It was twenty years ago today and the Doctor told the band to play.  They were nervous and couldn’t find their style but it came to them after a while.  So may I introduce to you the one and only TARDIS captain and crew, Doctor Who and her chums: Lucy, Yargrin and Alice.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, there was a Time Lady and her name was Doctor and she had a TARDIS.  There it is.  It was rather an unusual TARDIS because it didn't change shape.  You see, its chameleon circuit exploded and now it’s stuck in that shape forever.  Also the Doctor had found and brought home companions, The Doctor’s friends, her companions.  The most insecure, the most paranoid, the weirdest set of friends in the whole wide world.  Well now, one day the Doctor found a planet and she landed the TARDIS on it.  She went to wake up her friends, to see if she could pique their interest but they were all fast asleep as usual.  But then the Doctor said some magic words.  And Alice was wide awake.  And when Alice wakes up all her friends wake up too because her daughter-droid plays loud heavy metal CD’s.  Lucy woke up and Yargrin woke up and they both complained about the noise.  Eventually they all got ready and went to see what it was that the Doctor had found.

“Space: the endless ocean of stars. These are the voyages of the time ship TARDIS. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to drink tea and have a good time shopping.”

“Be quiet Alice.”  The Doctor put her hand over her robot friend’s mouth.  “I sense danger.”

“We’re doomed!”  Yargrin tried to get his gun out of the Doctor’s handbag.

“Don’t panic!”  Lucy yelled repeatedly to the others.

“Be brave you two, there’s nothing that we cannot face and overcome together.”  The Doctor said to her nervous chums.

“Do you think I might be excused?”  Alice asked the others.  “Only I need to use the little robots room.”

“No time for that now Alice, we’ve got work to do.”  The Doctor headed off towards the largest building.  “They’ll probably have a loo there.”

“It’s not my fault.”  Alice started to cry.  “I thought they were friendly.”

“We all did.”  Lucy soothed Alice’s fraught nerves.

“If you’d have let me have my gun we’d have been safe.”  Yargrin muttered, loudly.

“Guns are not the answer.”  The Doctor preached, then the door opened and a big guy entered the cell with her handbag in his hands.  “You know it’s really not good manners to look in a woman’s bag.”

The inquisitor ignored the prisoner and turned the bag upside down.  The room half-filled with food, boxes of tampons, electronic devices, Yargrin’s gun and a spare pairs of tights.

“Well I did warn you.”  The Doctor replied.  “It took me a week to get all that in there too.  Maybe I should have put a change of knickers in there too?”

“I could use some right now.”  Alice whispered to Yargrin.

The inquisitor looked at the Doctor.  “What is it with you, huh? What are you looking for? C'mon, Doctor, everybody's looking for something. You're happy out there, are you? Eh? Wandering? One day blurring into another? You're a scavenger, Doctor. You're a maggot. Did you know that? You're living off the corpse of the old world. Tell me your story, Doctor. C'mon. Tell me your story. What burned you out, huh? Kill one person too many? See too many people die? Lose some family?”

The Doctor began to cry and her reply was unintelligible to everyone.

The inquisitor exploited his prisoner’s tears.  “Do you think you're the only one that's suffered? We've all been through it in here. But we haven't given up. We're still human beings, with dignity. But you? You're out there with the garbage. You're nothing.”

“I am the Doctor.”  The Doctor pulled at the iron restraints driven deep into the wall.

“You cannot escape, those are solid steel.”

The Doctor used just enough of her power to corrode the metal with waves of temporal energy, turning them to rust.  With a grunt of raw strength she broke free of them and she turned on her captor, grabbing him and raising him two feet into the air.  “I am the Doctor; I am that which you fear, the pure light of certain justice, the righteous flame of the innocent, the weak, the lost and the downtrodden.  I am also going to lay the smack down on your roody-poo candy ass, jabroni!”

“Erm, he’s fainted.”  Lucy said to the Doctor.

The Doctor released her grip on the odious man’s clothing and he fell to the floor.  “What a perfectly horrid fellow.  I see nothing but a bad end in his future.”

