Opening Theme Music

ADAM

Have the novice’s right eye removed.  His soul might yet be saved from his errant curiosity.

Footsteps leading away

However this unclean creature has an unclean soul that can never be pure.  He cannot be redeemed.  It cannot even be scourged clean by the fiery litany of the sacred pyre of purification, and we all know how effective that can be! He is opposed to the very sanctity of life itself.  Let him be put to death for his crimes against humanity!

DOCTOR

But I’m not human.  Can’t I just let me off with a slap on the wrist and a stern talking to?

ADAM

(Sinister) No, you must be put to death, for the greater Glory of God…Amen!

OTHERS

Amen! Amen! Amen!

DOCTOR

Adam, what’s going on?  This is not like you at all.

ADAM

Guards, take these two out of my sight

Footsteps approaching

DOCTOR

Adam, whatever it is I can help.  Unhand me, I can walk under my own locomotive power, this suit was woven by Armani himself!

SCENE TWO

HUGO

Alas, we are doomed

DOCTOR

Jellybaby?

HUGO

My thanks, but I must decline, stranger.

DOCTOR

Remind me to send a strong letter of complaint to the manager, this sea view room is like a dungeon.

HUGO

Your words are strange and confusing

DOCTOR

Yes, that’s one of my special gifts

HUGO

You seemed more intelligent before, now you are to be executed for your crimes.

DOCTOR

Curiosity isn’t a crime, or at least it shouldn’t be.

HUGO

It never used to be.

DOCTOR

Tell me more, Hugo, isn’t it?

HUGO

The church was founded to help mankind better understand God.  To work out all of his mysteries and miracles so that we might ultimately understand his purpose for our creation.

DOCTOR

That’s no mean task, what went wrong?

HUGO

Nothing, everything.

DOCTOR

Sounds intriguing.

HUGO

The Church itself still functions towards that goal.  However there is a conspiracy within the upper ranks.  Sometime ago one of our number found a way of transferring his soul into the body of another.  Then the original body dies and he goes on living in his new body.  We … they call this the Ascension.  It is a closely guarded secret.  Most of the brothers do not know about it, and most of those who do think of it as a noble sacrifice to allow a selected brother to be with God before his time.  Those recruited think of it as a chance for noble self sacrifice and martyrdom.

DOCTOR

Yes, they usually like that sort of thing.

HUGO

They were grooming me to be one such victim, I could not escape from it until you arrived and presented me with the opportunity to escape, at least this far.

DOCTOR

Then Adam could already be beyond help …

HUGO

No, I do not believe so, I have observed an Ascension myself just a few hours ago.  It was as if the original person was suddenly there again.

DOCTOR

Suppression of the will by the outside mind?  Then Adam needs me now, more than ever … again

HUGO

You must help yourself first.

DOCTOR

What do you mean?

HUGO

If nothing else, we are a culture of confession. Your immortal soul may yet be saved.

DOCTOR

That’s comforting, Hugo.

SCENE THREE

Footsteps approaching

ADAM

Ah Varn, good.  I’m glad you’re here so promptly.

VARN

Holy Father, I came as soon as the messenger reached me.

ADAM

I have a special task for you.

VARN

I live to serve.

ADAM

There is a prisoner, an outsider.  You will take his confession, break him if you must.  He might be usable material, in case Hugo is not worthy enough.  His mind is strong.  I sensed his faith. However his weakness is in his belief in the sanctity of life.  You must make him see how futile a cause that is.

VARN

I shall be very persuasive.

ADAM

I’d rather he wasn’t killed just yet, there is an outside chance he may prove useful.

VARN

So you said.

ADAM

Well you should get about your noble work, blessings be upon you in your sacred duty, grand inquisitor.

VARN

Thanks be to God.

Footsteps walking away

SCENE FOUR

Clink of metal tools being laid out on a wooden table

DOCTOR

These aren’t exactly sterile surroundings, you know.

VARN

You could save yourself a lot of unnecessary pain if you confess now.

DOCTOR

What for?  I thought I was being executed.

VARN

All in good time, all in good time.

DOCTOR

Trust a bunch of deluded priests to be unable to even organize a good stoning.  I remember the good old days when you got the death penalty for burping in public, or scratching your nose on a Sunday.  Then there was that time I accidentally kept repeating the name of some local deity because I thought it was the local word for hello.  They tried to burn me alive that time. Singed my best waistcoat.

VARN

We’re much more civilized here, I can assure you, stranger…

DOCTOR

Please, just call me Doctor, everyone else does.

