SCENE ONE (ext.)

Opening Theme Music

Spice merchants bragging about their wares

ADAM

This place is certainly different.  Please tell me your hiding place isn’t a hole in the ground.

KANDY

Of course not.  I have safe houses on every planet I visit.

ADAM

Must be handy.

KANDY

Expensive is the word.  Do you have any idea how complicated it is to keep track of every rent payment when sometimes you’re paying for the same house in three different time zones at once?

ADAM

You should have bought the house the first time, that way you’d be your own landlord.  That’s what my cousin did, until the VAT people caught up with him.  Now he drives a minicab just to pay off the interest on what he owes.

KANDY

You can rest here tonight and continue on in the morning.  I’ll go and see about getting new horses.  There’s a bedroom and washbasin in the next room.

ADAM

(playful)

I don’t suppose you fry bacon for breakfast?

KANDY

(angry)

I am not a housewife.

ADAM

Pity, the Doctor does the most amazing boiled eggs too, with little soldiers.

KANDY

Try to get some sleep Adam.

ADAM

(sounding smug)

Sure thing.  Once you get to your TARDIS we can nip back in time and I can meet up with the Doctor as if nothing had ever happened.

KANDY

(sounding far less certain)

Of course, now get some sleep.

SCENE TWO (int.)

DOCTOR

(with some pride)

I once sparred three rounds with Rocky Marciano.  (beat)  You sir fight like a boorish school boy caught scrumping for apples.

KELP

(yells)

Thasaar!!!

A vase smashes against the TARDIS wall

DOCTOR

(upset)

That was a gift from Louis the Fourteenth.  I shall see I shall have to educate you further sir.

KLEP

(angry)

I don’t listen to the words of those who betray me

DOCTOR

Then listen to me, everyone else does.  Never could quite work out why.  I have not betrayed you.  I followed my friend and the misplaced object of his affection here.  (looses his cool)  If she’s leading him into danger…

KLEP

I’m a warrior Doctor, a fighter.  I slaughter my enemies.

DOCTOR

You can’t just go around killing people willy-nilly.  It’s not polite.  You should curb your emotions, restrain yourself.  We have to go out there and find my friend, in the very heart of those inimical to your lifestyle.

KLEP

Huh?

DOCTOR

People who don’t like you.  There are some spare clothes in the room next to the boot room; I’d stay away from the catwalk this time of day if I were you.

KLEP

(slowly, trying to curb his feelings)

I shall try to walk through the citadel of my enemies and resist the urge to slaughter them like the pigs they are.

DOCTOR

I’m glad we’ve got that sorted out.  (becomes distracted)  Now where did I put my superglue?  It’ll take hours to repair this vase.

SCENE THREE (ext.)

The Baron’s garden echoes with the sound of exotic wildlife, birds, insects, animals…

THE VIZIR

Don’t crowd me you buffoons, go stand over there

Softened footsteps as two palace guards walk across the lawn in heavy boots

SAYTHKE

What is it?

THE VIZIR

 (nervous)

My Baron that woman is here again.

SAYTHKE

Show her in, show her in

THE VIZIR

She’s not alone; she’s accompanied by a young man

SAYTHKE

 (sighs)

Another one she’s exploiting no doubt.  I shall give her five minutes, no more.

THE VIZIR

Yes my Baron.

SAYTHKE

 (wonders)

What is she doing back here?  I told her I wasn’t interested in anything she had to offer.

THE VIZIR

 (formally)

The Lady Kandy and Adam of Tarkus

ADAM

That’s TARDIS.

THE VIZIR

 (snippy)

Speak to the Baron only if he asks you a question.

ADAM

Does he always act this stupid or is it a special performance for my benefit.

THE VIZIR

 (angry)

How dare you?

KANDY

Forgive my young friend, he’s young and not as wise in the ways of the world as we are.

SAYTHKE

 (jovially)

Asking questions is the sign of a curious intellect.  Come Adam, speak your mind.

ADAM

I just don’t like idiots like him telling me what to do.  I get enough of that from the Doctor.

SAYTHKE

 (softer)

Ah the fiery spirit of youth.  Tell me when you think we lose it Kandy.

KANDY

Probably when we realise that there are people in power who can order our deaths if we upset them.

SAYTHKE

 (upset but hides it in his voice)

Is that what people think of me?  I’m wounded Kandy, thank you for your honesty.

THE VIZIR

My Baron, please allow me to have this child beaten by the palace guards.

SAYTHKE

You’ll get out of my sight you cringing coward.  I never liked you anyway.

THE VIZIR

Forgive me my lord

ADAM

With three votes, you are the weakest link (beat) goodbye

SAYTHKE

You two, take him away

THE VIZIR

 (pleading as he’s dragged away)

Forgive me

ADAM

P45 time mate.

