The console room was quiet, for once. The silence was broken suddenly when the internal door opened and a middle aged looking woman dressed in a crushed green velvet trouser suit entered it with a silver tea tray in her arms. She deposited the tray onto a small table set up especially for the tray. “Come along you two, I don’t want the tea to get stewed.” She sighed as she set out three saucers and cups. “I’m pouring now.” She poured the hot reddish brown tea into the cups. “It’s getting cold.” Expertly she used tongs to place one lump into her cup and then she added the sugar.
Bobby entered the console room, shortly followed by Debbie. “You could have waited Doctor, I was showing Debbie the library when you shouted.”
Debbie looked at the cup of tea. “I don’t know if I can drink this. What is it?”
The Doctor looked at her recently arrived companion is horror. “You’ve never had tea before? My poor girl you should have said. Drink up, its delicious.” The Doctor sipped some of her own tea to show Debbie that it was safe.
Debbie took a mouthful of the liquid and swallowed. “Is it supposed to be hot?”
“Ideally yes, only Long Island Ice Tea is supposed to be chilled but that has nasty things in it that you shouldn’t drink.” The Doctor handed her new friend the sugar bowl. “Why don’t you try some sugar hmmm?”
Debbie looked at the granulated white substance. “I know what this is, I like this.” She scooped a large spoonful of the sugar and ate it. “Yes, I like this.”
“Don’t eat the sugar.” The Doctor gasped. “It’ll go straight to your hips.”
“I can’t put on weight. I have no metabolism.” Debbie had died recently but due to her body being processed into inert materials her consciousness continued on now until it was destroyed. “Do you have more of this?” She ate another mouthful.
“If its sugar you need I have jelly babies.”
“I don’t think I liked jellied babies, I prefer sugar.”
The Doctor took a packet of sweets out of her pocket. “Try these, they’re sugary, yum, yum.”
Debbie tried eating one of the sweets but it was not very sweet. “I think I’ll stick to this.” She emptied the contents of the bowl into her mouth and down the front of her t-shirt.
The Doctor fished into her other pocket and produced a large slab of Kendall mint cake. “Here, try this it’s minty.”
Debbie broke off a square and nibbled it. “This is better, I will save the rest of this for later consumption.”
“Sure.” The Doctor looked at the empty sugar bowl. “I’ll have to buy a new bag now, that was the last we had.”
Bobby drank his tea without any sugar to make the Doctor feel better. “Why don’t we go and get the sugar now Doctor, we’re not doing anything important anyway are we?”
“Actually I’ve programmed the computers to take us to a nice little planet. The sky is a deep shade of sapphire blue and so are the plants and the grass and the rocks too. Metabelis 3 is quite nice apart from the giant eagles, the psychotic vegetation and the species with more than four limbs but they’re all but extinct now anyway. I should apologise to them for that I suppose but they did try to kill me, twice.”
“It sounds quaint Doctor.” Bobby looked at the console, which seemed to be slowing down.
“What do you think Debbie?” The Doctor tried to bring her female companion into the conversation.
“I have not seen this planet so I cannot offer an opinion.” Debbie started licking the sugar from her t-shirt. “I should change this top.” She started to get undressed.
“Go to your room and do that.” The Doctor said quickly. “We have a guy on board, he’s easily shocked.”
“Very well. I am sorry Bobby; I don’t want to shock you with my dissimilarly shaped figure. I will be more considerate from now on.”
“Well she needs someone to help her, she’s had her brain totally scrambled and rewired. Thank Rassilon Haana wasn’t here, she’d have superglued herself to Debbie’s chest by now.”
“You really put Haana down a lot Doctor.” Bobby felt that the Doctor was being unfair, he had met Haana once and she seemed quite fine, if a little overweight.”
“You’ve only met her second incarnation Bobby, the first Haana was a breast obsessed woman, who would hide your clothes when you were taking a shower and she had hands that wandered to. Her party piece was to remove a bra with one hand from under a blouse without the woman noticing. To her life was one long party, despite my best efforts to teach her celibacy.”
Debbie returned wearing a black top which unfortunately for poor Booby showed off her cleavage but he seemed to be putting on a brave face for her. “I do not sense temperature and this top is practical. Shall we explore outside now?”
The Doctor opened the double doors that led outside. “Yes, I don’t see why not. The planet is very suitable for human life forms.”
Bobby followed the two women out of the TARDIS and emerged into a world where blue was a serious influence. “You weren’t kidding about the blue Doctor, even the sun is blue!”
