SCENE ONE (ext.)

Opening Theme Music

Running feet stop

KANDY

(Grateful)

Thanks a lot, you saved my life

ADAM

(Smitten but trying to hide it)

Why were they attacking you?

KANDY

(Coy)

A business deal went bad.  They decided killing me was easier than paying me

ADAM

Great people to do business with, they remind me of my bank manager.

KANDY

(Gasps)

You’re not from this world.  There’s no advanced monetary systems here yet.

ADAM

We just arrive here, didn’t we Doctor?  (beat) Doctor?

KANDY

Who are you talking to?

ADAM

(Concerned)

My friend, the Doctor.  He must have gotten lost in the confusion.

SCENE TWO (ext.)

The crowd murmurs, confused and a bit eager to see some blood

KLEP

I’m going to gut you like a fish for interfering in matters that don’t concern you.

DOCTOR

(Confident – playing for time)

I don’t suppose we can talk about this reasonably?

KLEP

(enjoying himself)

No.  Public executions are good for morale; it keeps this scum in their place and makes Lord Lars feel more secure in his castle.

DOCTOR

Lord Lars?  How is the old chap?  I simply must go and pay him a visit.

KLEP

(Angry now)

Oh don’t give me that routine.

DOCTOR

What routine?  Oh and it future, you may refer to me by my title.  I am Lord President of Gallifrey am I not?  Keeper of the Legacy of Rassilon.  Come on then, let’s go and see Lars.

KLEP

You don’t impress me (beat) you think you can lie to me?  (beat)  Time’s up.

DOCTOR

(blusters)

I’m afraid I’m the one with the sword at your throat.  Now don’t parade your ignorance any further and take me to your Lord.  (beat) Oh very well, have the sword back.  I prefer a rapier myself; it’s the sword of a gentleman, not that poorly balanced meat cleaver.

KLEP

(sarcastically to one of the guards)

Go to the castle and inform Lord Lars that we’ve got a guest to see him.

(more formally to the Doctor)

If you’d like to follow me, sir?

DOCTOR

You lead and I’ll wave regally to the crowd

SCENE THREE (int.)

A log fire crackles in the fireplace

A door opens and closes

KANDY

(in exposition mode)

Take a seat Adam.  Mmmm, that fire’s just the thing.  I’m an antiques dealer (beat) I sell the right objects to the right people for the right price.  I merely meet a demand for rare items.  Of course one planets surplus is another’s shortage (beat) but I try not to let my client’s know that, it’s bad for my business.

ADAM

Sounds interesting, so it’s probably not legal, right?

KANDY

Dealing to less developed worlds is considered illegal.  We’re not supposed to interfere in the development of planets.

ADAM

Sounds exactly the opposite of my people’s policy towards each other.  So is that why Klep wants to kill you?  Because you’re from another world?

KANDY

No, Kelp’s just enjoys killing far too much.

ADAM

They let a guy like that in the Army?

KANDY

Sornax Four is a very hostile planet.  The three clans have as much peace time as they do trying to kill each other.  Usually though they keep each other in check, if one clan gets too strong, the other two combine to force them back down again.

ADAM

Wait until they get nuclear weapons…

KANDY

Or Syreenean anti-matter battle sleds.

ADAM

This is the safe planet the Doctor picks for a holiday.  Got to love the death wish of a Time Lord.

KANDY

(shocked)

What?

ADAM

(trying to be funny and sarcastic at the same time)

The Doctor’s from this weird alien race of time travellers, they’re a bunch of idiots if you ask me.  They can go anywhere and any when yet they stay at home with their eyes shut and their fingers in their ears.

KANDY

We (beat) we have to go, now.

The door opens

ADAM

Once more unto pneumonia I go.

SCENE FOUR (ext.)

The streets are quiet now, so we hear the footsteps

KANDY

(trying not to panic)

Maybe you should try and find the Doctor by yourself?  I should make sure they haven’t found the icon yet.