KANDY

You’ve made an enemy there Adam.

ADAM

He was a creep, sucking up to the boss to claim power he’s not entitled to.  Reminds me of my father.

SAYTHKE

I hope perhaps you will think more favourably of me my boy.  Now tell me what brings you here?

KANDY

I seek protection.  Your enemy reneged on a business deal.  Now they seek my death to hide the nature of what I sold to them.

SAYTHKE

Ah yes, I warned you about him, did I not.

KANDY

I’m a freelance business woman, but I take your point now.  I seek protection, Lord Lars will no doubt send Klep after me.

SAYTHKE

I have heard of this Klep, he’s a butcher of children.  I would kill him myself if he sets foot in my realm.

ADAM

I hope the Doctor doesn’t get in his way.  Maybe I should go back and find him?  He always gets himself into terrible trouble without me.

SAYTHKE

We can talk about this better over food.  I shall put on a banquet in your honour Adam of Tardis.

ADAM

Ta.

KANDY

What he means is a thousand thankyous.

ADAM

What she said.

SAYTHKE

So it’s settled then.  You shall sit at my side Adam.

SCENE FOUR (ext.)

An alien owl hoots

Insects chirp fills the still air

KLEP

I do not feel easy walking through the streets of my enemy’s capital

DOCTOR

Brave heart (beat) or whatever organ it is you use.  True strength comes from knowing that you can do what is asked of you, no matter how hard it feels at the time.

KLEP

You sound like my Lord giving a speech before we go into battle.

DOCTOR

I did the same for Henry the Fourth once.  Poor Will just couldn’t get any of his lines right.  I think that’s Adam over there.

KLEP

There’s that thrice cursed witch with him too.  (shocked) They are going into the Baron’s palace.  What manner of falsehoods have you spun to cover up your treachery?

DOCTOR

Why would Adam go in there?  He’s always had a healthy dislike for authority.

KLEP

No doubt he’ll end up as the Baron’s play thing.  That witch must be using him as bait to distract the Baron.

SCENE FIVE (int.)

A fountain bubbles and gushes and gurgles

KANDY

You are right, the fountain does look magnificent when the full moons shine down on it.

SAYTHKE

I’m glad you enjoyed your walk.  Eating so much at once sometimes gives me a bad stomach too, it’s all the spices.  I do try to make chef use less but she will insist on her spices.  Now where is your escort?  I did promise to show him the library before he turns in for the night

KANDY

(uncertain)

He was following me.  He wasn’t more than two steps behind me.  I hope he hasn’t wandered off.

SCENE SIX

Sounds of Adam struggling

ADAM

Ger off me!  Help!

KLEP

Shut your mouth boy or I’ll shut it for you.

ADAM

How are you gonna stop me?

More scuffles.

An elbow in the guts

KLEP

Ooof

ADAM

I‘m an orange belt in judo.

KLEP

(winded)

should (beat) have (beat) worn the (beat) sodding armour

ADAM

Come on then

Quiet whisper of a dagger pulled from its sheath

KLEP

See how you like this you young puppy!

ADAM

(screams in pain)

Arrrggghhh!  My bloody leg you bastard!

KLEP

This cloth will gag your mouth, boy.  Now to make sure you don’t try anything stupid again

ADAM

(mumbles through a gag)

Mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm!!!!

SCENE SEVEN (int.)

SAYTHKE

(upset but trying not to let it sound)

I suppose I’ll have to wake the palace guards and find the boy.  We can’t have him wandering around here all alone now, can we?  Who knows where he might end up.

KANDY

No, I guess not.  Anything could happen to him, if he picks the wrong bedroom.

SAYTHKE

(tries to hid his mirth)

Of course I would be only too happy to point him in the right direction.

KANDY

Your generosity knows no bounds

DOCTOR

Good evening, I do hope I’m interrupting something important.

SAYTHKE

Who are you?

DOCTOR

Oh I never bother with those sorts of questions.  I prefer questions like what have you done with Adam?

KANDY

(worried)

He seems to have gotten lost.

DOCTOR

I see you’re much better now.  Of course if you hadn’t of run off like that we could have gotten to know each other much better by now.

KANDY

Adam told me everything about you.

DOCTOR

Oh I doubt that.  You see I haven’t told him nearly enough about myself yet.  So why haven’t the High Council tried to track you down?

KANDY

I’ve a very hard woman to catch.

DOCTOR

Klep managed just fine.

KANDY

You know how surprising lesser beings can be, how diverting their minds can be.

SAYTHKE

(off hand)

I never can tell when you’re being serious my dear

DOCTOR

I’ve never viewed anyone like that in a very long time.  Where is the weapon.