Alice used her shape shifting ability to free herself.  “That was great, you were like a heroine.  I can’t wait to tell Molly about this.”

“You could have released yourself an hour ago.”  Yargrin said to Alice.

“I thought we were having fun.”  Alice said to the others.  “We sang that song together to keep our spirits up.  Where is Amarillo anyway?”

Lucy helped the Doctor refill her handbag.  “They say people don't believe in heroes anymore. Well damn them! You and me, Doctor, and maybe those two as well, we're gonna give them back their heroes!”

“I’d rather go back to the ship.”  The Doctor said to Lucy.  “I don’t think these people need our help.  You know how at the end of the day, you throw your bra over a chair?”

“Yeah?”

“Well on this planet, instead of a bra, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived.”

“Leave your bra on then.”

“I fully intend to.  Unless we find a swimming pool.”  The Doctor picked out her swimming costume.  “I shaved my legs on the off chance we found a pool.”

“Good thinking.  Of course I can’t swim, I can sink very well though and Alice is still in her nothing with a W phase.”

“Still?”  The Doctor muttered.  “No wonder she’s skipping everywhere.”

“Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer song writing, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist.”

“I like Barbie Girl.”  Alice said, somewhat confused.

“I dislike music.”  Yargrin muttered.

“You don’t like music?”  Lucy was shocked.  “Everyone likes music.”

“My room is right next to Molly’s hi-fi system.  I hate music.”

The Doctor looked at Yargrin.  “It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying his acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off her boyfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also she got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?”

“Can I wake up now?”  Yargrin asked the universe.

“Lets play I spy.”  Alice suggested to the others.

“I can’t believe we’re locked in another cell.”  Yargrin complained.

“I Spy would take our mind off things.”  Lucy tried to be diplomatic.

“I spy with my little eye, something beginning with S.”

“There’s nothing that begins with an S in here, you demented robot.”

Alice laughed.  “I win, I win!”

“What was the answer?”  Lucy asked.

“Sides.”  Alice said with a laugh.

“They’re walls.  They’re the only things we have to look at.”

The Doctor glared at her captor.  “I am the Doctor.”

“Who are you?”

“Me.”

“What do you want?”

“A Cobb salad, a nice glass of sangria, pleasant conversation and your head nailed to that wall.”

“Anger is your weakness.”

“And overconfidence is yours.  I know you, Devlant Gerkod.  Minor functionary, resentful, overlooked for promotion because of a lack of ability.  You want to be promoted, but you’re too afraid to kill your boss to get it.  I feel pity for you.”

“If you’re expecting a rescue, don’t bet on it.”

“Heroics seldom run to schedule.  Especially with The Three Stooges.”

“Tell me why you’re here.  I don’t want to get unpleasant, but I am looking forward to the better parts of my job.”

“No good deed goes unpunished.”

“You’ll beg for your life.”

“You’re the one with the insecurity complex.  I’m the pretty escape artist.”  The Doctor threw the handcuffs at her captor.  “I might forgive you imprisoning me, I might forgive you threatening to kill me, I might even forgive your breath issues, but I can never forgive you wearing those shoes.”  She threw the desk at him, striking him on the head and shoulders.

Alice, Yargrin and Lucy burst into the room.  “Yarrrr…oh you’re free.”

“We should leave.”  The Doctor said to her friends.  “I’m starting to think this planet disagrees with me.  We should retrace our route”

“We needed a Plan B. You always have a Plan B.”  Yargrin looked at the others.  “Providence chooses its instruments. Not the other way around. Fate brought us to this planet. Destiny demanded our actions. Perhaps we are merely a tool of divine will?”

“My Plan A’s work well enough.”  The Doctor replied.

“Since when?”  Lucy asked.  “Let’s be fair, every time we plan to do something it goes wrong.  Either I walk into a wall or Yargrin gets testosterone poisoning or Alice thinks she’s seen a Womble and gives chase or you see something that screams trap and you want to investigate it.”

“Fine, we’ll have a Plan B.  We go our separate ways and meet back at the TARDIS by suppertime.  Last one there gets to make it for the rest of us.”