ADAM

(surprised)

Hey, don’t go off on your own.

(breathes heavily as he runs to catch up with Kandy

Wait!

KANDY

What about your friend?

ADAM

The Doctor’s over a thousand years old, he’s nearly been killed dozens of time so he knows how to avoid danger.  Thanks to me, he’s almost able to look after himself now.  I’m sure he can manage without me for an hour or so while I freeze to death.  (shivers)  The cold really catches up on you, doesn’t it?

KANDY

Sometimes.  Relax Adam, we’re just going across town.  I have a safe house by the south gate.

SCENE FIVE (int.)

A lute plays melancholy in the background

The idle chatter of the court

LARS

Doctor?  It’s so good to see you again.  I still remember that time when you fell into the river and I rescued you.

DOCTOR

Of course.  Then that mountain lion attacked us and we drove it off together.  I see the scar’s still there.

LARS

A good time my old friend, however these times are not so good.  Klep tells me you freed a prisoner.

DOCTOR

Your man was determined to make an example of her, I know how hard fought to apply the code of law.  (beat) I helped you write them.

LARS

True my old friend, quite true.  Lars can be (beat) excessive at times.

DOCTOR

There is no justification for striking a bound prisoner in the face, especially in public.  I won’t allow it.

LARS

The young lady in question was caught trying to switch a rare icon of value with a fake.  She sold me the real icon and then tried to switch it with the fake, no doubt so that she could sell it again, to one of my rivals no doubt.

DOCTOR

Yes, there may be a problem there.

LARS

Let me guess, you want me to pardon her?

DOCTOR

I’d like you to extradite her to me (beat) my people will deal with her (beat) the way they dealt with me no doubt.

LARS

What are you saying Doctor?

SCENE SIX (int.)

A door closes.

KANDY

Sit down Adam.  There’s something I should tell you.

ADAM

Let me guess?  You’re not really human?  You’re some sort of alien parasite that’s looking for new worlds to conquer while posing as an art dealer?

KANDY

No (beat) this is very difficult.  I can’t let you find your friend.  (beat)  he’s worse than Klep.  Klep would just kill me.

ADAM

A fate worse than death?  They normally crop up after being tied to something uncomfortable and then threatened with torture.  This seems to happen a lot since I met the Doctor.

KANDY

I could tie you up, if it would make you feel better.

ADAM

(flirty)

Maybe later?

KANDY

(matter of factly)

The Doctor would make me return home, to Gallifrey.

ADAM

(shocked)

You’re a Time Lord?

KANDY

Yes, well no.  Not anymore.  I’m not exactly an art dealer either.  I’m an arms dealer.  I sell weapons of complete obliteration to the highest bidder.  I sold a rather nasty one to Lord Lars, then I had an attack of conscience and I tried to replace it with a fake.  Klep caught me, but I escaped and hid the real thing.  Then he saw me again and you rescued me.

ADAM

No wonder you don’t want to get caught.  What would they do to you?

KANDY

The Time Lords have very few crimes to sort out, so there are very few punishments, all of them fatal.

ADAM

They must have visited Texas once.  So what can I do to help?  Do you have a TARDIS?

KANDY

Yes, well sort of.  It’s an old type 16.  (beat)  I stole it from a museum.  It’s on the other side of the planet.

SCENE SEVEN (ext.)

The sounds of market traders hawking their wares

KLEP

Lord Lars says I’m to apologise.

DOCTOR

I wouldn’t accept it unless you meant it.

KLEP

I’ll mean it if you help me get that icon back.  The Lord’s a proud man, doesn’t like being taken for a fool.

DOCTOR

I can relate to that feeling sometimes.  Luckily for you I’m curious to find this icon and even more curious to meet the young woman who sold it to Lars.  Yes, very curious indeed.

