nature of the building and failure of metanarratives, is that a meta narrative ?

harry potter is just crazy bullshit and says more about the audience than shedding any insight on life

purile fantasy without redemption

the principle exponents of  “ the free energy principle ”  are karl friston and andy clark, both on youtube

andy clark is also quite strongly into  “ extended mind ”

a good  explanation

basically it says that people act in one of two ways

firstly to clarify what a situation is, a situation is not defined by thinking, we need to do things to develop our accuracy of prediction

secondly to try to change the world so it suits us, or at least conform to the way we think

its actually quite difficult to understand, i still have quite a ways to go

humans are actually quite timid and always acting to minimise “ surprise ”

karl friston  worked in a psych ward for a while and his observations of how this all can go wrong was a driving factor in his formulation of the theory in my view

“ what is  ‘ the single truth ’  ? ”

only celibates can fully understand

what is a flaw or mistake today may be a benefit or virtue tomorrow and vice versa

i’m busy and don’t have time to argue with idiots who have never had an original thought in their lives

conan  being mean  to some-one on autistic spectrum, but in fact jordan has the dietary side very wrong, i assume he has digestive issues

the videos in which conan roasts jordan are really quite funny and unsurprisingly have lots of views

jason says

pewdiepie is reading  “ the book of disquiet ”  right now, i was thinking he no doubt got this book grind from marzia

my  reply

he understands his own need for new content and a fresh perspective to keep his audience

huh ,  he likes  yukio mishima

women find talking to other women  more rewarding  than men do to other men

we get caught in various  “ magic ”  roundabouts in our lives of which we are totally unable to get off

some we never get off, others stop of their own accord

(ed. by themselves ?)

noam chomsky is right, language is a genetic  endowment

elian script

 ._□ |՟՟   ?

meditation is more  “ what is life ”  and  “ what am i ”  and not about  “ fixing ”  the world at all

aeons come and go but people who understand what the coming and going is about are a tiny few

people who get too bound up in contemporary politics have never studied history

because of my farming background i have done and still do quite a bit of plumbing, its a good balance of intellectual skills with  “ hands on ”

all those exponential functions is why we don’t live forever

so many horsemen of the  modern apocalypse

its disturbing how dementia skyrockets past  65

the drug culture thing is just amazing

the trouble with drugs is they necessarily create a toxic hubricity from a random self-referentiality


incoherent babble in







what is truth ?

call me pilate 

a goethe quote

what is not started today is never finished tomorrow

my reworking

what is started today is never finished

what is started today is never finished tomorrow

‘ leaving home ’  compilation  (by pistaf)  from  “ the recorded sayings of zen master joshu ”  by james green


a monk asked,  “ what is  ‘ leaving home ’ ”

the master replied,  “ not aspiring to acclaim, not seeking after defilements ”


a monk asked,  “ it is not yet clear to me, what about when someone vows to leave home and search for supreme wisdom ”

the master said,  “ if you have not left home, wisdom uses you; after leaving home you can use wisdom ”


a monk asked,  “ what is a child that leaves home ”

the master said,  “ he does not salute the emperor but, on the contrary, bows to his parents ”


a monk asked,  “ what is ’leaving home’ ”

the master said,  “ how have you managed to meet me ”


a monk asked,  “ does a man who has left home become a householder or not ”

the master replied,  “ to  ‘leave home’ is to be a monk ,  but i don’t pay attention to either  ‘leaving home’  or  ‘not leaving home’ ”

the monk further asked,  “ why don’t you pay attention ”

the master replied,  “ to not pay attention is to leave home ”

words of truth from adam tebbe

“ if you’ve been involved in buddhism for years and are still stuck battling the same patterns you sit to overcome, if you’re still as depressed as ever, you might want to consider whether what you’re doing to address it is helping or hurting you ”

his moment of revelation came when he had to get a highly physical packing job and had stopped doing sitting meditation and he felt really much better and wasn’t so depressed

also the sitting without quality reading was making him more schizophrenic

ed.  adam  converted  from zen buddhism to an evangelical christianity

zen’s most unpalatable koan

after zhizang/xitang became abbot of the western hall, a layperson asked him, “ is there a heaven and hell ? ”

zhizang replied, “ there is ”

the layman then asked, “ is there really a buddha, dharma, and sangha  —  the three jewels ? ”

zhizang replied, “ there are ”

the layman then asked several other questions, and to each zhizang answered, “ there are ”

the layman asked, “ is the master sure there’s no mistake about this ? ”

zhizang replied, “ when you visited other teachers, what did they say ? ”

the layman replied, “ i once visited master jingshan ”

zhizang asked, “ what did jingshan say to you ? ”

the layman replied, “ he said the stuff i asked you about was just more error ”

zhizang asked, “ do you have a wife and children ? ”

the layman replied, “ yes ”

zhizang asked, “ does master jingshan have a wife and children ? ”

the layman replied, “ no ”

zhizang stated, “ then it’s okay for jingshan to say there isn’t a single thing ”

the layman bowed, thanked zhizang, and then went away

doing anything knocks us off a cliff

if we are open to seeing it

doing anything knocks us off a cliff

wolfgang goethe’s last words

fuck you death and fuck you that i have the energy to notice i am dying

jason is questioning people’s state more often now, like are they on drugs ?

are they taking cocaine ?

you actually need to put in imagery that means something to you, that’s what makes it art

you are constructing something that is meaningful to you and if its done well, it will mean something to others

to stay too long on the  ‘ roundabout ’  is trouble

to stay too long on the roundabout is trouble

whatever dream you’re pursuing, its still a dream

whatever dream i’m pursuing

its a dream

you need to see the roundabout to get off it

one of the great weaknesses of celibacy is you are on a roundabout normally stopped by having children

there is another way to get off the roundabout

jeannie is an imaginary character trying  to be

i think martin heidegger’s problem is he goes to too much trouble to craft a personal vocabulary too far removed from the public domain

rather than  shape shift  the public domain his too idiosyncratic word usage gets wrecked on the reefs of lack of attention to detail and the lack of ability to test

the brain is a prediction machine and we act not simply to clarify and improve predictions, but create a world in which our predictions come true

a lot of entertainment is contextualised on childlessness and its a rotating roundabout that would stop the moment of pregnancy or children appearing, but they never do

unsurprisingly children’s entertainment which is more didactic contains children

the vasa  was inherently unstable, they were lucky it sank in port close to shore and most of the crew, guests and family members were saved