“Suns.” The Doctor corrected her companion. Metabelis 3 has two suns; only one of them can ever be seen in its sky at any one time however. It’s against many of the laws of science but then again I don’t like some of them either. Lets explore over here, come along Debbie, watch you don’t break the heel of your nice new shoes now. It’s hardly changed since I was last here you know. I was with Mel then as I recall. You’d like her Debbie; she’s very nice and very good with computers too. We should pop by and see her soon; I can get her to look at the chameleon circuit. I’m sure the fault is in the wiring you know.” The Doctor spotted something nearby, a gleaming speck of light in a small clump of cobalt blue grass. “A Metabelis crystal! I haven’t seen one of these for centuries. Have a look at this Bobby.” She showed him the crystal. “Mike had a look at one of these and it made him go very peculiar indeed.”
“What?” Bobby gasped in shock and fear.
“Don’t worry about it Bobby, you’re not an over worked, over stressed military officer who deals with alien invasions every Saturday teatime.”
“No, I’m a friend of yours. What’s it going to do to me?”
“Oh you’re quite safe Bobby.” The Doctor tried to reassure her panicking chum.
Bobby felt the sudden call of nature and not wanting to admit he’d left his key back in the TARDIS he nipped off behind a small outcrop of rocks he knelt down for maximum cover.
Debbie looked at the crystal but apart from being blue and crystal she couldn’t see anything wrong with it at all. “What sort of things do you think will happen to Bobby, Doctor?”
“Well he’ll be more open to outside influence and for some reason he’ll become obsessed with dinosaurs. There is also the chance he’ll start up a cult that makes its members believe they’re living on some sort of spaceship. The usual stuff really.” She spotted Bobby emerging from behind the small rock. “Ah Bobby, don’t dawdle, we’ve got a lot of exploring to do and then back to the TARDIS for tea and cake. Well once we’ve bought some more sugar of course.”
“Yes, sugar is very nice.” Debbie saw the Doctor’s stern look in her direction. “I have Kendal mint cake, it is nice and sugary.”
“Why don’t we go this way?” Bobby pointed in a different direction. “I would like to see what is over there.”
“Very well then, lets go this way.” The Doctor held onto her companion’s arms. “If I remember correctly this was the way towards the Great One’s cave. I hope the radiation has diminished since I was last here or we’ll all be sterile very shortly.”
“I am already sterile.” Debbie corrected the Doctor. “I am incapable of producing ova.”
The Doctor patted Debbie on the arm. “Oh you poor thing, I don’t suppose you have any of the other organs left intact anyway. Oh that Bliss, I’ll make it pay for what it did to you.”
“Don’t be upset Doctor, I am not concerned by it. You should not be either.”
“There will be no radiation.” Bobby promised the Doctor. “You said that you destroyed the crystals correct?”
“Well yes, did I tell you that? I can’t remember. So without the radiation from the crystals it will be safe for us?”
“Well no crystals, no sterilisation and subsequent death. Sound logical enough to me.” Bobby looked at Debbie, she seemed viable as a food source but his nose suggested that she was not suitable.
The Doctor took Debbie to one side. “I think I may have broken Bobby, he’s starting to act very oddly. I hope we can fix him soon.”
“Maybe it’s the colour blue? He does have a normal mind after all, it may be affected by the landscape.”
“I’ve done this.” The Doctor chastised herself. “I’ve ruined his life and turned him into something dangerous. Lets kill him now, before the last vestiges of his humanity are lost.”
“I don’t think Bobby would like death as much as I do.” Debbie shook her head. “We should help him.”
“Yes, yes you’re right Debbie. I’m just a terrible fusspot.” The Doctor fished around inside her pockets for something to fix Bobby’s brain with.


Debbie decided to give the Doctor a few minutes alone with Bobby so she started to wander off towards a small cave. The ground was the usual mix of stones and grass and pieces of shattered blue crystal, probably from that explosion the Doctor spoke of before. Then suddenly the ground was not under her feet anymore and she fell into a large hole. She was about to climb out when something sticky floated down on top of her and stuck to her body. More sticky material floated down onto her and soon she was covered in it, her arms trapped down by her sides. A thick strand of the material was lowered down the hole and then three more. The ropes stuck to the material and suddenly it pulled her upwards. “Hello, excuse me.” Debbie tried to thank the people for rescuing her. “I’m very grateful for the help, but can you release me? My arms are trapped you see.”
