The plan was simple: they went in; got the cash and got out again before the pigs could react. So why was it all going wrong? David Teller kept asking himself. “Put it in the bag faster luv or I’ll shoot you in the head.” His words scared the cashier so much that she actually got slower.
“Hurry it up.” Peter Wade repeated every five minutes. “This is taking too long.”
Jack Hodges kept the few customers covered. He was just waiting for one of them to do something wrong. All he needed was for one of them to do something.
None of the three bank robbers heard the sound of a time machine materialising inside of the closed vault.


“Where are we?” Jean-Marc asked his strange and wonderful travelling companion. The Doctor was very smart; she knew the answers to everything. For some reason she seemed to think that wandering aimlessly through time and space was the perfectly natural thing for them to do and maybe she was right. It had been fun on the whole. They had met some very nice people along the way, also a few scary bits with psychos and invading aliens but what was paradise without a counterpoint to put it into perspective? “I can see lots and lots of money.”
The Doctor emerged from the TARDIS, dressed in a white cotton dress and very expensive shoes. “Money, who needs it?”
Jean-Marc looked at the Doctor. “You use it to buy clothes with.”
“That’s different. I like buying clothes, I’d certainly never leave it lying around where anyone could come and take it.” She looked at her companion. “Are those fifty pond notes your putting in your trouser pockets?”
“Yes.” Jean-Marc admitted. “I’m keeping it safe from any would be thieves.”
She smiled at him. “That’s very thoughtful of you, just remember to put it back before we leave. Unless of course you want to buy your dear old friend a birthday present. I’m almost 2062 you know and there is this outfit I’ve had my eye on for a few eons now. Oh what am I saying? I’d be just as happy with a pair of earrings and a box of teabags.”
“Teabags?” Jean-Marc asked the Doctor.
She nodded vigorously, her eyes pleading. “We’ve almost run out again.”


There were sirens outside, white van wit neon stripes and whirly blue lights sirens. “Give me that.” Dave grabbed the half filled bag of money and headed to the door only to find Lefty Mulligan coming in. He was their getaway driver, what the hell was he doing in here? “What the hell are you doing in here?” He shouted.
Lefty looked at Dave. “Coppers, thousands of them by the look of it. It’s too late, we should give ourselves up.”
Dave shook his head. “Not a chance man, they’d lock us as soon as beat us up.”
They both heard voices coming from the bank vault. Dave grabbed a cashier and dragged him over to the vault. “Open this right now.” He levelled the sawn-off shotgun at the mans chest. However the door opened of its own accord and two people emerged. “Don’t move lady.” He shouted at the oddly dressed blonde woman who emerged from the heavy metal door.
“Ah, I thought I heard voices. How do you do? I’m the Doctor and this is my best friend Jean-Marc. Say bonjour Jean-Marc.”
“Hello.” Jean-Marc waved at the other people.
“What the hell were you two doing in there?” Dave demanded angrily, and then he saw that the French kid had a load of banknotes stuffed into his pockets. “I don’t believe it, you two are hitting the same place as us.”
“Err yes.” The Doctor improvised. “You attracted the filth? Amateurs. There’s lots more money in the vault, you should all help yourself to some of it.”
“We go in there and you lock us in there? No way.”
“Ok, what about we put those lot in there? The police won’t be able to open the vault without them.”
Nice one Doctor, Jean-Marc thought. Get these people inside the TARDIS and out of harms way.
“Well it’s been super chatting to you but we’ve got money to steal so we’ll say goodbye. Come on Jean-Marc, let’s get some of that gold bullion we spotted.” The Doctor turned to leave.
“Oui Doctor, and maybe see if there’s anything in those security boxes?”
“Wait.” Dave called after the other bank robbers. “You got into a sealed bank vault, so I’m thinking you have a way out right?”
“The same way we got in there.” The Doctor explained casually. “We should have brought more bags Jean-Marc, there’s too much here for us to carry. Get one of those idle hostage people to come in here and give me a hand would you?”
Jean-Marc took hold of a smart dressed man and led him over to the vault where the Doctor took him inside the TARDIS and explained the truth to him. “This is going to take forever! You, you and you come on, come on. You’re going to do a dishonest day’s work for once in your lives.” It was all too easy; soon all of the hostages were in the vault and inside the TARDIS and he quickly went to join them. They he helped the Doctor to pull the large door closed and the Doctor locked it using her sonic screwdriver.
Back inside of the TARDIS the Doctor quietened the bank staff. “Sorry for all the confusion but it seems my young friend and I stumbled upon one of the nastier tales in your planet’s history. As you may have gathered by now I’m not exactly a local but my hearts are in the right place. You see this bank robbery becomes something of an enigma, three bank robbers shot dead by armed police and the staff are never found. To tell you that when I learned that I was involved came as something as a surprise. However I do know a few colony worlds where you can start over with new lives and a future.” A small white cube floated into the room from out of nowhere and the Doctor cupped it to her ear before it vanished. “It seems that I have to go and rescue an old friend first however and make a new friend in the process.”
“Was that Haana?” Jean-Marc asked excitedly. He had missed her since she had left, although he wasn’t sure why. She was weird and strange at the best of times but she was like a sister to him.