“ I want to know what reality is ”

you are assuming you are asking a meaningful question

brad warner wanted to know what reality is

he wasn’t asking a meaningful question

drugs  mess  the markov blanket and give a different, but in fact more distorted perspective that is all

people confuse drug taking with true mystical endeavour which is cognitive within normality and so probes non-normality

that is all

occasionally in the public entertainment arena you come across people who are really different upstairs and you have to investigate a bit to see it

carrie fisher, barbara eden and alma deutscher, not entirely happy with living

a different species really, translucent to life and death

barabara eden  is strange ,  i think that is part of the attraction

her life

“ right away i related to her, its really a fish out of water script

he wasn’t living with a woman, she was  a wisp  of smoke ”

i am immortal

“ prove it ”

disprove it

“ i am immortal ”

prove it

“ disprove it ”

there’s a good story about bob dylan which is very illustrative of the publishing industry

a composer sent bob dylan’s agent his work for years, the agent only ever passed it on to bob dylan who stole the musical ideas

the disarray of the nobel prize literature committee is because the awarding of the nobel prize to bob was the biggest fuck up ever, he was known in the industry as a notorious plagairist, smart enough to keep ahead of the copyright law

what were they thinking ?

anything in life has a multitude of shifting perspectives ,  no wonder its so difficult to make sense of

anything in life has a multitude of shifting perspectives ,  no wonder its difficult to make sense of

reality only half exists

its evanescent like the swirl of stars

reality only half exists, its evanescent like the swirl of stars

there is a sleight of hand with the stories of  the arabian nights  from the western perspective

exotic as the settings are, they still might be imagined to have some historical truth, but in fact are equally fantastical as the stories

some ancient musical intruments were at least as sophisticated as the balalaika and the result in the hands of a virtuoso must have been as  impressive  as anything today

no wonder sappho was a  ‘ rock star ’

anything i have posted on reddit that mental health is related to diet gets consistently downvoted, all those drug addled, mentally ill fast food eaters !

“ in a recent  study ,  professor felice  jacka  examined data from MRI scans of approximately 250 older australians, then studied their diets to see if the quality of their diets was linked to the size of their hippocampus  —  a region of the brain thought to be central to learning, memory and mood

those people who had a diet higher in fruit, vegetables and fish had larger hippocampi, while those whose diets were high in processed and takeaway foods had smaller hippocampi 

these dietary patterns were also linked to the participants’ risk for depression over time ”

what is life like

what is life

 what ?

what is life like

what is life


people create non-existant priors and argue forward from there but never question the priors

you really can’t tell how things will turn out, you just have to try things in an informed way and don’t get too scattered

you really can’t tell how things will turn out, you just have to try things in an informed way

tarot, in the hands of somebody with ability is sensible advice under the guise of the cards

this is life, you have to juggle things rather than do one thing in sequence then another

i really like  numberphile ,  it gives a real feel for maths that the incompetent education system we all went through never gave


the insane enlightened

he’s  read a lot, but is captured by the two problems of insanity, lack of reality testing and hubric blindness about himself and others

r|zen, the boring insane nattering to the boring insane

for those interested, his  enlightenment experience , some crazy hypnagogic nonsense that is random noise

the two problems of insanity, lack of reality testing and hubric blindness about oneself and others

the ten million miles of religious verbiage

fools arguing about what ?

the million miles of religious verbiage

fools arguing about what ?

anastasia tyurina  playing  the balalaika

at eight years old playing  “ cinderella ”  composed  by alexey arkhipovsky, a rather beautiful piece, but surprisingly or not surprisingly since composers never seem to give the best rendition of their own work, anastasia plays it  better, more feeling

christmas day  ceasefire  on the roer river, germany  1944

it is always  striking  to me how the last tsar’s daughters were mentally so ordinary, a family so totally unsuited in ability to the task that lay ahead and yet those that followed them in their role were complete monsters

“ after closely investigating michael jackson for more than a decade, the FBI found nothing to suggest that jackson was guilty of child abuse ”

from the same replier  (ObsidianAvALyn)  as the section just below this one

My grandmother managed a nice hotel in Gary  (Sheraton Hotel)  and my mother as a child met MJ in his Jackson 5 days

She was lying under a stairway playing with Jacks and MJ was so excited to see a kid his age, she invited him to play

Then not seconds after he picks up the ball to play, his father yells at him to quit horsing around, that he had practicing to do

My mom said he told her he had to go and snapped straight up to go with his father

I always have thought about this whenever someone brings up his childhood

a reply  to  “ what happened when you experienced a justified feeling of impending doom ? ”

My friend used to be an escort, and actually made good money for the most part.  He tried his hardest not to have to resort to Craigslist personals but when money was tight sometimes you just had to take the risk

I would drive and drop him off not far from his location, he would walk the rest of the way and I’d park across the street from the location from the opposite direction.  He would call me and put his phone in his pocket, I would listen in and wait for one of our code words to know if it was safe to hang up

One day we got an address from a client that had answered one of the personals, it was a familiar neighborhood to me and I had an odd feeling, not of fear exactly but of adrenaline  .  .  .   I decided I was gonna drive past once  (something I try not to do so as not to spook a potential client)  and sure enough it was an abandoned house.  This is where the fear hit me.  I kept driving and didn’t stop, my friend had questioned my reasoning as he really needed the cash, but he agreed it was too risky

Not a week later they had found three bodies in that same abandoned house, two were confirmed to have posted personals p4p.  I’ll never forget the moment I saw that house and the dread that hit me

not all conditions are resolvable by medicine, that is there may be no name

so the doctor waves his wand and says its  ‘ xyz ’  condition and here’s a pill or operation to cure it

the thing is that’s true for some things, but not others

what camp do you fall into ?

quite a good piece  of research ,  autism has three independent dimensions

“ problems with social interactions, communication difficulties and repetitive behaviors ”

“ is detachment a flaw ? ”

is a flaw detachment ?