“It’s not very plump.”
“Hardly any meat on her at all.”
“Urgh. She’s not food at all.”
Debbie did not feel any pain from the bite to her neck. “I’m not made of living materials so I’m not edible.”
“Lets throw her back and get back to our work.”
“Why don’t we be friends?” Debbie asked the three large spiders that surrounded her. “The Doctor says I should help people more.”
“The Doctor?”
“The Doctor?”
“Who’s the Doctor?”
“He slew the Great One.”
“Oh, I thought that was The Dentist, sorry.”
“We must kill the Doctor.”
“Destroy him!”
“Consume him!”
“Actually she’s a she.” Debbie corrected the three spiders.
“Help us, help us capture the Doctor.”
“Ok, but I don’t want to kill her. She’s my friend after all and Bobby too I think.”
“We must eat to live. We need to eat; it is a natural part of life. We must eat, help us to eat.”
“Ok, but only an arm or a leg.” This seemed the best way all round to Debbie, the Doctor and Bobby wouldn’t die and the nice friendly spiders would have something to eat.


The Doctor swung a pocket watch by its chain in front of Bobby’s eyes. “You are feeling quite normal Bobby, you are your normal self, you like motorcycles and beef burgers except on Thursdays when you have a hot dog with ketchup. You pretend to like tea but secretly you prefer coffee, you like to swim nude in the pool when you think I’m elsewhere in the TARDIS, not that I look but I know and you want to buy the Doctor gold earrings for her birthday next month.”
Bobby looked at the Doctor. “Honestly Doctor, I feel fine. Gold earrings huh? Well that’s ok, I was going to buy you a 1,200 year old teapot from China but earrings are what you prefer so I can save a few bucks and get you what you want.”
The Doctor pulled a disc of card out of another pocket. “Can you see the number hidden among the coloured spots?”
“Yes, 42. Is that significant?”
“Only in every possible sense.” The Doctor threw the disc away and found a small aromatherapy kit in an inside pocket. “Do you prefer jasmine and lavender or rose and myrrh?” The Doctor set up the oil burner and lit the small candle before getting the small bottles of essential oils out to make up a blend.
“Doctor, I’m feeling fine. Lets go this way, honestly you don’t have to worry about me, I feel perfectly all right.” Bobby led the way over a small rise.
The Doctor wondered what sort of view was over the rise, when she spotted a squad of giant eight legs she knew that it could have been better. “Oh great, we’ve been on this planet for almost fifteen minutes and we’ve been captured already. I think we can expect little or no mercy from them Bobby, we’ll be treated as food for their larder. I just had this suit dry cleaned too, now I’ll have to go and have it done again and I won’t be able to look them in the eyes with shame.”
“Only you are to become food, Doctor.” Bobby grabbed the Doctor’s hands and held on to them as she struggled.
“Let go of me Bobby, we have to escape, the eight legs hate me something about me killing their god. The usual cycle of hatred, it’s very sad and full of car chases. They’ll just use you for food too Bobby.”
“I think not Doctor, this body is very suitable for our needs.”
“You’re not Bobby, are you? You’ve possessed his body, I knew you weren’t acting right and Debbie said I was just being a silly old Doctor. I’m sorry Bobby.” The Doctor rubbed her hand along Bobby’s forearm. “I’ll release you from their control Bobby, I’ve got more tricks up my sleeves than even they know.” A pigeon fluttered out of the Doctors jacket and up into the sky to freedom. “Well that’s one less trick, but I have many, many others. They don’t call me The Oncoming Storm for nothing; well they don’t call me at all now not since the regeneration. Now they call me she who breaks bones with angry passion.”
“You talk too much, two legs always do. You will be taken to the citadel and one of our finest larders. To taste the flesh of your enemies is said to be the sweetest of meats.”


The larder was rather draughty and the Doctor was beginning to regret telling the eight legs about the tricks up her sleeves. Currently her sleeves, both jacket and blouse, lay across the room along with the rest of her clothing. The silk cocoon kept her quite warm and covered except for the opening around her neck and shoulders where the draft was strongest. “If they don’t kill me soon I think I’ll die of triple pneumonia. Stay calm Doctor, no need to talk to yourself just yet. Sorry Doctor, force of habit. That’s quite ok Doctor, remember the last time you were here.”
“Who are you talking to? I met some nice spiders before, they asked me to help them take over the Universe but I couldn’t really help with the planning so they let me go.” Debbie wandered into the room where the Doctor seemed to be having some sort of rest in a sleeping bag. “Shall I come back later?”