“I’m sticking with you Doctor.”  Alice clung on to the Doctor’s hand.  “Unless we find a Womble, they’re very shy creatures, you’d scare them away.  Scared money walks, sweet sugar action talks!  I…I heard it in a casino.”

Alice was scared and alone.  Somehow she’d become separated from the Doctor after a suspected Womble sighting and now she was on an alien planet and she was alone.  So naturally she changed her shape into that of four smaller versions of herself.  The bossy one spoke first.  “All right, sweethearts, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Another glorious day on the planet! A day on the planet is like a day on the farm. Every meal's a banquet! Every pay check a fortune! Every sunrise a delight! I love this planet!”

“I think I’ve flipped.”  The paranoid Alice said to her other selves.  “I told Molly there were no monsters - no real ones - but there are, aren't there?”

The weird Alice giggled and started to play hopscotch.

Finally the sensible Alice spoke.  “Look, this is an emotional moment for all of us, okay? I know that. But let's not... Let's not make snap judgments, please.  What would the Doctor do?”

“Wear better shoes.”  The bossy Alice said.

“Run away.”  The paranoid Alice suggested.

“Play hopscotch.”  The weird Alice giggled.

“And the coward wins.”  The sensible Alice replied.  “We make our way to the TARDIS and wait for the others.  We can have tea and cake and sing songs.”

They heard a noise and the paranoid Alice merged with the bossy one.  “We have to run away, now!”

“One more game of hopscotch first?”  The weird Alice begged but the sensible one merged with her.  “We can play later.”

The two Alice’s ran as fast as they could, hand in hand, through tree and shrub, over river and under strange bridges that sadly didn’t have any trolls to talk to about their fascinating lives and habits.  Finally they came to a clearing and ran into each other and Alice was quite herself again.  “Now I know how the Doctor feels when she meets her other selves, although why she shouts at them I don’t know...I loved my other me’s.  They were so much fun and a delight to be with.”

The Doctor stood up slowly.  She felt humiliated, used, violated.  She was so ashamed of herself, she felt anger and shock and she cried and didn’t know if the tears would ever stop.  She looked at him, the very sight of him repulsed her in ways she didn’t even know she was capable of being repulsed.  She wanted to crawl away and hide, if she didn’t think about it, it was like it didn’t happen.  She was disgusted with herself, for not being able to stop him, she hated herself, hated herself for being so weak and vulnerable.  She had given into it, she had even liked it a bit.  She hated herself for thinking that way, hated what he had done to her, made her become.  She had taken his life, ripped his heart right of his chest with her bare hand.  She had to, he was going to kill her or worse.  She had defended herself, she was a killer, a murderer, she hated herself, she threw up, she didn’t feel any better.  “No one should have to die, but everyone must die, in the end.  Even me.”  He had infected her with his rage, his malice, she knew he would assault her, take her against her will, she had to stop him, but what price had she paid for her actions?  What price would she pay for her sins?  She had taken a life, a brutal, animal act of savagery, his blood was on her skirt, her shoes, her blouse, her face.  She was soaked in blood and stale sweat, she threw up again and still she felt no better.  She knew things were different now, she’d taken a life with her bare hands.  They had the invisible stain of guilt on them and what was worse she had broken a nail on one of his ribs.  “This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time, Doctor.”  She tried to motivate herself to get up and get back to the TARDIS.  “It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.”  Had she really lost everything?  Her dignity?  Maybe not.  Her self worth?  For now at least.  Her sense of right and wrong?  No, never.  Her desire to help others who were as helpless as she was feeling right now?  This only redoubled her desire to help them, save them, protect them.  She’d fight, dammit, fight to save them all.  She’d taken a life and there would be consequences, but she’d fight to save anyone else that she could, it was who she was, it was what she did.  Even if it meant being hip deep in blood and guts she’d fight and she’d never give in, never, never, never!  “Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

Yargrin and Lucy sat in the TARDIS, babysitting Molly (although they didn’t call it that because she was old enough to be a babysitter herself) and enjoying a sneaky cup of coffee when the Doctor wasn’t around to tell them off and lecture them on the merits of drinking tea (as if there were any!)

