Two figures sat negotiating a deal. One was smartly dressed in a smart casual suit and Eton tie. The other was dressed in the finest clothes his money could buy. Unfortunately for him he also looked like a stuffed peacock.
The deal had hit a small hitch. Nothing he couldn't handle though. "Yeah sure it's the real thing and just right for all your business needs." He could feel the deal was almost there, he just needed the right way of sweetening it in the client's favour. That was one of the first rules he learned. Make the client think they're getting a good price. Never undersell or it would make them suspicious and that was the last thing anyone wanted. "Tell you what, I'll throw in a case of Huccien Brandy or two. An old swindler like you can appreciate such a generous offer like that."
He could indeed. This was a good deal; after all it was in his favour. Slibarobe always got a good price for everything that he wanted. "You know I think we can do business after all Mr. Drax, I need a good level three world for a few special projects of mine."
Drax shook hands. The deal had been done. "Likewise your Eminence. I'll get my associates Mr. Glitz and Ms. Bush to handle all the paperwork while we have a little drink to celebrate yeah?"
Slibarobe took two glasses down from the bar. "As long as it's one of your bottles not mine." He chuckled softly.
"Of course, I am mien host am I not?" Drax pulled a small purple bottle out of his jacket pocket.
The deal concluded they sat back and sampled the most expensive drink the universe ever created.


They sat inside the fast food restaurant each savouring their own choice of meal. One of them was not entirely human, she was called the Doctor and she was a time traveller. Dressed in a simple yellow sundress she tried to blend in with Earth fashion as much as possible. She had lived many lives before now due to a special ability her people had. They could renew their bodies at the point of death, regenerate into a new life. It could only be done a number of times due to a build up of resistant cells. Twelve times was the normal limit she could renew herself safely. There were one or two cases where others had regenerated a thirteenth time and several cases where others could not regenerate past their tenth incarnation. This was the Doctor's thirteenth body and she was determined to enjoy it. "Did I ever tell you about the time I took on the Sultan of Verubis Gamma? Big chap he was, with shoulders wider than a bull. Come to think of it he did share some of their other characteristics. We fought tooth and nail before realising we should be using swords."
David Mason was one of the Doctor's travelling companions. He had met her just after she had regenerated and she had saved his life. They were good friends and they travelled the universe having fun and fighting lots of bad people. He preferred a simple t-shirt and jeans, they reflected his uncomplicated nature and counter pointed the chaotic lifestyle they usually had. "Did you beat him Doctor?"
"Thrashed me in seconds David. Let that be a lesson for you. Never pick a sword fight with Sultans."
Claire Mason was David's twin sister. She also travelled with the Doctor through time. She just wished they would stop being so cheerful all the time. She was forever adding coloured beads or ribbons to her hair. Nothing was ever the same for long. She wore long skirts of purple and black and wore enough black eyeliner to make people think her eyes had been removed and only empty sockets remained. She saw the Doctor as the big sister she had always wanted. Part friend part role model and part confident. "So what did you do then Doctor?"
"Well Claire I got back in the TARDIS with Jo Grant and Mike Yates. We got out of there pretty sharpish I can tell you." The Doctor took a sip of her diet coke. "Is it me or have they changed the recipe again? There'll be words spoken in high places I can tell you. Did I ever tell you about the time I invented this stuff? I was in my fourth persona back then, you know the funny one with the scarf you met last month. Well I was walking past this barn and..."


Celnis listened to this interminable woman's banter and wished she would start eating again. Anything so long as she just stopped talking. Of all the incarnations to choose from why did the boss insist on this one? Still the boss is the boss and if he says it's the big mouth blonde with the matriarch complex and not the white haired dandy then who was he to argue?


"And we all ended up in the fountain together: Mortimus; the seamstress and the soldier."
David and Claire laughed politely. This was only the seventh retelling of this story that they had been forced to endure.
"Of course that wasn't the most embarrassing that's happened to me. Did I ever tell you the time I was discovered running naked through a convent on Captain Munro's stag night? Talk about embarrassing."
They had worked up this routine for weeks now. "Doctor, isn't it time we got back to the TARDIS?" David just hoped his sister remembered her part.
Claire followed up with the coup de grace. If this didn't stop her nothing would. "Yes, you promised a trip to Varos. Something about a certain Governor you wanted to get reacquainted with. I think your exact words were that he was double cute with chunks of..."
The Doctor scowled briefly. "Shhh, I told you that in strictest confidence."
Yes it was working, nice one sis. "Oh come on, you trusted my sister? The biggest gossip this side of the galaxy."
She stood up suddenly. "I can see now the ancient wisdom in know your role. Well come one then, chop-chop! Put your trays in the clowns face and save the nice woman having to tidy up after you two. Goodness knows how many times I've told you to clean your rooms up.
"Forty two." Claire smiled.
"Yeah, today." David stuck his tongue out at his sister.
"That's quite enough of that, now hurry up." She held the door open for her young friends.