“No, no Debbie. In fact you can help me get out of this thing. You’d have thought they’d have let me have a zip wouldn’t you? There’s a small pocket knife in my jacket, be a dear and cut me out of this please?”
Debbie picked up the Doctor’s bra. “Why did you remove your clothes Doctor or did your friend Haana visit you?”
“I didn’t, those megalomaniac little spiders did it. I’ll have to have a word with them about the role of the hostess at parties.” The Doctor quickly got dressed in less than two seconds before taking it all off to turn her lingerie back the right way around. “There, all better now lets escape and run up and down lots of corridors for a while.”
“Is all this capturing stuff a common part of travelling with you Doctor?”
“Yes Debbie, I’m afraid so. Although most races prefer their inmates with clothing, these just didn’t want to unwrap their ready meal before consumption.”
Debbie looked at the third corridor they ran down, it seemed very similar to the previous two, maybe whoever designed this place really knew what she liked in corridor design? “Doctor, look, there’s Bobby.”
“Ah so it is, and still possessed by that naughty spider. Wait until I have a word with her, I’ll show her unrestrained angry glares.” The Doctor took hold of Debbie’s hand as they ran up the corridor toward their friend.
Bobby heard the clatter of feet on the corridor and turned around to see the Doctor and Debbie. “Ah there you are, I was about to come and rescue you Doctor.”
“Save it, I know you’ve still got control of Bobby.”
“Yes, but I was going to rescue you. I had no choice before, the others would have killed me if I said something.”
“I’m going to say quite a few things now you naughty girl.”
“Please, take me with you, I don’t belong here. They’re little more than savage beasts who kill and eat and lay eggs. I want to see the galaxy, I want to see new worlds and meet famous people.”
Debbie looked at the Doctor. “If she gets you out of here and into the TARDIS it could prove the truth of her words.”
“Oh very well, but you’ll have to release Bobby’s body.”
“I want to but I can sense in him a deep fear of my form, he fears all eight legs, he would try to kill me.”
“I may let him if you don’t release him.”
“Doctor, if Bobby is afraid then he might do something out of fear and give us away. The others think he is controlled, so why not make it seem like we are being taken somewhere? They would not question that, would they?”
“That’s very good thinking Debbie, have a jelly baby.”
“Jellied baby?”
“No, it’s a sweet.”
“Oh. Well we can pass by the fly chamber and have some real food.”
The Doctor shook her head. “TARDIS first, I don’t even know your real name. I can’t keep calling you Bobby now can I?”
“It’s Webbi.”
“Sounds very pretty.”
“I should tell you both that I am a carnivore, I need to eat meat regularly to keep up my strength and my psychic powers. I won’t eat my friends though, I like you.”
“I’m indigestible anyway.” Debbie replied. “We will help you find suitable food though.”
“Come on, lets get out of here.” The Doctor took hold of her companion’s hands and started to skip along the corridor that led to the exit.


The Doctor quickly flicked the switch to lock the main doors. “Well that was quite a bracing run wasn’t it? Who would have thought they hated me that much hmmm?”
Webbi detached herself from Bobby. “This is my true self, where can we go where people will find my appearance acceptable?”
The Doctor picked up the unconscious Bobby’s head. “Wake up Bobby, we’ve got a new friend. You should say hello to her, she’s called Webbi.”
Bobby opened his eyes to see a huge tarantula looking across at him. He screamed in shock before passing out.
“You see, I’m repulsive and ugly. I should have stayed back on Metabelis 3. I may have hated their society but at least I was regarded as very beautiful there.”
“I think you’re very pretty.” Debbie said to Webbi. “Have you put highlights in your leg hairs? Do you like this? It is minty flavour.”
“Yes, the perm never suited me but I like this look. I can’t eat that, were will my place be?”
“Well we can sort you out a room, Debbie can you show Webbi that large room next to yours? We can decorate it later, I’ve got a few bales of silk somewhere you can eat and spin into web.”
“You’re too kind Doctor.” Webbi followed Debbie out of the console room and into the labyrinth corridors of the TARDIS.
The Doctor rested Bobby’s head on her knee as she nursed him back into consciousness. “What I really need right now is a nice cup of tea.” She stood up quickly and Bobby’s head hit the console room floor. “I know just the place to visit, I hope he’s glad to see me. He’s in for quite a shock when he sees how different this me is from the me he met.”