Close your eyes. Now imagine eels. Not cold, but surprisingly warm eels. They've been in a sun-warmed
tank if you must know. But now the waters mostly gone and they're slipping and sliding over one another. Morbid
fascination grips your mind and you plunge your arms half to your elbows into the slimy confusion. A shudder runs through
you as they caress your skin with theirs. It's close to revulsion, but somehow not quite.
Hold that thought firmly in your mind...
Now imagine pain. Not blinding, soul tearing, thinking you're dying or wish you were pain; just ordinary pain.
Like stubbing your toe or shutting your finger in a door, but it doesn't last more than a second or two before it's gone.
Just long enough to make you aware something happened.
Hold that as well...
Have you had a nosebleed? Remember how the blood congealed and got sticky after a few moments?
That plays a part as well...
Final piece. Remember a dream where you knew what was happening but it seemed unreal. Like whatever was happening
was happening to you, but you couldn't really do anything about it, and you were okay with that.
Now put them together.
Imagine you're sitting on a dock at a London port. The pain is gone as well as the one who inflicted it.
Your eyes are closed, but you can feel the warm, slippery eels sliding through your fingers though you try to hold them inside
you.
Open your eyes. Now you realize they're not eels, but your intestines. The super sharp blade cut through
your abdominal muscles and your blood is pooling around you. But shock has already set in, putting you in a dream like
state where you can do nothing.
And the scariest part?
You're okay with that. You feel a growing weakness and you want to embrace it. Fall head long into death/sleep's
embrace. The urge to live is slowly slipping into the background and you vaguely wonder why you care.
Now do you know why I don't like to talk about it?