VARN

A medical man?  Good, you can tell me point me in the direction of your non vital organs. It will help prevent you expiring before we are finished.

DOCTOR

Death by vivisection?  Similar to the rites of the Grondaars of Jurek III, though that was only at weddings.

VARN

So you refuse to confess?

DOCTOR

Yes, I’m afraid I nicked one of your apples, but even so…

VARN

Despite being a priest, patience is not one of my virtues I’m afraid.

DOCTOR

No, I imagine it’s not. There are so few truly dedicated sadists in the church these days…

VARN

One last time, confess your sins.

DOCTOR

I can tell by the glint in your eye that you don’t want a confession.  You’re anticipating the pain too much, your emotions betray you.

VARN

So you refuse to confess?

DOCTOR

Save the pathetic excuses for someone who cares, Inquisitor.

SCENE FIVE

ADAM

Bring Brother Hugo to me, once he’s rested.

RANLIN

Yes, Holy Father

SCENE SIX

The Doctor is injected with something

VARN

Now, this is only a slight prick. I’m so glad you refused to talk.  You see I hate it when they talk.  Ruins everything for me.  You see I like hurting people too much.  It’s my (beat) my specialty.  That’s why they chose me for this.  They need me to do all the unpleasant activities.  How can you keep the faith if you don’t burn away the sins?  As the good book says, of course.  Don’t bother struggling, those straps are unbreakable, we don’t want you going anywhere.

DOCTOR

I’m glad you’re happy.

VARN

Yes, no.  It’s more than just enjoyment, I take pride, they set me a task and I always deliver.  A matter of professional pride, you might say. They want your confession.  They want to hear you renounce your sins.

DOCTOR

What sins are they anticipating?

VARN

Your belief in the sanctity of physical life of course.  Until you see how worthless you truly are you cannot be saved.  Together you and I will change your mind, or you’ll go insane.  Either is acceptable, however it’s much better if you co-operate.

DOCTOR

Is there a third option?

VARN

Just given you a little something to relax you, it’s my own mix.  I cut it with a few special plants I grow myself.

DOCTOR

Haven’t you heard?  The drugs don’t work

VARN

On their own?  Perhaps not.

DOCTOR

It’s not my first time, you know. So far, I give you a two point seven.

VARN

Allow me to change your mind, literally.

DOCTOR

(feeling disorientated) What have you done to me?

VARN

It’s working (beat) good.

Electric buzz of a cattle prod

DOCTOR

Urgh.

VARN

Who are you, sinner?

DOCTOR

I am the Doctor.

VARN

How can you be sure, sinner?

DOCTOR

I save people, from monsters like you, holy man.

VARN

Can you save everyone, sinner?

DOCTOR

I must try, it’s all I can do.

VARN

Can you even save yourself, sinner?

DOCTOR

I always try, I never give up, never.

VARN

Can you even make this stop, sinner?

DOCTOR

Reality is subjective, so is time.  Patience is all I need.

VARN

You expect me to believe that, sinner?  Only by accepting the glory of god can you be truly saved.  Anything else is a grotesque parody of salvation.

Whirr of an electric drill

DOCTOR

What you believe is your own concern.  I don’t let it bother me.

VARN

You’re nothing, but a sinner, a worthless sinner.  You disgust me sinner, you soulless, abomination of creation.  Sinners like you disgust everyone, recant your sins and beg for salvation.

DOCTOR

Salvation?

VARN

Just ask for it and all this will stop.  Admit that life is worthless, how can it have value when we kill and maim each other for fun?

DOCTOR

Yes, you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you? Just ask?

VARN

Yes, just ask for salvation and it will stop.  You cannot believe in the dignity of life when we’re always at war with ourselves.

DOCTOR

Recant my sins, to you?

VARN

Yes, you don’t have to endure the pain of a sinner anymore if you allow yourself to seek redemption.

DOCTOR

Redemption?

VARN

Renounce your sins, give in to the glory of god, give up your pride and accept everlasting salvation

DOCTOR

I have only one sin.

VARN

Tell me, and you shall be set free by the revelation.  Life is unworthy of being saved.  Give up your foolish cause.

DOCTOR

My only sin is a milky cup of tea with an extra teaspoon of sugar.  No one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

VARN

(Howls with rage.)  Sinner, heretic, Infidel.  You will confess, you will be broken.  I will break you myself, orders or no orders.  You are nothing, do you hear me?  Nothing but a worthless sinner.