some people are so far from thinking straight that its a waste of time discussing anything with them

some people are so far from thinking straight that its a complete waste of time discussing anything with them

good art takes a deceiving complexity and aesthetic sense

both sadly missing in a lot of the high priced trash sold today

its a bubble that shows no sign of abating but i guess one day it will but of course the auction houses will have moved on to a new scam

good art takes a deceiving complexity and aesthetic sense

i remember reading on the web when it was all just starting a post by a man who as a child had witnessed his father being shot and killed  (in his garage i think)  by two union thugs in california, for what reason i do not know

this really seems like  science fiction

a real life violent dystopia

the narcissistic gen Z who think a phonie is a valid state of being

the science of sauna is that it induces heat shock proteins, but you lose a lot of iodine in sweat

if you go out and roll in the snow afterwards like they do in scandinavia you get even more induction of heat shock proteins

if you have ever dealt with suicidals, they are so sure and smug in their suicidalness, its really off putting

how pathetic, tattoos, cap backwards, stylish guitar, but what real musician would practice on a train  like this  ?

just another aging schizophrenic stuck in some wanking image of himself playing to the only audience he can get

ed.  i may not have it quite right, he is likely a busker on his way to a  “ gig ”  somewhere in melbourne

the level of suicidality on r|zen is astounding

hardly surprising given the crap they spew

i gave brad warner a chant

dharmas are endless and one is you can’t control social media

people get tied in semantics without understanding semantics is a surface

the basis for IQ tests is wrong, it assumes that there is an overall intelligence, but in fact some types of intelligence exclude other types

humans are  “ social learners ”   that is we pick up and repeat what we see others doing because this is what breeds best, genuinely creative people are exceedingly rare

there’s no-one except me

there’s no-one except ourselves

there’s no-one except yourselves

our being is not just the brain, but the whole nervous system and the retina and the panolpy of interaction

ok, so there’s no  ninth planet

virtuoso  child  prodigy singers, the voice doesn’t necessarily  hold  once they hit adolescence

harrowing, more surreal than any work of fiction, a woman  gives evidence  of the killing of her family at the trial of eichmann

dumb and dumber is  illustrative  of the  ‘ free energy principle ’ ,  the exploration of reality well beyond eptness, what makes it entertainment is the better than usual odds of surviving

martin heidegger’s weakness was he never studied history so he had to find out the hard way philosophy and political ideas don’t mix

philosophy is the abnegation of life, not its twisting into gain

limbo is not necessarily some theological invention, lives can be in limbo

their attraction to and the attraction of the opposite gender is a mystery to each

the attraction of the opposite gender is a mystery to each

flowers increase the sugar in nectar  in response  to the sound of bees

smoking even one or two joints disrupt  neural pruning  in adolescents

there is no afterlife

that’s why the violent death of the young

is such a shock

they are gone forever

people don’t realise that ethiopia has had a  distinct version  of christianity since the fourth century

those very white led lights have a lot of  “ blue ”  in them which the bodies circadian rhythm takes to be bright daylight, but you want to leave a couple of hours between working under that light and going to sleep, lights with more red and much less blue are better in the late evening

to the adolescents passing their lives and fucking their brains on drink and drugs

you only live once

there is no heaven or afterlife

 what are you doing ?

grown-up children

are still


never underestimate an enemy

never underestimate any enemy

don’t over estimate them either

you can’t argue with the insane

that’s why they are insane

hell is paved with the skulls of priests

the floor of hell is paved with priest’s skulls

the answer to a lot of things is  “ what works best ”  and its difficult to know ahead of time what that might be

the whole body and muscle building thing is an evolutionary discard, it has a high metabolic cost and is no protection against spears and arrows

an amazing  animation  explaining pre-igniton and knocking

‘ the ladder of divine ascent ’  by  st. john climacus

pdf    wiki    biography

he’s strong on humility, you have to actively participate in a process of seeing if you are wrong, this is so beyond the 99% of  “ spiritual idiots ” ,  yes, you r|zen who don’t see the need for anything except to be their own pompous arses/asses

“ preferred ”  does not mean  “ required ”

i’m so far ahead of brad warner its not funny

listening to him  meander on  about some nonsense of eihei dogen’s whereby it doesn’t matter what you do, its all  “ free-giving ”  a voynich term if ever there was one

years ago i wrote this poem

the sun

sparkling on the sea

has no room for men labouring on its shores


and listen to the clear stream

flowing over mossy banks

the last word in how i have wasted my life

sorry to be bitchy brad, but you have a good set of ear plugs

the world is just full of people spinning nonsense

zen is just a word

it can mean anything

the insane make it make it mean what they want it to be

that is a mistake

zen is just a word

it can mean anything

you are wanting to make it mean what you want it to be

mcdonald’s australia describe their caramel sundae as

“ a delicious delight

soft, creamy waves of soft serve made with fresh cows’ milk ingredients, doused in a sticky, sweet, warm caramel sauce ”

in fact what is in it is a digestive problem stew  (excluding the milk products of milk, milk solids and cream)

“ sugar, glucose  (from maize) ,  vegetable gums  (407, 407a, 412, 466) ,  emulsifiers  (433, 471)  and flavours ”

i think the semi liquid concoctions have intrinsic problems with bad thickeners and emulsifiers that true ice cream doesn’t have

the degree to which we create our own worlds is absolutely uncomprehended by most of us

the degree to which we create our own worlds is absolutely uncomprehended

explanations are unending

explanations are endless

when you can see the construction behind the façade, you are free

. .



poor r|zennists tangled in imposing their own facades, unconscious of their own activity and their delusive picking up of other facades

when you can see the construction behind the façade, you are free

you can’t make sense of death, if you could there would be an adequacy to  ‘ sense ’  and therefore death wouldn’t be death, its recursive