Their walk back to the TARDIS was uneventful for the most part. However when they got to within view of it a dark cloud passed overhead.
"Hey it's gotten dark quick hasn't it?"
"I don't think its twilight yet David."
Craning her head upwards Claire gasped. "Doctor, look up." She pointed up at a huge spaceship.
"Oh dear."
David looked up to see a huge triangular shaped chunk of metal. It was hanging there defying gravity. "What's that? Doctor what the hell is that?"
"Language please David."
There was a slight whine of feedback then a voice spoke. "People of Earth your appreciation please. I give you your new ruler: Lord Slibarobe the Mighty."
"Have you heard of this guy before?" David asked, curious to know.
Sighing the Doctor returned her gaze to the horizontal. "Yes unfortunately. A small time warlord with delusions of power."
"So are we going to fight him?" Claire pounded a fist into her palm.
"No. Both of you two are going to the TARDIS, this is something I have to do alone."
Upset, David wasn't unafraid to let the Doctor know how he felt. "Come on Doctor, we faced worse than this before."
"Yeah," Claire added, "that Rani woman and the Master."
She sighed. "The Rani and the Master although never to be underestimated are just no where near as petty as this guy. He makes the Vardens seem like your best friends when it comes to torture and mindless violence. Even Daleks go around his territory. If he found you were with me he would kill you on the spot. Vivisection is not the best way to die believe me, I've had plenty of experience in dying."
"Ok Doctor, the TARDIS it is. We can take a hint."


Drax slipped into the water first; it was refreshing. "Yeah like I was telling Mel we make the same deal several times, that way you triple your profits and everyone's happy."
Glitz joined Drax, the water was warm and he felt himself unwind. "As I told the Doctor once there's so much I can learn from you guys. Isn't that right Mel?"
Mel felt the water with an expensively manicured toe first before joining her two companions. "Yes. It's not like they actually take possession of the Earth because we know they don't." The bubbles felt glorious against her tired limbs.
"Exactly, that's the beauty of Time Travel." Drax relaxed in the spa and finished off his brandy. "With a couple of more deals we have ourselves set up nicely to buy our own planet. We can time warp it to speed up it's relative technology and sell it again at a profit. Always have the next deal in mind when you're making the current deal. If you don't you can lose objectivity and if they suspect something then you're fish food."
This made sense to Mel, lose focus and you're vulnerable. "That's where we almost went wrong with that bank job Glitz."
"Too right Mel, but we learned something about trust from that, didn't we?" He lit up a cigar and sucked in.
"Yes, don't try and sell each other out in the police cells."
Glitz was surprised at this. "You told me you didn't sell me out Mel."
Mel threw her long red hair back and smiled sweetly at Glitz. "I lied."
"Well I think you really do have a nice dishonest streak in you after all Mel."
"That's why I got the two of you out of there in the first place," said Drax. "We're not criminals, but well if we need to bend a few laws to make a profit then who's complaining?"
"Exactly." Mel reached over and refilled her glass. The spa really made you thirsty she noted, probably some kind of dehydrating effect she considered as she added some soda water to it.


