The Doctor, mild mannered Champion of Time, defender of the needy and part time blonde airhead, stood defiantly as Sinestra, the Queen of Evil advanced slowly towards her. If only she hadn’t taken the Rubicon Crystal out of the pocket of her jacket pocket, the Doctor mused, only that could neutralise the terrible power of Sinestra’s Oblivioniser Mist.
“Doctor, what are we going to do?” Penny, the Doctor’s young flame haired companion asked as panic gripped her soul like a cold and clammy fist. She edged behind the Doctor’s bright pink silk suit.
The dark haired Sinestra, dressed in a black gown like robe, gave her two adversaries’ a cold stare. “You can both say goodbye to your lives!” She started to laugh with evil glee before aiming the Oblivioniser Mist Gun at the two retreating females. She slowly squeezed the trigger but nothing happened.
“CUT!” The Director shouted. “I thought you said you had fixed that.” He yelled at the props manager. “The episode three cliff-hanger ending is the most important shot of today but do you care if it looks cheap and tacky? I really don’t think so, now get it fixed or the money for this delay’s coming out of your own pocket.”


The star of the show, Jackie Riviera, walked off the set and sat down on a nearby chair. Her best friend Vivienne Keill and her sister Frieda joined her a few moments later. “You were bloody great there Viv.” Jackie said before taking out a packet of cigarettes and lighting one up.
“There’s no smoking in here.” Frieda Keill stated quite angrily. “If you want to kill yourself go ahead but please do so outside.” She pulled Penny’s wig off of her head and handed it to a props assistant before making herself comfortable on one of the chairs.
“You really think so Jacs?” Vivienne asked. “I didn’t want to go over the top too much, Frieda said that I should underplay the part.”
“I thought you were great.” Frieda agreed. “Maybe you’ll get a recurring role?”
Jackie looked up to see the most loathsome, depraved man shuffle into view. “Oh it’s you Brice.” She said. “What is it this time?”
Brice smiled at Jackie, his wife, and brought a chair over to sit opposite her, pausing twice to adjust his hairpiece. “I was wondering…about this Doctor you’ve been playing for the last couple of years. Doro Vermouth would be simply perfect as her mother. What do you think?”
Jackie shook her head quickly. “The Doctor’s supposed to be this weird and mysterious traveller through time and space. It’d ruin the mystery a bit if her mother turned up one day and told everyone what she was like as a kid wouldn’t it hmmm?”
“Yeah, but the Doctor was a man originally.” Brice pointed out. “You only got this part because the guy they wanted refused to sleep with the Producer. Don’t think I didn’t find out about that Jackie. How will adding the Doctor's mum ruin the show any more than you've done so already?”
”Thanks a lot.” Jackie frowned before removing her characters pink silk jacket and folding it over her knees. “Well this is my big break Brice, mine. I think that whole singing thing was a bit of a waste of time much like your career as an agent.”
“Yeah.” Frieda said quietly to her sister. “Who wants someone with a vocal range of three notes and a voice like an asthmatic Dalek these days?”
Jackie continued. “Look, this is my fifth year in the role and I’ve got millions of devoted fans worldwide. What does it matter if I had to put a little extra into getting the role?”
“She’s trying her best.” Vivienne whispered back. “She got you your part didn’t she?”
“She did not.” Frieda protested. “I got the role of Penny on my own merits, I slept with the producer too and Hugh from the casting agency.”
Vivienne looked shocked. “Well I didn’t sleep with him and I got the role of Sinestra, Queen of Evil. Why didn't I have to sleep with him Jacs? You know how long it's been since I've even dated a man, never mind forcing myself to drag him screaming and kicking into bed.”
"You're a superstar Viv." Jackie said casually. "Besides you intimidated him a little, well ok a lot. Why do you think you’re the Queen of Evil? He based the character entirely on you. I think it was revenge for trying to do River dance at your audition."
The Director walked over to the huddled group. “Look girls, we’re going to break for lunch and then try and finish this scene before the ruddy cows come home. About half an hour yeah? See you tonight Frieda?” He backed away quickly from the agent before the portly gentleman could say a word.
Frieda nodded. “Yeah, tonight.”
“Ok love.” Jackie replied before heading over to wardrobe to get changed back into her own clothes. “Shall we go to my place?” What brain dead fashion designer had thought a bright pink silk suit looked good anyway she wondered. They had to use plastic orchids in the buttonhole after the first story as they set her hay fever off.
They left Brice behind as he tried to butter the Producer up for his client.