“ the matrix gla protein is abundantly expressed in the eye, where, activated by vitamin K, it takes part in preserving the structural integrity of the  trabecular meshwork ,  the sclera, and the retinal ganglion cells ”

i’ve been supplementing with caruso’s vitamin K2  (the MK-7 form) and 400iu daily for vitamin D for years and that’s perhaps why my eye pressures are so good  (low normal)

also my circulation is excellent which i think is one of the major issues as you age, interestingly the root cause of prostate cancer is restricted circulation not enabling the white blood cells get onto pre-cancerous prostate cells

so i take one of  these  daily in the morning

also basically i take half a capsule or about 4 drops of the blackmores 1000iu daily by piercing the capsule and squeezing out what i want into my mouth, i like the blackmores because it has preservative in which vitamin D needs as it is easily oxidised

reality is to a certain extent always self created

we track through fields of complexity in as simple a way as possible

a good  description  of what happens in fasting

“ fasting is an adaptive state of metabolism when exogenous nutrient intake is limited

in mammals, a drastic shift in metabolism takes place under low nutrient availability

skeletal muscles undergo protein breakdown and provide amino acids for the liver to implement gluconeogenesis, producing glucose to maintain appropriate blood glucose levels

in parallel, the liver performs ketogenesis to supply ketone bodies to other vital organs, including the brain, by harnessing free fatty acids from adipose tissue ”

the  death  of seated meditation

“ a new study of around 8,000 middle-aged and older adults found that swapping a half-hour of sitting around with physical activity of any intensity or duration cut the risk of early death by as much as 35 percent

the findings highlight the importance of movement  —  regardless of its intensity or amount of time spent moving  —  for better health ”

people are narcissists, you should always look for a return on your time spent aiding them

“ leave flowers to the wind and birds to the air ”

its a statement of disinterest by eihei dogen and hypocrisy from a man who couldn’t drag himself away from kyoto back to his monastery

maybe he should have stayed in kyoto, the climate at the monastery was no good for TB

both uva and uvb damage the DNA

vitamin D supplements really need a preservative added as its not stable, the blackmores vit D has a preservative in

nothing beats strong sunlight in small doses, it does several other things besides making vit D like modulating the immune system to reduce cardiovascular risk

basically if you tan you getting a lot of DNA damage with limited health benefit

truth is overrated, but the process of sorting something out is not

a life cut short

what does it mean ?

a  wisp






a life cut short

 what does it mean ?

a wisp






an early death

so full of promise

plucked from this life

like a flame that never ends

an early death

so full of promise

plucked from this life

a flame that never was

an early death

so full of promise

plucked from this life

like a flame that never was

how do you reconcile the unfairness of an early death ?

i feel  this  is my brain, over connected to everything

“ cells created from participants with autistic spectrum disorder expressed some genes earlier than cells from the control group

past research has linked those genes with an increased risk of 

additionally, neurons spawned from the cells of participants with sprouted more complex branches and grew faster than control cells ”

i was looking at an interview with saoirse ronan and she mentioned that she was trying to be pescetarian

being irish means you can have a genetic mutation that leads to over absorption of iron, so i wondered if in fact going pescetarian was a response to that

you really have to watch not eating to much sea food because of heavy metals and eat small fish rather than large because of the way heavy metals bioaccumulate as you move up the food chain, shark and swordfish are chronic for mercury

poetry is different, you can learn to write poetry almost immediately becuse its your natural mind

but prose takes at least twenty years imo

i used to think i might write a novel, but now i realise i never could, not at my age anyway

in a different life perhaps

the real heights only poetry can reach ?

mysticism is not dry

holly and susie walking through  ‘ the place  that is not really one place and not really the other place ’

that is actually  ‘ the wide wide heaven beyond everything we knew ’

hard to see of course

“ redditors who watch movies and tv and read books and comics and play games etc  —  why do humans need entertainment ? ”

entertainment is a form of escapism and good quality entertainment has an element of making you usefully thoughtful

poor quality entertainment just fills your mind full of rubbish

as to why escapism is needed, does it have to be said ?

“  six FDA-approved artificial sweeteners were found  to be toxic  to digestive gut microbes ”

jason  writes

an interesting  video

it’d be nice if tesla hired me, i’d go far i think

my  reply

“ i’d go far i think ”

that’s a projection, you want to be more open to reality being different from what you think and would like

imo plumbing may suit you more, you don’t need a career, only an income, you already have your writing

when you look at the video with rich, i cannot see you ever acquiring or being interested in acquiring that skill level

effective  weight loss   appears to need both intermittent fasting and reducing the amount eaten

i notice a lot of overweight people don’t seem motivated to lose weight, but current research is showing severe health effects like an increased risk of cancer and  downsizing  grey matter in the brain

aquarius is  ‘ the water bearer ’ ,  i liked listening  to this  as a teenager

“ when the moon is in the seventh house ”


two crazy things i have come across on the net are dialogues i had with a lung researcher who refused to believe there was such a thing as a respiratory microbiome and a skin doctor who thought melanomas never became raised

how to  side gap  a spark plug

i straightened the ground electrode, put on some 3+ glasses, filed it down, reshaped it and cleaned it by dipping in meths

for actual cleaning off the baked carbon i find soaking the bottom electrode area in turps overnight works well

why do we continually try to modify the world to the way we think it should be ?

ginger and chillis have a potent anti-cancer action if used together

singly they each have a carcinogenic effect

i think good fiction has a considerable degree of complexity and you can see that in jane austen and  cáo xuěqín

whereas what i write is simplifying

“ if you’re a visiting alien studying the human race and can only do so through its fiction, what list of books or works  (international titles welcome)  would give you an accurate and near complete understanding of humanity, human nature, and life ? ”

the dream of the  red chamber

‘ practice ’  is an illusion

the buddhists flee in confusion

what meaning can the dharma have

 except they have been had ?

when i write

a lot of it









reality is a consequence of god not being omnipotent

its a wound that has been quarantined

reality is a consequence of god not being omnipotent

its like a wound that has been quarantined

i was thinking it takes quite a bit of planning and organization to be an alcoholic to keep yourself   “ supplied ”

but for migraine, i can get that without any planning or organization at all

supposedly 2 + 2 = 4, but so much in life depends upon 2 + 2 + 2 = 6 and we never get beyond the first 2

the interesting thing about  marionettes  is clearly from a mechanistic view point they are unreal, yet we pick up the cues from them to make them real

you can’t really say whether they are unreal or real

i was a big fan of thunderbirds as a child, but also in a way i think the inane fantasy level of it was damaging

it was like a puzzle it was too difficult to crack, but the secret is to look how  they were made

its really just  marionettes  in science fiction

if jesus had a message it was

you are secondary

he was lucky to live as long as he did

to soto zen

if you take eihei dogen away as a reference point, what happens ?