Slibarobe looked up, he was bored. "Is this the prisoner?"
The guards saluted again. "Yes your Eminence" the first replied, "She was caught trying to teleport onto the ship."
"Well you better have a good explanation before I have my guards throw you off the ship."
Putting her hands on her hips she tried to look defiant, well at least not like a scatty blonde. "Or what?"
"Or they won't shoot you before hand."
"I see. Well I decided I'd sneak onboard, sabotage your ship then tell you to clear off before I made things worse."
"Ha ha ha. Just who do you think you are to threaten me?"
"I'm the Doctor. You may have heard of me."
"I've met the Doctor before, fat man with the most appalling taste in clothes I have ever seen."
"Well I used to quite like that coat actually, but that was several life times ago and this is now. I am a Time Lady of Gallifrey. I doubt you've heard of them, they don't advertise. Come to think of it they don't socialise much either, one of the reasons I left them as I recall. No rhythm you see. Now where was I? Oh yes leave Earth now or suffer the consequences."
He pulled out a hefty wad of papers. "It's mine by legal right. I paid good money for this overpopulated ball of mud and I will have what is mine so don't stand in my way."
The Doctor smiled, her sweetest, most honest smile. "Okay it's yours. If you have the rights to it then I can't stop you."
"Well now that you've seen reason Doctor perhaps we can be friends or at least allies."
"Perhaps. All friendships start on an act of trust so why don't you tell me who sold you Earth and I'll tell you a secret. Deal?"
"Agreed. As you said you are a Time Lady of Gallifrey. I have heard of the Time Lords, one in particular who brokered the deal."
"The Master?"
"He did not call himself that. He called himself Drax."
"Drax? But he's too nice to try that."
"He had two accomplices, a rather short man called Glitz and-"
Now the Doctor understood. "Sabalom Glitz. I might have known. Selling planets is more in his line of work."
"If I may finish. His other companion was a rather exuberant young woman called Melanie Bush."
"Mel? But she wouldn't do that. She's from Earth." The Doctor felt her knees tremble, something wasn't quite right here. "Perhaps if you'll give me leave to depart I'll go and have a few words with my old friends?"
"Of course Doctor. After you tell me this secret of yours."
"Oh very well I never break my word. Drax never sells to just one customer."
He stood up, anger shaking his frame. "What!" His voice echoed around the chamber.
The Doctor took her fingers out of her ears. "He never makes a deal just once. He's probably done this to half a dozen people and governments. You see even renegade Time Lords respect the first law of time, or is it the second? We never interfere in the course of history. Well almost all of us respect it. Old Mortimus was always one to tinker about. A change here, an alteration there before you know it he's arranged to fire atomic bazookas at Viking log ships."
"What are you trying to say Doctor?"
"Expect a few more ships to turn up and claim Earth. Possibly ones that are inimical to you. You will fight them and you're all destroyed and history is left intact. You can't help but admire stupidity on that scale."
"I see. Well, you go and talk to your friend Doctor and thank him properly for me. Then bring his head back to me on a silver platter or I will devastate this planet and it's people."
"What? I'm not a killer. I'll try and bring him back here alive if I can."
"Even better. Deliver him to our justice and he will get a fair trial."
"I had better be going then; things to do, people to shout at."
"Good luck Doctor."


"Blimey you took your time. Boring him to death were you?" Claire offered the Doctor a dolly mixture.
The Doctor chose a red and white one. "No."
"Beat him into submission with your killer smile then?" David laughed cheekily.
"I'd rather not talk about it, okay?"
This is serious, Claire thought to herself. Better not push her too far though. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"
"No, why don't you two go and play snooker while I workout how to betray some old friends?"
"What?" The twins shouted in unison.
"Go." The Doctor stamped her foot and pointed towards the connecting door that led to the heart of the ship.
David spoke first. "She seems upset."
"Well spotted Sherlock Holmes." Claire nudged her sibling in the ribs.
"I mean more than you might expect."
"What other blindingly obvious fact did you notice Poirot?"
"She was about to burst into tears."
"She was? Come on."
They raced back towards the console room but the connecting door was locked. They stood there and listened to the Doctor crying for several minutes before finally leaving.


"Yeah this is the life. This base to store the merchandise in bulk and my TARDIS to deliver it to our customers throughout time." Drax's reminisces were cut short when a familiar blue box materialised next to the spa. "Doctor?"
Glitz looked over, his jaw dropped open slightly. "It's been a while since I saw him and no mistaking."
"Me too, I wonder what he's been up to?" Mel got out of the spa and pulled an expensive silk dressing gown on before going over to the TARDIS. She wasn't entirely shocked to see it was the blonde female version of her old friend but she was surprised all the same. "Doctor, it's been ages. How are you?"
"In a moment Mel, Glitz. I need some time alone with Drax."
Mel had to drag Glitz forcibly towards the TARDIS. He had never encountered this version before. Drax saw Glitz's confusion. "Go on you two. The Doctor's an old friend. Is this a recent regeneration?" Once Glitz moved towards the TARDIS he relaxed, but just a little.
Hmm he's trying flattery the old smoother. The Doctor subconsciously fluffed her hair up. "This version of me is about a year old now. Quite a shock at first but I guess you get used to any surprises after the first few times."
"Yes, that's true. You've discovered my little scheme I take it?"
"I was there when one of your associates decided to move in. Very sloppy work you know, you usually have it timed so they arrive together."
"Ah yes, well nobody's perfect not even me."
"You know They don't tolerate this sort of thing."
"Since when did you start caring about what the High Council want Doctor? You were the most extreme disputant of their non-intervention policy. Even the Master used to try and talk you out of your rages in the old days."
"Well I've mellowed a bit over the years. Still can't stand that bunch of duplicitous cowards but I can at least see their reasons and why they hide behind them."
"Are you here to take me back to Gallifrey?"
"No Drax. I made a deal with the devil. I have to hand you over to Slibarobe or he will devastate half the Earth and her population."
"I see. You do know he will execute me?"
"He said you would get a fair trial but I knew he was lying even when I agreed to his terms."
"This isn't like you at all Doctor."
"I know Drax, I know. I am a woman of my word however so please come with me. If there's anyway I can help I will. Even if I have to bust you out of jail once his ship leaves orbit."
"Okay Doctor, I'll go with you but you must promise not to let anything happen to Glitz and Mel, nothing."
"I won't, they're still my friends as you are."
"You know Doctor you're a lot more attractive than that one with the scarf?"
"So I have been told. Now stop it or I'll ruin my mascara again."


