that don't warrant a page by themselves
or seem to fit better here
pending poems index
chronological order is from the bottom to the top of the page
audio files can be complemented by listening to them with the eyes closed
!
te
ching
a
quantum
computer
masturbation
and
web
pornography
a
road
of
carnality
that
goes
in
the
wrong
direction !
if
you
see
too
much
you
don't
really
want
to
do
anything
the
world
is
just
an
unending
nightmare
of
other
people's
problems
the
theories
we
have
about
the
way
something
happens
the
way
we
see
it
happen !
in fact aspergers used to be called schizophrenia
males are much more damaged for any given amount of autism/aspergers syndrome than females
as
you
all
know !
has
asperger's
syndrome
and
her
brother
was
probably
autistic
and
not
schizophrenic !
in
the
end
writing
is
just
work !
is
interesting
but
it's
buddhism
and
NOT
zen !
she
believes
the
world
can
be
a better
place
ie.
in
the
wrong
way !
doubt
you
will
understand
this !
a
good
monty
python
video !
if
i
had
to
characterise
the
hardcore
zen
blog
i
would
say
it
was
a group
of
people
who
represent
themselves
as
knowing
what
they
are
on
about
when
they
don't
hard
bullshitters
in
other
words
one
has
to
make
a
choice
not
to
be
involved
with
such
or
become
like
them
and
that
means
no
longer
reading
the
blog !
when
i
look
at
zen
or
it
all
has
been
incredibly
destructive
to
them
are
not
stone
monkeys !
at least four “super trite” clichés in one sentence !
you win the day's most clichéd anonymous poster award !
congratulations, you face stiff competition !
you have been entered for the world's major hypocrite competition !
sometimes
wonder
which
institution
you
post
from
i
sometimes
wonder
what
insititution
i
post
from
post
and
wonder
no
more !
read
and
have
no
cause
to
wonder
proud
experts
on
the
humble !
the
proud
are
such
experts
on
the
humble !
building
little
towers
of
buddhism
sinking
blow
the
plain
i
think
gullibility
is
giving
the
benefit
of
the
doubt
on
balance
we
all
do
this
with
different
people
and
siuations
and
is
not
necessarily
a
harmful
trait
except
being
conned
and
the
loss
of
resources
and
time
this
entails !
it's
funny
you
can
be
gullible
but
still
have
good
discernment
you
lot
are
only
half
smart
hence
half
the
fun
is
working
it
out
yourself
right
at
the
is
reality
rational
or
irrational ?
it's
irrational
if
you
think
it's
irrational
you
can
side
with
schopenhauer
heraclitis
me
and
zen
if
you
think
it's
rational
you
can
side
with
any
religion
or
normative
human
reality !
actually
everything
is
nonsense
except
for
seeing
for
oneself !
it's heavily fused with taoism
and actually
poetry
that
seeing
for
oneself and not relying on bullshit
buddha
stories
or
faith !
i
don't
know
why
you
think
these
buddha
stories
are
any
more
reliable
or
accurate
than
christian
ones !
it's
just
swapping
one
set
of
nonsense
for
another !
all
the
sutras
chants
precepts
vows
and
everything
they
are
pretty
well
nonsense !
chanting
is
the
same
as
pictures
they
draw
a
false
reality !
not
quite
a
s
clever
as
voynich
but
close !
well
a
very
few
chants
like
the
zen
absolute
and
relative ”
are
a
s
clever
a
s
voynich
not
to
mention
the
tao
te
ching !
chanting
is
the
same
as
pictures
they
draw
a
false
reality !
it
wasn't
until
my
late
teens/ early
twenties
that
i
realized
portraits
of
jesus
were
not
actually
historically
derived
likenesses
but
fictions !
the
painters
idea
of
what
he
would
have
looked
like !
i
just
got
confused
you
have
to
make
that
extra
effort
to
confusion !