Yargrin put his cup down.  “You know, this is - -excuse me - -a damn fine cup of coffee. I've had I can't tell you how many cups of coffee in my life and this, this is one of the best. Now I'd like two eggs over hard. I know, don't tell me, it's hard on the arteries, but old habits die hard, just about as hard as I want those eggs.”

“I’ll do my best.”  Molly volunteered to cook.  True she wasn’t an expert like her Mother but she was keen and that made up for a lot in her mind.  “Do you want to help me Lucy, in case I set fire to anything again?”

Lucy nodded.  “Why don’t we all do and that way Yargrin will be closer to the food and the fire extinguisher.”

“I had to buy a new jacket.”  Yargrin said to Lucy.

“I’m so sorry.”  Molly apologized for the 8 billionth time.  “Can’t I make you a new one?  I have my robot girl guide sewing proficiency badge.”

“Molly, I still have the wounds from the time you asked me to be your tailor’s dummy for Lucy’s new dress.”

“You’ve made me a dress?”  Lucy gasped with surprise as she made jam sandwiches for everyone to eat.

Yargrin nodded.  “She tried but my blood kind of ruined it.”

Molly stamped on the floor and crossed her arms.  “Now you're being rude, and I hate rude people.”  Molly ran over to Lucy and hugged her waist.  “He’s always so mean to me.”

“I lost three pints of blood.  I nearly died.  I looked…”  He gasped when he looked up to see the Doctor.  “I looked like that.”  He stood up.  “What in the seven eyes of the Great Visualiser happened to you?”

The Doctor looked wild-eyed at her companions.  “Hate the smell of dampness, don't you? It's such a, I don't know, creepy smell.”

“Like the ship’s graveyard?”  Molly asked.

“Exactly.”  The Doctor replied.

“There’s a graveyard on the ship?”  Yargrin asked as the Doctor slouched out of the kitchen.

“Uh huh.”  Molly replied.  There’s only twelve graves though, and each one a statue of some guy.  I think I’ve met some of them before.”

“The Doctor’s past lives.”  Lucy made a leap of intuition.

“Funny thing was one of them had three faces.”  Molly looked up to see the room was empty.  “More jam sandwiches for me then.”  She started to eat one.

Alice liked Wendell, he was a robot’s robot.  He was cute and dishy and she was sure he had a fast spin cycle too.  “Do you like jam sandwiches?”

“Jam sandwiches?  What kind of robot are you?”

“ I am a robot that wants to iron your underpants.”  Alice felt like she’d said too much.  Much too much in fact.

Wendell knew he had to break the relationship off now before she got too clingy.  “I'm only judging on my experience with you, but I've never seen such a deficient species. You have no special abilities. You're not particularly smart, can hardly cook, can barely make it through a day without having an emotional crisis, and you're not even vaguely a good mother to your child. Is there anything you do well?”

“I can do this.”  Alice changed shape into a weather balloon and floated off towards the TARDIS by herself.  “Androids, never date androids.  They’re insecure and flaky.  I bet he didn’t even kiss well either.  Maybe I should back and give him a second chance?  No, I must maintain my dignity and self-respect at all times.”  Then she hit a tree.  “Maybe legs and feet are a better idea.  Or a car?  I haven’t been a car in ages.”  She changed into a car shape and drove through the trees on her wheels as fast as she could go.

The Doctor walked into the graveyard with the sombre pace of a funeral march.  She had changed into a simple white gown that looked very much like a burial shroud with spaghetti shoulder straps.  She gasped when she saw a freshly dug grave and above it a statue of herself in a somewhat nice-looking dress.  “The metaphor is a bit thick isn’t it?”

“Thank you.”  The faceless watcher remarked.

“You’re a bit early yet, I’m not going to die.”

“There are many ways to die that do not involve the ending of a life.  The ending of one path and the beginning of another.  The road less travelled.  The door unopened.  The running away from everything you hold dear.  A coward dies many times, a hero only once.  It will cost you sweat and tears, and perhaps... a little blood before you truly end your journey in this place the final time.”