the central problem of nuclear weapons that the cuban missile crisis revealed was the loss of central control over the firing of the weapons, the soviets were so scared of what might happen in cuba they kept all their russian territory based missiles stood down to send an unmistakable message to the americans

this problem is what drives current policies and the problem with iran getting nuclear weapons is their lack of central control over them

the boundaries of man/machine, death  and love

you be careful of writers ,  it might appear they are writing to you, but they are really writing to themselves

roshi joan halifax

this gift of life that i have called “ wise hope ” is rooted in our vows and is what zen master dogen means when he admonishes us to “ give life to life ” ,  even if its just one dying person at a time, one refugee at a time, one prisoner at a time, one life at a time, one ecosystem at a time

brad  warner

why does it have to be a refugee, a dying person, an ecosystem ?  i feel like dogen’s message is far more wide-reaching and universal than that.  any small bit of good you can do, no matter how unspectacular or un-newsworthy, is giving  “ life to life ”

the seventh patriarch

don’t do good and kill the cliché doers

there is magical portion of life that hardly ever happens

the sixth to the seventh patriach

“ you just entered a different universe

nothing you see will ever look the same again ”

the sixth to the seventh patriach

you just entered a different universe

nothing you see will ever look the same again

how does the nicene creed differ from the heart sutra ?

they are just the same, crazy systems of belief designed to be hypnotically indoctrinated by repetitious chanting

one of the traps of the internet is that watching is very passive, you lose touch with reality

you are being fed a filtered version of reality

don’t get caught in one person’s view and experience ,  look at others

i’ve been applying the  “ free energy principle ”  to  “ dialogues ”  i have been having on net message boards and its working quite well

i used to wonder why everyone was so illogical and intellectualy lazy but in fact what they are doing is defending thought structures that reading me has introduced dissonance into

if i post something, they are faced with not being able to argue effectively with it, yet it doesn’t conform to the way they think about things

the free energy principle says their developmental neural/brain structure is too costly and actually not physically possible to change, yet change is what is required when something correct is come across yet conflicts with their own computations/views

they are utterly unable to change so they can admit defeat and just vacate the dialogue which some do, the most common response is some low effort declamation in a misguided attempt to derail me and make the world conform to their way of looking at things, i always easily defeat it and a lot drop out at that point since that gives the best minimisation of free energy, to persist against such an opponent as myself only increases the level of  “ surprise ”

a few drag it on for a considerable time trying to salvage their existing views by various sophisms and declamations, my strategy is just to take this one comment at a time and refute them, its like making a good move in chess, do it right and you are always ahead and eventually it comes to a point where my reply gets very focused on a weak point even they can understand and again, they join the rest in giving up

what i never see is any attempt to rectify the way they look at things with something that better aligns with observation, its all deflection, bombast and stupidity followed by slinking away when to persist is imply going to increase their trauma

in real life this sort of thing could potentially become violent so the net certainly has an advantage here

TL:DR;  the free energy principle says people act to minimise the degree of  “ surprise ”  and this they do as adults with fixed developmental structures by attempting to force conformance to their structure rather than make any improvements to the accuracy the structure and the views it generates

i feel this explains so much of human history and life

to take lsd is to induct a degree of brain injury

recovery is a process of months at the minimum

its disgusting the way people promote it as  “ harmless ”  and  “ spiritual ”

well i guess brain injury is  “ spiritual ”

there is nothing easier to create than this  “ object art ”  so i guess  supply  rises to meet demand

the art world is the slickest con game around

jeff koons is a genius at this, followed closely by damien hirst

i quite like this  short story  by sylvia plath written at 20

a year or bit less before the electroconvulsive therapy

she could have gone on to become a great prose writer, but she always spread herself too thin and there is a marked difference between before and after the ECT unfortunately

the ECT may have  saved her life ,  but it impaired her as a writer, she was never quite the same

christine de luca has that very heightened  visual sense  of autism

buddhists validate a work of fiction, he is a bad fairy tale

buddhists validate a work of fiction, buddha is a bad fairy tale

“ try not to feed the troll ”  (ed. implying i am a troll)

you and who else against who ?

you and who else against who ?

only a fool imagines they are a teacher

the past is set in glass

the future is that





























the past is set in glass

the future must come to that



its not like male and female are symmetric, they are not opposite to each other

the female mind, sometimes you can’t save it from itself

its quite nice to hear  the poem  in russian as well as see the english translation

a good  review  of  ‘ the complete poems of anna akhmatova ’  by edward w. batchelder

the problem of the net ,  9 idiots for every person of sense

the typical female thinks men were  ‘ born yesterday ’

the typical female thinks men were born yesterday

brad warner  naively thinks  that noah levine’s public humuliation is about sex scandals

me wasting my time trying to set him right

you have no children and don’t understand the pressures, a vow of poverty does not fit with family life

western zen and buddhism seem to ignore that these are celibate traditions  (zen before its politicisation by the meiji government)  so there’s a freedom in celibacy to be disinterested

the  “ problem ”  with noah levine was that in fact his organisation  “ against the stream ”  had already collapsed financially and noah was still pulling exorbitant sums from it for himself

then the scandals become public because of disaffection within the organisation

when the money flows, everything is happy and you don’t hear a peep

the only thing keeping the angel city zen center  (ed. brad’s center)  free from scandal is its lack of success, if it was larger then you would get problems, your name and reputation would be used against you

you are really naive at times brad, or i should say naive overall in a way that is disconcerting

what is missing with these idiot pretenders on r|zen with their retarded bombastic pomposity ?

reflection  to be aware of themselves, perhaps they are mercifully blind ?

some women can be too dependent on the power of sex to render the male docile

the limitation of meditation is its only conscious experience, zen and vipassana treat it as entirely adequate when it is far from it

“ a mouse conscientiously  transcribes  a book which is being read aloud by his colleague

unnoticed by these elegant and diligent scholars, less erudite rats are thoughtlessly munching away at their library behind them ”

replies on  zen_mystical  should have substance and not be empty air, misinformation, millenial ambiguity, crazy declamations

r|zen is rich in those, go back to where you belong

my time is not yours to waste




evening star

evening star

ice fire blue

evening star




evening star

blue fire ice

evening star




common english phrases  explained well

a useful  video  explaining how to use the various settings on a mulitmeter

how to test your battery ,  do this  and you are way ahead of those battery supply places

my criticism of r|zen is they are taking a christian or islamic approach of creating an  “ inerrant text ”  out of poor quality literary fiction that they, the wannabe priests of this new religion are privy to a secret understanding and interpretation of

given the hackneyed and clichéd nature of the voynich they worship, it is only the retarded insane that are able to stomach this

when and where  was this  ?