Icelandic immigrant barmaid Yitta Hilberstam was happily singing Bjork songs to herself as she tended to the important job of cleaning the glasses. She looked up when the door opened and quickly gave Jackie Riviera, part owner of the bar she worked in, and her two friends a big smile. “Hello.” She said to them. “Have you been busy today with Doctor Kildare? I really like the Ice Warriors I used to watch them on the television when I was younger, after working from dawn to dusk mining ice cubes.”
“Hi Yitta, the usual please.” Jackie said before they all sat down on their regular table, their friend Cat Rogers already seated and apparently on her fourth large gin. “Another for Cat please Yitta, she looks dreadful.”
“You wouldn’t believe the morning I had.” Cat complained, as the others got comfortable. “I had to stand in for Kate Mulgrew for Voyager: The Musical. Then I covered for Bonnie when she refused play Maria Von Trapp for the entire third act of Sound of Music. After that I was signing autographs for Tom Baker when he turned out to be double booked.” She took out the hat and scarf from her large Harrods shopping bag. “Of course it wasn’t until I got here I realised that I had my vibrant red nail polish on, still I think I got away with it.”
“How long have you been standing in?” Frieda asked. “I need someone to play Penny for a couple of scenes while I’m knocked out asleep in Sinestra’s evil lair in part 4.”
Cat took out her filofax and began to write down the information. “Cheers Frieda, it’s nearly impossible to get anywhere near the BBC these days.”
“I saw Tom last night.” Jackie proclaimed as a hazy memory wafted back into her conscious mind. “We talked for hours and hours about how he used to play the Doctor and by the end I was writing loads notes down on my arms and legs. Of course I did have to stand him a few drinks.” She rolled up her blouse sleeve to reveal a bare arm. “Of course it wasn’t until I woke up this morning that I realised I hadn’t taken the top off the pen.” She sighed and lit up a cigarette.
“I’ll say you a lot last night.” Yitta said when she brought the drinks over. “Your tab from last night is greater than the gross national debt of some countries.”
“Tom was certainly putting them away last night.” Jackie explained to the others. “You know after ten snowballs he kind of looks like Paul McGann.” She puckered her lips up and imagined kissing Paul.
Frieda sighed. “Paul McGann, he’s a bit of alright. I’d love to do a film with him once this season wraps up for the summer.”
“One that he was producing and directing?” Vivienne asked casually, winking knowingly at Jackie and Yitta.
Frieda just nodded and stared off into the distance.
“She’s gone.” Jackie turned to Yitta. “Frieda is paying for these drinks.” She stood up quickly and got ready to leave. “Come on Viv, we better get back to the studio maybe they’ve coaxed Leonardo out of his dressing room by now.”


“Oh mighty Rassilon, it’s her!” A group of Doctor Who fans exclaimed when they walked into the bar. “It’s the Doctor herself!”
Vivienne studied the group closely. “I think these look like fans Jacs.” She looked at one of them. “What was Jackie’s first story called?”
“A Fresh Start.” The group chorused and fumbled in their pockets for pieces of paper, old bus tickets and bodily parts for their heroine to sign.
“Can you sign my scarf ‘To Michelle with lots of love’ please?” Michelle asked Jackie.
“Can you sign my face?” Tony asked. “I’ll never wash it again.”
“Looks like you haven’t washed it once to me.” Vivienne muttered to herself.
“You’re my favourite Doctor.” Alan stated as he posed for a picture with Jackie while his best friend Smurf, who wore an exact hand stitched replica of Colin Baker’s coat, operated the camera.
“Thank you.” Jackie blushed. “I think this new season will be my best yet. Vivienne here plays Sinestra in the one we’re making at the moment. They haven’t decided on a title yet, the writer’s being all creative with various ideas.” She waited as they updated their websites by WAP phone. “I’m also looking forward to attending Hacxicon ’01 this summer along with all the other Doctors.”