"Hi Mel, who's your bloke then?" David smiled his cheekiest smile.
"Hi David, Claire. This is Sabalom Glitz and he's not my bloke, he's just a friend."
"A good and dear friend at that eh Mel? Now do either of you know where the Doctor keeps the beverages? I could really do with a drink now."
"The Doctor doesn't approve of drink." David broke the bad news to Glitz.
"An enlightened philosophy I'm sure but not a very sociable one though. A cup of tea then perhaps? If it's not too much trouble?"
"Come on, this way." Claire led Glitz off towards the kitchen.
"I must say the Doctor's really done this place up since we parted ways," said Mel. "The plants really give the room a lived in feel to it."
"Yes I thought your Doctor's version was a bit weird at first but once I got to know him I realised it's not on the outside that always counts," replied David. "Sometimes it's what's in the heart that matters more."
"Hey you're too young to be this wise."
"Sometimes I think that the Doctor is trying to hold onto something too much. Its as if there is too much in her hearts. Too much pain, too much suffering do you know what I mean?"
"Yes." Mel knew only too well, she was feeling the same of late. "Now come along before Glitz starts chatting your sister up."
"Are you jealous of her?"
"No, a few years of Glitz and you soon realise the only person he loves is himself." She paused to tighten the dressing gown. "Do you think I could find some new clothes? In fact I'm sure all my old stuff is still here somewhere. When I left I only had the clothes I was wearing you see."
"This way, the Doctor keeps thousands of clothes in a whole section of the TARDIS, there should be something in there."


"I suppose the only people I really trust are Mel and Drax. Sure the Doctor and I have had our moments but in the end all we had was mutual respect. We just didn't have enough time I suppose. Drax is different though, he really takes the time to get to know you and Mel is ... well, Mel! A bit too trusting at times but she has a way of seeing into you, seeing past your surface bravado. I guess she has seen something in me she likes, I don't know what it is but I can trust her with my life and can trust me with hers."
"Do you fancy her?"
"There was a time when I thought she liked me but well I guess I just knew it was friendship. Don't get me wrong she's one of the classiest women I've ever met, yourself included Claire, but I could never think of her as anything but a close and dear friend. She reminds me of Dibber in so many ways, he was the only person I trusted when I was younger and I got him killed. I still carry a piece of him around with me as a good luck symbol. I tell myself Glitz old son when you get the cash you can get Dibber's DNA cloned; that way you can tell him yourself how sorry you are."
"Do you have the money?"
"Not yet, not yet. Ah Mel, David. I've just been boring Claire here with my life story. Like the outfit by the way, it's very you."
Mel looked down at her bright yellow outfit. "Thanks, it's a little tatty but it still fits. I'm amazed you're still awake Claire, good for you. Did he tell you the one about how he's misunderstood and from a broken home?"
"No, he told me how much he misses his old friend Dibber."
"Oh, it took him nearly a year to tell me that. I think he likes you." Mel winked at the younger woman. "If he starts to tell you how he's never been in love before, that's the time to start worrying."
"Come on Mel you can't hold a grudge, I was drugged by the Shar of Vercol."
"True but you did look so cute doing the little puppy dog routine. He had the most amazing eyes then Claire, all big and soppy looking."


"Stop gawping Drax and come on." The Doctor led Drax past the console room towards the kitchen.
Drax looked at the potted plants. "I like the plants, they're very you."


Slibarobe paced around his private quarters. "What is taking that woman so long? If she has betrayed me I'll have her flayed alive and use her skin as boot leather." He stumbled as yet another Nucleonic Burst struck his ship. His rant was broken by the sudden and noisy arrival of the Doctors TARDIS. "About time too."
Drax emerged from the TARDIS first closely followed by the Doctor.
"Mr Drax. How very kind of you to join me, thank you Doctor I can see that you do keep your word after all. What of his two accomplices?"
"This slimy double-dealing greedy..." She paused, mustn't oversell it. "He spaced them rather than risk having them betray him."
"I see, well never mind that will have to suffice I suppose. Guards!" He waited for the overpaid, over dressed buffoons to figure out how to open the door on their own initiative. "Take Mr Drax to our best cell and if we survive this fight I'll deal with him then."


