Haana screamed with both fear and joy as she sped through the vortex at the speed of reality. The last time this happened they ended up in a trap of the Valeyard’s making. The Doctor had killed him not long afterwards but like the bad penny he had returned and together with the High Council they had tried to turn her into the new host for his mind. Luckily the Doctor had saved her from that particular fate but Thalia got what she deserved when the Valeyard seized the President’s body.
As a side effect of this conspiracy Haana had been transformed into a hybrid of her original human DNA and the Doctor’s Time Lord DNA. Of course the Doctor was half human herself so she should have been one quarter Gallifreyan but a quirk in her original DNA had made her far more susceptible to genetic transformation than theoretically possible.
Haana had needed time to deal with all of this and she spent fifteen years at the Prydonian Academy until she had burned part of it down defeating an invading insect parasite. Romana, the President-elect, had given her this time ring that was taking her to where the Doctor was currently located. It should in theory be instantaneous, but time inside the vortex was more compressed or something. They hadn’t covered much of the vortex in Temporal Mechanics yet.
A tug on her blouse sleeves indicated the approach on a gravity field and Haana braced herself for the delicate process of landing. Delicate because some of the liquid contents of her body had a tendency to come out no matter how hard she clenched. She materialised, and the spinning motion slowed down from 78rpm to 45 then 33 before she finally was standing still. She was on a beach somewhere; the sand was golden and quite warm. She smelled the warm salt of the nearby sea. She turned around to see the familiar blue shape of the TARDIS and set off towards it, her feet protected from the sand by her boots. She found the Doctor asleep under a sunshade. She was still the same, luckily. She wouldn’t know what to say to one of the Doctor’s previous incarnations. Gently she shook the Doctor awake.
“I wasn’t asleep.” The Doctor said as she opened her eyes. “Haana? How did you get here?”
Haana held up the brass bracelet. “Time ring.”
The Doctor looked at her former travelling companion. “So is this just a flying visit or did you want something?”
Haana told the Doctor everything that happened to her. Her first day, all her classes, the friends she made, Anni’s death, burning part of the Academy and Kellner’s death. “In short Doctor, they want rid of me for a while and I didn’t want to be there anymore. They think I’m going back but I’m not sure if that’s what I want anymore.”
“So you just want to walk back into my life like nothing’s happened? Is that it?”
Haana looked the Doctor straight in the eye. “You’re my best friend Doctor and there’s no one else I’d rather be with. I’ve had fifteen years to realise this, it’s not a spur of the moment idea.”
“I believe you.” The Doctor answered. “Do you want to stay here for a while or shall we go somewhere else?”
“Lets go somewhere where we can dress up in huge silly dresses.” Haana smiled. “Somewhere in Earth’s past.”
“Great idea.” The Doctor grinned as she packed up the sunshade. “I know just the place.”


They had stopped off for a spot of lunch at Mrs. Miggins pie shop. Haana tried the chicken pot pie but was disappointed to find no pot in it. The Doctor nibbled away on a Cornish pie for what seemed like hours before washing it down with four cups of tea. When they were ready the Doctor paid the bill, telling the owner to keep the change.


“Tally ho Blackadder.” Prince George, the Prince Regent of England, greeted his butler as he brought the morning’s breakfast tray into his bedroom. “You don’t have a clue as to what time it is do you?”
Blackadder pulled out his pocket watch from his waistcoat and looked at it. “It is a quarter part three sir. Judging by the light streaming through the window, I would venture that it was the afternoon.”
Prince George smiled. “Oh good, I thought I might have overslept or something. Well I hope I don’t have any appointments today as I have a stonking great headache. I was at the Naughty Hellfire club, as usual, and they had this fantastic game where you have to drink as much wine as possible.” Having finished off a chicken leg the Prince belched loudly before carrying on as if nothing happened. “So there I was, on my tenth bottle, when the other fella suddenly falls down dead. Well I finished my bottle and drank the rest of his. I still can’t work out how I have this massive headache though.”
“There are just two visitors Highness, two ladies who popped by to see you. I believe one of them is a Doctor.” Blackadder walked over to the door. “I’ll just tell them to come back some other time shall I?”
The Prince Regent jumped out of his bed and to his feet. “By heavens no. I’ll see these two fair blooms or my name isn’t Cecil.”
Blackadder held his hand up to his head. “Yes Highness.”