Roar of a chainsaw being revved up

DOCTOR

I (beat) am (beat) the (beat) Doctor!

Snap of leather restraints

VARN

No, those bonds were unbreakable.

DOCTOR

Nothing is unbreakable, except for my faith in life and possibly Celtic’s back four this season.

SCENE SEVEN

ADAM

Ah Ranlin.  How is Hugo?

RANLIN

Recovering fine, he will attend you as soon as he is able.

ADAM

He endured much, suffered much.

RANLIN

He is a fine specimen, there is much potential there.

ADAM

Yes, soon now we must prepare the Litany.  The preparations for the ascension of our lost Brother must begin soon.  I feel the urgency of the task.  We must learn all the secrets of God and Heaven from him.

RANLIN

What about the stranger?

ADAM

What about him?

RANLIN

If Hugo is suitable then we will have no need of that alien creature.

ADAM

Yes, the Doctor is dangerous.  I have the memories of his friend in my head.  However no one can resist the power of the Rite of Ascension, no mind is strong enough to resist the will of one prepared for the task.  Besides by the time Varn is finished with him there won’t be much of anything left resembling a mind, control will be easy to establish.

SCENE EIGHT

DOCTOR

Let’s see what this does.

VARN

No, keep back.

DOCTOR

Typical bully, where’s the big man now?  Is the Man scared?  Do you want your Mummy?

VARN

Keep back.

DOCTOR

You have something I need.

VARN

What do you want?

DOCTOR

I have an idea, a terrible and wonderful idea.

VARN

What is it?

(a ting)

DOCTOR

Ouch, this is sharp.  You know what they say.  If you can’t beat them, join them.

VARN

What a good idea, you have a nice strong body.  In nomine codex, in nomine pactus, in nomine sapiens.

DOCTOR

Is that it?  I was expecting more somehow.

The angry sound returns

DOCTOR

Oh no, argh, no, get out of my head, too much, no, cannot control – ahhhhhh!!!!… that’s better.  This body is far more suitable.

VARN

All those things, you’re a monster!

DOCTOR

Now, brother. I have become the thing monsters are afraid of.

VARN

(Screams) Argh

DOCTOR

That has got to hurt

SCENE NINE

ADAM

Ah, Brother Hugo, so good of you to join us.

HUGO

I endure, as the plan requires.

ADAM

Did he reveal anything to you?  Any plans, any little schemes?

HUGO

Only that he mistakenly believes he can save his friend.

ADAM

That poor little fool is far out of anyone’s reach now.  Unless he plans to storm the gates of heaven of course.

HUGO

(laughs) Somehow I doubt he could even manage a strongly worded letter of complaint.

ADAM

That sounds about right.  Now, about the ceremony…

SCENE TEN

DOCTOR

Hai!

NOVICE

Sound the alarm

DOCTOR

Why?  I’m having so much fun.  Hai!

NOVICE

(screams) What have you done?

DOCTOR

Nothing, yet.

Heavy wooden doors slam open

ADAM

What?  Doctor?

DOCTOR

Here’s Johnny!

ADAM

You’re (beat) different…

DOCTOR

Is it the haircut?  The bleeding perhaps?  Maybe it’s because I have a psychopath inside my brain and I’m not feeling quite my usual chipper self?

ADAM           

Relax, let it take control of you.

DOCTOR

Which me are you talking to?  This me?

RANLIN

Urgh!

Ranlin hits the floor hard

ADAM

I’d rather you didn’t hit everyone.

DOCTOR

I’m sorry.  Your apology must be in the form of a question.

ADAM

Varn, listen to me, gain control of the Doctor, you’re stronger than he is.

DOCTOR

You want to know what the funny thing about having one of you, whatever you are, in my head is?  My latent telepathic abilities are suddenly a lot less latent.

ADAM

What do you mean?

DOCTOR

Oh, nothing, just this…

SCENE ELEVEN

The TARDIS hum

ADAM

Where am I?

DOCTOR

Inside the TARDIS.

ADAM

Since when has the TARDIS been this stylish?

DOCTOR

The TARDIS in your mind.

YARVIN

You shan’t have him, He’s mine now.  I won’t give up such a strong body.

DOCTOR

Adam, listen to me.  You can defeat this creature…

YARVIN

No, I am too strong

DOCTOR

Adam is stronger, I have faith in him

ADAM

Help me Doctor, please, I’m scared (beat) I’m so scared, I think I’m losing my mind…

VARLIN

gives a maniacal  laugh

Closing theme music