the forbidden city mid to late eighteen century

not that different from the grandfather clock face my grandparents had

two and half thousand years and polynices’  body is still not buried

i try to correct everything, but you can’t correct everything

i try to correct everything

but you




modern china has some interesting characteristics, the recreation and obliteration of the past

the  restoration  of the qianlong emperor’s retirement lodge

the qianlong emperor governed when  ‘ the dream of red mansions ’  was written and he was a patron of giuseppe castiglione

cetainly a time of the flowering of chinese culture











the origin  of the song  ‘ lucy in the sky with diamonds ’

“ john and i both loved alice ”

does tuesday come before wednesday or vice versa ?

does wednesday follow tuesday or vice versa ?

all the writers about  eve babitz  skirt around the main point, a considerable talent brain damaged by drugs and alcohol and never reaching her potential

just shows the way american society is now

a quote  from her book  ‘ eve’s hollywood ’

in most high schools, you learn social things along with the rest of it

in mine, i learned irrevocably that beauty is power and the usual bastions of power are powerless when confronted by beauty

its a good rule to never get in the situation of being lent money

jason is of the view his  “ writing skills ”  are a feature potential employers would be interested in

my  view

they won’t be slightly interested in writing skills, they only want feel good bullshit and will be offended by anything real just like your work at the vet place and that sales job you didn’t get

skilled writing is really different and not something that is wanted by people

“ thoughts lie ”

thoughts don’t lie, they simply mirror backwards our imperfect perception of reality

religion is buying into a crazy tableaux

you are buying into imaginative constructions clearly dissonant with what we call reality, an observation some crusaders as they were fighting for almost desertified  “ holy ”  ground and a city personified by rocks and thieves must have made

i find tess hughes  interesting , she has that toni packer like emphasis on the examination of one’s own thoughts and  “ beliefs ”

i know its important but i have never been able to understand why, tess puts it as enabling being more open and less a victim of one’s own hubricity

no, she’s not some sylph like 16 y.o.

mysticism seems to be the provenance of the faded aged

i’m really favouring the hypothesis that there is no other life in the universe apart from ourselves capable of communicating over stellar distances because of a combination of the extremely long time it takes to evolve, its far from a necessity in terms of evolution itself and from a planetary to galaxy level the universe seems rather  disaster prone

stan kelly-boodle  singing  his song  “ liverpool lullaby ”  also famously sung by  cilla black

i didn’t quite get his beatles joke at the end, but its quite funny

when you talk to an audience there’s very little engagement on the points of difference because that only happens when you talk one on one

“ its the word of god ”

god has no word

baisao’s  ‘ seventy years ’  poem

seventy years of zen

got me nowhere at all

shed my black robe

and became a shaggy crank.

now I have no business

with sacred or profane

just simmer tea for folks

and hold starvation back

my  reworking

four years of r|zen

i wouldn’t say forwards but backwards

i shed any illusions about people

and am improved

religion is crap



is zen

a poem by baisao

pine trees rise through cloud

soar up into the blue skies

bush clover spangled with dewdrops

sways in the autumn breeze

as I dip cold, pure water

at the edge of the stream

a solitary white crane

comes lolloping my way

my  reworking

between the pines



flowering bush clover waving in the breeze

the ruffle of a purling stream

can be


the cantankering flight of a white crane

asperger’s syndrome is not mental illness, its functional and more a problem of lacking social skills and associated theories of mind

“ professional psychiatrists are all you can rely on ”

really ?

half are as crazy as their so called patients in my observation

i’m not saying there are not good ones, but the profession as a whole seems to be infected by incompetent snugness, maybe its a good survival strategy since dealing with the mentally ill all the time is so soul destroying

its important when trying to lose weight to lose fat and not lean muscle, taking chromium will help with this according to  this article  and  study

i don’t have a weight problem but i take  chromium  and i think i can pick it helps maintain lean muscle

history is like a little too definite

if you only go by history, that’s like too definite

the interesting thing about homosexuality is how the physical form gets completely crossed with sexual desire

an unequivocal example of how everything is the brain

the interesting thing about homosexuality is how the physical form gets completely crossed with sexual desire

an unequivocal example of how everything is a brain image

richard carrier  arguing  that jesus is mythical

migraine    my-graine

mypain    my-pain

in terms of mystical or  ‘ enlightenment ’  experiences, there’s a hell of a lot that happens unconciously that you know must have occurred by changes in your understanding and perspective, but its also important that you have concious experiences because that means there is an identity of memory and you

conscious tv  ,   interviews with as big a collection of bullshit artists as you will find

unbelievable the way renate and ian mcnay have wasted their lives

what narcissists are interested in is narcissistic supply and that is their vulnerability

what narcissists are interested in is  ‘ narcissistic supply ’  and that is their vulnerability

a very good talk  by toni packer, it always amazes me that she is so little known, perhaps not so amazing given the general attitude

any place of work has crazy internal politics, just different forms

if its not the wind, its the wind

if its not the wind

its the wind

kwan um zen works like other zen schools, study with a teacher at least ten years and you might get transmission if you agree with them

seon-sa-nim and george bowman didn’t get along at all and he almost didn’t give transmission to him

given the general unbelievably low quality of so-called transmitted zen masters its just all a giant farce of hubric ineptitude any sane man or woman would be ashamed to be associated with

“ abundance of caution ”

 you mean  ‘ abundance of clichés ? ’

well  “ zen ”  as a word is in the  “ public domain ”  and so has a wide range of meanings, so r|zen in that sense is not usually untrue to at least one of the public domain meanings

however i am interested in the mystical side, that  “ transmission outside the scriptures ”  which those on r|zen are in denial about and think their endless chatter goes somewhere

you are ignorant of what the  ‘ transmission ’  is about, yet talk as though you have experience of it

what can i say ?

religion is a conversion of the true strangeness of infinity into the dull moronacy of mediocracy

religion is the conversion of the true strangeness of infinity into the dull moronacy of mediocracy

the problem with fighting in a war is death  is too random

i’ve got r|zen figured out and a lot of the rest of the web as a bonus

i was assuming these people are open to rational discussion and problem solving in an objective way

but they are not like this, they are totally narcissistic and only use what i write to feed their narcissism, ewk would be a good example given his utter rejection of me and what i say, yet he very selectively plagiarizes my material

they cannot and will never get into a more rational mode and in your dealings with them they will consume you

you can only belong to a community if you agree with them, disagree and you are always on the outside