"What's going on? Can't we get sound on this thing?"
"I'm trying. It would be nice if there were labels on these things." Claire punched another button and a red light emerged from the edges of every button.
"Self dematerialisation will commence in ten seconds. Nine, eight."
"Switch it off, switch it off!"
"Seven."
"I can't remember which button I pressed."
"Think girl, think."
"Six."
"This one, I think."
"Five, four."
"It's not that one."
"Three."
"This one, I'm sure of it." Claire pressed another button and held her breath.
"Two, two, two, two. Press again to cancel."
Claire pressed the button again. "Phew that was close."
"The TARDIS spoke with the Doctor's voice, neat."
"Sounded more like my dear old mum to me." Glitz stroked his beard thoughtfully.
"It sounded like," Mel paused, "well I know this is silly, but it sounded like Ace to me."
"The sprog? Well maybe it was some sort of brain wave pattern analyser and we just heard what we wanted to hear."
"Wow, an actual thought there Glitz!"
"Yeah, I guess a few years hanging around Drax has paid off. Remember that time he was captured and we had to dress up as an exotic dance duo?"
"I think our friends maybe a little young for that story Glitz."
"No, no." David smiled.
Claire just nodded her head repeatedly.
"Another time perhaps."
"I'm almost eighteen." Claire prompted. "Although he's only got the mental age of four."
David stopped trying to shove a doughnut into his mouth. "Gngh?"
The others started to chuckle.


"Okay, I give in. Where are we going? We've been wandering around inside the TARDIS for hours, I'll be missed."
"Secondary console room, come on Drax hurry up. This is about the only room I didn't alter after I regenerated. You won't be missed we're in Temporal Orbit in the same location inside your cell. You will never have been here as far as they know. I just thought you could do with a brisk walk to stretch the old legs."
Drax followed the Doctor into the darkened wood-panelled room. "Hey now this is a bit gothic innit? Yeah really got a bit of class this has. You're right about needing the walk too."
The Doctor lifted one of the flaps down, pressed several buttons and closed it again. Then she opened a second flap and pulled out her 750-year diary. "I don't know what I would do without this, it's even got a plan of the Capitol underground. Ah here we are this is a section on Slibarobe the Mighty. Yes, very petty and very treacherous. Hmmm I'm not sure I want to hand you over straight away. At least not until I'm sure I can get you out again, well out with most of you still attached."
"Charming."
"Yes I am aren't I? Now this looks promising, yes this is the break we may need. I'd better return you to your cell before the guards know you're missing."


Several hours of going somewhere while being nowhere later the Doctor entered what she came to think of as the throne room.
"I must congratulate you Doctor. You have done remarkably well. Your previous self was too vain and arrogant to see reason but you are wholly more corruptible."
"You know my weakness: a billion lives versus one life is too much to sacrifice."
"Well now come and share a toast to my ascension." Pouring out two glasses Slibarobe smiled seductively at the Doctor. "You know Doctor I am without a mate and one such as yourself would find my gratitude very rewarding. You could be a queen or a goddess, you could share the galaxy with me."
Somehow this made sense, he was quite handsome in a rugged way. "Yes, yes I could. To serve and protect a billion, billion peoples that way I could stop all evil and still have a good time." Yes, she thought, I'd like to know him better, a whole lot better. He was still quite mad though; insanely mad which was a pity.
"I can see we're going to have a long, happy relationship. You can provide me with sons and daughters to rule after us and I can give you the finest clothes, the finest jewellery in the entire cosmos."
"Yes, yes I want it all. I'll go and get all the precious gems and gold I've amassed over the years. It will be my dowry to you for giving me everything I've ever wanted."
"Hurry my dear, hurry."


