Docker sat in the back of the taxicab as it flew about the vast sprawling city of Los Angeles. Every now and then huge gouts of flame spewed forward from the tops of the methane burners just like they did every other day in the city. He tried to read his newspaper but his motion sickness came on again so he looked at the city some more. Up ahead he spotted the golden ziggurat of Temporal Inc, the people who wanted to hire him for this mysterious task.


Haana greeted Mr. Docker. “Hi, welcome to Temporal Inc.” She gestured for the scruffy detective to follow her. A small furry animal scooted across the floor and jumped into a pile of wood and water. “Do you like my beaver?” She asked him casually.
“It must be very expensive.” Docker stated with equal casualness.
“It’s a Duplicant. Very expensive.” Haana turned to look at him. “Tell me Mr. Docker have you ever retired a human by mistake?”
Docker’s reply was simple. “No, not in twenty six years.”
The Doctor coughed.
“Allow me to introduce Doctor Jane Doe, head of Temporal Inc.” Haana gestured to the Doctor.
“Mr. Docker, I wish to see a negative before I provide you with a positive. Will you be using the blush technique? The so-called emotional reaction to questioning.”
“Yes.” Docker produced the device from his pocket and began to set it up. “Who will I test in on first? Yourself?”
“No.” The Doctor laughed. “You can test it on Haana.”
Docker finished the final calculations and began the initial questioning. “You’re at home, you pick up a magazine and you flip it open to see a centrefold picture of a nude woman.”
“I’d put it up above my bedroom.” Haana explained. “Is this test to see whether I’m a Duplicant or a lesbian? Because I am a lesbian.”
Docker flipped quickly to the next question…


The Doctor waited until all the questions were complete before asking Haana to step outside. “Well what do you think?” She asked him.
“She’s not human.” Docker said. “She’s unlike any Duplicant I’ve ever seen though.”
“She’s an alien being Mr. Docker.” The Doctor laughed. “Are you surprised by that?”
“Well yes. I didn’t know that there were any little green lesbian from outer space.” Docker stroked his bearded chin thoughtfully. “So if she’s the negative, where’s the positive?”
“You are the Duplicant Mr. Docker.” The Doctor stated, pouring herself a large iced tea. “We built you two weeks ago for this mission. We implanted false memories to give you a past. You really believe you’re human don’t you? Good because we’ve got a mission for you. There’s a dangerous renegade out there, he’s a criminal genius. He’s also quite capable of avoiding the regular channels. We built you to seek him out and bring him down. His name is John Smith but he calls himself The Valeyard.” The Doctor looked at Docker to see what his reactions would be.
“This is unbelievable.” Docker started to say. “I’m human. I know I am.”
“Good, good. They really did a first rate job.” The Doctor clapped her hands and Haana returned. “Ah there you are. I want you to team up with Mr. Docker and assist him to find the Valeyard.” The Doctor looked out at Los Angeles 2019. “3.9 million lost souls and only one me to protect them all. I hate what the Earth has becomes sometimes.”
“This way Mr Docker.” Haana produced his coat. “I still don’t see why we couldn’t have made you a woman.”
The Doctor shook her head slowly. “You know why Haana. Once you can control yourself then you can be allowed near human females again.”


Docker waited until he was alone in the cab with Haana before talking. “What was all that about back there?”
Haana sighed. “It’s just something I’m going through. You would think that they could correct everything with genetic modification by now. Oh don’t listen to me, its just angst.”
“If we’re going to be working together I need to know everything.”
Haana looked at the gruff detective. “I’m not sure if you’re ready to know everything. You know it’s a real shame we didn’t give you two x chromosomes. That’s my weakness you see, an eye for the ladies.” Haana pulled out a compact and checked her makeup.
“So you really are gay?” Docker realised. “I suppose you want me to take my hand off your knee?”
“Yes please.” Haana replied. “The Doctor lied to you back there, about a few things. She’s not the head of a powerful corporation. It’s a scam, something she set up to deflect the Valeyard. Oh the books are all true, Temporal Inc does exist but it’s not quite the multi-billion dollar industry we pretend it is.”