maybe
confusion
is
just
making
something
a
bit
simpler
than
it
is
what i find with these things is they are “cut and paste”, documents put together to “sell” certain viewpoints imbued with the tiniest amount of sense to give the appearence that it's not nonsense
from my own experience i have found the the xinxin ming or faith mind sutra to be particularly destructive and it has been a big stepforward for me to work out there is no WAY , i.e. it's just crap !
i don't object to the following lines from the more original or fraternal “ mind inscription ”
“ there is no end to coming and going, and no matter how much one seeks, one will never realize it!
when everything is inactive, then the bright stillness will manifest by itself
before one it will be like emptiness, and thereby one will know how to dispose of confused doctrines ”
of
the
old
documents
especially
the
platform
sutra
are
really
quite
anti
what
is
currently
regarded
as
zen !
“ the three jewels are vows, expressions of commitment, not doctrinaire expressions of truth ”
i
think
you
are
just
trying
to
join
dots
that
are
not
there !
vision
unity
of
the
constructed
and
unconstructed ! (5:05)
when i was looking at that video at just a bit later than that time (5:15 when she enters into the stairwell) it suddenly occured to me that carroll's writing was in a fact a vision, but the corridor with the curtains is also very important to understanding the sense of the homily !
this 1966 alice, directed by jonathon miller is unusual but very well done with only people and no animals
peter cook, peter sellers etc
amazing selection
you can really see lewis carroll was just using autistic spectrum people he knew
you
are
saying
there
is
an
eternity
well
there
is
an
eye
but
it's
that
eye
and
not
this
if
people
live
happy
healthy
lives
with
no
substantial
developmental
injuries
they
breed
and
live
and
die
like
dust !
if
people
live
happy
healthy
lives
with
no
substantial
developmental
injuries
they
breed
and
live
and
decay
and
die
like
dust !
the
eternal
say
there
is
no “ i ”?
who
is
taking
refuge
in
what ?
usual
voynich,
congratulations !
ideally
sleep
is
deep
and
long !
christianity
needs
to
adjust
to
the
lack
of
an
historical
jesus
terms
of
god
it's
not
important !
once
you
understand
about
women
and
sex
you
will
see
how
a
nun's
life
is
unless
they
are
cfs/ill
in
some
way
such
a
s
catherine
of
siena
or
teresa of ávila
historically there have been some very lesbian convents
and
oddly
a sort of high class prostitution for the nobility
is
characteristic
of
some medieval and later and perhaps earlier convents
is
our
notion
of
god
or
buddha
or
whatever
defined
by
our
avoidance
of
death ?
is
our
notion
of
god
defined
by
our
avoidance
of
death ?
with
sleep
the
depth
is
more
important
than
how
long !
of
necessity
is
always
wrong
why
this
so ?
i
am
just
going
to
cry
and
weep
and
cry
again !
humans
are
mad
an
endless
antlike
existance
in
repeating
cycles !
a
more
autistic
and
altogether
there's
something
about
the
care
of
strangers !
some
illusion
or
other
being
followed ?
there's
something
about
the
care
of
strangers !
a
really
good
film
of
alice
in
wonderland
it
opens
up
your
understanding
of
the
story
to
the
huge
depth
and
maturity
of
charles
dodgson's
work !
you
can
see
the
people
of
his
experience / acquaintance !
does
it
ever
occur
to
you
that
we
spend
our
lives
living
out
paradigms
incurred
in
childhood ?
life
has
some
common
themes
one
woman
two
men !
what
is
this
breeding
that
we
submerge
ourselves
in
identity
of
male
and
female !
what
is
nietzsche
groaning
saying ?
no
point
to
his
work
and
he
would
have
been
better
to
pay
attention
to
his
health !
what is essentially biofilm
another
ten
years
they
will
be
connecting
it
to
diet
sorta
sickening
in
a
way !
being
the
seventh
zen
patriarch
what
do
i
get
out
of
it ?
nothing
except
a
pain
in
the
arse
loss
of
time !
being
anywhere
except
where
we
are
right
now
is
a
mistake
and
even
that
is
a
mistake !
mostly
zen
kills
people
younger
than
they
would
otherwise
die
that's
my
one
comment
on
it
well
two !