KLEP

Legs like hers?  I’m not surprised.  I gotta warn you, this could get tricky.  You see, before coming here she tried to sell the thing to Baron Saythke.  He’s the Lord’s bitterest rival.  Saythke tried to take control of some farming land to the south last year.  Burnt a few villages down before we got there to throw him off our land.  Saythke’s father traded the land fair and square five years ago.  Now Saythke wants it back.

DOCTOR
I see.  Well do you think she’ll try and make for Saythke and hope for protection there?

KLEP

She’ll be strung up by her scrawny little neck if I catch hold of her.

DOCTOR

Maybe, but I’ll make sure she answers for her crimes after that.  If she really is one of my people then being strung up by the neck won’t frighten her nearly enough as you might think…

KELP

What do you mean?

A few bars of the theme music as a quick Doctory motif

SCENE EIGHT (ext.)

Slow steady thud of two horses trotting across a field

ADAM

Are we there yet?

KANDY

For a human, you’re more annoying than usual.

ADAM

That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me in a while.

KANDY

The Baron’s land is still some distance away.  Once we reach it we can rest.

ADAM

(Yawns)

I’m looking forward to a nice long rest.  Three or four days worth at least.

KANDY

We are not stopping there for long.  We will exchange these horses for fresh ones, and then we must continue on to the Tor.

ADAM

Where’s that?

KANDY

The Tor are a bit more enigmatic than the other two clans.  They’re paranoid and very secretive.  The Tor are essentially a migrant people, they travel where they like and don’t like outsiders at all.  Unfortunately Baron Saythke’s lands surrounds three edges of the land they currently occupy.  Ten years ago they lived here, until they just packed up their things and left.  The Baron’s father, well seized much of the land but had to give much of it up to Lord Lars and now the young Saythke wants it back.

ADAM

(yawns again, deeper)

Me thinks McKandy’s ramblings doth murder sleep.

KANDY

Ha, ha, very funny.

ADAM

I need sleep, if I hadn’t of let the Doctor talk me in to visiting this planet I’d still be curled up in bed getting proper rest and unwinding.

KANDY

I’ll never understand your species need for sleep.

ADAM

(having a go at the Doctor)

It’s our way of avoiding long, boring lectures about things we never wanted to know about in the first place.  It’s an endless stream of pointless and irrelevant details and it never stops, it never pauses to breathe in or out sometimes.  (angrier now) I’m thinking shut up Doctor, please.  You could be telling me things I really am interested in learning.

KANDY

Can’t you tell the Doctor this?  If you say nothing then how can he understand and learn about who you are and what you want?  You’re friends aren’t you?  Can’t you treat him like one?

ADAM

It’s so hard sometimes.  He’s so nice and I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

KANDY

He looked like a grown man to me.  I think he can take a few suggestions.

SCENE NINE (ext.)

The TARDIS hum

DOCTOR

This is the TARDIS, aren’t you going to say something?

KLEP

It’s roomy

DOCTOR

I like it this way, do mind the ping pong table.  There’s a chair over there if you want to rest your feet.  Those boots don’t look comfy.

KLEP

Comfort is not a consideration, they serve their purpose.

DOCTOR

Even so, you’re going to ruin the carpet and I dread to think what might happen if Kitty gets underfoot.  There’s a boot cupboard just down the corridor if you change your mind.  You can’t miss it, it’s got shoes painted on it, courtesy of my young friend.

KLEP

If you don’t mind the observation, you’re a very unusual person, Lord Doctor.

DOCTOR

Just Doctor, please?  I am a gentleman of the cosmos, a wanderer if you like.  There we go, they’re in a settlement a few hundred miles south of here.  We can be there in an instant.

The console rises and falls with the sounds of dematerialisation

KLEP

You’re taking me into a city of my enemy?  What manner of tarp is this?

A dagger pulled from its sheath.

DOCTOR

(Dismissive)

Put that away before you hurt yourself Klep

KLEP

(Angry)

I won’t let my enemy capture me, I’ll die first, but not before I take the traitor with me.

(a blood curdling cry of battle)

Haaarrrr!!!

Closing Theme Music