Jean-Marc emerged from the TARDIS and walked over to the Doctor. “Did he believe you?”
“Yes.” I hated lying to the poor man like that but what else can we do? The Valeyard’s out there somewhere and Romana was quite clear in her instructions. Seek, locate, eliminate.”
“I still don’t see why she had to use the cloister bell, I still haven’t recovered from the shock.”
“Oh you poor dear.” The Doctor sat Jean-Marc down and fussed over him.


“I mean it’s not like it’s anything I don’t see every day when I look in the mirror.” Haana explained to Docker as they sat watching the exotic dancer going through her routine. “Do you have any notes I can put in her g-string?” Haana folded a note in the clothing and winked at the dancer. “You see? I can’t control myself.”


“Sex, sex, sex.” Haana muttered as they walked down the dark alley.


“Tell me do you think I’m neurotic?” Haana asked Docker as they stood outside her apartment. “Are you coming in? You’ll be perfectly safe, believe me.”


The next day Haana found Docker at the sushi bar. “Hi there Docker. Ready for some more patrolling of suspected haunts?”
“That depends. Are you going to talk about your obsessive compulsive behaviour?”
Haana gasped. “I am not an obsessive compulsive. I may need to talk about my feelings and if they’d agreed to let you be female you’d understand where I’m coming from.”
“What if they did? Have you thought about what would happen if I didn’t like you as much as I do? What if I turned you down? Listen toots; you’ve got problems. Ok more than a lot of people put together but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have problems ok? You need to lighten up, chill out and relax. Ok so you’re attracted to other women, big deal. That doesn’t give you the right to bore others to death with it.”
“I’m sorry.” Haana said, stunned by Docker’s outburst. “I didn’t mean to bore you to death.”
Docker stopped walking and turned around to look at Haana. “No problem kid, but hey do yourself a favour and sleep with someone ok. The only way you’re gonna get over this obsession is to face it head on.”
“I’m trying this abstinence thing.” Haana started to explain. “I’m trying to give it up.”
“It ain’t working sugar.” Docker laughed. “Much more of this and you’ll become really mental. Just find a nice girl and do what ever it is you need to do. Just don’t tell me about it in the morning.”
“Sure, I will once we find the Valeyard.” Haana smiled at Docker. “Hey you’re pretty empathic for a guy. Maybe there’s a bit of the old double x in you after all?”


The table tennis game wasn’t going well for Jean-Marc. He was fifteen games down already and the Doctor was headed for a sixteenth victory.
“Did I ever tell you about the time I got to the grand final of the Alpha Centauri table tennis championship?” The Doctor asked.
“Did you win?” Jean-Marc asked back.
“No, but I did win three sets.”
“So you’re beatable then?”
“Only if you have six arms and six bats.” The Doctor scored again to win her sixteenth game. “I think I deserve a really nice cup of tea for that stunning victory.”
Jean-Marc headed over to the kitchen area. “Yes mother.” He joked.
“Oh Jean-Marc dear, you’re beginning to sound like Haana. I’d advise you to explore other inventive nicknames for me or I may have to put ribbons in your hair.”
Jean-Marc studied the Doctor for a second before coming up with a new answer. “Ja wohl mein Fuhrer.”
“That’s better, just don’t ever say it again hmmm?” The Doctor finished her tea. “Another game or do you concede defeat?”