She closed the door behind her and double locked it. "In your dreams you madman." She looked up to see her friends in the console room. "You were watching that?"
Glitz was the first to speak. "I don't think I've ever seen such genius when it comes to dealing with slimy customers like him." He smiled.
"Doctor, it's okay now. You're in here and he's out there. We'll just go and get Drax and sabotage his ship." Mel put her arm around the Doctor's shoulders and gave her a hug.
"Oh the sabotage is already done. Drax and I put in a few alterations to the circuits a few hours ago."
"So what are we still doing here?" David asked.
Claire spotted a twitch in the Doctor's left eyelid. "You like him don't you?"
"Yes, no. Oh I don't know. I haven't felt this strongly about anyone else in several lifetimes. I think I'm beginning to realise I don't have any more lives left. No last chances, nothing. After me there is no Doctor. I've missed out on so much. At the time I didn't, I was too caught up in one thing or another. Helping Alistair, finding the Key to time and then running from the Black Guardian. It's a long and quite boring story."
"I think you're having a midlife crisis Doctor."
"Nonsense I'm only seventeen hundred years old. My people can live forever, barring injury and accident."
David almost choked. "Wow that's a lot of candles. You told us you were thirty seven Doctor." He was cut short by several elbows to his ribs.
"You're not supposed to know a woman's true age David."
"Say's who? It's no good lying to yourself Doctor. If you fancy him why not see where it goes?"
"Because he is one of the most evil people in the Universe."
"But does that make him a bad lover?"
"I'll pretend I never heard that." Claire stamped down hard on her insensitive pig of a brother's foot.
"No Claire he's right. I have to sort this out on my own. If I don't get some self-control back I'm no good to anyone. Now come on and help hmmm? I need you to gather up some of my collection of baubles from over the years."


"Ah there you are. I've brought my handmaiden Claire to help me carry all this loot."
"This is good Doctor. I had thought for a moment it was a deception. Your key please. Just so I can be sure you don't have second chances."
"But of course." She handed the key over and smiled. "Why would I want to leave Slibarobe the Mighty? Come on girl get this lot tidied up. You just can't get the staff these days. And to think I picked her for some company and how I have you to dedicate my life to."
Oh she's good, Claire thought to herself, now just don't get too close to that creep.
"I like that ring, it suits your eyes." Slibarobe looked greedily at the large sapphire ring on the Doctors right hand.
"I'm sure my engagement ring will put my father's ring to shame. It's all I have to remember him by but size is everything isn't it?"
"It is indeed Doctor, it is indeed."
"Call me Jane, it's much less cumbersome."
"Jane, Jane, Jane. Yes I like it, I like it a lot."


Celnis used the transponder to report the latest events. "It's just like you said, she's falling in love with him. Do you wish me to observe further?" The voice at the other end replied in the negative. "Okay, falling back to secondary location Celnis out."


"They call this a cell? Why there's palaces smaller than this." Drax continued his witty banter in an attempt to distract the guards. There was a noise and he jumped up and ran over to the door. "Hello?"
"Stand back please, this could get dangerous."
Drax leapt back just as the door shattered into a thousand fragments. "Well I must say this is a turn up. Are you the rescue committee?"
"Something like that, I've been told to take you to the Doctor."
"About time too. This place was like a prison you know."


"Oh my dear Jane I will lavish the most expensive riches on you, adorn you with the finest clothes and show you off to everyone."
"Yes, we could do so much together. If I give you the secret of time you shall be invincible."
"That my dear would be perfect. We shall rule not only the universe but all of time as well."
"Yes we shall, we shall be gods."
She's flipped big time Claire thought. This isn't the Doctor talking; something's gone horribly, horribly wrong. Oh yuck she's snogging him, major gross.


Glitz, Mel and David were playing cards.
"We can't just stay here and play strip poker while the Doctor and Claire risk themselves."
"Are you insane boy? You'd rather be out there where people can shoot at you?"
"Cheer up David although you are loosing badly." Mel laughed. Little did he know but she and Glitz had worked out their poker scam a long time ago. The odd phrase with the correct inflection was all it needed to know the others cards.
There was a coughing behind them.
"You!" Mel and Glitz's faces dropped alarmingly.
"What is it?" David turned around to see who they were looking at. He dropped his cards.
"Boy! Come with me, all of you."
Silently they followed the newcomer.