KANDY

What weapon?

DOCTOR

(angry)

Don’t play games with me.  Not now.

KANDY

Oh, that weapon.  I’d rather not say right now.

SAYTHKE

What weapon?

DOCTOR

You don’t know, do you?

SAYTHKE

I said what weapon?

KANDY

Of course I do.  It’s in my safe house.  One of them anyway.

DOCTOR

No, its not.

Swishing sound

DOCTOR

It’s in my hand.

SAYTHKE

I say, what a clever trick

KANDY

How did you do that?

DOCTOR

Any Time Lord could have done that.  You had to break into the place though.  Why?  Because you’re not a Time Lord.  How did you find out about my people?

KANDY

I’d rather not say.  I never kiss and tell.

Sword drawn from its scabbard

SAYTHKE

I’ll take that, thank you.

DOCTOR

I wouldn’t do that if I were you.

KANDY

Why?  It’s only a bomb.

SCENE EIGHT (int.)

KLEP

Haven’t had me anyone to torture in days.  Thought I’d have had a go with your little friend but I’ll settle for you (beat) for now.

ADAM

(still gagged)

MMMM MMMM MMMM!!!!

KLEP

There, now don’t cry out or it’ll hurt more.

ADAM

Why did you bring me here?

KLEP

Asking questions is a very careful business.  I do not wish to be disturbed.

ADAM

You’re already disturbed if you ask me.  The poor psycho doesn’t want to be found out.  My heart bleeds for you.

KLEP

Don’t worry, I’ll get to that part of your anatomy in the end.

ADAM

The Doctor will stop you.

KLEP

(scoffs)

The Doctor?  He’s the one who’s been helping me.

ADAM

(taken aback with a short gasp)

I, I don’t believe you.  The Doctor wouldn’t do that.

KLEP

We travelled here in that blue box.  I don’t approve of magic myself but it’s not wise to say that to a wizard.

ADAM

The Doctor isn’t a wizard, he’s more than that.  He’s smarter than you too.

KLEP

Can’t stand around all night chatting.  Now why don’t you tell me everything and I’ll just cut an arm off or a leg.  It’s your choice.

ADAM

You’d make a great car salesman.

KLEP

Suit yourself.  Something sharp to begin with I think.

ADAM

(Screams)

Stop!

KLEP

Better tell me what I need to know then.

ADAM

What do you want to know?

KLEP

I’m not a fool you know.

ADAM

(screams)

Tell me (beat) what you want (beat) to know.

KLEP

The Timelance of course.  Tell me all about it.

ADAM

I don’t know what you mean.

KLEP

It’s some sort of bomb, isn’t it?  Like Tor Sticks that explode after you light the fuse.

ADAM

I don’t know what this Timelance does.  Kandy just said it was powerful.

KLEP

I think it’s more than just powerful.  She’s a liar and a thief but she’s not going to give anyone a powerful weapon just like that.  I know her sort, afflicted with a conscience isn’t she?

ADAM

(screams in pain again)

She’s a weapons dealer, they don’t have consciences.

KLEP

You like her though.

ADAM

What’s it to you?

KLEP

Been dragging you round by your pride hasn’t she?  Like a little dog on a leash.  Hmmm, something blunt now.

Thwack of something solid hitting Adam’s ribs

ADAM

(cries out in pain)

Another thwack

ADAM

(breathing  hard and laboured)

Please stop

KLEP

(taking too much joy in his work)

One more, for luck

A third hit and the sound of breaking ribs

ADAM

I don’t know anymore (beat) I swear

KLEP

Sadly I believe you (beat) oh well

Another thwack

ADAM

(his cries of pain become a guttural scream)

KLEP

If only the girl was here too, that was most unsatisfying.

SCENE NINE (int.)

DOCTOR

That is anything but just a bomb.  It’s the Timelance, a terrible device created by Rassilon to hunt monsters.

KANDY

What sort of monsters

DOCTOR

The ones that used to infest the vortex, making time travel too dangerous.  Until he created that thing and committed genocide.  Yes, genocide.  It is keyed to the bio-print of a species and it removes all traces of that species from time.  I can’t let it fall into the wrong hands (beat) it must be destroyed as it should have been long ago.

KANDY

Looks like I undercharged that fool Lars.  Do you know how much I could get if I sold this to the Korvellians?  I’ll take this back, thank you very much.

SAYTHKE

Manners cost nothing, girl.

KANDY

Oh do shut up you fool.

DOCTOR

They’d kill you afterwards.  They’re the most xenophobic species in the universe, even more so than humans.  Give me the device, Kandy.

KANDY

I’m a human, so you see I won’t be killed by this weapon when I test it to try and exterminate the Baron and all his people from existence…

Closing Theme Music