what
is
water ?
ubiquitous
wet
discrete
who
knows?
zen
mountain
monastery
in
mt.
tremper
the
christ
crucified
statue
over
the
front
door
only
bit
of
the
place !
where
have
i
been
and
what
am
i
doing
and
why ?
catherine
of
siena
is
better
than
dogen!
lot
are
about
as
capable
of
abandoning
yourselves
a
s
a
snail
it's
shell !
zen
buddha
god
jesus
infinity
all
higg's
until
you
see
dogen
a
s
a peer
and
not
a
foundation
you
won't
understand !
you
will
end
up
with
silliness
like
harry
who
won't
permit
my
posts
because
he
is
so
clearly
outclassed !
until
you
see
dogen
a
s
a peer
and
not
a
foundation
you
won't
understand !
anything
to
do
with
the
church
is
living
crucifixion
ask
john
of
the
cross
francis
of
assisi
and
catherine
of
siena !
there
is
this
information
divide
people
who
use
the
net
are
really
up
to
date
and
those
who
don't
are
not !
you get suckered by some savant streak but the rest or most of the rest or enough of the rest as it pertains to you is just shit !
i think the only answer if there is an answer is to have a detailed look to see the overall picture and weigh up the savancies against the shit, basically to ask “what do i get out of it” and discard if the equation is negative as it just about always is !
catherine
of
siena
not
die
we
all
die
and
you
are
about
to
live ! ”
a
really
good
of
catherine
of
siena
she
doesn't
look
thrilled
to
be
alive
andrea
vanni
she
may
have
suffered from
staph
like
john
of
the
cross
case
voyniched
into
stigmata )
but seeing how the
nuns
habits
cover
all
the
skin
i
wonder
if
she
became
vitamin D
deficient
poor
woman
but
brilliant !
facial reconstruction
pretty
modern
to
me !
basically gut bacteria that release enzymes that can digest estrogen !
a lot of autistic spectrum women seem to have lower estrogen levels or lose sufficient levels early in life and this may be due a malign biofilm with unbalanced preponderance of estrogen digesting bacteria
rather fascinating !
the compendium with estradiol HRT is an all time major advance for women's health, but of course, this is what some prefer to go through !
infinity
is
solitude !
sometimes
you
worry
about
where
you
have
to
be
or
should
be
but
you
just
wait,
and
keep
working
through
things
and
it
clears
of
it's
own
accord
sometimes
you
worry
about
where
you
have
to
be
or
should
be
but
you
just
wait,
and
keep
working
through
things
and
it
clears
of
it's
own
accord !
sanity
is
a
construct
insanity
is
native
sanity
is
a
construct
insanity
is
real
i
could
just
lie
down
and
die
and
go
to
death
having
to
unspin
what
spins
up
from
a
conductors
point
of
view
an
orchestra
is
out
of
control !
you
can
only
do
the
best
you
can
do
which
is
let
it
self -
organise !
is
it
so
hard
i
don't
know !
you
zen
guys
you
do
not
understand
you
have
constructed
some
fake
seeming
state
a
s
infinity !
or
in
a
ghost
cave
the
ancients
put
it !
when
you
look
at
historical
stuff
after
a
while
your
sense
of
time
changes
and
these
people
like
dogen,
eckhart
wang wei
heraclitis
and
sappho
don't
seem
so
remote
at
all
time
is
essentially
dimensionless !
reality
ever
disappears !
i
can't
expect
to
be
right
and
not
excluded
by
people
like
harry !
life
is
a
lifetime
cycle
we
tend
to
believe
entirely
what
we
are
at
any
given
stage !
life
is
a
lifetime
cycle
we
tend
to
believe
entirely
what
we
are
at
any
stage !
we
all
have
specific
abilities
and
should
specialize
but
life
seems
to
call
the
generalities
in !
it
is
surprising
what
we
think
might
be
wrong
can
be
right !
i
wish
i
wasn't
such
a
chronic
volunteerer
and
was
prepared
to
live
more
narrowly
which
isn't
necessarily
more
narrow !