The Doctor and Haana were backed up into a corner as Baldrick told them of his dream turnip. “A thirty foot turnip, it it’s own field and a girl who does want to marry me.”
“Yes, well we can dream.” Haana replied. “Now I wonder where Mr. Blackadder went to?”
The Doctor tried to escape the odour of Baldrick’s trousers by going over to the other side of the room but the urchin followed her. She could see Haana enjoying the fresher air for a few seconds and winced. “Of course there’s the smaller turnip that’s shaped exactly like a thingy. I don’t suppose you’d know what one looks like ma’am.”
“Don’t call me ma’am.” The Doctor snapped. “I’m the Doctor and I really must be going.”
Blackadder re-entered the room. “Going so fast? The Prince begs that you stay a while longer. He has a rather delicate condition today but will see you both shortly.”
Haana picked up a book and started to read it. She finished it in less than ten seconds. One of the benefits of Gallifreyan DNA was that she could understand long boring texts in a fraction of the time she used to, if at all. “Was that really what happened to Boudicca?”
The Doctor nodded. “Yes, you two would have got on really well.”
Haana was amazed. “Cool. No wonder she’s depicted wearing so much leather.”
Prince George made his entrance. “Right where’s these two pieces of totty?” He shouted before seeing the Doctor and Haana. “Blimey two stunners. I’ll take over from here Blackadder. Which one of you wants to go first?”
Haana looked at the Doctor. “Not me, thankfully I’m queer.”
The Doctor backed slowly towards the door before coming up with a plan. “My god, your eyes. Tell me do you suffer from headaches?”
“Well I do have a bit on a stonker.” The Prince admitted. “One of those behind the eyes jobs.”
“Just as I thought. I want you to close your eyes and count to one hundred. My friend and I will be next door waiting for you once you have counted to one hundred.”
“Of course my fine frolicking fillies.” The Prince closed his eyes. “Right here goes. One, five, three, err…four, eight…”
The Doctor dragged Haana out of the room. “We’re leaving, right now.”
“Right behind you Doctor. That’s more than can be said for Prince Fathead.” Haana laughed at her own innuendo.
“I’ve got a good mind to take you back home Haana.” The Doctor laughed when she saw the panicked look on Haana’s face.
“Yes, mother.” Haana replied with another joke quickly.
“Tidy your room up Haana.” The Doctor joked back.
“But I don’t have anything to tidy up.” Haana complained.
The Doctor smiled and produced her credit cards. “We can soon change that can’t we?”
Haana hugged the Doctor. “You’re the best friend I’ve got. Now what shop needs its profit margins increased the most first? Harvey Nichols?”
“Good old Harvey.” The Doctor smiled. “I could do with something by Christian Dior.”


“Forty two, one hundred.” The Prince opened his eyes to see Blackadder. “I say Blackadder what are you doing here?”
“I was wondering why you were counting sir. You’ve been counting now for seven hours. I saw your guests out, they seemed in a hurry.”
“Probably gone to get some more of their devilishly saucy friends I expect.” The Prince grinned. “I’m a bit peckish now, what about a nice roast to liven things up. One thing though, that cure did work, my headache’s completely gone now.”
“Oh good.” Blackadder sighed. “Do you perhaps remember the twenty thousand pounds you borrowed off me now sir?”
The Prince gestured to the wall safe. “Oh take it Blackadder.”
“Thank you sir, I certainly will.” Blackadder unlocked the safe. “Will you be going to the Naught Hellfire club tonight sir? Perhaps you can defend you title?”
The Prince smiled and nodded. “You know, that’s a splendid idea Blackadder. I think I will.”


Blackadder found the two noble women enjoying a cup of tea in the kitchen. “Ah there you are. You’ll be pleased to know that your plan to defraud the Prince worked. I’m now twenty thousand pounds better off.”
“Great.” Haana laughed. “That’ll teach him to try it on with us.”
“Indeed.” Blackadder agreed. “If only he could spot the most obvious lesbian in the whole world then he might not have been so willing to try it on with you.”
“How could you tell?” Haana asked before finishing her tea.
“Let us just say that a butler sees all and tells nothing. Although Lady Hamilton certainly felt something.”
Haana smiled to herself before wandering over to the TARDIS. She looked at the butler for a second. “He does look a lot like one of your earlier selves you know Doctor.”
The Doctor finished her tea and tipped Edmund. “Don’t go out next week. You may think you want to go to Mrs. Miggins pie shop, but don’t go, ok? You can trust me, I am The Doctor.”
Blackadder watched as the strange blue box the two females had gone into vanished into nothing. “Baldrick, come here.” When Baldrick wandered over he clouted him as hard as possible. “Just making sure.” He replied by way of explanation.