The Beginning

The blind old fool still refused to see reason. All he had to do was proclaim the mistress leader of the council and she would spare his miserable life.

She slapped him again, leaving a fierce red mark on his already bruised face. "Tell the mistress what you want to know." I could feel the power from dominating someone in this manner. It was little wonder the mistress enjoyed seeing to interrogations herself.

"Tell me Yevvin or you people will suffer, your family will suffer your grandchildren will suffer."

"Never, you are both fools."

I punched him hard in his frail stomach.

"Enough. We don't want him dead Cyrian. Not yet anyway. We need him to proclaim me ruler of this benighted world."

"And if he still refuses, mistress?"

"Then we arrange for his deputy to officiate at the inauguration."

As usual the mistress had thought up a backup plan.

"Come Cyrian. Let's see how agreeable she can be. Fetch the thought-neutraliser spray."

We left the old high priest chained up inside the TARDIS and travelled to the mother superior's suite.

The mother superior was very agreeable and we hardly had to compromise at all. By the end of the day the mistress was installed as Rani of Miasimia Gora.

The banquet in the mistress' honour was a very lavish affair. Many of the local nobles had been invited. Some had protested but the neutraliser spray soon made them as compliant as puppies.

The meal was delicious with many courses of local cuisine. However as the dessert was being served a large blue box appeared in the middle of the table. The mistress looked aghast.

The doors opened and two figures emerged. "Ah hello. Just in time for jelly and ice cream. So kind of you to send me an invitation."

"Doctor, what are you doing here?" The mistress seemed to know this individual.

"Ah there you are. This is Emma by the way. It's best to get such formalities out of the way before throwing us in your dungeon."

This Doctor seemed a fool and he hardly reacted when I clubbed him unconscious with the butt of my gun.

His companion tried to scream but it was had as she was in the middle of eating a chocolate eclair.

The Middle

Emma almost choked on the eclair when she saw the Doctor clubbed unconscious. Gagging on the delicious pastry she finally managed to get it down and she could scream as the script demanded.

"Take the Doctor's meddlesome brat into custody."

"Custard? Can I have crumble with mine?"

"And Cyrian, shut her up."

"Well if you want me to shut up you should say so."

Emma found herself gagged and chained to the wall. The Doctor had told her that this was a common result after landing. It had mainly been the running up and down corridors up to now, with the odd gravel pit thrown it to vary things a little. The dungeon itself was quite nice, real wood rack with solid gold accessories. Personal thumbscrews were offered but she had declined. All in all she thought the first class dungeon was quite acceptable.

The Rani paced around her chambers. What was the Doctor doing here? There must be a reason but what was it? It could be blind chance but he was too wily for that. At the Prydonian Academy he had been chairman of the chess club until stripped for introducing it to less developed worlds. Then there had been the incident with the cats. When Tiddles had bit the President he was all smiles and laughter. It had been quite a different matter when that mouse had taken off half of his thigh. Talk about preferential treatment. They had actually banished her for it! Could you believe that, banished her - a straight A student.

The Doctor came round to discover his hands were tied behind his back. It took him almost ten seconds to untie himself. Then he freed Emma and picked the lock. "I really should try and find someplace where they have better locks. It's just not a challenge anymore."

"Never mind Doctor, lots explore shall we?"

"Lets warn the Rani about the fleet of Vla'hurgs first Emma. We can watch how she reacts to the news."

The Rani paced backwards and forwards. "Why are you here Doctor? I must, must know."

"Well if it makes you happy Rani I'll tell you. A long long time ago in a galaxy far, far away …"

"Skip the introduction Doctor and give me edited highlights only."

"Very well. Rearrange the following words to make a sentence. Invasion alien coming way this invade this world they want to."

The Rani thought about it for many minutes and finally came up with what she hoped was the right answer. "Coming alien this invade world want they invasion to?"

"Close enough. Unless we work together they will sweep you aside with their deadly broom cannons and take over your new planet."

"Me work with you, Doctor? After all the times I almost killed you while we were at the academy?"

"You did kill me once."

"That's in the future Doctor. No spoilers please, they really ruin good plans."

"Yes Rani, you and I working together."

The Rani thought about it.

The End

The Rani shook the Doctors hand and they intoned the Prydonian word of honour. What the Doctor didn't see was the Rani crossing her fingers behind her back. This was all right however as he was doing the same thing, but with his fingers.

I tore myself away from the fresh cream slices and found I had been relegated to working with the lacky.

Cyrian smiled at me but he really wasn't my type at all.

"Come on then, take me to your control centre." The control centre for the local army turned out to be a dusty old room full of antiquated machinery. "Talk about old. Doesn't that radio have valves in it?"

"I believe so." Cyrian began talking to me again. "Come on lets get started." He picked up a telephone and started dialling.

After the fifth general to call me darling, love or dear had been shouted at I gave up. All this soldier rubbish was a waste of time. Finally though we managed to get a few dozen troopers turned out for parade.

The Doctor and this Rani woman inspected the troops. I had been made an honoury Colonel despite never being involved in any military organisation whatsoever. When I asked the Doctor about this he said he would explain later. It was true I had once seen a stripper dressed up as an action man but that was different, and more enjoyable.

Then the ships started to attack. The defence shields held out and deflected the attacks easily. The masses of ground troops however were a different story. Hundreds of thousands of heavily armed killers all wanting to kill me. I was found after the battle huddled up under a tank screaming for my mother. For my valour in leading our troops to victory I was given a dozen medals and an honourable discharge much to everyone's relief. When I had approached the Doctor about this he said he would explain later.

Before the Rani could betray us we sneaked away to the TARDIS, filled it up with cream cakes and then left.

We left a small camera behind to see her face when she realised we had gone. We laughed so much I was forced to eat a slice of gateau.

She of course plotted revenge and dedicated the rest of her life to stalking the Doctor while continuing her researches. Typical megalomaniac stuff really; we finally switched the scanner screen off once she had reached the foaming at the mouth stage.

"It just goes to prove that we can have more fun than Evil ever could, Emma."

"Yes Doctor. Any more old enemies you want to tell me about?"

"I'll explain later."