“ normalcy ”  is like a benign island in a sea of strangeness

intrusions by the sea abound

“ normalcy ”  is like a benign island in a sea of strangeness

intrusions abound

“ normalcy ”  is like a benign island in a sea of strangeness

intrusions of the sea abound

stalin’s problem wasn’t just his brutality, but that it was co-joined to a religious adherence to an economic philosophy so contrary to millennia of human experience as to what works that  “ brutality ”  as a platonic  (plutonic!)  ideal was allowed to   “ flower ”

so much of human  “ disaster ”  can be attributed to its running roughshod over areas that are strange to its ways and thinking

karl friston’s  basic insight  is that reality is very unfriendly to uniformed guesses

it mightn’t seem like a big deal but we humans operate as though  ‘ guess success ’  is fifty-fifty whether we get something right or not, usually with disasterous consequences once we hit something strange or outside our everyday experience

i see this so much in the  ‘ spiritual arena ’ ,  clueless idiots projecting what doesn’t work

who am i

where do i come from

where am i going to ?

who am i, where do i come from, where am i going to ?

narcissism is the handle by which women manage men

narcissism in women men can’t handle

the scriptures

buddhist or christian

so much nonsense hanging in air

why bother ?

the scriptures

zen or christian

so much nonsense hanging in air

why bother ?

any argument implies its negation

vitamin MK7-K2 does marvels for circulation and the bones and teeth

i take 400iu of D3 and 90mcg of MK7-K2 daily and that’s what works best for me

the amount of vitamin D needed depends hugely on the person and environment imo

a lot of mental illness is narcissistic, their dysfunction is used to extract your labour

its amazing how much of the problems of the internet and internet message boards can be reduced to a question of trust

i trust that those i am communicating with or are being communicated from are reasonable and fair when there is ,  in fact, no basis for that trust and even a small amount of dealing will expose people as untrustworthy, often schizophrenically misguided, hubric and unfair

that is if we put down the rose tinted glasses

the key to dealing with narcissists is to accept you cannot change them since they convert any attention you give them into  “ supply ”  and just continue with their narcissistic ways to feed on what you do

so for your own sanity and mental health you have to detach and preferably remove from the situation to the extent that suits and is of benefit to you

i have seen figures of 98 to 99% given for how much of the brain is involved in unconscious versus conscious processes

so the brain is really this mass of unconscious processes we are not aware of, and really never can be directly aware of

louis rossmann  is a good example of a  “ fish out of water ”

he has very good interpersonal skills, too strong for his to ever do that well in the tech field, whereas if he was in an arena that made better use of his interpersonal and social skills he would be outstanding

r|zen as the wrong end of cyborg

if you take  “ knowledge aquisition ”  as part of the  “ extended mind ”  as per andy clark, then there is an intrinsic bypassing of  “ proper  epistemic care  and vigilance ”  which you can also read as  “ reflective attention and interrogation ”

in andy clark’s words

“ the better new tech looks for  ‘ extending the mind ’  the worse it starts to look for  ‘ epistemically responsible knowing ’ ”

you can see it applies to nazi germany and stalinist russia with the revolution in broadcast and communications technology occuring over that period enabling propaganda to bypass the natural testing of life experience and badly placed assumptions of trust being made

and it also applies to the internet with its being awash in  “ feel-good ”  trash massaging feelings of comfort and self esteem in a toxic inversion of the real

in terms of r|zen and the endless new age and meditation crap you have unquestioning trust placed in quite schizophrenic sources

r|zen particularly creates a scriptural data base out of various zen records, as  “ inerrant ”  but between biased and philologically insufficient translations and the uncertain veracity of the actual source, you really have no basis for  “ trust ”  and the undiscriminating adoption of the sophistical and novelistic nature of these so called  ‘ sources ’  leads to a self created narcissistic trap for narcssists

all art is the product of wounding

the weirdness of the net, both these women have aged ten years since they made  this recording  of offenbach and are now well past their singing peaks

‘ killing me softly with his song ’ ,  lauryn hill is easily  the best voice  to sing this song and its ruined by the intrusion of too heavy a beat and male voices when the song was just asking to be sung almost a cappella by her

the song  has an uncertain provenance as it is a reworking of a poem by  lori lieberman

cynthia freivogel, one hell of  a violinist




narcissistic supply


let them supply me

joshu was asked  :  of the three aspects of buddha  (the physical, the moral, and the metaphysical)  which is the original one ?

he replied  :  the metaphysical

the problem with  “ multiverses ”  is the lack of a robust conceptual framework to accomodate more than one universe

this  looks robust

helen martins has the  insight  of an isolated childhood in the karoo

a video on  her life

a walk through  the owl house

so taking andy clark’s idea of  extended mind ,  when you look at the sea, you are the sea and the sea is you

when you look at the sea, you are the sea and the sea is you

i was confused in life and i will be confused in death

i was confused in life and i will be confused dying

tigers are  all muscle , this fight had to be broken up  ( tiger canyon  in the karoo )  and the larger younger lighter coloured have a paw wound dressed

the older and more experienced tiger, though smaller had the advantage and seemed prepared to kill its rival

word salads tossed again and again

there’s something fundamentally wrong with a world in which we all get older

there’s something fundamentally wrong with a world in which we get older

empathy is extremely costly because its entering another’s emotional state

genes get carried down the generations in lumps, you may think you have avoided some of the more problematic ones of your ancestors by dilution, but you are the one who can end up with them and not your siblings

everyone is a mimic of ourselves

word salads


and tossed again

to what effect ?

word salads tossed and tossed again

is the attraction of entertainment that it mimics surprises because it is not real life ?

i was walking on the cliffs above the coast just west of the don river heads, a beautifully calm evening, the undulating glossy sea spreading for miles beneath a surreal grey sky

a homily came to mind  i was sure i would remember it, so simple how could i forget ?

i am trying to remember it now and for the life of me i can’t, not even a single word

a story is a story

but to tell a story about a story



we are always constructing something



unconstructed ?