The Doctor looked at herself in the mirror. This dress was so beautiful it was so gorgeous it was the perfect wedding dress. "What do you think Claire?"
"I think you've lost all sense of reason, all sense of objectivity and all sense of rationality. In short you're deeply in love with a mass murderer and an egocentric."
"You're jealous Claire?"
"No Doctor I'm not jealous of you."
"That's good, I'd have to have you killed if you were."
Claire was shocked. She felt her legs give way and she sank to the floor. "You would kill me?"
"There's no reason to though is there? I shall be the belle of the ball. We have to get your dress sorted out, I shall need you as my bridesmaid after all."
"Bridesmaid? Doctor can't you remember why we're doing this? You're supposed to be finding out just what this guy is really like so you can get rid of these feelings."
"He's Mr. Right Claire. I can't explain it but every time I see him my hearts skip beats and my stomach is full of butterflies."
"It's really love isn't it? I never thought you could really love him. We thought you're get over this infatuation and move on."
"I'm going to be his wife Claire, can't you be happy for me?"
"I'm trying Doctor. I really am it's just that you're not the same person you were the other day."
"Life is change, I should know I've changed more than anyone else."
"In such a short time? I'm going to get some air." She stalked out of the Doctor's chamber into her own and opened a window. There was a rustle behind her.
"I cannot allow you to interfere." A gun was raised and it fired point blank.
Claire screamed as pain tore into her belly. "Doctor, help."
The Doctor rushed in and saw the rag doll figure of Claire lying on the floor; there was a lot of blood surrounding her. "Claire! Who did this? Tell me."
Claire struggled to open her eyes. "Doctor, I...It was the other, the other. I can't see you anymore."
She pulled Claire to her bosom. "Claire, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. Please stay with me, I need you, David needs you." She looked down at her friend but the light that burned so brightly had gone from her eyes. Softly she kissed the younger woman's forehead and then closed her eyes. She stood up, tears streaking her mascara. "No. No. NO!" A primeval scream erupted from the Doctor's soul. A lament of pain and misery and loss. It spoke in the language of the heart, the language of the soul, the language of the guilty. It said: 'what have I done?'


The body was not very heavy and the Doctor was able to hold her and open the TARDIS doors using her father's ring. The respiration collar was in the first aid cabinet and she fitted to Claire and she sighed with relief as her chest rose and fell rhythmically. "Can't leave you here, must put you to rest, must take you home." The TARDIS was empty; she could sense it immediately. There was the faint remains of a presence. Someone had been here, someone familiar, someone very familiar. Of course, the other. The other me. The Valeyard. The Valeyard had almost killed Claire; well this time she would put an end to his unchecked villainy. There would be a final reckoning and one of them would be stopped - permanently.


"What do you want with us?"
"Silence, the boss will be back shortly." Celnis waved his gun in their direction.
Drax stood up. "That's a Remington 405, only six rounds son. I have more than six lives left, how can you stop me?"
"He doesn't have to Drax, this is a Dalek gunstick." The Valeyard raised his weapon.
"Ah well that's different. You know there's something awfully familiar about you."
"He likes to call himself the Doctor but he's nothing like her. She calls him the Valeyard."
"Learned Inquisitor? Doesn't sound pretty fancy to me."
"Part of a scheme I had to take one of the Doctor's lives. For a long time I was what we call a watcher, I existed outside time and space only as a potential. Then one day something wonderful happened. I woke up to myself and discovered that I could indeed force my way into existence. I won't bore you with the details but my first attempt failed. My second attempt was very successful however. Unfortunately things went awry and now there are two of me. That blonde fool doesn't know the half of what she could have been but thanks to Celnis I've introduced a rather exquisite chemical agent into her bloodstream."
David yawned. "So what have you done to her?"
"Didn't your parents tell you it's rude to interrupt?"
He glared at the evil man. "You killed them first."
"Oh well never mind. Now where was I? Ah yes soon she will find herself madly in love with that pompous fool Slibarobe and all she will want to do is be his pretty queen. Rather ironic don't you think? She becomes everything she's dedicated to fighting. The ultimate humiliation and then I will be free to impose my own will on the universe."
"You're a madman, Valeyard. The Doctor defeated you once, now she'll do it again."
"My dear Mel how I used to hate your voice and your cheerfulness. I regenerated just so that me didn't have to listen to your cruel jibes about my waist line."
"You did? I'm sorry Doctor, Valeyard whoever you claim to be. I must still stop you and so will Glitz."
Glitz looked up suddenly. "What? Oh yeah right. I was busy with a few things."
The Valeyard turned suddenly and looked at Glitz. "What have you done?"
"When the Time Lords released me from the Matrix they implanted something inside me. A beacon. They aren't concerned about any of the petty crimes Mel and I have committed but they were worried I might fall in with the Master again. To that end they implanted a small device that would signal them if I met him, or you again come to that. I activated it a few minutes ago, they know where you are."
The Valeyard vanished into his TARDIS and it blinked briefly then he emerged with a smile on his face. "Sorry for the delay, I just had to take care of the Doctor. She should be joining us shortly."
On cue the TARDIS materialised and the Doctor rushed out. She stopped suddenly. "This isn't Gallifrey." Then she saw the Valeyard. "You! You sabotaged my TARDIS."
"But of course Doctor, did you think I could let you go and save the girl's life?"
"David, he shot Claire, unless I can get her to my people she'll be beyond any hope in a few minutes."
David stood up. He swung out at Celnis, dropping him unconscious to the floor. He stooped down and picked the gun up and pointed it at the Valeyard. "This ends now. No grand schemes, no daring evil, just me and a bullet."
"Go ahead David, shoot me. Kill me. You have the gun. Look me in the eye, end my life."
"I don't have to kill you." He took aim at his left knee and fired. "I just have to hurt you." He ran over to the Doctor and half dragged her into the TARDIS. "Come on Doctor."
"This is going to take time I can't do it alone."
"If I may? This is my area of expertise after all."
The Doctor smiled weakly. "Hurry Drax. Mel you and Glitz talk to Claire. That collar device is all that's keeping her alive. You must stimulate her mind, keep her thinking." She turned to David. "As for you young man..."
David sensed a lecture coming and tried to calm the Doctor down a little bit. "I know it was stupid, cowardly and I hate myself for stooping to his level."
"Yes it was but it was also one of the most heroic thing's I've ever seen. Just don't do it again okay?"
"I won't." He crossed his fingers behind his back. "I promise."
"Where did you learn to throw a punch like that?"
David broke out into a huge grin. "Actually from you Doctor."