all
this
writing
i
am
just
going
to
sit
down
and
cry
and
cry
'
''
eckhart
tolle
is
a
chronic
plagiarist
you
can
see
it
in
the
name !
is
not
of
that
sees
god
is
the
same
eye
that
sees
me ”
stamp !
he
never
appears
on
truely
open
forums
where
criticism
is
possible
you
notice !
quite
tho!
but
a
neo-
advaita
upstart
on
the
make
like
them
all !
eckhart
tolle
is
a
chronic
plagiarist
you
can
see
it
in
the
name !
it's
simpler
to
leave
something
if
you
have
to
stay
and
try
to
untangle
it
it
gets
very
messy
but
i
suppose
that
is
as
it
is
being
lived !
years
ago
traveling
around
zen
centers
on
the
east
coast
of
the
u.s.a.
i
was impressed
by
the
health
problems
and
the
kwan um
zen
school
which
was
the
most
vegetarian
had
the
severest !
you have to write alot to make money on e-books, lots of new titles coming out every year like the “paranormal romance” writers do!
there's very little margin on ebooks and amazon and the like take 30% !
imoo if you are not eckhart tolle it's too difficult to make any sort of money teaching zen or that sort of thing and it's better to earn money in other ways
days
in
the
sun
have
passed !
the
internet
is
henry
ford
taken
to
an
extreme !
women
want
to
the
rhinocerous !
wants
to
see
the
basic
truth
of
buddhism
and
christianity
it's
the
cracks
in
the
broken
that
the
light
comes
through !
not
some
vision
or
performance
of
human
completeness !
happens
is
that
people
are
so
reluctant
to
see/ accept
the
basic
truths
the
main
one
being
it
takes
damage
to
see
larry
eigner !
very
anti -
intellectual
the
americans
i
think
they
need
to
be
because
they
are
a
bit
short
on
intelligence !
it
is
necessary
to
bleed
enough
to
be
helpful
but
not
to
death
anything
i
do
is
a
circus
i
going
through
the
motions
of
effective
problem
solving
it
were
rather
than
the
reality ·
it
is
not
necessary
to
bleed
to
death
to
live
however
bleeding
may
be
necessary !
it
is
not
necessary
to
bleed
to
death !
hated
by
the
loathed
by
the
100
demons
hated by
the
loathed
by
the
10 thousand
demons
then the trip to europe several days after the catheter op (which had problems) exposed you to three or four days of severe immune dysfunction that is part of jet lag and disrupted circadian rhythm with plenty of viral exposure from the enclosed space in the plane and your zen talks !!
you americans are way too causal about these tests which can have very negative consequences, like some CT scans have radiation doses in the order of 1/10th to 1/20th of what people in hiroshima were exposed too!
i have seen people permanently affected by travel vaccines as well, getting them all done at once is a disaster !
the trip to europe exposed you to three or four days of severe immune system dysfunction that is part of jet lag and disrupted circadian rhythm!
so i would say it was a combination of the operation which had problems immediately followed the plane trip/ jet lag
if this logic is right you should find you get better quite rapidly as the body clock adjusts in europe and also be aware of that vulnerability when you fly back to california!
it's really quite interesting what the new research is showing on disrupted circadian rhythm like if you do alot of shift work when you are 17 to 20 you have twice the chance of developing MS
the body is full of phased and synchronised biological clocks governing every function and organ, jet lag and rotating shifts drop a crow bar in the works !
since you seem to be low thyroid a drop of iodine tincture in the mouth might be help !