over a life

you can’t help but notice

those returning circles

over a life









if you look more closely at a situation you wish to remedy but have no power in, it may turn out to be in your best interest to keep more distance from it, observing, but no taking part

the more i see of claims for  “ spiritual understanding ”  from taking LSD the more i wonder how people can get things so wrong and be so blind to their errors

i used to think the effect was more neutral, but its really fucked up, there must be a heft of brain damage that goes along with it each time it is taken

i have a problem with anything that defines time because that externalises it, whereas its implicit and internal to change

to soto zen i ask

what if eihei dogen is wrong ?

there’s a lot of philosophy in humour

women don’t put up with nonsense from other women, but they expect men to put up with their nonsense

i think one of the problems with writing and i presume translation as well is the decades it takes to develop a decent level of skill and by then we hit the declines of aging

competence and super-competence


women and men may complain about each other, but the differences are the same across races so there is some deep biological imperative in them

comfort in similarity is not necessarily safe or the most productive optimisation

women have a quite different perception of the universe than men, everything from their point of view is purposed to them and their comfort

stupidity is an active principle, it seeks to bring everything down to its level rather than raise itself to anything higher

the trouble with exercise is that it doesn’t release you from your metabolic frame, you have to take supplements to do that

its depressing how bad most zen translations are, in effect conforming to whatever philosophical doctrines, implicit or explicit the translator holds

to have one read straighforwardly in english is a miracle

why do theologians waste their lives spouting crazy nonsense when they have the intellectual faculty to know better ?

why ?

mark crosbie translates linji

“ from my error-ridden point of view, mere parochial monk that I am  :

there are no buddhas, and no sentient beings

there is nothing ancient, and nothing modern

the thing to obtain is something already possessed

it doesn’t happen with the passage of time

it isn’t cultivated, nor is it experienced

it isn’t obtained, nor is it lost

in every instance  :  no dharma apart from this ”

my  “ rectification ”

buddhas and sentient beings

ancient and modern

the obtained is not

already possessed

yet what is possessed is not already obtained

time has no passage

cultivated and experienced

discard  “ the truth ”  as inadequate

‘ loop quantum gravity ’  implies  a  “ big bounce ”  rather than a   “ big bang ”  and no singularity in black holes, but rather a funnel  “ to another branch of the space-time ”

zen makes the mistake of supposing singularities when in fact there is something else broader going on

things exist for a while, then they go

there is no meaning beyond this

sepehr  writes

Andrew, I have a sincere question, something that has been nagging me for some time

Before giving my question, I want to tell you about two dreams I’ve recently had

I recently had two dreams in a row

My first dream involved finding myself in a labyrinthine library, which had multiple levels

There was a faint irrradiance that permeated the entire setting

Each book on the shelves glowed as if begging to be grabbed

I found myself on the topmost level, and from the corner, a refulgence of light engulfed me

I trudged towards the most luminescent of books and picked it up

Beautiful and serene, I flipped through it without forethought

What moved me were the most beautiful of all vistas, invigorating my entire being with peace and calm

Picturesque and idyllic, the enchanting pictures emanated divine light, perfect order and stability

Its paintings were reminiscent of more otherworldly illustrations of Alfred Bestall or Maxfield Parrish

A picture book of absolute goodness, a Perfect Platonic form

I wanted to take this book to share with my wife

I woke for the first time, hoping it was in my clasped right hand

My hand kept opening and closing as I gazed upon it with one open eye

Back to sleep once more, I attempted again to cling to the book, this time harder, to bring it to the actual world of matter

I failed once more

I realized that no matter how many times I vainly tried to bring forth this book of absolute light of goodness, this Book of Spenta Mainyu, that it would forever remain in the recesses of this dream world

I gave up, for fear that after too many attempts, new dreams would overtake me thereby causing this comforting one to dissolve

I gently replaced the book on the shelf

It is as if all the generosity, loving-kindness, and wisdom of this world were condensed into its purest and benevolent of all forms within that angelic book

In the foyer of the library, I conversed with several people reading books

“ How can I bring books from this library to the actual world ? ” I inquired

“ Oh, you cannot bring any of those books to such a world ”  one of them replied

I became silent and morose

The dream ended, and I laid hopeless in bed.

Being still tired, it took me five minutes to fall asleep once more

The second dream occurred in a gas station

While walking around idly, the scene struck me as immensely decrepit and dirty

Stains of defecation were in the corners and all processed foods were expired

The main cashier seemed bored, reading a newspaper without a care in the world

I came across a peculiar magazine rack

Without much forethought, my hand glided towards a conspicuous magazine from which emitted a murky darkness

Appalled, it took my dream-mind a couple of seconds to process what it beheld  :  the book’s covering felt akin to skin and little strings dangled on the bottom

My fingers caressed its strings

“ No, it couldn’t be ”  I whispered

These flimsy strings were from human entrails, their stench unbearable

I became too fearful to open the book

Eventually, some great unworldly dark temptation took hold of me, and I gently opened the book

Inside were pictures of dismembered children that shocked me whereby no words can do justice to the horror, like a dark net engulfing one in its madness

As I flipped through the pages they became increasingly more chaotic and disorderly, the faces of blood and agony feeling even more frightening in this dreamworld

I immediately put the Book of Angra Mainyu back onto the rack

It is as if all the greed, hatred, and delusion of this world were condensed into its purest and malevolent of all forms within that infernal book

My question is this  :

How do the books of absolute light and darkness relate to Infinity ?

Are they both expressions of Infinity, or is only the Book of Absolute Light an expression of Infinity ?

I have a hard time coming to terms with the Book of Absolute Darkness relating to Infinity

I prefer thinking of the book of darkness as being empty of Infinity and the book of light as full of Infinity, but I am not sure if this is honest, since it leads to more Gnostic sensibilities rather than Zen

Granted, I am interested in your thoughts

my reply

that’s good writing and the dreams are interesting

both the book and the magazine are true of infinity and both occur in life

you can’t bring the book back, but its already there open at the right page and occasionally we stumble across it, the problem is we don’t generally realise its significance

i think the great fallacy of zen is to create some false schema of being able to access the book as always open, but its not, in fact the whole art is to recognise the right page when it does open, which is not that often

the human animal in the social context is a murderous bullshitter, by themselves they are not so bad

the words of another coming across time and space

are illuminating

they don’t put bread on the table

they take it from the table

but those realms take us from the crowds and are of infinity

the words of another coming across time and space

are illuminating

they don’t put bread on the table, indeed the opposite

but those realms take us from the crowds and are of infinity