 Slibarobe spat out the mouthful of grapes as the Doctor, the scheming one he had met before agreeing to be duped by Drax, entered. "Doctor, your leg. Have the prisoners escaped?"
"Bravo Einstein there. Of course they have and it's all your fault. Well actually it's mine but I'm blaming you." Before the blue and purple skinned warlord could react he shot him repeatedly with a patrol staser. "That's solved one little problem, now to tidy away those other two ships before they destroy each other."


They waited patiently while the Medicians from the Landralau Preceptory worked on the frail looking figure of Claire Mason. Mel and Glitz tried comforting David while Drax and Cardinal Dynami saw to the Doctor's needs.
They paced back and forth before trying forth and back as a change. Glitz took this opportunity to slip away for a chat with one of the nurses. When he returned his heart soared to see Claire had been healed. "Hi kid, you look like you've been dragged through hell backwards."
Claire tried to smile but it hurt too much. "They say they fixed most of me but I need to take something everyday."
One of the nurses explained everything. "Her system was badly damaged, she should have died but she has an exceptionally strong will. She needs insulin twice a day due to a systemic trauma even we can't repair. Our technology really isn't set up for her species. I believe she has what is called diabetes on Earth."
"Injections? Gran needed to inject herself because she had it." Claire's heart sank. She seriously hated needles."
"Oh nothing so mundane, our science is a little more accurate and a lot more exacting in its application. We will provide you with a drug box. Twice each day it will produce one pill for you to take we don't approve of barbarian medicine here."
"Well that doesn't sound too bad, I can cope with a pill."
"Now Mr Glitz about that matter of yours. Please turn your attention over there. I believe there is somebody you know."
Glitz turned and looked. His jaw dropped open. "Dibber my lad, it's really you?"
"I hope so Mr Glitz. It feels like me."
The Doctor jumped up. "Dibber, nice to meet you again. Do you like the new look me?"
"Do I know you ma'am?"
"It's me, the Doctor silly."
Dibber saw it in her eyes. This was the Doctor but he was now a woman. "Oh yes much better looking than the dill in the stupid coat."
"Well this is certainly a happy ending, I'll take Drax and his associates back to their TARDIS and then we can have a nice long, boring holiday until Claire recovers."
Then I can find the Valeyard and kill him David thought to himself. "Yeah, come on sis I'll keep you entertained."
"You're trying to finish me off?" She coughed. "I'd better write my will now." Then she laughed. "I had you both."
"Oh Claire." The Doctor tapped her friend's shoulder. "Never do this to me again you hear me?"


"You were sloppy Doctor."
"I have eliminated all traces. Drax and his associates found their TARDIS and departed safely to that floating space station of theirs. This is only the beginning. My other self has been hurt and like a wounded animal she will tire herself out trying to attack me. Then we can proceed. There is nothing to worry about Cardinal. Nothing at all."
Cardinal Dynami switched the viewscreen off.


"Thanks for the offer Drax but Dibber and I are a natural team. It just wouldn't be fair on you and Mel, isn't that right Dibber?"
"As you say Mr Glitz, a team."
"We'll miss you Glitz, well I will." Mel kissed him once before entering Drax's TARDIS.
"Look after her Drax, she's one of the good ones."
"I will Glitz, if I hear of anything useful I'll drop by for a visit."
Once the TARDIS had gone Glitz set the Nosferatu Two's controls to Andok Beta. There was good grottsits to be had smuggling rare antiquities from there. "Hold tight Dibber, here we go again."
Dibber braced himself. "Yes Mr Glitz."