Frieda found herself sitting alone at the table, Cat had to leave suddenly when her pager bleeped. She was needed to play Lady McScottishplay at the Palladium in half an hour when Claire Grogan pulled out after coming down with swine fever again. She spotted the other two being feted by a bunch of fans and she tried to slip out of the side door to avoid publicity. However she didn’t get very far when Doro Vermouth stepped into view with her small pet dog under one arm, Brice stood at the side of the aging white haired screen queen.
“Fantasia Keill.” Doro said grandly.
“It’s only Frieda I’m afraid Doro.” Brice pointed out quickly.
“Well she should change it to Fantasia with her looks.” She said to Brice. “My dear, has darling Brice told you of his idea to have me in your show?”
“Yes.” Frieda glared at Brice. “He’s a greedy, fat and balding idiot who has as much knowledge of casting as I do of how to speak ancient Hebrew.”
Brice looked sharply at Frieda. “The Producer thinks it’s a good idea.”
“Why?” Frieda asked. “Did you sleep with him too?” She took some measure of satisfaction when Brice’s face turned the exact same colour of a boiled lobster.


“Well we should be going.” Jackie said to the huddled group of fans. “We wouldn’t want to halt production of your favourite show.”
“Show?” The fans asked. “What do you mean Doctor? Is it something to do with the Land of Fiction again? Or is the Master up to his old tricks again?”
Vivienne leaned forward and whispered into Jackie’s ear. “They’re crazies Jacs, we’ll have to run for it and hope a taxi stops, before they can tears us apart limb from limb.”


Frieda sat in make up when Vivienne and Jackie finally turned up, their hair dishevelled and parts of their clothes torn off. “Not again?” She asked as they sat down.
Jackie picked up her readymade G and T and drained it in seconds. “These were the worst yet.”
“Have they coaxed Leonardo out yet?” Vivienne asked.
Frieda shook her head slightly. “He’s refusing to come out of there until they redecorate his room in purple and green.” She checked her eyes critically in a small compact mirror, just to make sure.
Vivienne tutted before they started to re-curl her eyelashes. “The price of fame. I hope I can get away with tantrums like that when I’m that famous.”
“You’re too nice a person Viv.” Jackie stated while the girl from the costume department helped her into the Doctor’s outfit. “Oh, I hope its that nice beige one next week, you know how much the cameramen complain about contrast when I wear this.”
Frieda pulled Penny’s red wig back on, and slipped back into character before they walked back over to the set and stood on their marks.


The Doctor, mild mannered Champion of Time, defender of the needy and part time blonde airhead, stood defiantly as Sinestra, the Queen of Evil advanced slowly towards her. If only she hadn’t taken the Rubicon Crystal out of the pocket of her jacket pocket, the Doctor mused, only that could neutralise the terrible power of Sinestra’s Oblivioniser Mist.
“Doctor, what are we going to do?” Penny, the Doctor’s young flame haired companion asked as panic gripped her soul like a cold and clammy fist. She edged behind the Doctor’s bright pink silk suit.
The dark haired Sinestra, dressed in a black gown like robe, gave her two adversaries’ a cold stare. “You can both say goodbye to your lives!” She started to laugh with evil glee before aiming the Oblivioniser Mist Gun at the two retreating females. She slowly squeezed the trigger and pale yellow mist began to billow out of it.
Penny screamed and held onto the Doctor for protection…
“And cut, that’s it for episode three ladies.”