“ it's (ed. zen buddhism) often constructed to be a sort of stripped down, impoverished anti-intellectualism ”
you are so right about that, i think you have to not live in america to see it, american culture is extraordinarily anti-intellectual and a lot of what is called zen in america is in fact their own cultural biases against intellectualism which as you say is not necessarily wrong (ed. intellectualism!) but simply done erroneously
for the most part !
too much for you? (ed. this post was rejected !) i am going to offer you some serious health advice, young as you are comparatively you could benefit from the “real” hrt with estradiol, the estalis sequi hrt patches
which should give the growth factors for recovery, accept no substitutes, the doctors will try to put you off onto something with estriol rather than estradiol because of the increased cancer risk !
you may be short of estrogen receptors in the brain!
regarding the cancer risk of course, one can't provide any extrapolation except say that a drop of iodine tincture onto the inside lip occasionally will help with the thyroid issues and keep the breast and uterine risk down for the HRT and new analyses of the famous nurses cohort hrt study relates a lot of the risk to starting hrt over about 55 when the background of mutated cells is already quite high
you are the nearest thing to a genius i have seen and it has been dismaying to watch your health decline, but i find there's hope if you give something adequate attention, i don't know wether you know minna mettinen-kekalainen but she made the same mistake, looked for succourance to “community”, the conventional medical model and not well thought out dietary and exercise approaches but it backfires as it must because that view is based on a mistaken communal view of reality, ourselves as sole and arbitrary universes is how things are and we need to think outside the box and help ourselves !
i am sure you will ignore this and consign this expenditure of futile effort on my part trying to assist you to
the “too hard pile” or box or outright antagonism, but you can't consign the way reality works to any such place, it's not friendly to spectrum taking refuge in “normal” approaches !
your high grain diet, especially wheat is killing you too !
i don't know why i do this, but then, i don't know why i am alive, nothing i have ever done adds up and neither will this !
it's better to write and have it ignored than leave it undone i think !
after
all
it's
only
useful
advice !
the
taliban
are
sorta
like
an
enemy
that
needn't
have
become
an
enemy !
the
last
flares
of
an
archaic
culture
is
all
it
is
about !
it's
dying
song !
how
many
lives
and
interests
is
it
all
just
meaningless ?
no-one
just
there's
no-one
just
to
be
a
hairdresser
need
a
good
immune
system !
is
alot
of
breath ”
mutual
contact !
some
hairdressers
and
barbers
are
noticably
virally
contagious
i
avoid
them !
i don't think that feeling for the sufficiency of remoteness ever leaves you if you are lucky enough to have been brought up like that !
can i just mention that looking at where you have lived that there is a lot of new research showing that vitamin d and good sun like you would have had in your earlier life is essential for health and oddly keeping weight down !
ed. the above is a reply to
i
don't
think
death
is
particularly
grand
they
are
just
no
longer
there
and
remain
longer
in
memory
anyway !
maybe that's
what
life
is
the
formation
of
memory
and
when
it
stops
we
notice and
that's
called
can
continue
to
be
formed
but
there's
a
sort
of
stasis
through
lack
of
new
input
except
very
occasionally !
the
whole
problem
with
unskilled
labour
is
you
are
being
replaced
by
machines
and
it's
an
increasing
and
not
declining
trend !
the
modern
audience
escaped
the
vast
amount
of
quality
classics
the
only
way
it
could
the
downsizing
of
musical
intelligence !
it's
sorta
sad
benny
goodman
loved
peggy
lee
but
she
never
liked
him
that
way
and
he
never
had
her !
cancer
is
a
systemic
disorder
of
cells
that
occurs
well
before
the
tumour
i
think
you
can
feel
that
disorder !
dead
may be
a
reason
the
6th
patriarch
gave
me
transmission
to
bring
back
some
life
to
it !
you
can
tell
the
psychologists
and
pyschiatrists
who
work
with
they
have
that
disease
of
overconfidence
which
comes
from
imposing
their
own
opinions
too
much !
peggy
lee
shines !
i
have
to
say
women
don't
make
good
moderators
of
message
boards
too
concerned
with
something
i
don't
know
what
peggy
the
link
between
and
autism !
i
can
tell
you
something
about
research
you
don't
form
pre-
judgements
about
the
source
of
information
richard
feynman
derived
his
most
important
work
from
a
tossed
spinning
plate
in
a
cafeteria ! (3:38)
einstein
just
lay
down
thinking !
what
do
you
do ?