“Take me away from all this death!”  The Doctor sank to her knees, her gown soiled by the damp earth under her knees.

“You cannot escape this change, you can only accept it.”

“Never, I have fought too long, too hard to give up now.  I shall not give in to it, never, do you hear me, never, never, never, never, never!”

“Then my work is done.”  The faceless watcher began to fill the empty grave.  “Return to your friends, enjoy your time together.  Remember this, to every time there is a season and your long winter has already begun.  All things must pass.”

“Not if I can help it.”  The Doctor rose to her feet, her gown clean and unmarked.  “Not if I can help it.”

Alice skidded into the TARDIS and around the console.  She resumed her favourite shape and made sure the doors were locked.  “Not bad going really.  I only got lost three times and then I had that nap and then played skipping with those children and then I helped that squirrel move home and now I’m back here.”

“You played skipping?”  Molly shouted.  “You never want to play skipping with me!”

“Uh oh.”  Alice gulped.  “I must remember to keep my mouth open less often.  “We can play skipping now and I’ll make you a bowl of sticky toffee pudding and some custard.”

“Fine, but I get to eat the spoon afterwards.”

“Sure.”  Alice said.  “There are enough spoons for everyone on the ship to eat.”

The Doctor sat in the cloister room, a book in her hands.  She looked up at Yargrin and Lucy.  "When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer."  She closed the book and put it down by her sides.  “Alexander was stopped by the confines of his world, the geography of a planet.  There is an evil out there, I’ve sensed it for some time now, it knows no limitations, it knows no boundaries.  It will consume everything unless someone puts an end to it.  I intend to find this evil and put an end to it once and for all.”

“Why?”  It was all Lucy could think to say.

“It’s who I am.”  The Doctor replied.  “It’s what I do.  I will admit that I’m going to need some help with this.”

“I’ll help.”  Yargrin said at once.  “As long as I can have my gun back.”

“When you need it you’ll have it.”  The Doctor replied.

“I’ll help too.”  Lucy said after a few moments.  “I don’t have anything else scheduled in my diary, so what the hell?”

“This isn’t a social event, I don’t even know what it is we’re fighting yet.  It’s malevolent though, it’s nasty and vicious and it obeys no laws, knows nothing of mercy and justice and love.  It values nothing that we value and it is utterly without remorse.”

“The sooner we start, the sooner we get to kick its ass.”  Yargrin said loudly.

“We’d be saving a lot of lives too.”  Lucy said to Yargrin.

“That too.”  Yargrin growled.  “You take the fun out of everything.”

“You take too much fun in killing.”  Lucy retorted.

“I do not.  I take my killing very seriously.  I only kill if I absolutely have to.  The ending of a life is not a decision to be made lightly.  To kill an enemy in battle is not as easy as you’d like to believe.”

“I killed someone.”  The Doctor said softly.  “I had to, I had no choice.”

Yargrin was stunned by this.  “You killed someone?  After all those lectures you gave me about the sanctity of life?”

“Yes.”  The Doctor hissed.  “I did.”

“There must have been a reason.”  Lucy said quickly.  “What was the reason Doctor?”

“He was going to rape me repeatedly.”  The Doctor replied.  “And I killed him, because I wasn’t going to let him do that to me, to any woman.  I yanked his heart clean out of his chest and an crushed it in front of his face before he died.  I murdered him in cold blood, and the best part.”  She paused to wipe the tears from her eyes.  “The best part was that I enjoyed doing that, I enjoyed killing him.  I took great satisfaction in ending his life and I’d do it again, I would, I’d do it again.  I guess sometimes the past just catches up with you, whether you want it to or not.”

“There, there.”  Lucy hugged the Doctor.  “Come on, let it out, let it all out.”

“Dammit, if only I’d have been there.  I’d have shot the bastard for you.”  Yargrin growled menacingly.  “I’d have wasted him in a second and I’d have danced on his grave.”

Alice and Molly walked into the room.  Alice saw that everyone was upset.  “Hey, who died?”