They carried the limp bodies of Haana and Penny into the TARDIS and put them up in Haana’s room. The Doctor was very concerned when Haana kept asking for someone called Juanita; she was apparently a mermaid. However she had more urgent matters to attend to right now. The girls were safe now so she took the people she had rescued to the colony on Miramax Kappa Six.
Jean-Marc was reading one of Haana’s academy texts while he waited for the Doctor to return. The book seemed very boring and he could only understand a few lines on every third page or so. He remembered Penny from the brief time they had met, just before Haana had gone off to explore the Universe or something. She looked so frail, they both did. Haana kept mumbling something about someone called Juanita and Penny seemed to think she was talking to some sort of sea bird.


“I’ll pop by and visit soon.” The Doctor waved at the semi-stunned bank staff and customers and now colonists. “Have a big pot of tea waiting for me.” She dematerialised the TARDIS and went to see how Haana was doing. Where was a new friend to be made too, the Doctor hoped that Penny liked tea. “Wakey, wakey.” She shook Haana’s shoulder, trying to rouse the sleepy girl. “I have tea and chocolate biscuits Haana.”
Haana opened one eye. “What’s going on? Where’s Juanita at Doctor?” She opened the other eye. “You got my message? Quick we need to kill Penny, she’s planning to kill me.”
“Oh dear.” The Doctor gasped. “That’s not nice at all. We’ll go and have that cup of tea and you can tell me all about it. Jean-Marc can keep an eye on your little friend.” She escorted Haana to the kitchen where a large pot of tea was waiting. One day she’d have to move the kitchen into the console room, then again all this exercise was good for the old hearts.


Penny sat up. “I thought she’d never go. She’s totally mad you know.” She looked at Jean-Marc. “Have I seen you before? On the telly perhaps? The albatross asked me to say that Haana plans to kill us all. She’s a very wicked woman.”


“Doctor, I think the heat has made Penny insane. Juanita said that she would try to kill me and we were going to live together in her cave.” Haana tried to explain things as calmly and rationally to the Doctor as she could. “I hope Jean-Marc will be fine.”
“Drink your tea Haana.” The Doctor encouraged. “It’s good for you, then we can see if we can help your poor friend regain her sanity.”
“Did you get my message about The Master?” Haana wondered. “I knew I couldn’t take him on by myself.”
“Yes.” The Doctor sighed. “That was a nasty situation. Those poor, poor people. The Master had a pet Macra and it was feeding off their fear before it killed them.”


Penny knew that Jean-Marc believed her about Haana when he relaxed his guard and handed her a can of pop to drink. “She’s totally evil you know, I hope the Doctor can make her better otherwise we may have to imprison her.”
Jean-Marc nodded slowly. Just keep drinking he thought. Drink the nice tranquilliser and it will stop you being insane. He hoped the Doctor was having as much success with Haana.


Haana felt tired and her mind was starting to fog over. She stretched her arms widely and yawned. “I must get some sleep Doctor but we can chat some more tomorrow.”
The Doctor helped Haana to her feet. “Come on sleepyhead, we’ll get you all tucked up into bed with your little friend.”
“She’s not like that Doctor.” Haana whispered sleepily. “She likes boys.”
The Doctor dropped Haana’s exhausted body. “Jean-Marc!” She looked down at Haana’s sleeping form and decided to leave her there for now. Quickly she ran down the corridors and found Penny asleep on the floor. “Phew, I think I’m getting too worrisome in my old age Jean-Marc. Come on, you can help me carry Haana in here. Penny can have her own room in the morning.”
“Will they be ok Doctor?” Jean-Marc asked once they left Haana and Penny asleep.
“Oh yes, its only a bit of heat exposure. They just need time for their bodies to repair the damage. The drug I gave them will speed things along a little. You should get some sleep now too. You know it really feels like a family in here again and another mouth to make tea for too.”
Jean-Marc shook his head. Just when he thought he had the Doctor figured out he discovered a whole new side to her. “Good night Doctor, I’ll see you in the morning.” He found his room and went to bed.


The Doctor decided to turn in as well. Sleep for a Time Lady was not unheard of but when you could stay awake for months at a time it was just a minor occasion and more of an excuse to try her new nightie on really.
A figure looked down at the Doctor’s sleeping form and tried talking to her but no sound came from her mouth. Frustrated, the figure gave up and vanished…