They walked the streets for hours, they stopped off at a thousand possible locations but all turned up empty. No one had seen him at all. Haana was beginning to suspect he had never even been in this time zone, never mind LA when suddenly she walked into him. “Hey watch where you’re going Mister.” She yelled before seeing who it was. “Its you.” She said to him. “So the reports were right after all.”
“In the flesh.” The Valeyard bowed. “And to what do I owe the honour of your company?”
“Hold it right there buddy.” Docker placed his gun on the Valeyard’s temple. “The lady’s with me.”
“She’s no lady.” The Valeyard laughed. “She’s not even human.”
“I know that, but see I’m not paid to think about her, only you.” Docker produced his handcuffs. “Put these on.”
Haana did so before realising he meant the Valeyard. “Ooops.” She said, grimacing. “Sorry.”
Docker fired but the Valeyard wasn’t there. He was behind Docker, his gun in his hand. “Now who’s got the upper hand?” He asked.
Haana looked around for a convenient pair of bolt cutters but couldn’t find any. “Help.” She said finally in a hushed tone.
The Valeyard sneered at Haana. “Didn’t you hear? There’s no help for you Lady Haana.” He pointed Docker’s gun at her slight figure and fired.
Docker yelled no and twisted out of the Valeyard’s grasp. He lifted Haana’s head up onto his lap and brushed her slight fringe out of her eyes.
“Is this death?” Haana asked staring up at Docker. “I was expecting slightly more nude angels.”
The Valeyard looked at Haana and laughed. “She’s an alien you fool, she can regenerate herself.”
Docker looked down at Haana’s still body but nothing happened. “You killed her.” His words were like tiny icicles. “You shot her in cold blood.”
“Relax, she’s a Time Lord the same as me. We can regenerate at the point of death.” The Valeyard looked down at Haana’s still figure. “This is odd.”
“That’s right.” Haana stepped out of the shadows and fired her taser gun at the Valeyard and he fell to the ground as his muscles spasmed.
“Haana?” Docker looked at the second Haana. “What’s going on?”
Haana looked down at the identical copy of herself. “It’s simple, she’s the duplicant. She was the bait in the Doctor’s trap.” Haana bent down and kissed the dead duplicant’s lips softly. “She was like the sister I always wanted.”
“So she was the copy all the time?” Docker asked.
“Unless she’s really me and I’m just programmed to think I’m the original.” Haana laughed. “I think this is me? I think the Doctor slightly exaggerated a few things about me though don’t you think? I’m not that obsessed about sex. To be honest with you, I’d rather have a nice cup of tea and a cookie.”
“But you’re still gay right?” Decker though he was going to start bleeding from the nose in a minute if he didn’t work things out quickly.
“Absolutely.” Haana looked at the detective. “Are you feeling alright? Oh just one last thing, you may not be a duplicant after all. The Doctor never actually mentioned where she found you but we only ever had the facilities for one and that’s her.” Haana pointed at her copy. “I suppose we should bury her, it’s the least we can do. Lets call her Maria shall we? I used to date a girl by that name.” Haana walked over to the Valeyard and upped the current. “As for you, I think they have a nice cell ready and waiting for you at Shada.”
“We should get back to the Doctor. You take Blondie her back with you. I’ll see to Maria.” Haana produced a vidphone and called the cops.


Jean-Marc readjusted his tie. “I don’t see why we have to go to this funeral. It’s not as if she was a real person.”
Haana stared at Jean-Marc and started to put his tie right. “Keep saying things like that and I’ll start to believe she was more of a real person than you are.”
“Ok, ok.” Jean-Marc stuffed his hands in his suit pocket and slouched against the wall. “But do we have to make such a fuss about it? I mean ok she was a copy of you but she was just a biological machine if you think about it.”
“All life is sacred.” Haana shouted, almost hysterically. “She was a real person, no matter how she came into the world. How would you feel if I started treating you like a thing just because you’re a human? You wouldn’t like it would you? No you would not. That’s why we’re doing this because she deserves as much dignity and respect as anyone else ok?”
“Fine.” Jean-Marc stormed out of the console room’s main doors.
“He’s too young to understand.” The Doctor entered the console room via the inner door and placed her hat on the console. “Give him a chance to grow and learn. What you said was very beautiful, about life I mean. I think you’re going to become a great person one day.”
“Gee, here was me thinking I’m no one special right now Doctor.” Haana grumbled.
The Doctor checked several readings. “That’s not what I mean Haana, you’ll understand too when you’re ready.”
Haana looked at the Doctor’s suit for a minute. “I do like the outfit, it’s very original.”
“I’ve never been overly fond of black suits, they remind me too much of a friend of mine.” The Doctor quickly adjusted her cravat and put her bowler hat back on her head. “I like your dress though, very elegant but not as tarty as the ones you usually wear.”