"I wanted to say so much"
Kamal Haasan's letter to Filmfare
Even as an unknown, out of work actor, I rendered my lines very badly when I
had to be word perfect and memorise them.With no such restrictions, I performd
more naturally and was quite faithful to the script--except perhaps for a few
additional monosyllables. So I tried never to overmemorise my lines. This modus
operandi seems to have failed me on the occasion of my receiving my 16th
Filmfare Award. I really wanted to say so many things and cleverly too.
But then a live audience is a different kind of aroulette for an actor... you
really don't know when it will blow up in your face.
I wanted to say how much awards and especially Filmfare still mean to
me. I wanted to reminisce about my visit to Mumbai to receive my first
Filmfare award. I wanted to talk of how I met a film director at the
party after the award presentation and how that first conversation turned into
a friendship which lasts till today. His name is Singeetham Srinivasa Rao.
Above all, I wanted to say how moved and honoured I was to be receiving an
award on the same dais as Mrs Manorama and Mr Nagesh. I am a great fan of
Mr Nagesh and Mrs Manorama. The moment I saw them both on the stage together,
and that it was my wife Sarika (another artiste I respect) who was giving away
this award--I got an inexplicable lump in my throat which refused to go away
and only became worse when it was my turn to go on the dais.
I am putting it down on paper so that the other half of India also gets to read
about our (could be read as `my') Mr Nagesh and Mrs Manorama. Mr Nagesh and
Mrs Manorama already know how much I and the discerning audience of Tamil Nadu
love them. Nevertheless I know however many times an actor receives applause,
he still craves for more. This is true, especially in the case of artistes of
their calibre. I only hope that there is someone in the audience when I receive
one such award, who is as moved as I was when these two stalwarts were
honoured.
I hope I have not been too mushy... well, it does not matter. One gets to be
like this when one is emotional.
Thanks.
Kamal Haasan
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