OK... Louis and I decided that we were going to sit down and revisit an old friend, such as it is. Yes, we decided to take another look at that ever-popular Doctor Who story titled "The Happiness Patrol."

Why are we doing this? Are we bored? Maybe. Are we insane. Quite. Are we laughing our a$$es off while I'm typing this? You bet your bippy. (OK, it's an old expression... but it works, dammit!) All that aside... we felt inspired, well, er, uh, intrigued, oh, hell... we were down-right disgusted with certain events which occured on the political scene in the United States. (Oh, open your mouth and take it like an intern.)

As usual, when we started this, it's spiraled well out of control long before finishing the introduction. That doesn't change the way we feel. So now The Two in the TARDIS proudly present the stain on our blue box, er, uh, "The Happiness Patrol 1999." (Hey, I wonder if Monica wears pink underwear... didn't they paint the TARDIS pink?) Keep in mind that the story has not finished yet... nonetheless, we still find the first 2.5 episodes to be quite relevant.

Helen A (William C) runs a planet (country) where being unhappy is illegal. The Candy Man (James C) punishes people who do not experience great pleasure under the Pres...er...umm, you know. The killjoys who don't like the idea of being vapidly happy just because the economy is good, er, um, that is told that they'll have to be or they'll die (Look out! It's a hit-man at the door! DUCK! Oh good... that candy gun worked.) And of course, since we aren't chewing up all of his, um, cigars...er, make that goodies... or handouts... well, better not. We're not going there, as politically incorrect as we are. We leave that as an exercise for the reader. (Dammit, both of us have taught classes. We can say that.) Now, Mr. Blues (Kenneth S) and you know Who (David B) are trying to show the rest of Terra Alpha just how phoney the happiness actually is. Look at how Helen A (William C) got rid of Gilbert M (Michael M) and Silas P (George S).

So all we can tell you people who support Helen A... "Have a nice day!" (We just hopes that Socks outlives Fifi.)

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